A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Dear Cupid,Does anyone think it's normal to be in an exclusive dating relationship with a man for 2 years and still not know where the relationship is headed? We are both middle aged, own homes, spend 5 days a week together going back and forth to each others home. I'm tired of living out of an overnight bag and he is quite comfortable with the arrangement. I spend the night at his house and then come back to mine to mow the grass and take care of things around here. Never has there been a talk of a future of any kind together. I've brought it up and he changes the subject. He has a teenager who he says he can't do anything because of, which I feel he is using as an excuse. I'm not asking for marriage just some direction as to what he wants in a relationship. He has been divorced for 4 or 5 years. He did live with a woman after that but he doesn't talk about it and I'm not sure how long that lasted. Is he using me? I'd appreciate any advise or input. Thanks.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (16 January 2013):
 I'm sorry you are hurting...
thanks for the update. I bet a year from now you can update us with even more awesome news.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWe broke up right before Christmas, he told me not to expect a ring, the truth was I wasn't. I think you can wait too long for something & you no longer want it. I think when you're in love you want to talk about the future, you want that person to be a part of your life. I was feeling so much resentment towards him. It still hurts, but each day is a little better. Take care!!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2013): I'm in an extremely similar situation. Dating nearly two years, boyfriend has a teenager (I have 2 kids too) and we live over an hour apart. Im tired of living out if an overnight bag and the commute if getting very old. No talk of a future together for us either. I've tried to bring it up a few times but he just gives reasons why he can't do anything (teen in school, job, etc).I'm very seriously considering moving on at this point, as I see no light at the end of this tunnel. What did you decide to do?
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A
male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (7 September 2012):
 I think it is very unusual for not talking about the future. You don't offer much insight into your relationship but I can take some guesses, maybe one will fit:
1) He may have commitment phobia. If his last marriage ended badly, he may have fears about tying the knot again with someone else. Right now he is happy with the way the relationship because it is providing him sex and companionship without the financial risk that marriage or moving in together involves.
2) He may have given you an answer already: his teenager; and you have failed to listen to it. His hands may be tied right now in terms of his family responsibilities and what he is willing to put his child(ren) through. Also his ex-wife may go on the warpath if he commits to you. Timing is everything they say and right now, he may not be able to take the next step in your relationship.
3) Why haven't you brought up the subject? Women are empowered in this day and age to bring up the subject of "Where is this relationship headed?" If you want to be married, what is stopping you from asking him if and when he would think that is possible? Remember, you are an equal partner in this relationship too.
In any relationship, we all have needs and wants and goals. If you fail to let your partner know what you NEED to be happy, you are letting yourself down and potentially investing in a relationship that will leave you unfulfilled and heartbroken.
I think it's time for a talk with your significant other and whatever you do, LISTEN to his response. I think he has an answer if you are willing to listen to it.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, oldbag  +, writes (6 September 2012):
 Hi
I know some couples who've lived like this for years as it suits them both.You get to an age where you've been through marriage,divorce,co-habiting,it hasn't worked so doing it again is just a no go.
That arrangement works when both are happy as things are,you are not.He won't talk about it or move forward so I guess its time for YOU to move on and find what your looking for... x
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A
female
reader, demeplev +, writes (6 September 2012):
 The more important question is are YOU happy with this? obviously not, so maybe he IS comfortable and this is ALL he wants..what is your move?
Can you deal with this forever ?
will you wait and hope for change?
If he wont talk about it and you want to talk then your in the wrong relationship for you, resentment will start to build.
You ask if this is normal..well it works for some people of our age who have been thru things and not for others.
i believe you two may not be compatible in what you want not that your not compatible in other ways..
you decide is that a deal breaker?
sounds to me like yes it is for you, you want more.
what does it matter what he wants? hes happy, your not.
Hope this sheds some light I wish you luck
please keep me posted.
Peace and love.
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