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age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: I am a single mother of an 8 year old child who has special needs. I’ve been single for 3 years and prior to this I was in a long term emotionally and physically abusive relationship for all of my 20’s I a mature student who is training as a health professional. I have been through divorce, redundancy, and repossession and have experienced a massive lifestyle change and have now started to build my life from the bottom upwards very slowly. I feel that I am emotionally stable but and am only finding things overwhelming when having to make executive decisions about my child and myself, this is why I wish to throw this question out there? Many people tell me that I am still young and there is no hurry to rush into things and to take things slowly and enjoy life, but I feel the opposite and want everything now as I feel I have missed out and need to catch up for the missed time I should have achieved things in my 20’s but didn’t. I am willing to put in the hard work as I am an extrovert and feel stimulated and challenged by making things happen. I feel the need to perhaps focus on dating, or making more money to get a house and a decent car; these are things to invest in now for our future. I am slightly content with having a fwb, having a run-down car and living close to the poverty line, and having the time to assist my son’s needs as a carer, but am feeling frustrated and feel the urge to act on changing things quickly as I don’t think it’s me, but feel that if I do this I will risk not being able to balance it all.Is there any older people that look back and feel that during their early to mid-30’s they wish they had concentrated on a particular something and not so much on another?
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male
reader, eddie85  +, writes (4 September 2012):
 We all go through phases in our life where we reflect on our past and where we are going in our future. What I sense, judging from your post, is that you are longing for a bit of companionship, but at the same time, I sense you fear getting emotionally bound to someone -- hence your FWB situations. In addition, I hear you feel a bit discontent about your monetary situation as well and perhaps feel trapped by some of the decisions that you've made in the past.
Personally, I think you are at a great time in your life where you can certainly focus on some aspect of your life that you'd like to see improved. However, you do have a child to care for and I imagine that takes up a tremendous amount of your time and energy.
I think it is time, though, for you to sit down with yourself and ask yourself what you truly want. What would make, you, happy -- or at least happier? In the next 6 months, 1 year, 5 years, what do YOU want to accomplish. Make a list - you might be surprised at what comes out.
Next, I think it would be useful to prioritize them and then finally ask yourself what you need to do to achieve what you want.
This process won't be easy, but I do urge you to do it and soon.
Remember, you only get one life to live and your life is PRECIOUS. Don't waste it. You still have a lot of time to reach your potential and find what you really want out of life. While I'd urge you to be cautious in any relationship you may consider, I do disagree with your friends in the fact that you should take things slowly. Those who take things slowly often find the passage of time has slipped by and in their 40's they begin to ask themselves "What happened?"
While perhaps I didn't outright answer your question, hopefully I've given you some tools to help you explore what is really going inside of you. My only regret -- now that I am in my 40's -- is that I didn't take more advantage of exploring this world in my 20's and 30's and trying new things, meeting different people and living in different locales. I have recently being doing that and I'll be honest, the sense of freedom and inner happiness has been rewarding. I feel more self-secure than any other time in my life... and power that I have to change it all again is also fantastic.
I do hope you give your situation and some thought and don't short change yourself.
Good luck!
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (3 September 2012):
 Honestly, I have no regrets.
They just aren't worth focusing on, "could have beens" and "what if's".
Make a list, set your priorities and go for it. As long as you are able to be flexible, because you might like things in a certain order, but they may not arise in that order.
Start small, pick one thing at a time to change.
The sky is the limit.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2012): Well, we lived a lifes but does we really live it as we wanted it to be. My request is never lose yourself, your presence. You have been through tough time and might be you have some negativity about making new relations. That is why your priorities are changing. There is need to balance both ends, your personal life that you wish to live and your sons life and both can't be compromised.
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