A
female
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anonymous
writes:I am wondering if I am being too nice by accepting my bf's apology? We are both 20 years old and have been going out for about 3 months. From when I first met him, I had a really good gut feeling about him, I felt he was genuine and the real thing, however lately, things have changed- maybe his his true nature coming out, and so I'm starting to get a bad feeling in my gut.Heres what happened-For 5 days in a row he was so busy partying with all his friends (including many girls by the way), that he didnt contact me at all. Usualy we talk every day, but not for these 5 days because of this.I contacted him a few times just to say hello and see how he was, but he never replied.When he finally found the time out of busy partying schedule to talk to me, I told him I was a bit upset that he never contacted me and ever replied to my messages. He said he was so sorry that he neglected me but it was just such a busy tme for him, that he didnt have time. Pftttt. Sure I can understand a person being busy, but it only takes literally 2 minutes to send a text message saying something a short as 'hope your doing well, thinking of you'. The thing is, although he was so busy partying and had no time to message me, he had plenty of time to go onto his facebook account and brag about how he was having so much fun partying in his status, and messaging all the girls and guys he was going out partying with etc. He was really nice to me when I told him how this upset me and apologetic. And although I said i forgie him, after speaking to a friend abotu the situation, she doesnt think I should, she thinks it was so slack of him to not bother to talk to me for that long and that he had enough time to go on his facebook and do all the things he did. So now im confused. My gut tells me something isnt right in this relationship. Ive never been one to listen to it, should i listen to it now? In the past i have always been so forgiving with my ex bfs and just with people in general and they have always taken advantage of my understanding nature. So im afraid my bf now will do the same. Do you think im being to forgiving?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2009): i am just like you, i forgive so easily, but we need 2 stay the way we are dont change the fact that you forgiving, stay forgiving and one day it will come in your favor.
A
female
reader, dearkelja  +, writes (18 January 2009):
 The two of you haven't been dating that long, 3 months. Perhaps this 5 day party thing was his way of pushing back a bit on the relationship. I guess don't be too possessive of him at this stage and give him the benefit of the doubt about his feelings for you but for sure, if the guy I was with was spending time with others and ignoring me I would be feeling neglected. And yes, the fact that other girls are involved does make it a little more threatening.
As the relationship goes on, see what else unfolds. Don't let him treat you like this on a continual basis. Eventually if you see a pattern you will have to put your foot down and tell him how you expect to be treated.
Good luck.
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A
male
reader, Dazzerg  +, writes (18 January 2009):
 Well I think your POV is totally legitmate as opposed to his; as your rightly say it does literally take two minutes if that to send a txt even if its just to say hello back, he's ok and he's out 'txt you later' kind of thing. That is the bare minimum consideration I think you can rightly expect.
However, I think your POV is partially determined by you being bothered about him being out around these girls and basically a feeling of neglect is twinning with a slight insecurity. Am I right??
It is a bit hard to say definitively something is wrong because of this episode because i suspect your gut feeling is actually what i just mentioned above. On this occasion I would be inclined to say you should give him almost the benefit of the doubt and accept his apology but keep an eye on it and if other things start to present themselves I would reconsider the relationship.
Good luck :)
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