Manipulator sister...at my wits end. Please help!
Q. I have a long-winded problem that I need an outside eye to help me figure out how to be on equal and better terms with my sister. The past year has been a rollercoaster of incidents, one after another with her, and I want off. Growing up, we w...
A. 5 November 2015: First up, stop listening to your niece, how old is she anyway, you refer to her as "cute" so I am assuming old enough to be listening in on adult conversations but too young to know to not repeat!! I am also interested to know how YOU know your ... (read in full...)
How do I out all the evil without losing my wife?
Q. my problem started last christmas when the guy my wife used to go with moved in next door to her sister, he was her first ever lover when she was 16 and as far as i was concerned he lived in london and had done for 20 odd years this was not the case ...
A. 4 November 2015: Despite abortions being legal, and more easily accessible, they still, even a mere 25 years ago, were often kept hidden in the dark and never, ever, talked about, sometimes the secret was between mother and daughter, or both parents, or sisters, or ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend broke up with me because I lied to him that I had quit smoking
Q. My boyfriend [27,M] broke up with me [26,F] 16 days ago because I lied to him about quitting smoking cigarettes, and i have been doing everything in my power to get him back, but he will not take me back. I have texted him everyday constant...
A. 4 November 2015: Your boyfriend breaking up with you seems to be the end of the story, and without knowing the beginning and the middle of the story it is difficult to advise what to do, if anything.
What was the reason for the breakup, the smoking or the lying?
... (read in full...)
Marriage problems and cheating and now I am torn between two options. How can this be resolved?
Q. I had an affair starting July 2014 got caught Feb 2015 Admitted affair to my husband of 26yrs. We talked and I decided I would move in with other man. But he made me wait until Mar 2015 so it was awful for my husband with me in the home until th...
A. 4 November 2015: Crunch time sweetheart!
You have made some choices and now you have to live with the consequences.
If you are in a city or larger town contact womens refuges for temporary housing, if you are not sure how to access contact the Salvation Ar... (read in full...)
Considering our strong connection why she doesn't break up with him? Is this girl worth pursuing?
Q. So i met this girl at school through one of my ex girlfriend's friends. We ended up exhanching numbers at one point, we would text often and have lunch as a group at school. We got to know each other over the course of a month and came to learn we...
A. 3 November 2015: The reason she doesn't break up with him is because she doesn't want to. It's as simple as that.
She is using you, and in some ways also playing with you, keeping you dangling with her "come here, go away" behaviour.
When her boyfriend left h... (read in full...)
Should I feel obligated to send my ex a card just to follow along with a tradition we started?
Q. I know this sounds trivial - but my ex from years ago still keeps in touch. He visits from time to time and sends me birthday cards even though I have no more feelings for him. I am not bothered whether I keep in touch with him or not these da...
A. 1 November 2015: Don't send him a birthday card, and when he complains simply tell him you are having to cut back on some things and leave it at that. Next time he suggests dropping in, gently tell him its inconvenient that day and you have other plans. Just ... (read in full...)
Wife's drunken antics took a turn for worse, and yet I am somehow the bad guy. What did I do wrong?
Q. To understand the question I'm asking, I must go over in detail what has transpired for the past couple weeks. My wife and I have been married for 6 months, and have been together for 5 years. She has been married before, and had a son with a person ...
A. 1 November 2015: How can you be sure her ex husband was the violent, abusive partner, have you ever had that verified, because from reading your question it certainly seems as though she is the violent, abusive one.
What worries me is the fact she is continui... (read in full...)
I'm dating my married step uncle...help? I need advice on what to do, please?
Q. Ok hi. Completely new at this. So to get right to the point. I'm dating my step uncle so (my mothers step mums son) so not. Definitely not blood related. He is married (not separated) tho like typical situations (is going to get a device an...
A. 31 October 2015: If he was serious about leaving his wife for you and getting a divorce he would already have moved out of the family home.
He says he is a gunna, gunna, gunna but actions speak louder than words, he aint, aint aint going to leave his wife whi... (read in full...)
How can I tell them my gf is pregnant?
Q. I'm 19 and have been dating my girlfriend for a year. We are both in university. I have a 3 year son with my ex girlfriend. We share custody with one week on one week off. I live in an apartment above my parents garage rent free. During the summer I ...
A. 31 October 2015: Ohhh, your lucky parents, getting to support three children when they thought they were actually at a point where they didn't have to support any.
I hope your girlfriend's parents are ready to step up and help support their grandchild, I would be... (read in full...)
I don't want to be her second best friend!
Q. Hello, I have a problem and I really need some help. Basically I have this friend and she she's my best friend and were so close, like we see eachother whenever we can. We cuddle and kiss eachothers cheeks and stuff were so close. But the problem in ...
A. 31 October 2015: I have read your question several times, and left it, because it will be difficult to answer without seeming to be hurtful.
In this life, what we want, or don't want, and what we get are often two very different things. You want to be exclusiv... (read in full...)
We are looking to move in together, yet he won't be flexible! What should I do?
Q. Dear Cupid, I have been in a long distance relationship for two years. I am 33, he is 30 and we live 3 hours apart. We are looking to move in together. He wants me to move to his house which is in the countryside. There aren't any jo...
A. 30 October 2015: Why does he think its okay for you to leave your own house, and your elderly mother, but not for him to leave his house?
Tell him its a new start for you both, and that means you both need to agree on a new place to live. If you move into his... (read in full...)
My husband cheated and left me and now he wants to talk. What should I do?
Q. Hi, I was married for 30 years. My husband left me three years ago and went off with another woman who he met through as. He has been sober now for six months and I got the first text today from him saying he was sorry for all the hurt he caused and ...
A. 30 October 2015: What do you want to do? Can you see a benefit in this for yourself?
If the meeting is for him to feel better by saying sorry or whatever it is he feels he needs to say, well that's his problem, you don't have to hear it, or accept it.
After t... (read in full...)
Does this sound like a marriage of convenience?
Q. Well, let's see if I can get good advice ^_^ I've known a man, he's English and living in the UK while I'm in the states, for about a year now...this September I went over and stayed with him for a month, came back to the states, and over Skype he ...
A. 29 October 2015: When a man loves a woman enough to marry her, he usually is more than happy to let the world know what a lucky guy he is, and even more so when an older guy has a woman half his age or more.
Why does he want to keep your marriage a secret? ... (read in full...)
Verbally abused and hurt and confused and now he won't take my phone calls
Q. hurt and confused,I been verbally abuse by my man sam,accused of everthing,Sam start argument and move out for two weeks,i secretly voice record him,what I heard sound like he was snorting meth or coke, when I ask him,he said he sick of this ...
A. 26 October 2015: What's going on is that he has realised you are on to him and not prepared to take his abusive crap any more.
You have had a very lucky escape, now change your locks and block his numbers.... (read in full...)
What are the chances of us getting closer?
Q. I have befriended a guy on Facebook who was at a show I was at a few weeks back and I managed to track him down. He has a lot of followers and regularly posts pictures and articles on Facebook - but we live at opposite ends of the country so it's ...
A. 25 October 2015: Lots of people in the public eye, like authors, artists and entertainers interact with fans and followers through facebook. It is part of their marketing strategy.
If he has lots of followers, and you 'tracked him down' I would suggest facebook... (read in full...)
My lady friend couldn't accept that my wife was in my life and ended things. I miss her!
Q. Hi People I am married but separated and live alone. My wife and I continue to be friends and I spend a lot of time with her and our 2 girls. Sometimes we share vacations. We go back a long way and I cannot imagine not having her in my life. 6 y...
A. 25 October 2015: You became close to this woman and was considering long term, but you could not even introduce her to your mother, instead placing your ex wife front and centre of your life.
And you say she was not telling the truth about being friends, hey, jus... (read in full...)
How do I fix that I cheated on my wife and then kept lying about it?
Q. Over 2 years ago I broke and destroyed my wife's heart by having an affair, at a time when we should have been at our happiest expecting our first child through IVF. On revelation of what happened I cowardly hid the truth in order to save our rela...
A. 23 October 2015: I think Tisha-1 is correct, you are so accustomed to being in control that you are trying to manipulate this situation as well, to get the outcome you want.
I also feel sage old guy and the anonymous male are right in reading your question... (read in full...)
How do I fix that I cheated on my wife and then kept lying about it?
Q. Over 2 years ago I broke and destroyed my wife's heart by having an affair, at a time when we should have been at our happiest expecting our first child through IVF. On revelation of what happened I cowardly hid the truth in order to save our rela...
A. 22 October 2015: From your followup: "My point is I'm desperate to right the wrongs I can't change the past and I've shown over the last 2 years that we can be "us" again the that can be mended it's the mental scar that's the problem
From my point of view the prob... (read in full...)
I'm second best to my boyfriend's dog!
Q. Hi my boyfriend and I have been together 3 years we have a 10 month old daughter he has a doberman which he had when we met he has just moved in a few months ago but we have just discovered our daughter has a allergy to the dog now my boyfriend is ...
A. 21 October 2015: Are we getting the full story, if your daughter is 10 months old, how come your boyfriend moved in only a few months ago, where was he living during the pregnancy and for the first several months of her life?
Did you and your boyfriend discuss ... (read in full...)
How do I fix that I cheated on my wife and then kept lying about it?
Q. Over 2 years ago I broke and destroyed my wife's heart by having an affair, at a time when we should have been at our happiest expecting our first child through IVF. On revelation of what happened I cowardly hid the truth in order to save our rela...
A. 21 October 2015: Oh, you showed her enough what she meant to you, by having an affair and then following that up with two years of belittling, lies and allowing her health to suffer to such an extent she had anxiety attacks.
You also swore on your daughter... (read in full...)
How will it effect me if I watch my wife giving birth?
Q. My wife is extreme gorgeous and she is currently 8 months pregnant with our first child. I will admit I was kinda worried about the whole pregnancy thing and how it would effect our sex life but it has only made it better. I am very turned on with ...
A. 20 October 2015: Seeing your child being born is a life altering experience for many! "There" is very elastic, and as long as your wife follows advise regards pelvic floor exercises etc, it should return to normal after about 6 weeks.
I understand you are worr... (read in full...)
My brother uses my depression against me when it is convenient for him!
Q. I am having an issue with my brother. We currently live together, and cannot move out due to various familial reasons. He does not do his share of the housework, and I am constantly picking up after him. The most common offences are leaving food out ...
A. 18 October 2015: If you cant move out stop cleaning up after him. Buy some clip lock containers, small ones for food etc, and larger ones for your dishes.
Keep your food separate from his in the fridge, in your containers, and your dry good in more containe... (read in full...)
I can't decide on college but I can't put it off for ever!
Q. I'm having a really difficult time figuring out what I want to go to college for. I took a year off after high school to relax and figure it out but still have no idea what I want to do. The main reason I find it difficult is because of the b...
A. 18 October 2015: Study a subject you will enjoy rather than one that you hope will lead to a job. If you cant decide what you would enjoy there is a career quiz app that can be downloaded free from iTunes app store, or Google Play. Just search for 'Career Quiz ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is living with a female housemate, is supporting her and I also found out they were involved at one time. Any advice?
Q. I've been with my partner for almost two years and we have a fantastic relationship together apart from one issue that is causing some tension between us. We don't live together, but he lives with a female "housemate" and her son. He financially ...
A. 15 October 2015: I am going to accept the situation as you have presented it, ie, he has shared a house with a woman who is a mother to a child of at least 10 years of age, she is unemployed and your boyfriend, through the goodness of his heart, recognises children ... (read in full...)
Is there any way around his refusal to sign these documents? It's stopping me from travelling with her.
Q. Is there any way around getting my daughter a passport when her father is refusing to sign for it or let me borrow any of the legal documents needed. He isn't apart of her life and never has been but when she was born, he came to the hospital...
A. 14 October 2015: Seek legal advise, you may be able to apply through a court.
A citizen's advise bureau or neighbourhood legal centre may be able to help you.... (read in full...)
My boyfriend keeps tickling me, how do I get him to stop?
Q. Sounds like a really stupid question, but here it is. How can I get my bf to stop tickling me? I really really hate it. He gets a great kick from it and how I react and squirm. And he does it practically daily. Most of the times, he will end up p...
A. 13 October 2015: My first on reading your questions was to tell you to knee him in the nuts .......... but there is no need to respond to aggression with aggression!
He is abusing you, and disrespecting you, and this is NOT a trivial thing, you have asked hi... (read in full...)
Should I pay for a relative's meal on my birthday where my significant other reluctantly paid part of the cost?
Q. My fiancé's parents are in there 80's and the dad is able to get around. The mother needs a lot of help walking due to overweight issues. The are still both mentally sharp. I have an aunt in her 90's and she is mentally sharp too and gets a...
A. 6 October 2015: What a dip stick @ your fiancé!
Yes, write him a cheque for your aunts meal and a proportion of the tip, and be sure to thank him for taking an early knock off from work for your birthday. Let him know that while you appreciate such an effort, you ... (read in full...)
I'm catching my boyfriend's lies out. Do I call him out ?
Q. i think my new boyfriend is lying . the reason im thinking this is because he told me his dad had fallen really badly and had to go to hospital (the day of our date) we havent met each others families yet so its not like i could ask his family ...
A. 4 October 2015: Are you sure visiting hours are restricted for close family members?
They aren't here in Australia, unless in ICU or a special request of the next of kin or doctor.
However, if you are certain he is lying about this, and other things, then you... (read in full...)
To smoke cigarettes or not? Is there a compromise or a solution we can try to make things ok for us both?
Q. I know what I’m going to write sounds kind of strange, and very long but I guess that’s just the way it goes…. Since I was a young teenager I was interested in trying smoking but I got the chance once at the age of 14 but I didn’t actually go throu...
A. 3 October 2015: Smoking may be legal but it is an insidious addiction, I am a former smoker, I had my first cigarette as a young teenager, and started smoking in earnest when I began work and had an income.
Giving up was difficult, even with some very good rea... (read in full...)
Is it possible for someone to sleep 12 hours a day for weeks at a time?
Q. Is it possible for someone to sleep 12 hours a day consistently for weeks??? He sleeps at 3am every night and doesn't wake up until 3pm or later in the afternoon! Then he takes his time to get up, shower, and go get food to eat. Then he rests a bit ...
A. 28 September 2015: Thanks for the update OP
Are you saying he used to have a part time job starting at noon and ending around 6pm? What happened to the job, did he get the sack (if yes why), or quit (why did he quit).
His excuses for his lifestyle choices soun... (read in full...)
Is it possible for someone to sleep 12 hours a day for weeks at a time?
Q. Is it possible for someone to sleep 12 hours a day consistently for weeks??? He sleeps at 3am every night and doesn't wake up until 3pm or later in the afternoon! Then he takes his time to get up, shower, and go get food to eat. Then he rests a bit ...
A. 27 September 2015: Of course it is possible, its already happening, but it is very unhealthy.
If you are in a position to talk to this person I would strongly suggest a visit to their GP as first port of call, there could be serious underlying health risks, or menta... (read in full...)
Am I being controlling to my boyfriend? How do we work this out?
Q. I started dating a guy from work and as we were getting to know each other I learnt that he takes cocaine on the occasional night out and smokes a lot of weed. He is also a regular smoker, but I knew this all along. In the early stages I made it...
A. 27 September 2015: You are at a crossroads.
The science is in, smoking cigarettes is a very unhealthy practice, I was a heavy smoker for a long, long time, and it is as addictive as any other drug. I found I needed a very strong motivation to give up. It seems th... (read in full...)
He has a family but acts like he is still single!
Q. Hi hope someone can help me I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years we have a 1 year old daughter together we have a pretty good rrelationship but the problem is I still feel like he thinks he is single he is always out with his mates we never get ...
A. 27 September 2015: You are a single mum. Time to accept your partner is not mature enough step up and be part of a team, so, do what any other team would do when one member is not holding up their end, firstly he needs the talk.
Rewrite your question but as a let... (read in full...)
Boyfriend's brothers are at our place way too often and I don't know how much more I can take!
Q. My bf and I moved in together about 2 months now. My bf works full time but he has been trying to start a company with his brothers, and he works on this in all of his spare time. Which means, there is very little time for me - I can't recall the ...
A. 26 September 2015: Move back out, he is obviously not ready for a live in relationship where each others concerns and respected.
It also appears he needs some time to concentrate on setting up his business, or until he recognises that a business that needs to redo ... (read in full...)
Been divorced for ten years and happy now. But now my emotionally abusive ex wants to come back and live with me since the death of her partner. How do I refuse my ex-wife's request?
Q. I have an ex wife who was continuously unfaithful to me and was abusive, she divorced me about 10 years ago. I have been much happier since our divorce. We have a daughter together who is now 17. She moved in with me about a year ago after confid...
A. 25 September 2015: NO, not even the spare room, no, no, no.
Can you afford to perhaps lend her (gift probably, as she doesn't sound like a person who will repay) some money for housing bond or a few months rent?
I think you will be inviting a whole mess of tr... (read in full...)
My daughter spent most of her inheritance from her grandfather on silly things and is now asking me for money to cover her education. Should I tell her how I feel about the situation?
Q. Around February of this year, my 20 year old daughter got about 20k from her grand father when he passed away. Now our family doesn't really come from a wealthy background, so when she got this money I was very happy for her and tried to encoura...
A. 24 September 2015: Yes, it is not your business, she is over 18 and so an adult and if she wants to spend money on a nose job and taking a friend on an all expenses paid holiday to NY City, then that is her choice.
Now, the tricky bit is that she wants to be an ad... (read in full...)
I don't want to seem mean to my new neighbors but feel they are asking too much of me
Q. About 4 months ago, a new family moved in across the street from me and the mother seemed to be struggling moving boxes into her house so I went over to both help her and welcome her into the neighborhood. I met her and her 3 children and the...
A. 24 September 2015: You can let the mother politely and gently that you are normally in bed and calls and knocks on the door after 8:30pm disrupt your sleep patterns so you would appreciate them not coming over at night. If they knock you can ignore it.
Next ... (read in full...)
If you have a nasty partner, is it cheating if you find a few hours of solace and happiness with someone else?
Q. If your partner is nasty and doesn't miss any chance to belittle, criticize,and hurt you, is it considered cheating if you find a few hours of solace and happiness with someone else? I feel it isn't. ...
A. 19 September 2015: If children are involved it can sometimes be harder to leave, I grant you that, however, cheating is cheating, no matter how much you decide to redefine the word.
And if you do decide to justify cheating by redefining 'cheating" that doesn't ... (read in full...)
How do I respond to my ex's comments about our past sexual relationship?
Q. I am single and in my 40's and in contact with an ex. We were talking about our very brief relationship from years ago and I said to him that I enjoyed our brief relationship all those years ago. He replied that we had fun and that we had some ...
A. 19 September 2015: I think he is viewing you as a possible stop gap provider of sex when his current on off relationship is going through an "off" period.
... (read in full...)
Its frustrating that my ex can't see his new girlfriend for what she is
Q. My ex blamed me for stirring up trouble and talking behind his back when his current girlfriend (who he chose over me) does just as much stirring and gossiping. It really frustrates me how he blames me for everything and not her. She even div...
A. 19 September 2015: You admit you stir and gossip, you want your ex boyfriend to agree that your stirring and gossiping is no worse than his current girlfriend's.
Stop the stirring and gossiping, its not healthy!
As for him blaming you for everything and n... (read in full...)
If you have a nasty partner, is it cheating if you find a few hours of solace and happiness with someone else?
Q. If your partner is nasty and doesn't miss any chance to belittle, criticize,and hurt you, is it considered cheating if you find a few hours of solace and happiness with someone else? I feel it isn't. ...
A. 18 September 2015: yes, it is still cheating. If your partner is all you claim them to be, then do yourself a favour and remove yourself from that relationship.
... (read in full...)
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