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My husband cheated and left me and now he wants to talk. What should I do?

Tagged as: Cheating, Marriage problems<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (29 October 2015) 6 Answers - (Newest, 31 October 2015)
A female Ireland age 41-50, anonymous writes:

Hi, I was married for 30 years. My husband left me three years ago and went off with another woman who he met through as. He has been sober now for six months and I got the first text today from him saying he was sorry for all the hurt he caused and wants to meet and talk to me. I still love him and always will. But I cannot forget the hurt and my kids don't speak with him anymore. What should I do pls

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2015):

First text after three years!

Ignore him just like he ignored you. There's absolutely no reason to respond.

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A female reader, Aunty BimBim Australia + , writes (30 October 2015):

Aunty BimBim agony auntWhat do you want to do? Can you see a benefit in this for yourself?

If the meeting is for him to feel better by saying sorry or whatever it is he feels he needs to say, well that's his problem, you don't have to hear it, or accept it.

After three years silence from him I would be texting him back that a lot of water has passed under the bridge during the past three years, and that you have moved on and suggest he does the same.

I cant see any benefit to you in meeting him.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (30 October 2015):

Honeypie agony auntIt's OK that you still love him and that you always will. You don't OWE him to take him back or... even talk to him. THAT is entirely up to you.

Him being sober for 6 months is good (for him) again, not meaning you OWE him anything.

He left you after years of marriage and I think you need to hold on to that thought, if you met up.

If you do want to met up, do so in public, make it a short meeting, let someone (friend/family) know that you are going.

I agree with Ivyblue - it if took him 3 years to realize that he owed YOU an apology, I think it could be part of the 12 step sobriety. And that he didn't get to that point till quite recently.

What DO you want to do? Knowing that you can't go back to how it was. Are you ready to sit down and talk to him? If not, then tell him you aren't ready.

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A male reader, dougbcoll United States +, writes (30 October 2015):

dougbcoll agony aunt he cheated , and then left you for the one he cheated with right.

it wont hurt to meet and talk. but you need to find out if the one he cheated with and left you for has dumped him and left him high and dry like he did you or if he is truly sorry and wanting to come back on his own.

that is the starting place, you may not be able to forget the hurt he placed on you, but forgiveness you may be able. you need to take it slow with him, trust is earned , not given out. take your time with this.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2015):

Keep going and never look back. Three years later and he has no relationship with you or your children. Too little too late

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A female reader, Ivyblue Australia + , writes (30 October 2015):

Ivyblue agony auntThats a long time to apologise. Sounds like it's either ended with her or ending. be super careful of his true intentions.

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