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*atasia

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Nearly two years after breaking up and I'm still not over her

Q.   Why do I still cry now and again over a break up that happened 20 months ago? We were together 5 years then she ended it saying she wanted to be on her own. Within a month she had someone else. Only after the break up did I discover she had...

A.   12 August 2013: Because you are grieving. You have lost the presence of someone you loved and were probably closer to than anyone ever in your life. Of course you will miss her. If someone dies, you don't stop crying for years, and even then, you will have the odd ... (read in full...)

He stares at my lips while speaking. Does this mean anything?

Q.   So there is an older man.. about 10 years older, I am 21... He is my superior at work. He's really smart and I find myself really attracted to him. Every time he is explaining something to me he looks at my lips while he speaks. And when he is t...

A.   12 August 2013: Looking at the lips is a 110% giveaway. Trust me.... (read in full...)

He stares at my lips while speaking. Does this mean anything?

Q.   So there is an older man.. about 10 years older, I am 21... He is my superior at work. He's really smart and I find myself really attracted to him. Every time he is explaining something to me he looks at my lips while he speaks. And when he is t...

A.   12 August 2013: It means he wants to have sex with you. What else could it mean?... (read in full...)

She said I need to date someone my age. What does she mean really?

Q.   Dear Savants of Dear Cupid, You all have given me sage advise the numerous times I've ventured forth. You've saved me from wrecking my ship against the rocks, for which I thank you. A question: "What does this mean?" The tennis player conta...

A.   12 August 2013: It means what she said. She thinks you have much less chance of getting a 35-year-old than a 50-year-old. It's actually not a very complimentary thing to say to you, although I suppose some might see it as a 'challenge'. You were probably supposed ... (read in full...)

How can I get my ex to offer his sperm for IVF

Q.   What do you all think about a woman having ivf at 45. I've always been waiting for the right moment and just out of another failed long term relationship and always wanted babies, always feel like I have missed out on that opportunity of being a ...

A.   2 July 2013: Do I think 45 is too late to have a baby? No. I think that if you haven't had one yet, you should hurry up with it. Do I think you need a father for the child, and money? They are desirable, but if you don't have them, you don't ... any child yo... (read in full...)

I'm pregnant and my husband isn't interested in sex

Q.   My husband and I are expecting our first child. I'm five months pregnant. The last couple months, since I've been showing, my husband hasn't been as interested in sex. Most of the time we do, I have to ask for it or he initiates early in the morning ...

A.   28 March 2013: I think it is because you are pregnant. He is a man, though, and it is totally natural for him to avoid talking about it and deny what he thinks is an unfair reason, but which he feels nonetheless. The deeper his feeling about this, the less lik... (read in full...)

Should I be moving away from people I know and trying to meet new people?

Q.   So I have recovered from a bad break up I had earlier this year. My ex cheated on me with one of my best friends because he just KNEW the 3 of us would be a happy polyamorous family even though I told him I wasn't down for it anymore. So instead he ...

A.   7 November 2012: Hmm. Part of me thinks that if it has crossed your mind that it might be better just to cut with the whole group, then perhaps that is what you should do. Being with this ex boyfriend of your ex friend will only remind you of the past, I think. It ... (read in full...)

Will a time ever come where I can accept what happened and move on with my boyfriend?

Q.   Hi all, Ever since I aborted my unplanned pregnancy, I have felt such a great deal of guilt and sadness. I know this is to be expected but the feeling of resent and anger is becoming too much to handle. My boyfriend hurt me so much during...

A.   2 November 2012: I'm afraid that sadly, I understand totally, as have been through something very similar. I also went twice, not wanting to have this done. I also had a boyfriend who thought he 'understood', but didn't (until much, much later). The bottom l... (read in full...)

My irresponsible 17 year old sister wants to get pregnant again just because I am! Should I advise her, talk to our family or just let her make her own mistakes?

Q.   Two years ago my 15 year old sister became pregnant with her daughter. Things really did not go well at first, she had trouble dealing with a newborn and was reluctant to give up her social life leaving my mother and myself no choise but to step in ...

A.   2 November 2012: Whether it is a good thing or not, I think you know she will be fine ... she will have the support, both financial and otherwise ... so actually (and I say this as a sister, so knowing how things feel!), it is just really that she is annoyingly able ... (read in full...)

Met a guy with a huge porn collection and no history of relationships!

Q.   I have met a guy a month ago of 37 who sounded good on paper (we met online). He seems like a decent person but is very introvert and has a close relationship with his sister and his mum but has lived alone for 10 years. We have been gradually ...

A.   2 November 2012: I feel a bit sorry for him, but sure, he has got a bit of a problem. He can't socialise easily, and he has compensated for closeness with the porn. It really just depends on how you get on together, and if you actually like him. A lot of pointers ... (read in full...)

What does a wink from a married man mean? Friendly or flirtatious?

Q.   What does a wink from a married man mean? While I was at a friend's house, her (friendly) husband winked at me while I was leaving. We were talking at the door and he winked. Previous to that, I always felt he would be happy to bump into me in ...

A.   2 November 2012: Well, I think he likes you, and he probably wishes he was with you instead of his unpleasant wife, but aside from being happy when he is with you, and flirting a little bit, I doubt he will do anything more, as he is a decent guy and would not want ... (read in full...)

Is it possible to resign yourself to a life without love?

Q.   I just want to say this and get it off my chest really. Comment if you wish. I'm getting on for fifty, and have been married for twenty years, most of them unhappily. My wife suffered from serious post-partum depression after our children were bor...

A.   12 October 2012: Ok, well first of all, your wife just wants you - whether you love her or not. She'd rather have you than not, regardless of your feelings. Children are the same - they don't really factor in your happiness - they just want you there. So, y... (read in full...)

What was my ex thinking when he wrote this message?

Q.   Some background information about me: I'm 22. My ex-boyfriend broke up with me more than a year ago (yes, it's been a long time). There's a 17 year age difference between us and we were together for about 4 and a half years. We were happy toget...

A.   12 October 2012: He feels that the relationship was inappropriate because of the age gap, or that he should feel it was inappropriate. That is why he said have a 'normal' relationship with someone your own age. I don't know, and you can't know, whether he ... (read in full...)

How realistic is it for me to want to date only uncircumcised men?

Q.   I know this may make me shallow, childish, immature, but it's how I feel: Three years ago I was engaged to a man from Europe. He was uncircumcised; it was not my first experience with an intact man. I loved it so much, and he was so gentle wi...

A.   4 October 2012: It is OK to want this, but it is another thing to go about achieving it. So, what if you meet a guy you really love, who might turn out to be amazing in bed, who happens to be circumcised? Life just isn't simple. And it will be pretty difficult to ... (read in full...)

He's been talking with women on webcam when he promised he wouldn't do that anymore!

Q.   So, i've had this problem of my boyfriend looking at naked women on webcams. He promised me that he wouldn't do it again because it made me feel so hurt and not good enough for him. Well, i know i shouldn't have but i snooped through his computer ...

A.   26 June 2012: I am really sorry. I think you have to talk to him about this again, unfortunately, and it will have to come to the point of either he really stops, or you decide whether you can actually continue like this. Men sometimes go through these ki... (read in full...)

Any tips to help me? I lack experience with gay relationships. Scared about going down on her. Help !

Q.   Well let me put it this way, I'm a gay girl who hasn't had much experience with a girl, crap! I know :/, but anyway I've recently just got in a relationship and I'm petrified to go down on her in case like I throw up or something. Guys used to m...

A.   24 June 2012: Just out of interest, how do you know you are gay?... (read in full...)

Would you find a 42 year-old Virgin Dateable?

Q.   Now to be honest, I have average looks and am average size being a tall, typical bodied white male. The issues exist that I suffer from social anxiety and other disorders, limiting my social skills, which might not attract women right off the ba...

A.   13 June 2012: 'and I really don't know what do inherently' - It doesn't work like that. If someone is attracted to you and you are in a moment of passion, she won't be thinking 'does he know how to do this?' - it will all be instinctual. Everyone knows how to b... (read in full...)

Has any of your ladies ever been a single mother with no family help at all?

Q.   Hey. I'm gonna be 32 in a few months and I've just found out I am pregnant. As soon as I told my bf about it he just walked away. I have no family as my mum died a few years ago and my dad in an evil man and we're not on speaking terms. I have very ...

A.   7 June 2012: You will be fine - you will have family - your baby!! It will be wonderful, amazing, great ... honestly. Time with just you and your child alone is really precious and perfect. It is probably easier than with other people interfering, having their ... (read in full...)

I'm only 14 and pregnant and I'm afraid to tell my b/f or family

Q.   Hi. I have been with my boyfriend for 6 months, but 2 months ago we had sex. We did use a condom but I had many symptoms of being pregnant. I finally took a test 2 weeks ago and it was positive. I haven't told anybody except for my bestfrie...

A.   7 June 2012: Don't forget that whatever you do, and whoever you lose, you will also gain the most important person in your life - your child. So this fear of being alone, etc, is based on life as you know it now - but when your baby is here, it will be a ... (read in full...)

My best friend got me pregnant, and my husband is threatening to leave. Should I keep the baby?

Q.   I'm 30 years old and I have been married for nearly 7 years. I love my husband very much but I do believe you can love two people at once. I am also in love with my best friend- occasionally, when we hang out, we have sex. We know it is wrong and I ...

A.   7 June 2012: No, absolutely not - you should listen to your heart. Do you listen to your head when you love your family? No. You listen to your heart. This is a heart situation. If you listen to your head, you will break your own heart. Seriously. DO NOT DO I... (read in full...)

Would you date a woman/person who is separated?

Q.   Hi everyone. I am especially interested in MEN'S opinions but this question is open to everyone: Would you date a woman who is separated if you liked her or would her separated status stop you from asking her out or considering her for a lon...

A.   30 May 2012: Well, doesn't it depend on the individual, how much you like them, and exactly what their separation entails? OK, especially if it is a man, you have to make sure he really is 'separated', because some of them tend to use the term quite loosely ... (read in full...)

Am I right to be jealous of my wife's new 'guy friend'? It goes so far that she even does his laundry!

Q.   So, my wife and I have been married 12 yrs, and have always been admired for our relationship. About 6 months ago she started sharing her office with a single man, who quickly turned into her "guy friend". Since then, she's spent a lot of time ...

A.   30 May 2012: I think you should insist that this guy comes round and spends time with both of you. I think that in every relationship where one or the other has good friends of the opposite sex, it is only really after they have been thoroughly checked out by ... (read in full...)

If a girl gives you her number but doesn't reply to a message does that mean she's not interested?

Q.   Hi I have a question for the ladies. Say a guy has met a girl and they exchange numbers. She knows that he intends to ask her out at some point but he hasn't done so yet. They exchange messages and she hasn't replied to one anymore. Does th...

A.   25 May 2012: I don't know what or how many messages you have exchanged before she has not replied - that is an important detail. You should have asked her out relatively quickly. She might go off going out with you, otherwise. All depends on the messages... (read in full...)

I've been having an affair for 2 years with a family friend. Should I tell the wife and my parents?

Q.   i m 22 years old and i guy i love is 44 and is married with 2 kids. we have been in a relationship for the past 3 years. initially when he started saying that he loves me i tried completely avoiding him but slowly he convinced me into falling in ...

A.   22 May 2012: To be honest, I absolutely don't think you should tell his wife and your parents. Why? Because you did cheat, and his wife has done nothing wrong. So now if you feel bad, you need to get over it somehow, but not in a vengeful way, by ruining his ... (read in full...)

Caught my boyfriend masturbating to porn 4 hours after I gave him oral. Does that mean I didn't do it right?

Q.   Okay so I went to go to sleep last night but my boyfriend stayed up. I was playing games on my phone because i couldn't quite fall asleep. I decided i would smoke a cigarette before i finally decided to sleep. I realized that I didn't have a ...

A.   22 May 2012: He is right. He is a teenage guy. He could do that 10 times a day no problem. That's what they're like. Don't worry. They slow down (a bit) when they get older ... ... (read in full...)

He called my by his ex's name

Q.   hey dear agony aunts, last time i was making out with my guy, he called me by his ex's name. and that upset me to the point that i stopped and left his arms but later on he apologized after a great deal of problems. i just wanna know if this is ...

A.   21 May 2012: It is actually a compliment, because it means that subconsciously you are now in the same bracket as she was - ie, his woman. Here's another example. I was nearly 8 when my sister was born, so I always looked upon her as the 'little' baby/girl ... (read in full...)

Would you find a 42 year-old Virgin Dateable?

Q.   Now to be honest, I have average looks and am average size being a tall, typical bodied white male. The issues exist that I suffer from social anxiety and other disorders, limiting my social skills, which might not attract women right off the ba...

A.   19 May 2012: My line would be ... no line. Don't tell her! No, but seriously ... if you have to explain, tell the truth: you just didn't meet the right person, and you didn't want just anyone.... (read in full...)

How do we get through this? he's in jail!

Q.   My boyfriend was found guilty in court due to his part in the looting that took place during the London riots. He is beyond embarrassed and his family are very traditional and let him know in no uncertain terms that, as the oldest son, he has ...

A.   13 May 2012: Do you know what prison he is in? I would imagine that as his partner you could find that out. I would start by finding where he is, then approaching the prison. I don't know how it works, but maybe you could visit. It all seems odd, and particul... (read in full...)

Would you find a 42 year-old Virgin Dateable?

Q.   Now to be honest, I have average looks and am average size being a tall, typical bodied white male. The issues exist that I suffer from social anxiety and other disorders, limiting my social skills, which might not attract women right off the ba...

A.   13 May 2012: You are perfectly dateable - and if you are in good condition, then I'm sure lots of women would find you an interesting prospect. Women in their 40s generally have to put up with all sorts of difficult, exhausting, taxing and stressful baggage in a ... (read in full...)

I need some advice on how to help my bf understand that I am still a horny young woman, not just a baby carrying machine!

Q.   Hey, I need some advice on how to help my bf understand that I am still a horny young woman, not just a baby carrying machine! We've been together 20 months, and our sex life is usually great. The rest of our relationship is great too, we're...

A.   13 May 2012: Tell him the truth: that the absolutely best way to ensure a healthy pregnancy and best delivery is for you to have sex pretty much on a daily basis, and for you to revel in how sexy you will feel being pregnant. It is to my mind totally the most ... (read in full...)

I'm a virgin who doesn't know if she's straight or bi?

Q.   i'm a virgin who doesn't know if she's straight or bi. i think i'd love to suck some pussy given the chance but i never get turned on when i watch it being done in porn movies, actually i never get turned on at all watching any kind of porn. which ...

A.   13 May 2012: You are not, in my humble opinion, gay or bi. You are just sex-starved. It is strange, though, that no porn turns you on - but maybe that is because despite your strong sex drive, you have not yet even begun to explore your self, and you have no ... (read in full...)

I'm a virgin but all I can think about is just sex, sex, sex. Is this normal?

Q.   i'm a virgin but all i can think about is just sex, sex, sex. every single day! is that normal seeing as i don't even know what it's like? i don't even know how to set about getting it! i seriously need some advice. oh and i'm turning 22 in a few ...

A.   13 May 2012: Yes, it is completely normal, it just means that on the scale of hormones/sex drive you are at the strong end (like me, so I understand). What you have to be really careful about is making sure that when you do find that lucky someone who will be on ... (read in full...)

No sex drive since the baby arrived -- should I tell him to get his needs met elsewhere?

Q.   Ok so I had a little baby girl about 9 months ago. And since then Ive had about zero sex drive. I get horny occasionally but im just not in the mood. This has put a serious strain on my relationship with my fiance. I know he has liked our mutual ...

A.   7 May 2012: Have you gone mad? I seriously think you should go to the doctor's. No, no, no - not unless you want to lose your baby's father, and fiance. Sort out your sex drive. Go for counselling. Go on holiday. Do anything. But absolutely don't hand h... (read in full...)

Is it normal for the person you are dating to tell you that they will always love their ex?

Q.   Is it normal for a guy you're seeing to tell you they'll always love their ex? This ex was actually his first real love, and I'm the first person he's dating after he's been with her. I'm wondering if it's normal because the last guy I da...

A.   28 April 2012: I don't know. Nobody has ever said that to me. But maybe they just weren't telling me. Or maybe you seem the kind of person they can tell things like that to, and they don't think you'll mind. Normal to carry a tiny candle somewhere for so... (read in full...)

I found out my wife had an affair. 20 years of my marriage have been a lie

Q.   Hi I need help I have been married 33 years and have just found out that the last 20 years have been a lie. 20 years ago she entered an affair whilst I was serving in the Army we had been married 11 years and have two children. I went to war and ...

A.   24 April 2012: Again I say I also don't think you should give up so many years together. Her behaviour sounds like someone behaving in a messy, human kind of way, not doing things right, getting things wrong, trying to put things right ... personally I would have ... (read in full...)

What is the right thing to do? I need help with my feelings for this man!

Q.   I'm going crazy here please help I'm 38 I have 3 children and have met a really lovely man who I've been talking to for months he is a security guard at a club I go to and we talk quite a bit. He has full custody of his two children but also has a ...

A.   22 April 2012: I think you should be together. I think it would be better for the baby if he or she grew up with him already not at home, because I think he will leave her sooner or later and it would be worse for the child if the father has to leave. ... (read in full...)

Can I get past someone's looks and fall for them?

Q.   after a not so great relationship for four years i am now dating. i have met nice man but in truth he does nothin for me! he is very.sweet kind etc and i no he feels a great deal for me. i no i sound shallow but im wonderng can u get past someon ...

A.   22 April 2012: If you don't fancy someone at all then they are not a partner - they are a friend. You really must have some natural attraction for them, I think. So no, this guy won't do. He is only a friend. Keep dating and looking.... (read in full...)

I found out my wife had an affair. 20 years of my marriage have been a lie

Q.   Hi I need help I have been married 33 years and have just found out that the last 20 years have been a lie. 20 years ago she entered an affair whilst I was serving in the Army we had been married 11 years and have two children. I went to war and ...

A.   22 April 2012: If you do love her, I would say you should work on this, and hope to stay together. 20 years is too much and too long to throw away. Without her, it will be so hard for you to get over this. I think the easiest route to the happiest life for you now ... (read in full...)

My husband is getting more and more controlling of my appearance

Q.   First, it was the clothing: dresses, skirts, tights, blouses. I'm not allowed jeans, trainers, flipflops, T-shirts, track suits. I'm barely allowed tasteful trousers. Then, it was telling me how much jewellery I can wear. Then, it was th...

A.   17 April 2012: This is a syndrome. A man who likes something that isn't normally his taste (ie, you when you were yourself), then acquires it, then changes it to be what he 'wants', but in doing so kills its spirit ... and then he is like 'I didn't want to break ... (read in full...)

Is it possible to know the baby's father before its born?

Q.   I hv sex with my ex bf without using a condom a day after i hv ex with my bf now am pregnant dont know who the father is. Is it possible for me to know the real father before the baby is born?...

A.   15 April 2012: Oh dear. No, you really can't tell until the baby is born, I think. Unless there is some kind of DNA test in the womb that can be done, but that would for sure carry a risk of miscarriage. I think you have to wait and see. Or maybe you just pre... (read in full...)

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