A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:First, it was the clothing: dresses, skirts, tights, blouses. I'm not allowed jeans, trainers, flipflops, T-shirts, track suits. I'm barely allowed tasteful trousers. Then, it was telling me how much jewellery I can wear. Then, it was the hair; I must have long hair even though it gives me headaches, and takes forever to wash and dry. Plus it is always up because I am taking care of our 12 week old daughter. Then, it's the food; he always wants me to stay thin, and get back to being thin after having our daughter. Now, most times, I simply do not care to eat anymore. Now, he wants me to have my tattoos removing. This is so painful to me on more than one level. I had these tattoos when we got together; they are so much a part of me. He's worried what his posh friends will think of me. I am still aching from the Caesarean; the last thing I want is more painful surgery. He hates my music, my movies, too. I am so very tired of everything; I feel I am losing myself. I feel that who/what I am is not good enough for owt. He wonders why I now walk around the house grumbling, and am not as sweet to him as I once was. I truly love him, but I feel it lessening. I feel I am fading.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2016): Lots of people go through post baby issues with their body but most people's husbands don't become monsters about it. If he's like that now what's he going to be like in a decade when there are saggy boobs, tum and bottom, wobbly knees, stretch marks and varicose veins involved and that's just on him. I'm joking but this is about a lot more than that. Don't you think?My ex-husband was also controlling and manipulative. I too felt like I was going mad or having a breakdown. I'm guessing this has been building for sometime. It's a drip, drip, effect. No-one starts this way from day one. I tried standing up to him but he would then sulk and not speak to me for days at a time or tell me I was mad or stupid and because I'd started to think I was (I wasn't) it would make me feel worse.You say "He doesn't just dislike my films, books, music; he thinks they are worthless".This is to make you feel your opinions are worthless. You say that his ex wife was "allowed" to wear clothing you aren't and had short hair. Well controllers tend to chose the things they pick on based on the individual person. He was probably the same with her only in a different way. My ex picked on my family and friends as that was my achilles heel.Reading through your posts makes me feel terribly sad and remember the person I once was. The thing is even if you became the barbie doll he wants he'll start picking on something else.Relationships have to be a partnership for both to be happy so what does he do to please you? My overall opinion from what you write is that he doesn't like or respect what you like, think, say or do. So why are you so eager to please him?I think you could do with a break from all this. Do you have a family member you could stay with for a while? Also have you spoken to your GP about how you low you feel? I did in the end.You need to think about how much you can put up with long term and you have a child to consider. I left my ex and have been with my partner for over a decade and I can't tell you how different I am and my life is. Remember it's not you, IT'S HIM.
A
male
reader, Laybackfool  +, writes (6 April 2016):
NO WOMAN, deserves this or MAN that goes through this crap, its not just women. Men deal with this with certain women. I would leave the person in a heartbeat, nobody deserves to control you like you are a child. You are a grown woman and I know if I was with a woman, I would treat her as the queen that she is. Respect goes both ways, remember that buddy! I am sorry... you are struggling through this difficult time but its him that needs to change, not you! You are living a real nightmare that you don't need to deal with. This can tear you down and think very little of yourself. See if couples counseling can help, if not, separate for a while, again this option doesn't work it's up to you what you want next. A real man or woman regardless of the body parts deserves to treat their other half like a piece of gold, to treasure until the end of time. Love your other half, not kill their spirit. If I was there I Would protect you from this non sense but you need to protect yourself from this, this is mentally damaging. Peace out! Much love....(S)
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (25 April 2012):
 Why would you miss him? He's cruel and he's nasty?
Do you miss having a cold?
Do you miss a broken leg?
see how he fits in your life... he's a PAIN....
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A
male
reader, Boonridge McPhalify +, writes (25 April 2012):
 he a manipulative individual and doesn't respect you- others on here have mentioned bullying and they are spot on. in order to tolerate his behaviour you will need thick skin.
i personally couldn't cope with this level of nastiness from someone i was supposed to be in love with.
=When I asked him about it he said that no matter what she wore she looked 'well groomed'= thus implying you dont look well groomed, how rude!
what an ignorant pig. nuff said. he likes to lower your self esteem it seems for whatever reason, wearing you down. if you dont miss him then why are you with him?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question LOL @ So_Very_Confused :-) I am almost certain he would hate being continuously snapped with elastics for 30 mins. I don't think he really understands 'happy wife'; he says, 'All housewives believe they are in loveless marriages, whatever the hell that means', to quote. I didn't even use that phrase with him. Maverick, the last time he was really sweet was when I was pregnant; before he got his dreamhouse. I didn't want the place; as it's in a rough area. He didn't care; he had to have it. He's gotten worse ever since. He acts as though owt he does for me is HUGE, but what I do is simply expected. Thank you so much for your compliments :) I have been thinking along the lines of his insisting me to have my tattoos removing is like if I were to insist on him getting tattoed. He does have a habit of downplaying the negatives to whatever it is he wants. He also tends to be mean to me if I am in the way of what he wants. He forced me to lift furniture he wanted moving a few weeks after my Caesarean; he got very apologetic after, when it slowed my recovery, then got impatient. I have thought he's needed a mannequin, cos he seems more turned on by the clothes, hair, body, than owt else. Sometimes, deep down, it scares me; it also saddens me. I believe I will tell him before I go somewhere; that is a good idea. I also believe I will go a bit shorter with my hair. My friends saw it, and said I looked pretty.I am to the point I just don't want to deal with him right now; I do not miss him when I am away from that house. It sort of worries me that I do not miss him. I hate the house; but shouldn't I still miss him? You are so sweet, and sound like a very good friend. HoneyPie, I had always told him I did not dictate what he does with his appearance. You are right; he acts like I really hurt him by not wanting the long hair, even after I explained it was about my health.When I am away from him, I realise I am not a bad spouse. Why do I feel so bad and mean when I am with him?
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (24 April 2012):
 You think YOU are the bad spouse in that marriage?
Seriously? Honey, you need to LOOK at how HE makes you think.. over "just" getting a hair cut. 1. the HAIR is YOURS 2. It will grow back out.
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A
female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (24 April 2012):
OP, he is like a spoiled child. The more and more easily you give, the less satisfied he becomes. At this point you're worn out, but he doesn't see that. To him you're his little servant. All he has to do is snap his fingers. I think the best way of getting him out of this mode or phase is to simply stop catering to his every wish.
When was the last time he made a conscious effort to please you? I'm talking about a big genuine thing he did to make you happy. Compare those instances to the amount of times you complied to his wishes, tried to make him happy. I'm not psychic but I'm pretty sure you have done a lot more for him than he has done for you.
So next time he throws a toddler's tantrum, think about that. You are not a bad wife. You're the kind of person people refer to as "a keeper". It's too bad he can't see what he has in front of him. He doesn't deserve you to be honest.
As to the whole tattoo removal issue, stop being so patient with him. His comments would have really riled me up. "Oh really? Well, if you're so sure about that, let's tattoo you and then remove those tattoos and see how you like it. If it's such a walk in the park you would do that for me, right?" I doubt he would.
If I were you, I'd tell him something along these lines: "Don't talk about things you know nothing about. You're just downplaying it because you want to get your way. These tattoo's mean a lot to me, but that doesn't matter to you. It doesn't matter to you that it might hurt me emotionally and physically, you don't care about that at all. All you care about is this idealized picture you have in your head of what I should look like. Well, get yourself a mannequin and play around with that. It won't complain, it won't talk back. Why, because it's not a human being with feelings and desires. I am. I don't exist to decorate your world. So for the last time: I will not remove my tattoo's. Remember this well because I am not discussing this with you again."
Make sure that when you tell him this, you have a place to go so you're not stuck in the house with all this negative energy. Call up a friend and ask if you can come over for the evening. Tell him this before you go, so he has all this time on his own to ponder your words.
Oh and if you think you'd be happier with an even shorter cut, go for it OP! His opinion of you is not the most important thing, in fact, at this point it's the least important thing because he's shown he doesn't have your best interest (=your happiness) at heart. So indulge yourself, get your self esteem up again. Don't react when he's negative, only give him attention when he's being nice. If he wants your attention, he will adjust accordingly. Make sure you don't react if he just gets mad. You've suffered through enough of his negativity, so don't pay attention to that anymore.
I don't personally know you OP, but you sound like someone I would like to know and would like to have as a friend. Don't let this man destroy your sense of self worth. You have a lot to bring to this world. To your child, for an instance, you are the most important and meaningful person in the world.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (24 April 2012):
OP, a good wife is a HAPPY wife… if you are happy with your hair GREAT… if you are miserable you will continue to be miserable, the kids will be miserable and it won’t matter that he’s unhappy…
I think no matter what you do he won’t be happy so you might as well take care of yourself to the best of your ability.
Being a good wife is NOT about being his puppet or toy.. Being a good wife is not about you making him happy.. he has to find his happiness within himself… his joy is NOT your responsibility. IF you are kind, caring and considerate then it sounds like you are doing your best and his requests/demands are OVER the TOP.
Oh and for me… I’d get a few rubber bands and I would hold them on a spot on his body where you have a tattoo that he wants removed and I’d start snapping him over and over with it… (pick the most sensitive spot like an ankle or tramp stamp) and when he says “OW” or “cut it out” tell him.. “NO DEAR you said that tattoo removal was no big deal and I want you to share this with me and each session lasts 30 minutes so just sit still and enjoy this.. it’s NO BIG DEAL”…. But then it might piss him off more…. And I’m evil that way.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks, Maverick :) I was hearing his words in my head this morning, but I washed and styled my hair, and it has settled down somewhat. I think I want it a tiny bit shorter, lol.
Part of me is still scared though, thinking,'OMG, he doesn't find me attractive; what have I done? How can I make up for it; what will he do? Does he still want only me? I'm so selfish, and disloyal! I'm a terrible wife!'.
When I told him I had heard how physically painful(never mind emotionally) tattoo removal was, he said he had heard it was like getting continually snapped with elastics. He said that like it was no big deal; upsets me more and more.
No, he just can't have it. I spend so much time trying to please this man, and he just gets worse and worse until this appearance mess. I believe in being a good wife, but it just gets harder to make him happy.
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A
female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (24 April 2012):
Good for you OP! Don't let him put you down with his negative comments, I'm sure your hair looks lovely!
"He still wants the tattoos removing, even though I told him it is too painful."
Well, shrug and tell him he cannot always get what he wants in life. Don't waste another word on it; simply leave it at that. The next time he brings it up simply ignore him as if he hasn't spoken at all.
If he still doesn't get the hint, tell him: "I won't do it, end of story." These are your tattoos, things that you hold dear and that are a part of you. When it comes to your own body YOU are the only one who has a say in it. So stop treating him like he has a right to dictate what you should look like.
Be firm, OP. Don't let him mess you about. You're a grown woman, you're the boss of you. I'm so glad you took the first step and cut off your hair, so you don't have these headaches anymore. So why not take the second and start shopping for clothes YOU like and feel comfortable in?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI did it; I got my hair cut! He says it looks terrible. I couldn't stand the headaches anymore! I feel much better, and hopefully, it will take less time to do.
He still wants the tattoos removing, even though I told him it is too painful.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (19 April 2012):
You say you are afraid of him cheating....
why do you want to stay with a man who is so abusive and cruel? Do you want your child growing up thinking this is the way to treat your most cherished loved one?
Your body is NOT flawed. it's recovering from the most wonderful thing in the world. It took 9 months to get the body you currently have it takes about that long for many women to get it back. And those are the ones with love support and help..... do you have any of that?
I personally think you should cut your hair to please you, wear what you want to please yourself and ignore him.
I am sure that the birth of your child and the subsequent hormonal changes, lack of sleep and all the Other things that go along with child birth have SOME effect on how you feel but his behavior is reprehensible.
Hope he moves out and leaves.
HOPE he cheats so you have GROUNDS for divorce and can get alimony and child support. YOU and your child deserve better.
BTW I am with a man who looks at women with long hair but prefers mine short. I am letting it grow... he comments "your hair is getting long" which is his way of saying he wants me to cut it... (it's just below my chin for goodness sake) and I just smile and say "yes it is"....
he doesn't like a lot of things I wear but I compromise with him and give him say over my clothes ON DATE NIGHT ONLY... he has NO say in what I wear with my friends, on errand day or what I wear to work... and this lets him think he' has the control and the power.... but the truth is I wear what I want... and basically let him rant and rave and threaten to burn my pants...
The thing is, when he's not ranting and raving, he is very loving and supportive and helpful.... so for me it balances out...
IF you have no PROS about being with your husband listed on the PRO side of your page, consider that being with someone cruel and abusive is not always better than being alone... I mean how with him are you, if you feel alone even when you are with him?
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (19 April 2012):
It's OK to not have your body back 12 weeks after having a baby. It takes time. I know we see celebrities "bounce" right back to pre-baby bodies all the time, but the thing is, many of those have a personal trainer, someone who cooks the right food, clean the house AND take care of the baby. If every mother had that we'd all look HAWT soon after birth!
If you are feeling a little "blue" it may also be hormonal, aside from having a totally unsupportive husband. I don't see him helping you feel better about the temporary "new" you. I do know MANY (me included) moms tend to dress in comfy clothes and take less time to primp. With less sleep, hormonal surges, nursing, changing, bathing, soothing, loving a baby it just seems less important to look good 24/7.
One thing with that though. Sometimes something as simple as a haircut (not saying you should cut it short, but maybe get some layers, a trim, some high/low lights) can make YOU feel better. Or a manicure/pedi (if you like getting your nails done). Just because you because a mom, doesn't mean you have to let yourself go. That would be too easy, but it doesn't mean that ANYONE should expect that you are Vogue photo-shoot ready either.
Take care of yourself. Take care of the baby. Your two MOST important priorities.
Seems to me that he is either just callous or he thinks complimenting other women will make you try harder to get back to "pre-baby" you. Either way, it's back firing, because it makes you feel even crappier.
Would it be possible for you to take a week and go see family? Someone who will pamper you and give you little breaks with the baby so you can go to the gym or walk (whatever you can do according to your doctor) Maybe you need to take a good long hard look at your relationship with this man and figure out if you want that for the long haul or not.
You DO know that he can't DICTATE what you wear right? If sweatpants makes YOU feel good, then wear then, if he "ignores" you because of it, well let him.
Time to stand up for yourself honey. Screw his archaic ideas of a "stepford wife". Be you.
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A
female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (19 April 2012):
OP, from your posts it has become apparent that:
- He doesn't love you
- He doesn't respect you
- He insults you
Your husband, quite frankly, is a bully. What you describe reminds me greatly of my time in high school, where the popular kids dictated what I should wear, what I should like, who I should be. Of course I could never live up to their rules simply because I tried. They would put me down, put down the things I liked, they made me miserable. Why, because I was their puppet and they could shit on me just because I allowed them to.
I finally decided I didn't give a damn what they thought and that is when they stopped harping on me. My senior year was tolerable for that reason, but it was college that made me happy because I was finally free of them.
So why are you still with him? Why are you tolerating his nonsense? I understand you have a child together, but no child would want their mother to stay with a man who makes her miserable. Your child will sense your unhappiness. Doing the best for your child starts with doing what's best for you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 April 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionA funny thing is that when I see pics of his ex wife, she is in the clothing items I am not allowed. When I asked him about it he said that no matter what she wore she looked 'well groomed'. This really hurts me. She also had short hair! I have asked him why he does this to me, and he says he loved how I dressed before. Well, I can't wear all those things now with a baby to take care of, and how screwed up my body is.
He doesn't just dislike my films, books, music; he thinks they are worthless.
HoneyPie, my body right now is one of my biggest problems. I am so miserable with how it is now, and work hard on it everyday. It really is effecting my self esteem, and I hate looking in the mirror.
I have thought that if I cut my hair, he might look elsewhere. He comments on how nicely other women are dressed, and it really bothers me when my body is so flawed now.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (19 April 2012):
Be who you are. Dress how YOU like. I see nothing wrong in wanting your mate to look good, but telling them THIS is all you can wear is just demeaning.
Like Echo85 said, you are not his PET nor is he your owner.
Maybe it'd time to get you back to you?
I know that right after having a baby ones body is changed, a lot. But that is something you can adjust to.
Have you asked him why he wants you to make these changes or have you just gone along for the sake of peace? or because you think if you follow his "rules" he won't cheat?
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 April 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionCiar, you hit it exactly when you said he's not waiting for my blessing; he doesn't seem to care if he has it, or not.
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 April 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI had a whole answer written, and it got erased.
He doesn't get violent; he ignores me or acts like he doesn't understand me. I'm getting to the point where I don't want to communicate with him anymore. I feel better when I am out of this house, and away from him.
I'm not afraid of him leaving, but of him cheating. Cheating for me is 100% deal breaker.
I am so lost, and he makes me feel smaller everyday.
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A
female
reader, Ciar  + ♥, writes (18 April 2012):
 Of course he doesn't think you should feel that way. He'd have to admit his role in it if he did. Save yourself the bother of explaining it. You'll just exhaust yourself and even if he 'gets it' (for all of 5 minutes) it won't amount to any lasting changes.Stop trying to convince him and start training him. Teach him, by your actions, that you will do what you think best for you and your daughter. He doesn't have to like it. He can live with it and so can you.You don't need his blessing before making decisions. God knows he isn't waiting around for yours.
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female
reader, Echo85 +, writes (18 April 2012):
 Have you ever told him no? Or explained you would prefere to have/ wear something different? If so has he ever gotten violent?
This sort of controlling behavior usually leads to aggression. If he is violent then you need to leave. Staying with him will be harmfull to you and you child.
If he is not violent and is reasonable then speak to him. Explain and try to reason with him.
You are in a partnership, not an owner and pet situation.
Be yourself.
Good luck x
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYou lot are definitely right about me slowly losing myself. I've tried to explain my feelings to him; and his response is that I have no reason at all to feel this way. I am close to a nervous breakdown; I feel myself shutting off when I am in this house. I'm going from grumbling to zombie.
His posh friends here like me a lot. These others are in a very large city, and are part of an international, and prestigious, organisation.
I simply cannot go through with the tattoo surgery; it would break me.
I believe I need to read up on Narcissists before I am totally gone. I'll not have someone doing this to my daughter in future.
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A
female
reader, Ciar + ♥, writes (17 April 2012):
What is stopping you from saying 'no' or 'I'll consider that at a later date.'?
You aren't losing yourself. You're giving yourself away.
He can want what he wants and say what he likes, but at the end of the day it's entirely up to you whether or not you do it.
Used properly the word 'no' can be so liberating.
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female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (17 April 2012):
 When did this behavior of his start? Was he like this before the baby came? Have you always done everything he has requested? The title says "husband", what was he like when you married him?
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (17 April 2012):
Why are you doing what he "tells" you to do? I mean you JUST had a baby,cut yourself some slack! I wear your yoga pants or what not if that is comfortable! Tell him to go fly a kite!
He is trying to create his own stepford wife and honey, that means you.
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A
female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (17 April 2012):
First of all, props to you for recognizing the problems and coming here to do something about it! You've made the first step, so hang in there!
You're going to have to gather your courage so you can save your soul. At this rate you'll be a hollow puppet by the end of the year, nothing more than an object he possesses.
First you need to ask yourself: Why do you put up with this? Are you afraid of him? Do you think he may physically hurt you if you don't comply? Or are you perhaps insecure and do you feel like you're worth less than him?
You have to identify what it is that made you let it get to this. This is not normal. You are a human being, not some kind of doll he can customize to cater to his needs. Because after your physical transformation is done, he will move on to the mental, so you may only like the things he likes and have the same opinion he does. In fact, he is already doing this. He might as well marry a life sized mannequin.
Do you have a support network you can turn to? Friends, family that are not allied with him? Talk to them about this, especially if you fear your husband may use violence against you. Is there anyone you could live with temporarily? Also, get a professional to help you sort through the mental aspect. You're going to need to steel your mind so you won't automatically comply when he gives you a hard time.
This man is an abusive narcissist in love with himself. You will never be 'good enough' for him, nor will any other woman be. So stop trying. Stop complying. Stop being his puppet and use the word no. So go to the hairdresser and let them cut your hair in a style that you like and that is comfortable to you. Start with that and follow up with wardrobe. If he splutters, tell him you're done letting him decide who you are. Tell him you tried to make him happy, but you were only losing yourself and becoming extremely miserable. Tell him that if he has a problem with how you really are, he can leave and buy himself a nice life sized doll that won't object.
See how he reacts. If he reacts badly, leave. Keep your family and true friends informed so they can come in and help you if need be.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 April 2012): Firstly, you have a new baby so you are tired and adjusting to being a mum. This has probably made you feel a bit low. But, he is being very controlling to say the least. You must nip this in the bud. It is an unhealthy situation to be in and can end with you not having much of a life. Be who you are. You are your own person and I would strongly resist any attempts by him to influence your personal choices. A controlling man is bad news, don't let your personality and appearance be determined by someone else, he doesn't own you - you are not a possession.
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male
reader, Boonridge McPhalify +, writes (17 April 2012):
i would go to visit your parents for a week and tell them how you feel and see what they say and what support you can get from them. you need a break from this man as he is wearing you down.
you also need to stand your ground, go back to wearing what you want, get a hair cut and eat some food.
why did you become this moulded toy? because you are afraid he might leave you? we so what if he does? i doubt very much that he will leave you over your appearance even if he is bossy, childish and demanding.
dress how you want, get a hair cut, stop fearing his reaction and put your foot down.
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A
female
reader, ToHereKnowsWhen  +, writes (17 April 2012):
 What an appalling and sad little man. You're currently having your personal space violated by your husband. Tell him he can take the lot and go jam it. I don't blame you for feeling tired and worn out. You have been taken advantage of while you are quite vulnerable, just after the birth of your daughter.
Sure, you can change your clothes, hair, remove tattoos. But do these things on your terms. How do you live without tracksuits and t-shirts anyway? You're trying too hard to please him.
He shouldn't be so spineless that he has to bow down to his `posh' friends. Maybe they could go as well. But this isn't really about that. You now know that posh friends or not, your husband has it within himself to do these things to you. This level of suffocation and destruction is a part of him.
A part of the stupidity of this is: how would he know what his `posh' friends would like, anyway? I imagine he is acting on what he thinks they would like... for you to be like them? Hmm, not necessarily so.
Walking around the house grumbling makes me think you are fast becoming a victim and casualty of his crusade. Is this the kind of woman you want your daughter to grow up seeing? Fast-forward 20 years: `don't mind my Mum, she's a little strange but she's harmless.' What will you feel like when your personality follows your jeans? Then, what next? If you don't eat properly... tummy problems? The world is full of women like this.
I am trying to imagine a positive in all this. Is there something, or anything, he still likes about you? Is there anything left of the REAL you to like anymore?
If you give in to his demands now, where will it end? Will he ever be satisfied?
This man is slowly but surely obliterating YOU.
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A
female
reader, natasia +, writes (17 April 2012):
 This is a syndrome. A man who likes something that isn't normally his taste (ie, you when you were yourself), then acquires it, then changes it to be what he 'wants', but in doing so kills its spirit ... and then he is like 'I didn't want to break my toy ... but now it doesn't work any more! What's happened?' ... so he shakes it, takes the batteries out, and finally throws it against the wall and out with the rubbish, in frustration.
That is how it is. Very difficult for you. There are only really three choices:
1. Keep doing what he says. Lose yourself even more. Become very very sad. And then probably he will end up not wanting you anyhow, because you aren't happy any more.
2. Tell him what is happening, in the way you have told us here. I know this is VERY difficult because your relationship works on his approval of you, and to risk his disapproval/anger by telling him is a bold and brave step. But, to my mind, it is the only way through that has a chance of saving your marriage. Tell him that you want to be able to be yourself to some degree. You could say you would cover your tattooes with make-up when necessary, rather than having them removed, for example.
3. Get things organised and tell him you have to leave, because life is too stressful with him. And leave.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 April 2012): You must put your foot down and not allow him to control you like this. Seriously this is way out of line and way out of hand. He's treating you like you're a child and he's your parent. One adult does not get to forbid another from wearing the clothes they want to wear or having their hair they way they want.
Next time he tries to control your appearance, you need to say NO. And then start telling him all the things HE should change about himself. tell him he needs to go to the gym and drop a few or more pounds of weight and pack on a few pounds of muscle. Tell him he needs to have 6-pack abs. Tell him he needs to change the kind of clothes he wears too. see how he likes that.
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female
reader, Foot-In-My-Mouth  +, writes (17 April 2012):
 Make it clear to your husband that you will dress the way you want to, eat what you like and not remove your tattoos. Don't be apologetic about standing up for yourself. He can't attack your dignity and get away scot-free. Don't give in to his demands, don't let him boss you around anymore.
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female
reader, oldbag +, writes (17 April 2012):
 HiMakes me ask why he married you when he doesnt like ANYTHING about youTo attack you like this after having a baby is very thoughtless . Have you not met his 'posh' friends before ? You dont need to have tatoos removed for him . he married you with them , you have your hair however you want too. its your body . Have you had post natal depression ? This and not having a proper diet won't help you feel on top of things . You need to be strong and tell him you will wear what you want . The music and films are not important alot of couples dont share the same taste . Its his attitude toward you thats bad .
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female
reader, person12345 +, writes (17 April 2012):
 Tell your husband to take a flying leap! He does not own you! You can wear your hair and your clothes however you want and if he doesn't like it, tough for him. He's entitled to his opinion, he is not entitled to boss you around or force you to do things because he likes the way they look. Don't remove your tattoos. They were there when he married you, he could have chosen to have a problem with them before you got married and had kids. Put your foot down and tell him no.
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female
reader, Vixxxy +, writes (17 April 2012):
hey - i was very amazed to read your question cozit felt like i was reading out my own story a few years ago and actually even now though to a lesser extent. read my situation inthe question posted on 13th called confused swinger and really a bad place to be in and i'd ay you need to find yourelf fast - i allowed myself and after 2 children i am now looking for a way out desperately.
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