Is it necessary to tell someone you're dating about your past?
Q. How much do you tell a guy you love about ur past, about passed hook ups, stupid things uve done, is it really necessary? wouuldn't he have a bad image of me when i know that im not this person. Im afraid he wont trust me if he knows about my past ...
A. 19 November 2010: I'm sorry, but I have to express open, public admiration for Cerberus here with this statement:
'The past shapes us but if you want a future with a person then you must accept the person they are in the present and not be so hung up on their pa... (read in full...)
Is it necessary to tell someone you're dating about your past?
Q. How much do you tell a guy you love about ur past, about passed hook ups, stupid things uve done, is it really necessary? wouuldn't he have a bad image of me when i know that im not this person. Im afraid he wont trust me if he knows about my past ...
A. 31 October 2010: Well, first thing, your partner is unlikely to tell you the bald truth of whatever he has done in the past. It would certainly be modified, shall we say, for your ears.
I don't want to offend all the scrupulously honest men on this site, but over... (read in full...)
I tried to get her interested in me, never planning on following through, and now I've got a problem!
Q. I've got myself into an awkward position. I am married 12 years with two children, very happy and wouldn't change that for the world. I love my wife dearly. However, there was a similarly aged lady at work who I thought was quite attractive, she ...
A. 29 October 2010: Well, to be honest, if you have refused to meet outside of work and refused to enter into email/text/phone flirtation then you have already given her pretty clear boundaries and strong signals that you will not go beyond a certain point.
Only ... (read in full...)
I'm 18 and dating a 42 year old married man!
Q. I've kind of dug myself a grave here. I'm dating a man who's 42, and I'm only 18. But there one huge problem that I used to let slide but now it's starting to get to me. He's married. I used to just brush it off, but every time I see his and her car ...
A. 28 October 2010: You seem to be forgetting that 'she' hasn't done anything wrong. She presumably loves and trusts her husband, who is having sex with a teenage neighbour. That makes him a bad guy, and you a bad girl. This is not true love: this is your first ... (read in full...)
How can I repay my mom for her kindness?
Q. Hi guys, this isn't a relationship question, but i'm sure you will do your best to help me out. Ok, here goes. My mum is the most amazing person I've ever known, we have been best friends ever since Dad (her husband) died in 2001. She has always d...
A. 28 October 2010: She is your mum. She actually doesn't want any thanks other than that you are ok and happy. I have a son who is 14, and a daughter who is 2. If I had to pay out £2,000 to make them happy, and I had that money, I would forget about it the second I ... (read in full...)
I tried to get her interested in me, never planning on following through, and now I've got a problem!
Q. I've got myself into an awkward position. I am married 12 years with two children, very happy and wouldn't change that for the world. I love my wife dearly. However, there was a similarly aged lady at work who I thought was quite attractive, she ...
A. 28 October 2010: I don't understand - is the last anon female the actual woman in this story, or another in a similar one?
Either way, the man has to withdraw and the woman has to live with it. So yes, he has harmed her, and her marriage. But this way he harms on... (read in full...)
How do I find a foreplay/fetish partner?
Q. Hi, I have a fetish for cotton, namely cotton petticoats/underskirts. I also like foreplay and doing it partially dressed...I'm not interested in intercourse. I've been attempting to look for a partner to share my desires with, but almost ever...
A. 27 October 2010: Sounds like a fairly tame fetish. Why don't you not label yourself as having a fetish, but rather think that (like a lot of us) you like fresh cotton against your skin, and you aren't ready for sex? And find a girlfriend who also isn't ready. And ... (read in full...)
I tried to get her interested in me, never planning on following through, and now I've got a problem!
Q. I've got myself into an awkward position. I am married 12 years with two children, very happy and wouldn't change that for the world. I love my wife dearly. However, there was a similarly aged lady at work who I thought was quite attractive, she ...
A. 27 October 2010: I think you should just change the signals, in a very definite way, to this lady. She will get the message. However, it will be easier on her if you take a moment to explain to her something along the lines of:
I am sorry. I have to apologis... (read in full...)
Could my dad be cheating on my mom?
Q. I was browsing through my dad's phone and saw a msg from a woman in our church giving him her banking details and said " i luv u c u on d....." What does that mean? Is he cheating on mom....
A. 27 October 2010: Ah, well, if he is a pastor it could be a completely different scenario: eg, she is in difficulty of some sort, and he is discreetly using some church funds set aside to help people out of trouble, and she sent her ac details for him to put the ... (read in full...)
Do men really get afraid?
Q. My boss and I have been fooling around for about 6 months, no sex, no kissing, just fondling. We haven't gone further as he is very afraid of my husband finding out and hurting him. We are both married with children. Yet we continue to fool around. ...
A. 27 October 2010: Mr V Happy is, as always, completely right and to the point.
This will, at some moment, go horribly wrong, and you could lose your family, and seriously distress your children and husband. Stop it if you care about them.... (read in full...)
Is it normal for him to masturbate to porn whenever I am not at home?
Q. my guy masturbates every time I am not home to porn is this normal? Even if we have sex on a regular? It always makes me angry when I find out , should I be worried ? I have talked to him about it but he says its normal but it hurts my feelings ...
A. 27 October 2010: ps
and sorry for all my typos! hope you managed to understand anyhow!
... (read in full...)
Is it normal for him to masturbate to porn whenever I am not at home?
Q. my guy masturbates every time I am not home to porn is this normal? Even if we have sex on a regular? It always makes me angry when I find out , should I be worried ? I have talked to him about it but he says its normal but it hurts my feelings ...
A. 27 October 2010: I think Mr V Happy has described it best - it is his Me Time. Don't tell me you have never ever done anything sexual on your own, as I will find it hard to believe. Perhaps you never have, but do you feel that if you were on your own, and your ... (read in full...)
Could my dad be cheating on my mom?
Q. I was browsing through my dad's phone and saw a msg from a woman in our church giving him her banking details and said " i luv u c u on d....." What does that mean? Is he cheating on mom....
A. 27 October 2010: Sounds very odd to me. I would myself probably observe him a bit more closely, but then as well, do you want to know if he is having an affair? Maybe better just leave him be and forget about it. If you can.... (read in full...)
In the heat of the argument I told him he has a tiny penis! I know I have screwed up, so how do I fix this?
Q. Ok so ive been seeing this guy for a while now almost a year. He told me before that he always thought he had a small penis (he had been drinking, in fact i dont know if he remembers telling me that) but hes not small hes like 6.5 in. Ive been told ...
A. 27 October 2010: Oh, for goodness' sake, everyone is giving you such a hard time here! I don't know ... you said it, it was a mean thing to say, and it isn't how you really feel about his dick, but of course you have made his complex worse, and it's hard now to get ... (read in full...)
Is it possible there is no pleasure in sex?
Q. Is it possible for a promiscuous person to not enjoy sex? Why sleep around if there is no pleasure? ...
A. 27 October 2010: There will presumably always be some passing physical pleasure, or a man wouldn't be aroused and wouldn't ejaculate.
... (read in full...)
I think he is only with me because of our baby. How can I be sure?
Q. I think he is only with me because of our baby. How can I be sure? He in no way shows that he loves me or even cares about my feelings. When I'm angry at him he never apologises and tries to make out like I'm the bad person. He never wants to spend ...
A. 26 October 2010: I think interfaith relationships can only work if there is mutual understanding and respect. It sounds like in some ways you are quite liberal, and he is quite conservative. But you need, mostly, to turn around the way he has turned off and is ... (read in full...)
I found naughty texts do I confront her?
Q. I have been dating my girlfriend for a little over 3 months. My friends don't think she is trustworthy. The other day I was going through her phone and I noticed a text from a guy named John. I clicked on it and it said thing like I want you so b...
A. 26 October 2010: Personally I don't have any female or male friends who don't check their partners phones, so everyone stop taking the moral high ground about that.
I don't mind my partner checking mine, because I know there is nothing on there that I would wa... (read in full...)
I am ready to say "I love you", and okay with being the first to say it, but should I? Should I just wait?
Q. We have been dating 9 months, 7 of the months have been pretty serious. We are both divorced and he has a four year old little girl who i get along with great and he has equal joint custody of..... I spend the night often but i make the decision to ...
A. 26 October 2010: Just let it slip out. Probably quietly, in the middle of the night. Whatever feels right. Don't hold it back, as it sounds like a really good relationship, and I don't think you will do harm by showing how close you feel to him. Not now. Now, I ... (read in full...)
Shock horror: ex boyfriend reappears, disappears.
Q. I have a question which, unfortunately, has quite a long backstory--thanks in advance for reading! I have just recently returned to the UK after being in the US for a year (I am an American citizen and moved home to be with my parents). A bit...
A. 26 October 2010: I'm sorry ... he sounds pretty useless really. He is obviously only going to contact you when and if he wants to, and he has shown himself capable of one day wanting to buy a dog with you (pseudo baby, of course) and the next day calling you up and ... (read in full...)
Should I tell my girlfriend that I was attacked? I don't want to upset her while she is away, so can it wait until she returns?
Q. My girlfriend is away on a business trip and i recently got attacked when i was in the city and sustained 27 stiches on my head, she will be back in a weeks time, i am feeling much better, should i keep this incident unknown to her until she ...
A. 25 October 2010: I wouldn't tell her until she is back. If you tell her now, she will be upset and want to come home to you.
But it depends how you feel - I am giving you this advice, but if it was me in your situation, I would tell my husband straight away wha... (read in full...)
I need help, I just want him out of my life!
Q. There's this guy who has a creepy obsession with a close friend of mine. He's head over heels for her, but she simply isn't interested. Well a little while ago I was at her house, we were just chilling. She got a call from the guy that likes her and ...
A. 25 October 2010: Block him on everything and ignore him completely. He will then be out of your life.... (read in full...)
Should I have gay sex with my best friend he is asking help me!!!!!!!
Q. i'm 15 and i know i'm bi but i've told a few people at my school and they told everyone now i'm getting teased but now that everyone knows a lot more gay and bi people ane coming out but now i keep getting asked by a mate of mine who is gay foe gay ...
A. 25 October 2010: You should ... not listen to anything anyone is saying. In my opinion, you should do nothing. That is the ONLY way you can guarantee that you won't regret anything.
You should wait until you are older. What is the rush? Wait. Do nothing. Smile. W... (read in full...)
Why do I feel guilty about this kiss? Was this cheating or am I beating myself up for nothing?
Q. I met my now girlfriend on a Friday night 3 months ago, went out, partied, had a great time. We went back to a friends, ended up talking, kissing goodnight, and had some mutal interest. The next day we exachanged numbers and like all times i've met ...
A. 25 October 2010: I also think you are crazy for worrying about this. YOU HAD ONLY JUST MET THE OTHER GIRL, AND DIDN'T KNOW IF YOU WOULD EVER EVEN SEE HER AGAIN.
Forget this nonsense. Don't tell her anything. Get on with getting to know her, and forget about so... (read in full...)
Who do I believe? My girlfriend or my boyfriend? Do I dump him?
Q. i got invited to my boyfriend best mates party but fell really ill on the dy so was unable to go. later that night a my boyfriend kept ringing me but i was asleep so did not answert the phone. when i did wake up i had several missed calls. i rang ...
A. 25 October 2010: It all depends how you feel about your boyfriend, and what he is like when he isn't drunk.
So: the facts: you couldn't make a party, so he was there on his own. He got blind drunk, as did your so-called friend. They ended up doing somethin... (read in full...)
I think he is only with me because of our baby. How can I be sure?
Q. I think he is only with me because of our baby. How can I be sure? He in no way shows that he loves me or even cares about my feelings. When I'm angry at him he never apologises and tries to make out like I'm the bad person. He never wants to spend ...
A. 25 October 2010: OK, so that I can properly answer/help - what is your religion, and what is his? There must be some common ground. There always is in religions. But just tell me that, so I can understand, and hopefully help better. Thanks : )... (read in full...)
I think he is only with me because of our baby. How can I be sure?
Q. I think he is only with me because of our baby. How can I be sure? He in no way shows that he loves me or even cares about my feelings. When I'm angry at him he never apologises and tries to make out like I'm the bad person. He never wants to spend ...
A. 24 October 2010: I don't know if you want to hear his true feelings. I think this is the situation:
- Yes, having an unplanned baby made him resent you. To add to that, your refusal to respect marriage (which is how he would see it) makes him feel you are not the ... (read in full...)
Is it necessary to tell someone you're dating about your past?
Q. How much do you tell a guy you love about ur past, about passed hook ups, stupid things uve done, is it really necessary? wouuldn't he have a bad image of me when i know that im not this person. Im afraid he wont trust me if he knows about my past ...
A. 23 October 2010: I don't think we're talking about hiding stuff here - I think we're just saying that basically, hearing about your partner's past sexual exploits is very unpleasant, and we all suffer from retrospective jealousy, however insane that might be, so why ... (read in full...)
Question for guys: have you ever cut off ties with an ex abruptly?
Q. Question mainly directed at guys but of course females can give their input too :) I just wanted to know, have any of you ever cut your ex out of your life without any "warning"? As in, you never said that you didn't want any more contact, you just...
A. 23 October 2010: It is kind of the worst thing you can do to woman - simply refuse to respond. We don't believe they could actually do that and not cave when they think of how bad we must be feeling. Because we couldn't do that to them! But they can to us, because ... (read in full...)
I left a bad relationship with a now deceased ex and I'm troubled by my feelings
Q. I left my fiance in 2006 for a guy who I thought was great. At first everything was great, then came the excessive drinking and drug use. I wasn't one to do drugs, but I did end up doing them with this guy. After 3 mos together I caught him ...
A. 22 October 2010: Just because he is now dead doesn't mean he wasn't a bastard when he was alive. You cannot blame yourself for him being dead, and you cannot forgive him what he did to you. You are totally right to be angry with him, and it is natural to feel some ... (read in full...)
I need advice on how to make sure he leaves and stays gone
Q. My husband and I have always had problems... He has been saying " just tell me to leave" constantly for months and I have never told him to. but i told myself if i hear it again I will agree and tell him to leave. yesterday he told me " i dont want ...
A. 22 October 2010: He is playing games with you, and he probably doesn't actually want to leave. I don't know what has gone wrong in your relationship, but actually I think you should try to work that out before you ditch it. A guy who wants to leave just leaves - he ... (read in full...)
Will there be a sharp pain when there is penetration during sex?
Q. Will there be a sharp pain when there is penetration during sex?...
A. 22 October 2010: If there was a sharp pain, why do you think women would love sex? Of course there won't be. OK, yes, the first time you may feel something - but actually, if you are with someone you love and who loves you, and you are both aroused and relaxed, ... (read in full...)
Question for guys: have you ever cut off ties with an ex abruptly?
Q. Question mainly directed at guys but of course females can give their input too :) I just wanted to know, have any of you ever cut your ex out of your life without any "warning"? As in, you never said that you didn't want any more contact, you just...
A. 22 October 2010: That is a totally typical, common male way to deal with a relationship that for whatever reason they have decided is not what they want any more. They can't cope with discussion/crying/pleading/etc, - ie, anything that will make them feel guilty - ... (read in full...)
He lied about his age and about being previously married. Is this salvagable?
Q. I've been dating my boyfriend for about 7 months. About a month ago, I found out that he lied to me about his age. He initially told me he was 35, and when we first began dating he made a really big deal about the age difference ("Are you sure my ...
A. 22 October 2010: Yes, why do you want to salvage this?
Ok, I don't think that lying about age and the marriage actually does mean he will lie about everything - I think it means he has a huge hang-up about his age, and he had a hang-up about his marriage... (read in full...)
Why do guys want a virgin?
Q. Ok, so im a girl and a virgin. Want to have sex but scared i might get pregnant. But Anyways i read somewere that guys like it when girls a virgins for sex or something. Why is that? Explain please....
A. 21 October 2010: Men like having something that is new, untouched, and only theirs.
They like to own.
They hate something second-hand, that has already been owned by another man.
They also like to dominate, and to be in charge, and to have exclusive rights... (read in full...)
My fiance does sensual massage and I'm having a problem with it
Q. I need some help please! I went to a sensual massage therapist and feel in love with her at first sight. Well after a few months, we starting dating and we fell head over heels in love. Well, after 3 months of dating, I told her I was having a ...
A. 21 October 2010: Get a job asap and stop her doing that job. Then get married and start a family and once she is pregnant/has a child she will never go back to it. But your financial support is crucial. Let this motivate you to get a job asap.
Good luck and reme... (read in full...)
Should I get pregnant knowing my fiance doesn't want another child?
Q. My fiance and I have 3 boys (5,2,1 week), i just gave birth to a baby on 10/14. I desperately want to try for a girl and he doesn't want anymore children. 2 are his and 1 is from a previous relationship. He now wants to use condoms and get me on ...
A. 21 October 2010: I know very very well the feeling of wanting above all else to be pregnant - and not all women understand this, as only some women feel the need to be pregnant so very strongly. Personally I was/am the same - within two weeks of giving birth, I was ... (read in full...)
He cheated and got her pregnant and I'm mad as hell
Q. Before a get started...i want to say i love my boyfriend very much. BUT...we have been through too much. i don't know what to do anymore. We have been dating for almost 2 years now. the past 5 months is the best our relationship has ever been. w...
A. 19 October 2010: You are understandably jealous and angry that he created a child with someone else when he had recently committed to you. However, as others say, the fact that he has given up his rights to this child is a bit of a double-edged sword.
On the one ... (read in full...)
I need advice, I want to have a baby, I am 14, please help??
Q. hey im 14 and i really want a baby i have wanted one sence i was 11 and i dont know what to do my family and friends say i am a natual when it comes to looking after children and careing for them i really don tknow what to do please help x...
A. 19 October 2010: I don't know what you were planning for school - whether you are staying to 16, or staying on longer - but I understand that if you have a very strong maternal instinct, at your age it is hard to calm down about this. However, you would be far ... (read in full...)
My husband always watches sex videos how can I make him stop?
Q. hi everyone I have a problem.....I am married. Its been two years. Every thing is cool. Even my sex life too. Here comes the problem my husband always sees sex videos.It makes me feel very bad when he watches sex videos. I want to make him stop se...
A. 19 October 2010: To Jilly, how many teenage boys watch porn? And how many grow up to be men? And do you think they stop?
With the internet it is so accessible, and so tuned to the male visual/detached sexual mindset. Men are able to compartmenalise sex, I think, a... (read in full...)
I'm torn between three guys, what should I do?
Q. Pull out the popcorn and get comfortable, this is gonna be long. Hiya Aunts and Uncles, I'm in quite a confused space with 3 really great guys at the moment. Lets call the first guy Jarvis. We dated for about 7 months but it took 3 months...
A. 19 October 2010: I think you give Jarvis one last offer, and if he doesn't take it, you go for Ben.
Jordan isn't in the running. Jarvis needs to get his own head straight. Give him a serious shot, though, as you were v happy when together, and him getting cold feet... (read in full...)
Is it necessary to tell someone you're dating about your past?
Q. How much do you tell a guy you love about ur past, about passed hook ups, stupid things uve done, is it really necessary? wouuldn't he have a bad image of me when i know that im not this person. Im afraid he wont trust me if he knows about my past ...
A. 19 October 2010: No, you don't need to - and positively shouldn't. This isn't you not sharing things with him. This is you not distressing him with silly things that you know meant nothing, but he might get upset about.
You are right. Don't spoil his image of... (read in full...)
My husband always watches sex videos how can I make him stop?
Q. hi everyone I have a problem.....I am married. Its been two years. Every thing is cool. Even my sex life too. Here comes the problem my husband always sees sex videos.It makes me feel very bad when he watches sex videos. I want to make him stop se...
A. 19 October 2010: Hi there
Unfortunately you aren't the only woman whose husband does this - just look at the past questions on this site - probably 20% of the questions from women are:
My man watches xxx films - I hate this - why does he do it? Does it mean he ... (read in full...)
If he was interested in me he wouldn't be falling asleep, would he?
Q. I'm not very good at picking up on social cues and I have absolutely no sense as to whether this guy likes me or no. I went on a date on the Friday night with a guy I met through a friend. We had been out the Saturday night the weekend before b...
A. 17 October 2010: I think he just drank too much and/or was tired after work and then all that running around/cooking/etc. However, it is a bit strange. I don't think it means he doesn't like you, though.... (read in full...)
Text interpretation?
Q. I have a text question. So I met this guy last week and we fooled around. That was on a Saturday night. So I get this text Thursday night that says "Still wanna hang out. We need to mess around soon". My response was "OK sure." So then Friday ...
A. 16 October 2010: 'Already pretty drunk' doesn't sound like much of an invitation to me. 'Going home soon' sounds like you need to pass out, given the drunkenness.
I don't think it comes across as a definite invitation, and could actually be taken as a brush of... (read in full...)
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