Re all women this hard to read?
Q. I know that women have since the beginning of time been hard for men to understand but I keep having a relationship with this girl who baffles me. I wanted to ask you, Wise Agony Aunts, if this is "normal" female behavior or whether it is unusual. ...
A. 13 January 2011: Her behaviour is totally normal from a woman who is using you for emotional and financial support, and general attention. I don't know what your relationship is, that you should be/should have been lending her money and paying for things, but I ... (read in full...)
Would it be stupid to leave one good man (who is my baby's daddy) for another man just because the romance was richer??
Q. I have been dating a man for about 8.5 years except for one break-up that lasted about 4-5 months at which time I met this other man and really liked him but when the first man wanted me back I went running, being still in love and all. Its been 5 ...
A. 6 January 2011: My advice is: stay with your baby's father in your family as it is now. Let your child have her parents together. You don't even know if this other guy is available (well, I guess his girlf would say he isn't!) and there will be all SORTS of trouble ... (read in full...)
Stuck in a love triangle and needs help getting out of it!!! I don't know how to break up.
Q. I’ve got quite a dilemma. I’ve been in such a sticky situation this past year that I need all the help and advice I can get right now. Please give I am in such a tough situation that to get the best advice from everyone, I will have to give a ...
A. 6 January 2011: pps
Just another thought: you are doing, I think, what I have done, and what can wreck your life - that is, not doing what you know would be best, because you feel a (misplaced) sense of duty and responsibility to someone who actually doesn't dese... (read in full...)
Stuck in a love triangle and needs help getting out of it!!! I don't know how to break up.
Q. I’ve got quite a dilemma. I’ve been in such a sticky situation this past year that I need all the help and advice I can get right now. Please give I am in such a tough situation that to get the best advice from everyone, I will have to give a ...
A. 6 January 2011: ps
Don't feel lost, torn or scared.
J has let you down several times, and he also was never the one for you.
You can TOTALLY live without him.
You are starting a new era now, with your baby, and with the baby's father. That is also, incidental... (read in full...)
Stuck in a love triangle and needs help getting out of it!!! I don't know how to break up.
Q. I’ve got quite a dilemma. I’ve been in such a sticky situation this past year that I need all the help and advice I can get right now. Please give I am in such a tough situation that to get the best advice from everyone, I will have to give a ...
A. 6 January 2011: There is no doubt here, and no question of it. You should be with the father of your child, because he has (a) supported you throughout (b) behaved impeccably, as far as I can see - he reacted in a perfect way when first told, then, to his immense ... (read in full...)
Should I forge ahead with my psychologist career, and ignore my heart? Or chase my dream of being an actress?
Q. Hi. I don't have a relationship question, it's more of a life question. But I read this site everyday, and people seem to be very helpful. I need some advice. I am 18 and in my first year of college. This is normally when people figure out what the...
A. 5 January 2011: I think:
If you want to be an actress (or, at least to try acting and see if that is what you want to do - as it is still an unknown in this sense), then you can, BUT ...
first get your psychology training.
Why? Because you can easily do yo... (read in full...)
I'm a 40 year old virgin!!
Q. I think I may have blown it, so to speak. I am dealing with and trying to conquer social anxiety and other social challenges. Though through these challenges, I have remained a virgin and I am 40! I am worried that when I do start a relation...
A. 2 January 2011: I'm sorry, because I think I sounded a bit harsh, really. I was just trying to warn you about opening up and laying everything on the table, because that isn't always the best thing to do.
If you are 40 and haven't yet slept with a woman, a lot of... (read in full...)
I'm a 40 year old virgin!!
Q. I think I may have blown it, so to speak. I am dealing with and trying to conquer social anxiety and other social challenges. Though through these challenges, I have remained a virgin and I am 40! I am worried that when I do start a relation...
A. 1 January 2011: i would say don't say anything about it at the start (ie, don't say it is either your first or your thousandth time), and then later, when/if you feel really close and able to, tell her it was your first time (that might be 5 years later - i don't ... (read in full...)
Defended my special needs child from attacker, who's now vilifying me. What can I do?
Q. Anyways i am a parent who went on vacation with my husband's family. Not a good idea, it turns out that I ending up reprimanding, my husband's family member for physically attacking my child. Well that wasn't a good idea as the relative, got so ...
A. 22 December 2010: I know how dangerous and unpleasant acquired family members (from your husband's side) can be if they decide to take against you and cause problems. I say dangerous because they actually have the power to threaten, or at least upset, your ... (read in full...)
My first love from 30 years ago contacted me...He's free, I'm not. I still love him. Don't know how to quit him. Help!
Q. I have been with my husband for over 20 years. We have a good marriage now, not always easy (I guess that's marriage afterall), but we are making it work. We also have children. Last year, I was contacted by the first man I ever loved. There wa...
A. 22 December 2010: Allow periodic email, but always maintain your family's happiness as the first priority. You owe them that. You also owe yourself the emails, as you only live once.
And who knows. But you are more alive with it than without, and you aren't, ... (read in full...)
StepDad terrorises me And Mum stays silent. Help please
Q. My mum got together with my stepdad when I was 6 years old (I'm now 20).All of my life he's been terrorising me and bullying me to the point when I was 14 I shot myself in the head with an airgun because I was severely depressed over him. Mum neve...
A. 21 December 2010: Hi Tuyen
I feel very sorry for you, as I'm sure a lot of people on here will do. You didn't ask for your stepdad to live with you, and you have had no choice but to put up with his horrible behaviour. You sound like a strong person to have got... (read in full...)
Did I deserve getting hurt?
Q. Before i write this i know some people are probably thinking i deserved what happened but here goes. I was out one night with some friends and a guy i know was there too. Me and him had a casual thing a while ago but that finished. I regr...
A. 20 December 2010: I think I have some useful experience that might help here. I hope so.
(And as for Cerberus - he is right, and he isn't a lone voice, because I had earlier posted anonymously along similar lines - I agree with him - but I will add some female take... (read in full...)
I think my relationship may be nearly over...
Q. Ok. I dont know if its me but i think my girlfriend is kinda very selfish. I'm an artist and I need to keep my skills up in all sections I deal with. When i'm drawing or doing something in general she feels to be all affectionate, shes not like this ...
A. 16 December 2010: 1. She is pretty monstrously selfish. And lazy. And a whole host of other things.
2. She is using you more out of laziness that anything else, i think.
3. Can't see much evidence of caring, but she is probably just behaving with you the way... (read in full...)
If you chose to recreate yourself as a 24 year old guy....
Q. Hello women... If you have high self esteem and chose to recreate yourself as a 24 year old guy, what are all the qualities, looks, and attitudes you would choose to have that trigger a strong gut level (or should I say groin level) desire in women? ...
A. 16 December 2010: Ok, so then I guess the best I would be allowed is a body that I can work with/on and a reasonable face. So, this is how I would be:
- I would make my body hot by going down the gym / pool at least 4-5 times a week - I would be a gym-nut ... (read in full...)
Rebound dating: is it a bad idea?
Q. Its been about a month since my girlfriend of two years broke up with me and I've been trying to get out of this "mopey" stage. I've been working out, painting, writing, doing my school work, hanging out with friends... you name it. However, it...
A. 15 December 2010: I think it might help you, in so much as it will start to force you to consider other girls, and realise that they can also be nice.
The problem is that you have pair-bonded with your girlfriend, and part of the process includes kind of excludin... (read in full...)
She's cool and doesn't deserve my games
Q. Been fwb with this girl from work 4 3 months. She's new I flirted, she crushes on me and I'm flattered but tell her I get kinda lazy in relationships, so she agreed to fwb. Well damn she got to me with her amazing blowjob skillz, and to top it ...
A. 13 December 2010: You need to just tell her straight that you love her as a friend and think she is really cool, but because you like her so much, you want to stop the sex - because, even though it might sound weird, she is worth more to you than that.
She will ... (read in full...)
I'm 13 years old and pregnant. How do I tell my mum?
Q. last night i was talking to my boyfriend, and we were discussing about what will happen when i tell my parents im pregnant. im really scared because my mother and i are still not talking, its constant fighting and yelling, now even in front of my ...
A. 12 December 2010: And another idea - do you get on with your doctor? Or, can you find a nice lady doctor to talk to? You could tell the doc first, and get her to help you telling your mom.... (read in full...)
I'm 13 years old and pregnant. How do I tell my mum?
Q. last night i was talking to my boyfriend, and we were discussing about what will happen when i tell my parents im pregnant. im really scared because my mother and i are still not talking, its constant fighting and yelling, now even in front of my ...
A. 12 December 2010: How do you get on with your grandmother? Maybe you could talk to her first, if you get on better than with your mum?
I am so sorry you are alone like this, and your dad in prison. How do you get on with your dad? Can you visit him there?
If y... (read in full...)
I'm not 100% sure who the dad is.
Q. i found out i was pregnant in june 2009 i had a 1 night stand with sum1 in april 2009 (somwere in the middle of the month) then i had sex with my fella at the the end of april i had my period about may the 5th 2009 then had sex with my fella again ...
A. 12 December 2010: It is 100% your boyfriend's baby. You had the one night stand in April, then you had your period after that - so it can't be his baby. You only had sex with your boyfriend after that last period before the baby, so ONLY HE CAN BE THE FATHER. No ... (read in full...)
I want him to choose her or me and our baby.
Q. ok i leaving on sunday for good but im pregant the dad was with me for 6 years and when i told him he did a runner he is now with someone new and my baby due in march. he told me when i did get him he felt trapped and he wants not part of either of ...
A. 12 December 2010: Well, I agree with Cerberus.
You say that moving away is what you will do if he doesn't choose you, and you will stay if he does choose you. That means that you are using the moving away as a threat, to make him choose. That isn't a good reason t... (read in full...)
Why is he making it out to be all my fault when he has a hand in it too?
Q. theres a guy that has been in a relationship with a girl for 8years that i fell for and i fell hard but ive known him for a long time well i cheated on my boyfriend with him and hes making it all my fault why is he making it to be all my fault?...
A. 9 December 2010: Well, you both cheated, so you are both bad.
There is this convenient myth that is quite often used by cheating men (and their partners), that he was 'lured' away by a ruthless, immoral temptress (ie, you). This is convenient because it kind of ... (read in full...)
Stay or Leave?
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for 2 years now. we are very compatible. Recently, for the second time, (his ex fiance who is married) has stayed at his place because her relationship was so bad and she had supposedly no where to go. It was for a few ...
A. 9 December 2010: Just to add to this - I think she put him in a difficult situation, because he sounds like a nice guy, and although she is his ex, they may still get on and be supportive friends to each other (I do believe this is totally possible with an ex - if ... (read in full...)
Stay or Leave?
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for 2 years now. we are very compatible. Recently, for the second time, (his ex fiance who is married) has stayed at his place because her relationship was so bad and she had supposedly no where to go. It was for a few ...
A. 8 December 2010: I think his reaction is that of an innocent man and you should work it out with him.... (read in full...)
Is this a case of good girls finish last?
Q. My boyfriend (and all my exs) have gone on and on about how wonderful my personality is, or how easy it is to just kick back and relax with me and how wonderful I am as a girlfriend. My current one said I made him feel like a king- thats how ...
A. 4 December 2010: Unfortunately if you are nice, reasonable, loving, fair, kind and generous, they take you for granted and think you are their mother - but not actually - so if they don't bother, you won't mind.
If you are a female who is distant, difficul... (read in full...)
Which one should I marry?
Q. I have two marriage proposals. one girl with average beauty and professionaly just good another is very ugly but professionaly very good my confusion is whom to marry? I have no thoughts at all regarding my future plans...
A. 3 December 2010: Depends if you want to be average or unusual.... (read in full...)
My husband accuses me of masturbating
Q. well am a stay at home mom and Ive been with my husband for 5 years.and he has been accusing me of masturbating and he doesn't want or try to have sex with me,why do you think that is?accusing of masturbating?...
A. 27 November 2010: He is trying to find out if you are finding pleasure without him, because even though he isn't contributing at all to yr sexual life, he is still jealous (maybe even more so, because he knows you are in need).... (read in full...)
Breakup of marriage--why do I feel robbed?
Q. Why is it socially acceptable that when the marriage has problems and one spouse wants out that the other spouse is left picking up the shattered pieces? They are left raising the children and reassuring them of future happiness. Dealing with ...
A. 27 November 2010: I'm sorry. : (
People are so quick to say 'get rid of him' - family, close friends, everyone and anyone - but you are right: maybe better to put up with a compromise for the sake of all still being together, and the kids at least being happ... (read in full...)
My 25 year old wife hates sex... why????
Q. My wife and I have been married over a year and it gets worse everyday. I'm 24 and she is 25. For the first year she never liked sex. Now she won't let me touch her, kiss her, hug her, and she is mean. During sex, she rushes me, tells me to ...
A. 27 November 2010: Thanks for your update.
Well, I think ... that it is a combination of maybe some physical pain during sex, plus then arguing with you and being angry. The problem is, it has snowballed. It doesn't matter how attractive you are, if a woman has gone... (read in full...)
My 25 year old wife hates sex... why????
Q. My wife and I have been married over a year and it gets worse everyday. I'm 24 and she is 25. For the first year she never liked sex. Now she won't let me touch her, kiss her, hug her, and she is mean. During sex, she rushes me, tells me to ...
A. 26 November 2010: Either she has gone off you, or this is a reaction to the nuvaring. I would imagine it is the nuvaring. See below for side effects.
The only way to be sure is for her to go off the nuvaring. I would suggest that, because I think that if she has ... (read in full...)
Is it normal to still feel scared of your parents when you've been on your own?
Q. Hi, my bf and I really want a baby - his family are thrilled whereas mine think I'll be throwing my life away if I get pregnant. I'm 20, my partners 21. I'm too scared to start trying because of my parents reaction. My mum said she wouldn't be ...
A. 25 November 2010: It's not a question of normal or not ... It just depends what kind of relationship you have with your family. I got pregnant when I was just 22, and I had been living really away from home since 18, when I'd been at university. The reaction of my ... (read in full...)
For men: Is it physical or personality?
Q. I have a question for men and women. What do men find sexy, or what attracts them to a woman? Is it mostly physical, is it personality, etc...? ...
A. 22 November 2010: In my experience it generally works in a couple of ways:
- Mutual physical/sexual attraction is based, primarily, on one's animal instinct, and within 13 seconds I think they say, you know how compatible you are (genetically). If there is a strong... (read in full...)
I had to be with family on our 1 year anniversary and girlfriend is mad
Q. Hello everyone. Thanks for checking out my question. I really appreciate it. Well firstly, my girlfriend is mad and disappointed at me. And I know it's my fault. So here's the situation. Couple of days ago, it was our 1 year anniversary. I made...
A. 20 November 2010: What is the matter with her?
She is completely mad, totally demanding and frankly bordering on the insane, in my opinion. don't pander to her. If she wants you to go, go, please! and don't listen to her rubbish. 1-year anniversary of boyfrien... (read in full...)
Is it necessary to tell someone you're dating about your past?
Q. How much do you tell a guy you love about ur past, about passed hook ups, stupid things uve done, is it really necessary? wouuldn't he have a bad image of me when i know that im not this person. Im afraid he wont trust me if he knows about my past ...
A. 19 November 2010: I'm sorry, but I have to express open, public admiration for Cerberus here with this statement:
'The past shapes us but if you want a future with a person then you must accept the person they are in the present and not be so hung up on their pa... (read in full...)
We had a great date and now she is 'busy' and not replying to my texts, what is going on?
Q. please help me here because i dont know what to do..there is this girl i've met through a friend last 4 weeks. we are both in college leves and in different schools. im half chinese/fil and she is pure korean. at the first moment that we met each ...
A. 18 November 2010: You need to test whether she is interested in you or not, so tell her something along the lines of hey, am going to be pretty busy the next week so don't get upset if I don't have time to text you ... then wait. Don't text her until she texts you. ... (read in full...)
Why is my boyfriend so hurtful one minute-yet loves me the next?
Q. What does it mean when your ex you've been with for six months, is constantly bringing you down, critising you, picking on you, mocking you and is still possesive, but then he says he is kidding, and he says im beautiful and perfect and his girl. Y...
A. 18 November 2010: Look, I don't know if you can hear this, but if you self-harm, you also have one huge emotional problem, because when people are happy, balanced and ok, they would never ever dream of hurting themselves. To hurt yourself like this, you must have a ... (read in full...)
How do I tell my parents that I'm pregnant?
Q. here is the thing i am 15 almost 16 in the uk -legal age of consent is 16 - any ways . me and my boyfriend of 2 years he is 24 okay now there is a age gap i am very mature for my age and my parents now know we are in a relationship and they thi...
A. 17 November 2010:
and a question for celtic tiger: have you ever been pregnant?... (read in full...)
How do I tell my parents that I'm pregnant?
Q. here is the thing i am 15 almost 16 in the uk -legal age of consent is 16 - any ways . me and my boyfriend of 2 years he is 24 okay now there is a age gap i am very mature for my age and my parents now know we are in a relationship and they thi...
A. 17 November 2010: well done, s.smurf! You have done it all right. Perfectly. Told your parents, told people at school and close friends, have everyone's support, have your exams covered.
And celtic - well, if smurf has her exam dates, presumably she can take her... (read in full...)
My crush hit on my childminder the other day...but I want him! How do I resolve this?
Q. I had a baby recently and a guy who was a good friend of mine (well my crush) who wanted to go out with me back when I was preg..in fact he wanted a sexual relationship with me at the time but it never happened between us..anyway I met him the other ...
A. 17 November 2010: I say again, gently let her go. She will know why.... (read in full...)
Why is my husband watching so much porn?
Q. we have been married for 4 years at first i had no clue . but every moring after i left for work my husband would watch porn and get him self off, even if we had sex the night before . now its geting to where he gets on the internet to watch coupels ...
A. 17 November 2010: This is pretty simple:
He is sexually frustrated and feels rejected because you don't seem to want to have sex with him as much as he wants (which is perfectly understandable on your part - frankly I don't think I would want to have sex with him... (read in full...)
My crush hit on my childminder the other day...but I want him! How do I resolve this?
Q. I had a baby recently and a guy who was a good friend of mine (well my crush) who wanted to go out with me back when I was preg..in fact he wanted a sexual relationship with me at the time but it never happened between us..anyway I met him the other ...
A. 15 November 2010: ps
and as for the food - is she very slim? You don't say what country she is from, but if an Eastern European country, you won't see her eat much ... she will eat like a bird, and remain very slim. That is how E. European women have such marv... (read in full...)
My crush hit on my childminder the other day...but I want him! How do I resolve this?
Q. I had a baby recently and a guy who was a good friend of mine (well my crush) who wanted to go out with me back when I was preg..in fact he wanted a sexual relationship with me at the time but it never happened between us..anyway I met him the other ...
A. 15 November 2010: Oh, lord - don't you know what to do? Just say it isn't working out and let her go. Find another au pair.
She doesn't feel relaxed. There is tension between the two of you. She is, whether she means to or not, stealing your love interest (I know ... (read in full...)
How do I tell my parents that I'm pregnant?
Q. here is the thing i am 15 almost 16 in the uk -legal age of consent is 16 - any ways . me and my boyfriend of 2 years he is 24 okay now there is a age gap i am very mature for my age and my parents now know we are in a relationship and they thi...
A. 15 November 2010: Get your mum alone and tell her. She will then decide how to tell your dad - probably she will do it. Then you can also discuss what she thinks about telling his family. Basically, either he should tell his mum on his own first, or you both could ... (read in full...)
Why is my boyfriend so hurtful one minute-yet loves me the next?
Q. What does it mean when your ex you've been with for six months, is constantly bringing you down, critising you, picking on you, mocking you and is still possesive, but then he says he is kidding, and he says im beautiful and perfect and his girl. Y...
A. 14 November 2010: He has serious emotional issues, and is a very very difficult person to be with. He has a sadistic streak, emotionally, and is also emotionally detached, as doesn't react normally when he has upset you.
It isn't you at all: it is him. The problem ... (read in full...)
Why is my husband watching so much porn?
Q. we have been married for 4 years at first i had no clue . but every moring after i left for work my husband would watch porn and get him self off, even if we had sex the night before . now its geting to where he gets on the internet to watch coupels ...
A. 2 November 2010: I really really applaud what the 50-yr-old lady said. Thank you. I agree.
I like this paragraph the best:
Despite what everyone else seems to want to tell you, porn use is destructive. Look what it has done to your life and the way it has d... (read in full...)
Is it necessary to tell someone you're dating about your past?
Q. How much do you tell a guy you love about ur past, about passed hook ups, stupid things uve done, is it really necessary? wouuldn't he have a bad image of me when i know that im not this person. Im afraid he wont trust me if he knows about my past ...
A. 31 October 2010: Well, first thing, your partner is unlikely to tell you the bald truth of whatever he has done in the past. It would certainly be modified, shall we say, for your ears.
I don't want to offend all the scrupulously honest men on this site, but over... (read in full...)
Why is my husband watching so much porn?
Q. we have been married for 4 years at first i had no clue . but every moring after i left for work my husband would watch porn and get him self off, even if we had sex the night before . now its geting to where he gets on the internet to watch coupels ...
A. 29 October 2010: I think quickly closing the page and pretending to be looking at AutoTrader must be a universal trait ... ; )... (read in full...)
Is it necessary to tell someone you're dating about your past?
Q. How much do you tell a guy you love about ur past, about passed hook ups, stupid things uve done, is it really necessary? wouuldn't he have a bad image of me when i know that im not this person. Im afraid he wont trust me if he knows about my past ...
A. 23 October 2010: I don't think we're talking about hiding stuff here - I think we're just saying that basically, hearing about your partner's past sexual exploits is very unpleasant, and we all suffer from retrospective jealousy, however insane that might be, so why ... (read in full...)
Is it necessary to tell someone you're dating about your past?
Q. How much do you tell a guy you love about ur past, about passed hook ups, stupid things uve done, is it really necessary? wouuldn't he have a bad image of me when i know that im not this person. Im afraid he wont trust me if he knows about my past ...
A. 19 October 2010: No, you don't need to - and positively shouldn't. This isn't you not sharing things with him. This is you not distressing him with silly things that you know meant nothing, but he might get upset about.
You are right. Don't spoil his image of... (read in full...)
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