A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone.I am especially interested in MEN'S opinions but this question is open to everyone:Would you date a woman who is separated if you liked her or would her separated status stop you from asking her out or considering her for a long term relationship?If you liked a separated person, what would you do? Would the fact they are separated be a huge red flag? Would you consider them as just friend? Would you be friends with the option of seeing where it goes? Would you walk away completely? Or would you pursue?What if you liked her and someone else who was available came along, would you go for the one who was available?Not all separated people will be going back to their spouses or are out there just playing around. Many marriages are truly over and separation is the first step leading to divorce. But so many people still seem to be weary...Just curious about the views out there on dating people who are separated.Thank you in advance for your opinions!! : )
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male
reader, Serpico +, writes (1 June 2012):
For me, separated = married, and Id stay away, for a lot of reasons, the most important being - 1 - In many states, sex while seperated is adultry. No thanks. I do feel until you're divorced, you're married.2 - If someone is seperated, there are still way too many loose ends for me to worry about. No thanks.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2012): "Would you date a woman who is separated if you liked her or would her separated status stop you from asking her out or considering her for a long term relationship?"
You mean would I date a woman officially going through a break up? No I wouldn't.
"If you liked a separated person, what would you do?"
Nothing I'd look elsewhere for a romantic relationship.
"Would the fact they are separated be a huge red flag?"
Yes, women whose ex's are recent and still so closely linked to them emotionally are usually trouble, regardless of what they say.
"Would you consider them as just friend?"
No, I don't befriend girls I like in that way. It makes life so much easier. If I can't have them then what's the point in teasing myself while being their friend.
"Would you be friends with the option of seeing where it goes?"
No I don't see a point in putting myself in the position of falling in love with a woman who is still married.
"Would you walk away completely?"
Yes.
"Or would you pursue?"
Too much for risk for almost no chance of gain.
"What if you liked her and someone else who was available came along, would you go for the one who was available?"
Yes but I have to make it clear there'd be no games, the separated woman wouldn't even know I like her. Then again if my like was strong enough I wouldn't go for the other woman until I'd fully dealt with those feelings.
"Not all separated people will be going back to their spouses or are out there just playing around. Many marriages are truly over and separation is the first step leading to divorce. But so many people still seem to be weary..."
Too many loose ends, too much of a connection to their ex still, any person out of a break up is very likely to be a rebound it's too risky in my opinion especially when there are so many single women out there with no baggage.
Separated is not "available" OP, it's the marriage equivalent of "a break", it's not actually a break up until a person is divorced. I'll let others play those games, I've seen what happens to guys who hung up on women who are not available it usually ends up in failure and heartache for them.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (31 May 2012):
 Personally, I think it's better to wait til the divorce is final to start dating, but from what I see it's quite common that people who are separated start dating before the divorce.
The reason WHY I think it's better to wait, is that the time it takes to divorce is a GOOD time to get yourself back on track. To get your self in order so to speak. I think it's dishonest to date while separated if (and only if) there is a chance that you would want to go back to the spouse.
The other reason is that it is NOT uncommon that people SAY they are separated, but in all honesty they aren't they are just cheating. So there is always that element of doubt.
If you don't want to be with your spouse why not "just" divorce and move on?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2012): yes, i am currently.
like the other poster wrote, there is a bit more drama involved because she is currently going through a divorce, but she is worth it.
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A
female
reader, natasia  +, writes (30 May 2012):
 Well, doesn't it depend on the individual, how much you like them, and exactly what their separation entails?
OK, especially if it is a man, you have to make sure he really is 'separated', because some of them tend to use the term quite loosely ...
But, if someone was genuinely separated, and on the path to divorce, and everything was over with their marriage, then I wouldn't reject them out of hand, of course not. What if they had been with the wrong person, but were the love of my life, and me of theirs? I would be daft not to at least watch the space. And I wouldn't go off with someone else in the meantime just because they were available ... I'd wait.
BUT, I probably would consider it wise to keep the relationship on a sort of in-waiting basis until I had really strong proof that the marriage was over. If the person is just having a fling or two then going back to their spouse, I don't think it would be healthy or good to be involved in that. Not unless I was also only after a fling.
You see? It all depends on the circs ...
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 May 2012): People who are recently separated should first take the time to get their lives together before they start looking for another partner. Often the first or first few end up being the rebound guy/girl and is why people are leary about dating someone who is separated or even recently divorced.This is very typical of women and men who have never lived on their own, don't know how to live on their own and/or can't be alone. Get your life together first and get all the emotional baggage which is yet to come with going through the process of divorce...you will be a much better person for doing so and you will also be able to give that future person your all. Nobody wants to be the "I need someone to make this divorce easier to go through person". This is your life right now and as sympathetic and patient some men can be because they have been through it themselves, it's not what they want to hear and have to deal with every time you see each other...and it's going to be happening to you....very soon.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 May 2012): In my younger years I dated a seperated woman and even dated for a short period a married woman.Was it wrong? In my opinion dating the seperated woman was not wrong but was quite a sad affair but dating the married woman was total madness and playing with fire.
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A
male
reader, doublejack +, writes (30 May 2012):
As a formerly married man who went through a divorce, I can tell you definitively that I would not get involved with a woman who is separated from her spouse. Would I be her friend? Sure. But no dating, no relationship, and I would not pursue her.My view is that if the marriage is over, then the way to put it behind you and move on is to file for divorce. Separation is a sort of limbo, a no-man's land. You're still legally married and hence not truly available, yet you are also not with your spouse. So that's one reason.Another reason I would choose not to get involved is that I know first hand how much drama a divorce can entail. I experienced it for myself. Therefore, I would not get involved with someone knowing that they had a possible divorce ahead of them. If a relationship bloomed, the divorce would be a potential major roadblock getting in the way of building a new life.So that's my advice. If you want a serious relationship with an available man, it is best to make yourself available... meaning a divorce rather than just being separated. If you haven't gone through with a divorce yet, it will make men question your intentions, and be apprehensive that you have not put the marriage behind you fully, particularly emotionally. It's unresolved as of yet.Best of luck!
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (30 May 2012):
 I have been known to date men when separated myself.
IF they are sure the marriage is over and the process is in place to formally end the marriage then yes I can't see an issue with it. BUT saying you are separated and being separated are two different things.
My now ex husband told his GF that he was separated and she did not verify this and he was NOT yet separated at the time...
In our state you must be physically separated for one year before you can even file for divorce so it's a bit more common to see it here....
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