A
female
age
41-50,
*hisiscrazy
writes:I'm going crazy here please help I'm 38 I have 3 children and have met a really lovely man who I've been talking to for months he is a security guard at a club I go to and we talk quite a bit. He has full custody of his two children but also has a girlfriend he has been with for two years. Now the children are not with the girlfriend. He asked me one night if he could add me as a friend on face book I said sure he then told me it will be on his sons account as the girlfriend checks his one and his phone. So he has been messenging me everyday to say hi see how things are after 3 months he come over to my place after he finished work 4 am we laid on the bed kissed and touched but he said he didn't want to do anything more and he didn't want this to be a one off thing and wanted to make sure if I would be ok with it he said he didn't want for me to get hurt and is worried as he feels its not fair on me.Now I will be very honest when I say that I am like a little school girl when I'm near him he makes me melt and I've never had this feeling but I adore his smell when he is sweaty. Weird I know but I do.The first night was so intense and all I could think of for days was his touch he called me to say he couldn't focus on anything but me and we did not have sex.Well we lasted 3 weeks and he finished work early and come over and yes we had great sex it was intence as much as I wanted him to stay I made him shower and go as I didn't want him in any trouble with the gf. He was messenging me daily on Fb and calling to see how I was and saying how he was not happy with. Her and she was the only thing stopping him from being happy.. I told him I will not have anything to do with his relationship and he needs to work out what he wants but also told him I would wait if need be because I don't want wanyone else....he knows I have fallen for him I told him...he is very quiet when I say anything like this but smiles and says thanks babe that's beautiful..now to top it all off a week later he says she is pregnant this blew me away I said ok this is when I have to say good bye you need to set your self with you gf and baby that is coming he said no please don't you said you wouldn't leave me please don't.. I have. Not seen him as much he had to cancel his sons Fb account caus e she went to check it and I've stayed away from the club I only hear from him if he calls..Now they had a ultrasound I wishe them all the best with it the next day he called and said he was so close to getting his two kids and coming to mine she wouldn't sit next to him in the waiting room Tbthenultra sound and he wanted to find out the sex she didn't he said ok well I'll find out and won't say anything when the dr called her name he said she jumped up and ran into the room and when he got there she was whispering something to th dr.. Th ultra sound was done she went to the toilet and he said can you let me know the sex he said the dr was rude to him said no and walked out he said he felt like he was treated like a asshole.Now things havnt been happy on there home front alot of fighting I never ask about it I ask how he is and he says yea same and will tell me what he wants I don't pressure for any onfo. Today he called and asked me to go to his place his kids were having a vist with mum and gf was picking them up as he worked the nights before and slept.When he. Woke up he called me I went over cause he wanted to talk and yes I was so eager to be near him I went in we sat on the lounge and he put my head on his chest and was playing with my hair and talking about how he was at the point that he dosnt know is he wants to tell her to leave now and never see him again and him not see the baby or to hold out and go for custody when the. Baby is born I said I can't and won't say only thing on this but said I didn't think he could bear knowing he had a child that he would never see I said it would mess with him so much he says no it wouldn't .this shocked me I said ok I'm going to be very distant because I don't want to have any part of your decisions made on me and that he really needs to get himelf sorted and know what he really wants .. He was really quiet and just was looking down at me and if I said things like I really love laying next to you I'd look up and see his smile now the smell of his body his voice his touch his everything I was naughty and preformed oral sex on him he was all smiles and just in another world quiet and smiles I then got up and said ok I'm going to go Hun you need to deal with things in your life he gave me his mobile number I said I would never call he said he dosnt really care if she checks it but I will not call him or text. As I was walking to the front door he said babe hug me and he held me for ages I said bye Hun and left I didn't look back but knew he was standing at the door acting me walk away...My head is going crazy all I want is to have him next me god please give me some good advice because I have never been so taken by a man like this ?
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female
reader, natasia  +, writes (22 April 2012):
 I think you should be together.
I think it would be better for the baby if he or she grew up with him already not at home, because I think he will leave her sooner or later and it would be worse for the child if the father has to leave.
A
female
reader, Thisiscrazy +, writes (22 April 2012):
Thisiscrazy is verified as being by the original poster of the question Auntyem She just jumped through my screen and slapped me silly I read this and was taking offence then said 'omg she is so right'. you told me flat out no holds barred and that is something I needed I thank you so much for making me feel what I needed.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (22 April 2012):
 This is what happens when you knowingly get involved with a man who has a girlfriend already.
He's a man, he's going to love having the attention of more than one woman (what bloke wouldn't). He has told you what you wanted to hear in order to get you into bed and kept you a secret.
Now his life has gotten complicated, the girlfriend is pregnant and he is whining on to you about how unfair it all is and how bad everyone is treating him. You are there like a shot to feed his ego, give him what he needs and still he is being evasive.
If he wanted to be with you, he would...be with you.
You are acting like a love sick puppy, listening to all his crap and giving him sexual favours. You have played the ' I am walking away' game because you know he will call you and even worse...you will go back to him.
The reality is that a) He is a cheat b) He has a girlfriend and c) He has a new baby on the way.
You are wearing rose coloured glasses my dear and seeing only what you want to see. If you think it's all going to go away so you can be together, well sadly that's not going to happen.
You do need to stay out of his life and get on with your own because he has a lot of crap to deal with and you are just adding to the problem.
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