A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Me and a guy at my job has been having a secret relationship for about a year during this time the relationship is a secret everyone knows. He has a girlfriend and I had a boyfriend(me and my boyfriend broke up for un-related reasons) now im singlr and he still has agirlfriend I am really in love with him and I know he love me. We are super compatible we like almost all same things and even act alike and we get along perfect with small arguments.And I do know if this matter but I went to a different shift and department at work and now we dont be with each other all night but I talk any text him all day andwe have sex like 4 out 5 days. Every since I've been single he has gotten super jealous .an example riding pass my house if I missed his call! My question is do I have a chance of taking him away from his girlfriend? Do you think that he has feelings for me? He recently ask could he have a key to my place. Should I give him a key?
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at work, broke up, has a girlfriend, jealous, text Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2012): This Guy has the best of both worlds, he has his cake and all.
What makes you think he will stay faithful to you, what makes you think you will stay faithful to him? You are both cheaters and liers!
I hope his girlfriend finds out and kicks this idiot to the kurb!
How can you say you love him? And he loves you? Your relationship is built on a lie and lust.
Sure you may think you love him and good on you, but really you both need to wake up and realise this relationship is posion!
Get some self respect and learn how to really love. Cos real love you don't question if he loves you, cos you know he loves you and he would be with only you and never even look at another woman cos you are all the woman he needs. When you find a man like that, you will never have to cheat on him cos he will be all the man you need.
A
female
reader, Staceily +, writes (9 November 2012):
 If after a year he still hasn't left her to be with you then he never will by his own accord. You need to think of this logically, he has her and he has you, you are allowing it and not going anywhere, so why would he leave her? He has no reason to. Why give up a girlfriend to have just one girl when he can have 2? The only chance you would ever have to "get him" would be to refuse sex and a relationship with him. Then he may possibly choose you over his girlfriend. It isn't guaranteed, but the only chance you have. If he doesn't have to make a choice between you two then he never will, again he has no reason to.
About the key, don't give him a key. He isn't a boyfriend. Why should he have your key? He is jealous and possessive of you and follows what you are doing when you aren't with him. You realize this means he is controlling you right? He is essentially saying that he can have his girlfriend and you but you can't have anyone but him. And you want to give this guy a key?? To come into your house whenever he wants to? You don't reward controlling behavior. He doesn't deserve a key because you aren't in a real relationship. He doesn't deserve a key because it is only to check up on you and further control you. Don't become like women in abusive or controlling relationships who believe his jealousy and possessiveness means he loves you. All it means is that he wants you to himself- it is a selfish thing, not a loving thing. If he loved you he wouldn't be able to have a girlfriend AND you, he would want ONLY you. I know when I am in love I can hardly even look at other men let alone date and have sex with others, he is the only one in my eyes. As I am sure this guy is for you... Don't you want the same in return?
I believe women who are able to be a side fling for a guy have serious self esteem issues that need to be addressed. You don't love yourself enough to know you deserve to be this man's one and only, you settle for being his side piece instead. Why is that? It's something you will need to work on if you are ever to have a real relationship. Forget feeling badly for his current girlfriend, it doesn't make you a terrible person that you don't. It is hard for many to feel empathy for someone they haven't met and don't know, especially when the boyfriend is likely saying terrible things about her constantly. It is more of a problem that you allow yourself to be second best to her, that you are naive enough to believe he can't leave her. He can he just won't. Stand up for yourself and make him make a choice, otherwise continue on like you have been until something changes. But the truth is even if he somehow gets dumped by her and is in a relationship with you he won't have respect for you... He will see you as a doormat who allowed herself to be used. Men don't stay faithful to women they don't respect, especially if it is already in his nature to be a cheater.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (9 November 2012):
 I would not give him a key.
What will you do if you manage to "steal" this "prize" away from the woman he is lying to and cheating on? Will you trust him for one split second while he's out of your sight?
the first time you want sex and he doesn't will you wonder if he's cheating on you (he probably is)
the other aunts make a great point.. IF he was going to leave her for you he would have done it.
Within 3 months of getting involved with my current husband (with my former husband's knowledge and permission) my marriage had ended and I was with my man making our plans for our life.... folks who don't go to be with the person they say they want to be with are full of crap.
"I can't leave her she will cry" SO? you love me not her right? NO He loves HER MORE....
you are nothing but a handy penis holder to this guy.
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A
female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (9 November 2012):
Think about this: if he can't stay faithful to his current gf, why should he stay faithful to you? You're not going to take him from his gf because you've made the mistake of letting him shag you while he's still in a relationship with her. Now he's got the best of both worlds. The only way to end that arrangement is for you to end it, because he sure as hell isn't going to.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (9 November 2012):
 Here's my take on this:
" My question is do I have a chance of taking him away from his girlfriend? Do you think that he has feelings for me?"
You have little or no chance of "taking him away from his girlfriend." After all, you are inferring that you and he could be "real B/F,G/F".... whilest he HAS a "real G/F".. AND he has a bit on the side (you!)... which is, frankly, every man's dream... And....
Yes.. he has feelings for you..... Just enough to keep you interested/hooked, such that he has the arrangement as noted above....
You can stay in this arrangement as long as you wish... HE isn't likely to change it.....
P.S. NO, don't give him a key.... At least make it A LITTLE difficult for him to get to you!!!!!
Good luck...
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (9 November 2012):
 Wow, first of all he sounds like a total scumbag.
Second of all DO you think you have some magic snatch? That if he starts to see you more often or even start to DATE you, that he will be faithful to you? If you DO believe that you are 100% kidding yourself.
The guy is using you. If he was serious he would have dumped his GF AGES ago.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (9 November 2012):
 This guy is an a**hole! What if YOU were the girlfriend he was cheating on, sleeping with someone else 4 nights per week and wanting a key to her place? GROSS!
You are single now, but you are also a cheater. You can't just go do whatever and not care about the consequences, because that comes back to bite you. And this guy should not have a key to your place as long as he's with someone else.
You need to break it off with Mr. Jealous Cheater. If he wants to be with you, he needs to break up with his girlfriend. Otherwise, you're still the dirty little secret he uses for sex. Give a cheater a key to your house?? Outrageous! WHY??? Keys are for boyfriends in serious relationships with you, not secret sex partners.
You need to come to your senses, vow that you will never again be a cheater. You should also vow to never DATE a cheater and give no sex to anyone who wants it so cheaply and behind another woman's back. That's not love. That's being used and discarded. He doesn't need a key. He needs your foot as you kick him out of your life, because there's nothing whatsoever about him that's worthy of love.
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A
female
reader, sweetiebabes  +, writes (9 November 2012):
 Now is time to deal with what you want that works for you and not for him.
Stand up for yourself and tell him that you can only be with him again if he is free and that you don't want to waste your time if it leads nowhere. See what will be his responses and if he steps back..that just means he is not into you. And you must move on with your life and stop making excuses but deal with the facts and make your decisions right...self matters.
Trust yourself that you are not going to allow anyone to hurt you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2012): You want him all to yourself now you have broke up with your boyfriend. It is a shame he wont dump his girlfriend because you are both deserve each other. His girlfriend deserves far more respect but that will not pass through your thoughts. I am so glad that im not like you.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (9 November 2012):
 I agree with person 12345, it has been one year, plenty of time to make his mind up if he really had had a change of heart. Instead, probably he is one of those guys who can juggle two or more women, in fact thrive on thet, makes them feel more daring and manly.
I think that if he ends up splitting from his gf, it will be for totally unrelated reasons- and you may find yourself firmly ensconced in your role of secret dalliance- while he starts officially dating someone new...
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (9 November 2012):
 This guy is a weasel and he does not care about you. If he wanted to be with you he would leave his girlfriend and be with you. After a year, he has had hundreds of opportunities to do so but doesn't. He is using you for sex. You have to end this. He is a lying cheating scumbag.
Even if he did eventually leave his girlfriend, it would be because he wanted to break up ith her (or she dumped him) and it just happened to be convenient to fall back to you. This is not going anywhere and is only going to end in heartbreak for you. Even if you did somehow wind up together without having to sneak around, he would probably cheat on you with someone else.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2012): Hell no don't give him a key..
I don't know what others might say, but here my tuppence worth.. You say you love him and he you... Right? Then you ask do we think he has feelings for you ? I'm right when I say that you don't have a clue where you stand.. As if you truly thought he loved you, you wouldn't need to ask peeps who don't even know him..
I do have to wonder about people's morals sometime... I mean you do deserve him really, he's a liar and a cheat, with what you say a jealous streak and from what you put you too, are the same. So I would say your very compatible ..
However, I do not believe you will be able to take him away from her as if this had been the case he would have left early on in the relationship if he thought you were more than a casual bonk .. Jealously proves nothing, it just means he doesn't want to share his toy with anyone else..
The only way you will get him, will be when his girlfriend catches on to him lies and cheating and throws his sorry ass out the door, you may get a wee chance then..
If you had any morals you would say, for the sake of your girlfriend I cannot keep doing this, I have feelings for you, but you need to choose who.. And I'm certain it won't be you.. Sorry..
Take care, date single guys..
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