A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I recently found out that my mum has been having a relationship with a married man. My parents are divorced so its acceptable for her, but he is not. Also they are related to each other which i find very wrong. His children go to my school and i'm trying hard not to say anything to them. I don't think my mum knows i know about whats been going on. Part of me wants to say something just because its not fair on his wife and children, and i want it to stop because i think its totally wrong. On the other hand i know my mums been really happy recently and this getting out would be upsetting for her. what should i do?
View related questions:
divorce, married man Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 December 2012): I might be in the minority here, but I think it is better to keep your judgements to yourself in this situation even if you are right. It is your Mom after all. You don't know all the circumstances and let the people who are directly involved in this deal with the affair and its consequences. You may make things worse by interfering and it is a very bad idea to tell the children.
A
female
reader, Steelers  +, writes (23 December 2012):
 You confront your mom about the fact that you know and tell her you don't agree with her decision. If you tell the guys kids you could hurt them very much. I don't think it's your place to tell the children but I can understand where you are coming from.
...............................
A
female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (23 December 2012):
I'd definitely tell her that you know and how you feel about this. Tell her that you see his kids at school every day and that in keeping quiet to them you feel complicit in this despicable act of hers. Also talk about the related thing.
Then ask her if her happiness goes above that of everyone else, including innocent children. Ask her how she feels about being a homewrecker. Sure, he's the one choosing to betray his wife and kids, but she's the one who lacks the moral compunction to do the right thing and say "no" to that.
That said, she may just go on with it regardless of what you do or say. If that's the case, try to keep doing your best to become the kind of person YOU want to be by getting good grades and setting up a good future for yourself. For what it's worth I find it very commendable that you have been able to get and maintain such a strong sense of right and wrong in the company of a parent that obviously lacks this.
This is a tough situation, but since your mom's behavior affects you, I do not think you should stay out of this.
...............................
A
female
reader, DearJean +, writes (23 December 2012):
 You don't have a problem; you have a solution you don't like. Staying out of your mother's affairs and staying in your own bounderies seems to be the solution here. Have you considered that taking care of yourself is a full time job and your only job in life? Being a student who earns high grades, growing up, having fun with friends, finding out who you are and what you love to do, as well as carrying out self-maintenance are all your job, not how to manage your mother's decisions and actions. Place the emphasis on yourself where you do have power, and let go of trying to manage and direct the lives of others. If you spread the gossip of your mother's affairs to your cousins you will start a crisis that snowballs into a disaster.
...............................
A
male
reader, DV1 +, writes (23 December 2012):
 Definitely talk to your mom. I'd tell her kids, too. They have a right to know... It could have a potential lasting impact on their lives...
...............................
|
