A
female
age
,
*ifepassingby
writes:My boyfriend and I have been living together for a lil over a year now. He is 56 and I am 49. Roughly about 6 months ago he has been diagnosed with several chronic conditions which require him to be on medications. Here is the issue at hand. He has no desire to have sex or even show any intimacy at all. I thought I could get a handle on it (considering his condition), but it is really starting to bother me leaving me feeling undesirable, unloved and even angry at times. When I try to talk to him about it, he trys to turn it around on me saying I'm nagging him and that in itself adds to his bad libido. I do understand his chronic condition, as I am also his medical proxy, but I am craving intimacy and I don't want to cheat on him to get it. What the heck am I suppose do here. I know I'm not going to die from lack of, but it really hurts my heart to the core when you sleep in same bed every night next to the one you love and theres nothing there except verbal I love you's, hugs and non-passionate kissing. I don't know if thats enough to get me through, but i somehow try to convince myself that it should be.We don't know how much time he actually has left to live which is another reason why I dont want to aggravate him, could be six months could be couple years, have no idea, but we do know things do not look good for him.Wow, as i write this I do feel like i am being selfish, and if i am thats not my intention, any advice to help a woman with a strong sexual appetite to continue being celibate, faithful and strong with the man she loves. I'm sure there are women out there that are going thru this as well. Would love to hear from you on how you are handling this, cause right now all I want to do is cry.
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celibate, I love you, kissing, libido, no desire, unloved Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (25 November 2012):
 we hug
we kiss
we cuddle
other than that we have no sex life... I feel your pain...
I masturbate pretty much daily. I don't hide it from my husband... but I don't flaunt it either...
oh and mine never says "I love you" but he does...
I wish I had an answer for you... for me the hugs and cuddles are enough...
A
female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (24 November 2012):
Don't feel bad about having needs. Unfortunately there's no easy answer for you.
But you have to try to put yourself in his shoes. Imagine getting the news of having these illnesses and getting to hear that your life expectancy is going to be drastically cut short. That's a terrible thing to face and not everyone knows how to handle it. On top of that you don't get any downtime to recuperate from this news because your body reminds you of it every single moment you're alive. That would comprise the foundation of even the strongest personality. Since it's only been six months he's probably still coming to terms with it. He may be depressed.
Does your boyfriend have counseling? How is he physically impacted? Is he in a lot of pain?
What I'd try to do is give love rather than trying to get it from him. Things like caressing, small kisses, curling up in his arms at night, showering together, giving massages, going for an elaborate kiss, etc. Start small and work your way up. It'll make him feel wanted without you outright saying it. Plus with his body being stimulated it's far more likely he'll get in the mood for it. Just try to be patient and don't force it. Make him feel loved and wanted by your body, not by talking about it.
I was once in an accident that left me really banged up and once I got back home my bf just gave me these really small kisses and caresses and held me. I'll tell you I never felt more loved and wanted in my life. If your bf is in a lot of pain, try to whisper with your hands rather than really push his buttons. I know that sounds cliche, but at the moment I can't find a better way to describe it. Hope you get what I mean anyway.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2012): Get a vibrator, but don't tell him you're using one.
I am serious, by my defintion you enjoy some level of intimacy (sleeping together, hugs, kiddes) so you already have what a vibrator can't provide: love and physical closeness; what you are lacking are orgasms. Self-stimulation is a safe, monogamous approximation of what your partner is no longer physically able to give you.
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