A
male
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Hello everyone. I am a 16 year old guy and im in 6th form and i live in the UK. Ok so i am here because i always see people on here who are around 13 - 17 talking about sex and relationships and even at school or in the outside world and i have never been in a relationship or ever felt anything for a girl. I am attracted to them i just feel no desire to walk up and say "want to go out some time?" i have no problem talking to girls i just dont feel like there is any point in a relationship for me. Also because i am very individual and keep to my self i have never even kissed a girl let a know gotten further. Anyway so i am here to ask is it normal that i am still a complete virgin at 16 in 2012? Its just nowadays all i hear about it and teens having underage sex and finding love etc etc. And sometimes it makes feel a bit different in a bad way because i have 'lived my teenage years' by this i mean i have never gone to a party or gone out with people outside of school or done anything with a girl. Also i have never taken non-prescribed drugs or alcohol. So am i weird for not doing any of this stuff or am i looking into this to much?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 December 2012): Sex and drugs are part of some teenagers lives nowadays. However, that does not mean that you should engage in such activities. If you don't want to do any of these you shouldn't do them.It is after all your choice And about being a virgin at that age, you don't have to worry. I lost mine at 17, and the average age around the world to losing it is 19. Don't give it much thought.
A
female
reader, maverick494  +, writes (23 December 2012):
Following the herd blindly never did anyone any favors. Plus try to consider that half of those talking the talk are virgins just like yourself; the difference being they feel the need to lie about it to fit in. Don't turn into those spineless creatures who needs someone else to give them an identity. Also, try to imagine the kind of girl you'd like to end up with in the future and think about whether she'd want a bf who bangs chicks like he zaps tv channels and takes drugs 'because everyone else does'. Any girl worth her salt avoids guys like that like the plague.
Which brings me to the next thing: drugs are not cool. They're dangerous as hell and they can ruin your life and with it your future. When I was 14 I went to an illegal party (lived in the middle of nowhere so it's easier to get away with it) and took a few pills because I thoughts that's what all the 'cool kids' did. Suffice to say I've never felt so horrible in my life.
Everything was reduced to giant pixels and I just couldn't think straight anymore. It's like someone took my head and shook it until all the wires got crossed. It took me 5 days to get back from that, maybe even longer. Also, consider that these days, drugs get cut up with all kinds of other (dangerous) stuff. It's not 'clean' anymore, if it ever was. Whatever I took sure wasn't. I also feel very ashamed that I was stupid enough to do it in the first place. Not a proud moment and I've never touched anything since.
My dad came from the era where taking drugs was much more common and he said he lost half of the friends he grew up with to them. And that was back in the day where mixing up stuff with cut glass, rat poison, etc. wasn't common practice. There's a reason there are tons of ads warning teens like yourself to stay away from that shit: it's bad for you and instead of making you a rockstar, it'll just make you wind up in the gutter somewhere with drool coming out of your mouth.
If you don't like alcohol, consider yourself lucky. On the farmland where I grew up half the people in their 40's have alcohol related health problems, because they boozed out too much when they were young and thought they could handle everything. I myself rarely drink alcohol. Not just out of principle: I genuinely don't like the taste of it. If you do develop a liking to it, make a point of keeping your portions in check. Getting shitfaced every weekend kills brain cells like nothing else does.
Lastly: the moment when you relieve yourself of the pressure to fit in, you'll find out it'll be much easier to choose your path and become the kind of person you want to be. Fun doesn't need stupid teenage sex, drugs or alcohol. It just requires you to do the things you enjoy doing that aren't costly to your physical and mental health.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2012): Hi, I'm 16 and in Sixthform too and I totally get where you are coming from.
All around me, my peers are having sex which makes me feel like I should too. There is no one I want to have sex with, You and I will do it when we meet the right person and it feels right. Until then we can just laugh at all the stories that get passed around the common room and wait for the right person. Don't think that you are alone, lots of people feel like this, we just have to wait it out.
As for the parties and alcohol, their time will come, and you'll love it. You can't rush these things, if you're not invited to a party, you can't go. Have your own?
Hope this helps - you are looking into this too much, it really is very normal!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (22 December 2012):
 Yes, you are perfectly normal. Do what feels right for YOU.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2012): Believe me I think you're NORMAL and definitely making a better future for yourself. I'm 16, and yes I do have a boyfriend (17) but we've been going out over 2 1/2 years now and still no sex. My two best friends have done it, and most of my boyfriend's friends have, and I know how you feel with regards peer pressure, but I think so many of them did it too soon where it didn't mean anything, that in the long run, waiting is so much better. With regards to drugs - thank god you're smart about it, drugs are dangerous in my eyes, and alcohol is nothing special either, and waiting till 18 for it, you're not missing out! So glad there's more people my age who are normal and aren't trying to grow up too fast! Good luck! Xx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you guys, you have made me feel much better :)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2012): Would you stick your hand in to the fire just because everyone else does? Growing up isnt about having sex, taking drugs ect its about learning to be comfortable with the way you are, so you just need to be comfortable with the fact that you dont want to do those things! Ive never taken drugs in my life, im not a big drinker. Admittidly i did lose my virginity at 16 and it was a huge mistake, i wish i had waited for someone who meant something.Try not to worry about falling behind in that department because you have your whole life ahead of you. Just be who you want to be and everything else will fall into place x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2012): You are totally normal. children in the UK now seem to make such big mistakes at such a young age! people around my area (i am also from the UK) are about 11/12 hanging on the streets smoking, drinking, doing drugs and causing havoc! i would much rather meet a young man like yourself who is individual and doesnt feel that he needs to do all these things to be 'cool'. The problem nowadays is that children try to grow up too quickly and they are given the chance to do think such as smoke and drink at a younger age.
On the sex situation... you will have a relationship when you are ready for one! you will know when that time is and there is no point getting with a girl just because you feel you arent normal because you will only get hurt or hurt her.
and on the smoking and alcohol you are not old enough to do either... therefore yes you are normal for not doing it. in my eyes if you are drinking at 14/15/16 then by the time ur 18 and allowed to drink in the UK it will not be anything special therefore it will lead to you trying other things such as drugs.
In conclusion you are more normal than all of the poeple you see having sex, drinking and doing drugs because you have obviously been brought up well and you dont feel the need to be part of the 'cool' gang!
I say fair play to you! :) J
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2012): "Its just nowadays all i hear about it and teens having underage sex and finding love"
And a depressingly large number of teens who have underage sex and "find love" will within a couple of years find themselves as the unready, unprepared parents of unplanned, unwanted children whom they are completely inacapable of supporting or raising on their own, effectively destroying their own futures before they are legal adults.
"Also i have never taken non-prescribed drugs or alcohol. So am i weird for not doing any of this stuff or am i looking into this to much?"
You are not weird, drugs and alcohol are major precipitators of impulsive, irresponsible, unprotected teenage sex leading to unwanted teenage pregnancy.
As a guy old enough to be your grandfather let me assure you that whatever plans, goals or dreams you may have will immediately fly out the window should you be unlucky to knock up some random teenage girl in a drug- or booze-fueled haze.
It may not be fashionable to be a teenage virgin in 2012, but I can tell you that I have never known one person who regretted waiting until they were sufficiently mature and in a stable, committed relationship before having sex while I have known plenty who regretted having sex too soon.
God gave horny teenage guys right hands (or left hands when applicable) and put their junk within reach for a reason; masturbation is safe and fun, you always have a willing partner and your palm will never talk back, complain, or tell you that you're a lousy lay.
Standing up to peer pressure is very difficult but you will never regret being true to yourself or exercising sound judgment, and I can guarantee you that you will regret following the crowd or acting on the spur of the moment.
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A
female
reader, janetenneshehan  +, writes (22 December 2012):
 You certainly aren't alone! I'm a virgin and 16. I've tried marijuana once but it was nothing special! I also do not drink. I do date, but you certainly aren't missing anything! Congratulations on staying sober and pure :)
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