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... Send *anya a private message | | | *anya's profile:I live in the US, and friends always call me for advice! So I thought I could (hopefully)
help out a few people here on DearCupid. The only person I can't seem to advise is
myself. Although, after being a part of DearCupid for a few years, I feel I've gained some valuable insights on life & love.
One thing for sure, I am ALWAYS a believer that Love Conquers All!!!!!!!
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Why would my husband suddenly stop wanting sex?
Q. What are the reasons ,when a highly sexual husband suddenly stops wanting sex, and when he tries it he is losing his erections? I mean one day to the next... With no signs for any change. Just suddenly ,like bang. And its over. He went limp at the ...
A. 7 December 2009: Reading all the excellent answers, I would say that there are many possible reasons: medical, someone else on his mind, stress, etc. .. Also, perhaps it is some kind of mid-life crisis! (Is there such a thing as male menopause?)
But I ALSO agr... (read in full...)
Emotional conversation avoider combined with commitment phobe leaves me confused!
Q. Hi there I have been dating a man who is 42 years old for 10 months. I am 37. The relationship started as mainly sex. Since then it has developed into more. Each time we see each other we have a great time. He is loving, attentive and fun for that...
A. 16 September 2009: I am familiar with this type. Have you ever heard of the book, "Why Men Marry Some Women and Not Others?" I wish I could remember the author, will write again when I think of it. It talks a lot about men and women around the ages you are, and what ... (read in full...)
Does how he signed my birthday card have any special meaning to it?
Q. This is actually a pretty stupid question.But one that I would like some opinions on. Today was my birthday.I spent the day with somebody that I have been seeing for about 7 months.We have not talked about commitment and love and all of that.We ...
A. 8 September 2009: Happy Birthday!
I think it's very human to overanalyze the word "love" on a birthday card, especially when it's from a man you've been seeing for seven months who just spent your birthday with you! I know I would!! Also, I would analyze the way it's... (read in full...)
What do you talk about on a first date?
Q. i recently joined dating website and tlked to lovely man and we exchanged phone numbers and have bee txting last few days. we have prty much covered everything bout each other our likes dislikes family everything and now am afraid if we do meet up ...
A. 28 August 2009: Cheer up and be positive!! I have a few suggestions. First, fill up on the news, weather, etc. Don't be political.... or discuss money... but try to talk about some
interesting topic, maybe a movie you've recently seen or a hurricane. or Ted Kenn... (read in full...)
I really want our marriage to work, what can I do?
Q. My husband left a week ago. We have been married just over a year and he has only been home for 3 months. I had some trust issues with him before he left, he was drunk one night and made a mistake it was nothing physical but it still hurt the same. ...
A. 7 August 2009: If he has been deployed overseas (?) in the military, then it must have been extremely hard emotionally, psychologically and physically on him, and
if you love him as deeply as you seem to, then you have been feeling it, too.
I am proud of you... (read in full...)
My boyfriend still hangs out with his exes and stays over at their place way after midnight and tells me nothing happened.
Q. I've been in a really weird relationship for the last year of my life and I would greatly appreciate any thoughts or advice. I apologize ahead of time for the "lengthiness", but I figured details will help you guys out. I've been with my bf for n...
A. 25 July 2009: Hi! I think Sincerely Yours has an excellent answer. I just would like to add a few thoughts. First of all, they say that "love is blind" and I can understand how you would overlook those things at the beginning... you're hoping that, once your ... (read in full...)
Does she have feelings for me but maybe just doesn't feel ready to give them to me?
Q. I am sure my situation is common though not every part of it is common. I will try to keep this as short as possible. I have met several girls over the years on the internet. Not really ashamed of it though since I have had plenty of positive...
A. 10 July 2009: HI! I think there is hope for this relationship, BUT she may have feelings for you but there is this other guy. Would you like it if you were the other guy and she started up with someone new without resolving things with you? I think you should ... (read in full...)
How can a guy get over someone so easily? I broke up with him seven months ago and I'm still not over him!
Q. Why is it so f**king easy for guys to get over their ex-girlfriends!? My ex and I broke up seven months ago after a two year relationship and I'm still not over him! He tells me he has only about a 5% emotional connection to me now and that ...
A. 29 June 2009: vba67's advice is excellent, and it's true that you shouldn't base your decision to go to a particular University on where your young man is going at this point.
I have read that men's brains are built a little differently -- along the lines that... (read in full...)
Did I do the right thing giving him an ultimatum? How do you think he will react?
Q. I dated this man two years ago for 5 months and was utterly in love with him. We had an amazing connection, unlike anything I've felt before or since. We ended it because he had just come out of a serious relationship (he was engaged), which had ...
A. 29 June 2009: Do you feel you did the right thing, or are you having second thoughts and that's why you're writing? I don't mean to be soft when you have clearly acted in order to avoid further hurt down the road and with impressivie maturity.
But, do you miss... (read in full...)
I found out he has a girlfriend! WHY do boys lead girls on!?
Q. Why do boys lead girls on, kiss you, hug you, act like they care for you. then when it comes to it they 'don't want a relationship'? I was with my ex for almost a year and a half, it was so perfect to begin with, we were so in love, we broke up...
A. 26 June 2009: It's weird to say, but I think your ex-boyfriend imagined that he was sparing your feelings by his behavior, also perhaps is not quite sure of the situation with the new girl he's seeing, so he wants to keep you on the back burner. I think it was ... (read in full...)
Somethings up on the weekends!
Q. I'm a single mom of a 1 year old daughter, her dad left me for another girl when she was 2 mo. About 6 mo. ago I met a great guy who I felt was perfect for me, he seemed to reciprocate my feelings. He's supported me emotionally thru everything. ...
A. 26 June 2009: I agree with Samii that you should talk about this in a better way, calmly letting him know how he's hurting you, not just thrash it out every time he goes out!
But what I want to add, is what about you on these nights?
If your daughter is with her... (read in full...)
How can I gain more energy to become more fun?
Q. I've always been the sort of person who keeps themselves to themselves, but it's really starting to effect me. I never have any energy to make the effort with people because I'm in a sort of fixed routine, and it's not because I'm lazy it's because ...
A. 5 June 2009: Dear X,
You sound kinda stuck, looking at life from behind a glass window, can't get out there? I think you need to treasure yourself and be good to yourself, get in touch with your feelings! Your time will come!!!
There are some novels a... (read in full...)
Lots of love but he's unwilling to get hitched
Q. I am in love with a man I have been living with for 2 years. We have been dating for 5 years before that. He is amazing, we never argue or fight, he is kind, loving , sexy and all the things I dreamed of. The only thing that he is not is the ...
A. 5 June 2009: This is a dilemna. I learned from a book, entitled something like "Why Men Marry Some Women and Not Others"
(I forget the author, but it's in book stores), two things: FIRST, the women men are most likely to marry really WANT to be married. Advi... (read in full...)
Is my husband displaying normal behavior for a man whose wife is pregnant?
Q. I am pregnant with my second child and I spend most of my time alone. My husband seems to never be home and have time for me. I always wake up in the morning alone and he is barely at home. If he do be home he wakes up and an hour later he is gone ...
A. 5 June 2009: I truly hope this is NOT common behavior for men with pregnat women!! May I ask, how far are you along? Do you have any hobbies or are you able to work? How old is your first child? Your husband should not be making you feel like this, he seems ... (read in full...)
Is it wrong of me not to want to travel to far off Asia for my g/f's brother's wedding?
Q. Is it wrong of me to not want to go to my gf's brothers wedding early next year? He lives and is getting married in far off asia and it would be expensive and something i really just wouldn't want to do. I felt i had a valid point when i told her i ...
A. 5 June 2009: I agree with sarcy24! You shouldn't feel guilty, and if your girlfriend "really loves you" she should try to understand! Asia is far away and expensive, and perhaps you can meet her brother and his new wife some time in the near future if they come ... (read in full...)
I hate my mother!
Q. I HATE MY MOTHER she plays favorites my older brother being her favorite; she would always say we dont have enough money to get ME this but...she even bought him a CAR I ALWAYS wished i was born to a different family one where they would actually ...
A. 26 April 2009: Please don't hate your mother! I know people who have just lost theirs, and would do anything to just have had one more day with their mother.
Please appreciate the things she does do for you, a roof over your head, for example...
Please ta... (read in full...)
My married boss wants to take me to dinner and to his beach house.
Q. I think my married boss likes me. He wants to take me to dinner and to his beach house. I would normally think this is wierd and way wrong but he has also said his intentions were just to be friends but he also said I cant tell anyone that we are ...
A. 26 April 2009: Hello! I wouldn't go to the beach house! I had a friend in a very similar situation to you, and her boss ended up by making a pass at her! She had a boyfriend, and
she liked the boss in only a friendly way, but in the end, that was the end of that... (read in full...)
Do I continue flirting with him? Do I make my feelings obvious?
Q. through a production im in, ive got to know this boy really well (he plays my partner in the play) and have begun to think that perhaps there's a possibility of our friendship developing into something more. when im around him, i just feel so happy...
A. 1 April 2009: Wow! Well, you're in a difficult position, and you can imagine how it is for the movie stars when they have to spend months in an imaginary situation with an attractive co-star while being married and also nourishing their private lives! Obviously, ... (read in full...)
I'm lost. Should I be happy I found someone who has an unconditional love for me?
Q. Alright. I have been with my fiance for a year now. He asked me to marry him about 3 months ago and I said yes. I wasn't really initially attracted to him but he became a rock. My father passed away about two months after we started dating and he w...
A. 1 April 2009: Well, first of all, you're engaged but you don't HAVE to marry the guy. However, to me he sounds pretty good!! A good man is hard to find, and you do seem to love each other. However, it also sounds like maybe you should think about
couples coun... (read in full...)
I found out that he's telling other girls that he is single
Q. I started dating this guy 3 years ago and everything was great. We loved each other's company, so after 1 year we decided to move in together. Everything was good in the beginning, he would cook, clean make breakfast, and cuddle everynight. Th...
A. 29 March 2009: I'm in agreement with the other Aunts. It sounds like you two shouldn't be living together right now. It is much too painful to you, and truthfully he sounds very immature. He seems to just want to "play the field" and to do that, he (besides
l... (read in full...)
Should I stop sleeping with him until he commits?
Q. I have been seeing this man for 3 months and he says he wants to be with me but he's scared. What does that mean? We are in the getting to know each other stage I suppose, not officially dating. Is there anything I can do to make him not scar...
A. 29 March 2009: I agree with britt429 that you shouldn't use sex as your bargaining chip! Once you've already slept together, as you have, it seems kind of mean to say, "no more sex until you commit!" No wonder he is afraid of commitment if you even THINK this! ... (read in full...)
I know deep down he has returned to her. What do I do?
Q. I know deep down he has returned to her - but what do I do? I have been seeing a guy who I am deeply in love with. He knows I would do anything for him - but I also know that he still sees his ex and would probably like to get back with her ultimate...
A. 29 March 2009: It's possible that he has "unfinished business" with his ex. He may love you more
which is why he doesn't tell you about his visits to her, if in fact that is what is happening. Life is so complicated. How well do you know this guy? Perhaps he i... (read in full...)
Heartbroken and lonely
Q. I have a difficult question! I have been living with my roommate for almost two years now. We recently hooked up, had sex however he has a girlfriend and he made an effort to try and make me a friend of this girl. He has acted like nothing...
A. 13 February 2009: It sounds to me like there is too much sexual tension in your apartment for you to remain roommates. He can't have his cake and eat it, too! He is indeed "fooling with your heart" and his girlfriend is not being treated right either! I would ... (read in full...)
Valentine's Poetry for Cupiders...
Q. As VALENTINE'S DAY fast approaches, and Cupid is having a wild time with his Arrows, I wanted to share some lines of poetry. LOVE, WHAT IT IS by Robert Herrick (1591-1674) Love is a circle that doth restles...
A. 13 February 2009: Am thrilled with all the poetry -- from the jewells of Elizabethan to Mrs. Doubtfire, to Helen Steiner Rice (whom
I've seen recently on a calendar of poems), and especially to the poetry you composed!!!!
Happy Cupid's Day!... (read in full...)
His behavior & irresponsibility just totally drains me
Q. Ok here we go, I am 24, well I will be 25 in a month. I have been in a relationship for 5 years and here is my problem I am having. My boyfriend and I live together. He has been in a lot of trouble with the law ever since a teenager. He has 2 DUI, ...
A. 7 January 2009: Hello! I thought of two things: first, is the situation getting better or worse? Probably not better if you were motivated to write in. If it's were getting better, you might be able to work it out, perhaps see a counselor, etc. But, if it is ... (read in full...)
My b/f can't say I love you
Q. Dear readers, I have a question but first let me clarify, I am happy and love my boyfriend. I have no intentions of leaving him. That said, here we go! My boyfriend and I have been dating for a bit over a year and the only problem (in my head...
A. 7 January 2009: Hi! Believe me, you are not alone in having a boyfriend reluctant to say the big three words! I agree with what the other Aunts say, especially how, for men, it somehow is a much more "Loaded" question. I want to add that, from what you say, I ... (read in full...)
My wife's promiscuous past still haunts me after 28 years! Should I confront her or try and get help?
Q. Dear Cupid, I'm a 51 year old man, now married for 28 years. I was a 22 year old virgin when I met my wife. I had been in one long term relationship with a younger girl but we had not 'gone all the way' because we both felt that we wanted t...
A. 2 October 2008: Dear Mististyle,
I think perhaps you are going through a kind of a mid-life crisis, wherein one reviews ones past decisions and the road taken. However, I hope you will eventually come out on the "up" side and realize, that if she's been fai... (read in full...)
Does he love me? He didn't say it back....
Q. hello I have a question here, yesterday I was cuddling with my 8 months boyfriend, and I told him that I loved him for the first time, his response was that he hugged me really tight, but he didn't say anything, should I be concerned?. Our ...
A. 29 September 2008: I don't think you should be too concerned. After all, he did hug you really tightly, even it he didn't respond in kind... yet!! To guys, saying "I love you" sometimes takes longer. But, your relationship sounds good, and I would just give him more ... (read in full...)
I found flirtacious texts on his phone, he said he did it because we were on a break at that time, I understand that but can't get the texts out of my head!
Q. Me and my boyfriend have been together for about 1yr 7 months.Last night i went through his phone i know this was wrong but... i found texts he sent about 3 months ago to this girl saying "i enjoyed our sexy kiss last night etc.... I got really ...
A. 25 September 2008: Dr. Pete is right that this "going on a break" thing is quite variable in its meaning. Is it "breaking up" or is it
being apart (alone) to see if you can each sort out your feelings? Your guy obviously thought it was definition number one, and if h... (read in full...)
I am having a hard time with him keeping a hang on his past, is it me or what?
Q. I been married for a very short time and it seems he cant let go of his past girl friend he keeps her pics in his puter looks for her emails and he had bought this dog for her and after a yr or two she didnt wat it so he kept it the dog comes ...
A. 25 September 2008: Hi! This sounds very painful, and I think you have to talk to him about it. Afterall, he married YOU. As Accused wrote, were you aware that he was still not completely over his ex-girlfriend before you married him?
I know that, as we grow olde... (read in full...)
Did he want me to check his messages?? He forgot his mobile at my house. I panicked and deleted new messages. Tell him the truth or play dumb, what do I do?
Q. Hi all, Ive been having a casual relationship with someone at work,he says he wants me to be his girlfriend but im not so sure if thats what i want. he left his mobile with me over the weekend - did he want me to read his messages from other girls...
A. 22 September 2008: Well, it seems a complicated question. My first response is to say that he probably left it there by accident, and you shouldn't have touched it, but just told him it was there. Did you read his messages from curiousity, to try to see if you liked ... (read in full...)
Beard or Sheared?
Q. I am trying to get close to girl at the moment and am hoping to make a move over the few times we go out but i am wondering if i should shave. I have about 10 days worth of growth and like to keep it that way because i think i look far too young ...
A. 4 September 2008: Quite honestly, this is a very hard question to answer since we Aunts don't have a picture of you with your growth! I once knew of a twenty year old guy who only had to shave once a month, so if your beard grows slowly there may not be much hair on ... (read in full...)
My dad's fiancee is doing all she can to come between me and my Dad...
Q. My Dad has been with his girlfriend (now fiancee) for just under 18 months. At first things were great, they seemed really happy, and I know my Dad had been really lobely for a while. Me and my sisters have always had a really close relationsh...
A. 23 August 2008: Sound terrible for you and your sisters! I think that if you ALL think that your father will not be happy with this woman, then you should find a way to visit him when she's not there and ask him, one final time, in a kind way if he's really gonna ... (read in full...)
Are women typically interested in one night stands as much as men?
Q. Simple question: Are women typically interested in one night stands as much as men? Just curious....
A. 23 August 2008: i would have to stay instinctively that men go for it more than women, and that women who do it often might get a bad reputation, at least in the old days, although not way back in the '70s. But truly it is dangerous with all the diseases you might ... (read in full...)
Why are people so stressed and miserable?
Q. Why is everybody I see always so stressed and miserable? You only get one life,and its way too short to be anything but happy.why dont people realize this?...
A. 23 August 2008: Well, one person at least realizes this - you!! Abraham Lincoln said that most people are as happy as they make up their minds to be.
I think, if you look around, you will find there ARE people who aren't always beating themselves on the head... (read in full...)
I feel as if I have come to a stand still with my life
Q. I feel as though I have come to a halt in my life where I can't move forward heres the story... My dad's disabled - he has problems with his back. He is also epileptic and suffers from severe arthritis and he has been this way all my live so i'm l...
A. 22 August 2008: Dear X, I agree with starfairy's answer, and would like to add that you are very centered in your writing and explain these incredible sadnesses and complicated problems carefully, so that I think that you already think deeply about everything and, ... (read in full...)
I think I am naive and have sort of an inferiority complex, I really like this young lady, how do I get over my complex and approach her more confidently?
Q. am a freshman dude (21yrs) at the university and a few days back I mate a lovely 2nd year colleague (20yrs). i really like her n we get along well. but i have that naive n inferiority attitude that am a freshman though she' a year younger than me. i ...
A. 21 August 2008: When you say "we get along well," do you mean that you've been spending time together as friends or as romance, or something inbetween... don't be afraid, but also don't worry that you are shy, because shyness is attractive, too!
But please don'... (read in full...)
We have no sex life. Am I being a selfish bitch?
Q. I am with a guy for the last year and a half and we get on very well in general in that we don't really argue but lately i am getting more and more unhappy, problem is we have no sex life. He has made many excuses as to why we don't, depression, ...
A. 31 July 2008: I was wondering if you had ever talked to him about both of you (or separately) going to see a counselor, and especially a sex therapist? Sounds way out there but he could have a medical problem. OR perhaps, he DOES care about you deeply but is ... (read in full...)
Men can't read women
Q. Slashdot is a geek site focussing mostly on tech. Relationship advice is not something you will find there, but this story just has to be mentioned. http://entertainment.slashdot.org/article.pl?sid=08/03/30/0028211 http://www.livescience.co...
A. 31 July 2008: I think that this inability of men and women to read one another has a good side -- it being part of the continual fascination! What I would say, giving credit to Erica Jong, is that for men, a lot of what they do has to do with competition and for ... (read in full...)
Is he giving me a sign that we can reconcile our relationship?
Q. I dated a man for a year and we began a relationship, but shortly after we broke up. I was devastated because I felt that we were doing well being together. We talk sometimes when we see each other. He tells me that I look nice and he still has ...
A. 29 May 2008: You are right in desiring a more concrete sign. Definitely, don't give up! A reconciliation could be in process, he seems like he really likes you.
Why did you break up initially? Was he not ready, if so, perhaps he is now. He may not be quit... (read in full...)
"Yipee my son is going to be a womaniser". Why do they talk like that?
Q. Why is it i constantly hear women with young male children, speaking to another woman. OOOH he's a proper lad he's going to be a bit of a one with the women, then a beaming smile. Like whats this all about? Yipee my son is going to be a womaniser?...
A. 29 May 2008: There are (at least) two views on this question. First, of course I hope these women don't mean that they want their son to be a hurtful womanizer, breaking hearts left and right. That would NOT be good!! Second, I think maybe it's a kind of geneti... (read in full...)
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