A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Ok, I did something super dumb. I had this old facebook I made a while ago for kicks and I logged back in because i was bored. I saw my boyfriend online so I decided to start chatting with him. He started flirting and I let things get out of hand. I made up this big fake story about who I was and even sent him pics of someone else. He told me the girl in the pics were beautiful and he kept asking for my number and just incessantly flirting. I was flirting back. When I first started chatting with him he called me and told me about and when I asked him about it later he lied and said he ignored it... I can't believe he lied to my face, but in a way I lied too... Should I just let this thing go? Or should I confront him about it? I dont know... I feel like an idiot.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2011): Oh boy.First, let me say that I am a very loyal husband who would never, ever cheat on my wife. However, I am also human. I am not sure I would go so far as to ask for a phone number, but what you are doing is entrapment. He didn't go out of his way to solicit someone. This is a bad situation all around. I wouldn't tell him what you did, however neither would I ignore it. I would tell him that you have evidence (don't reveal what it is) that his Facebook chats are not always innocent and that he better shape up or ship out because he won't get any more chances after this.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2011): Go on there and flirt and then suggest meeting up. Then if he says yes, tell him it's you. That'll get you to the truth. And if he's cheating dump him as that sort will do it again.
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A
female
reader, caseymarie  +, writes (6 May 2011):
Personally I would try talking to him some more as this other girl. See if he is willing to go back to the flirting. If he does girl you gotta say something. So what if you were in the wrong look what he did to you. Sometimes we need to look deeper into things to protect ourselves. so many men a dogs! I noticed my bf on the computer a lot so i started looking into things. I found emails from girl on dating sites. I used my girls email address an emailed him as a different person. within less then 24 hrs he set up a sex date with this girl (me). I let the "date" follow through. He was waiting outside his house for this girl to pull up hahaha to bad he was so BUSTED!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2011): I agree with the male anon poster who said 99 out of 100 guys would have done the same. A friend of mine in her 30's found an old number and text her partner. She was curious to know if he could be trusted. He spent days chatting her up and wanted to meet her. I said that was awful of him. She urged me to try it with my partner at the time and I did. Same result. I didnt encourage him either, he just went crazy with texts and attempts at calling me. I couldnt answer for obvious reasons, so said i didnt want to speak to him. And then he got his workmates to call instead, hoping i would answer to a different number. Its a very good way to find out if you are with The One or just some guy whos settling with you. You know you are with one of the 99 now. So hold out for that 100th guy that wont ever cheat on you. He will be harder to find but well worth it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2011): I fully agree with caringguy. He hit the nail on the head
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A
female
reader, Manya +, writes (5 May 2011):
You are young and,as Caring Guy says, immature. On the whole, I wouldn't worry too much about the whole thing. Have you have heard of the song about Pina colada, where two people advertise for new lovers in the newspaper under aliases, and then when they meet, it's themselves? But they are happy about it, because they never really knew the other person before, they never knew the other person liked pina colada and getting caaught in the rain, etc. ??? It sounds like you and your friend don't know each other very well yet. Perhaps in a few years you will still be friends and laugh at this! Perhaps the reason he liked your personna was that her personality was like yours???? Don't take this too seriously, but maybe if you want to keep going out you might want to tell him the whole story? Or not. Best of luck and keep believing in love! But please don't do this again!!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2011): You could have done the same with virtually any guy and they would have reacted exactly the same way. Everyone likes to flirt and feel that someone is coming on to them - especially guys. 99 out of 100 would have taken your bait. If you don't believe me, go flirt in person or on line with a few guys and watch how they react. It's something to do with hormones I believe.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2011): Yes what you did was wrong and what he did was worse. I agree with caring guy, you should just end it, there's no point in being in a relationship where there's no trust.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (4 May 2011):
 Well, you did something dumb but you've also learned something about your boyfriend that I suspect you won't be able to ignore. I guess the question for you is, can you be happy with a boyfriend who flirts online with girls he doesn't know? Knowing that he asked for her number? I would take this as a sign that maybe he's not really great boyfriend material just yet, if ever.
Maybe the best thing to do is just to go back to casual dating and not have a boyfriend until you have a really good guy.
Now, if you're a flirt and give out your number to other guys, then maybe it's not that serious an offense on his part as I would take it to be.
So, this horse is out of the barn, I don't think you'll be able to go on pretending otherwise. I mean, you must have suspected something like this about him, otherwise you wouldn't have gone about it the way you did. Let him go, don't tie yourself down to any one guy just yet. Life's too short to be spending time worrying about cheaters, and at your age, you are far too young to put up with this kind of stuff. As is he.
Good luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2011): Did your boyfriend give you any reason to try and catch him out? He obviously is dishonest and you cant trust him if he was willing to get your number, he would do this with any girl and possibly more.
I would question how serious he is about the relationship, and to answer your question yes i would confront him. What defense would he have, that you shouldnt have done what you did?! which would be a laim defense, because if you hadnt have done that you wouldnt know his true character.
But what prompted you to do this was it really boardom or did you have a gut feeling that something wasnt right with him?
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (4 May 2011):
Just end it. You've both proved that you're not mature enough for relationships at all. Neither of you can actually trust each other, and both are willing to lie. Best to end it, live a little more life and then date when you're ready.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2011): got yourself into a right pickle didn't you ;)
what you did was wrong,
what he did is wrong, but you shouldnt confront him because this will only backfire onto you, you're the one in the wrong.
personally, i'd just keep it too myself and let it go, if you really really love him, stay with him, but dont keep logging on that account.
some guys are just the flirting type, i can help because im like that, i had a girlfriend, i always still used to flirt with other girls,
write back if you have more info x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2011): Pretend it never happened.
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