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... Send *anya a private message | | | *anya's profile:I live in the US, and friends always call me for advice! So I thought I could (hopefully)
help out a few people here on DearCupid. The only person I can't seem to advise is
myself. Although, after being a part of DearCupid for a few years, I feel I've gained some valuable insights on life & love.
One thing for sure, I am ALWAYS a believer that Love Conquers All!!!!!!!
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I'd like to get back together w/ my ex even though she cheated on me.
Q. My ex cheated on me with a womanizer. they were together for 8 months and then he cheated; everyone warned her but she wouldn't listen! I still have strong feelings for her, and (very illogical) would like to get back with her).. However, I don't...
A. 24 February 2008: Dear Tommy2K7,
It's FAB that you are continuing a previous question! I so often wonder what happens to those who ask for advice, whether it helps, etc.!
The previous answers still are relevant, like about REALLY getting over her cheating and... (read in full...)
Whenever I see him, I feel sick with nerves, and I feel sick when I hear the mention of his name and even when I see him in person or even think of him, is this normal?
Q. Hi I've just recently met a guy I like a lot. The trouble is, whenever I see him, I feel sick with nerves, and I feel sick when I hear the mention of his name and even when I see him in person or even think of him, is this normal? I keep wretchin...
A. 2 December 2007: That's wonderful! And thanks for getting back to all the Agony Aunts with this
update! It gives everyone hope, that love happens, sometimes in its own
time, but feelings are real!!!
Best of luck!!... (read in full...)
My current bf is a lot like my ex. I don't want to repeat what happened - what should I do?
Q. Ive been seeing this guy recently for a couple of weeks and I really like him and he really likes me too. The only thing I have so far seen that may stop this working out in the long run is that he works so much! He works 50, nearly 60 hours a week! ...
A. 19 September 2007: Hi! I think this was the standard reason, at least when I was growing up, why doctors had so much difficulty in their marriages -- the long hours!
I saw a thing on Dr. Phil where it was the oppostite situation, where the woman was very mate... (read in full...)
Is it normal for a guy not to let go of the last relationship when he's involved in the next one?
Q. Dear Cupids I have been with this guy for four months now. He is wonderful and very appreciating of me. We are very good friends and the relationship is progressing well. When we started he told me he was dating someone who is 1000 miles away ...
A. 18 September 2007: You acted with great courage to seize up the situation so clearly and move your stuff out! Others could benefit from
your example, because if you two are ever going to "get it
right," he needs to be trustworthy and to answer openly to your question... (read in full...)
I cheat on my fiancee all the time, but its his fault cause he got me into computers
Q. I am engaged to a wonderful man who i love,but i am addicted to cheating.It seems so easy,they are all available on the internet. He has almost caught me twice,but luckily i turned it around on him and now he has to prove to me that he`s not a ...
A. 21 August 2007: For goodness sake, STOP CHEATING!!!! THIS MOMENT!! Find some other ways
to fill your time. Goodness, if you're engaged,shouldn't you have other things to think about? Please take up a hobby like running or knitting! Why not bake him some cook... (read in full...)
Will the weight i have gained make him leave me?
Q. I have put on weight recently and dont let my boyfriend see me completly naked and he is getting upset about it, will he get bored and move on?...
A. 20 August 2007: I know this feeling, but everyone's weight fluctuates. He should love you whether you're gaining or losing! If he gets "bored" about you being a little heavier, then he sounds awfully shallow! Some girls are too thin and its dangerous, you ma... (read in full...)
He says he loves both of us, i'm not sure whether to continue.
Q. I am in love with a guy who loves me too but the problem is that he has a girlfriend who is in university at the moment and she has been gone for 3 years. He says he loves both of us and we spend a lot of time togther. Am so confused i don't know ...
A. 20 August 2007: I can see why you're confused, as Anonymous wrote, the sense of him being also with his other girlfriend will totally confuse how you feel about him and could intensify feelings that might otherwise not bear the light of day. I'm sure he also lov... (read in full...)
I used to be such a strong willed person and this situation is just draining me.
Q. I've been having the worst time of my life over the past year. I was made redundant last July 06 and haven't found a permanent job yet! I've just finished a 6 month fixed term job; had 4 interviews last months and still no job. I'm also in the ...
A. 17 August 2007: HI! You know they say that you must choose your battles. I think that if you are really bonded to this guy, breaking away AND looking for a new job is just too much to put on your own head. I would say, concentrate on looking for the new job and... (read in full...)
I'd like to get back together w/ my ex even though she cheated on me.
Q. My ex cheated on me with a womanizer. they were together for 8 months and then he cheated; everyone warned her but she wouldn't listen! I still have strong feelings for her, and (very illogical) would like to get back with her).. However, I don't...
A. 17 August 2007: If you really love her and there's a lot of substance between you two, being a shoulder to cry on is not the worse thing to be! But if you want her back for yourself you do need to assert your Manhood, as Danielepew suggests. She was unfaithf... (read in full...)
I've got a lot of deadlines to meet before I get back to school and I'm considering dropping one of my subjects...
Q. I really need some good unbiased advice. I'm doing ten gcse's at the moment (just about to do my second year of them) and I'm currently suffering from depression which doesn't help. I've got a lot of deadlines to meet before I get back to school a...
A. 14 August 2007: Not familiar with this program. How much time is left in the
term? Could you switch to pass/fail? Will it be costly to
let it drop, and would you be a lot happier? I mean, do you need it for your major? Could you take it next term?
Don't tor... (read in full...)
Whenever I see him, I feel sick with nerves, and I feel sick when I hear the mention of his name and even when I see him in person or even think of him, is this normal?
Q. Hi I've just recently met a guy I like a lot. The trouble is, whenever I see him, I feel sick with nerves, and I feel sick when I hear the mention of his name and even when I see him in person or even think of him, is this normal? I keep wretchin...
A. 14 August 2007: I think if he's sitting on a fence across from your house
that he likes you a lot! It sounds like you both like each
other. He probably did run out of credit on his phone, I
would believe it.
There's no harm in inviting him in for coffee. That... (read in full...)
SITE NEWS: We had over quarter of a million people visit the site over the past month!
Q. Just checking the site stats. We had another milestone... for the first time, in the past 30 days, we had over quarter of a million people visit the site... not 250,000 "hits" or "visits" but actual unique visitors! As counted by Google Anal...
A. 8 August 2007: Must be doin' something right ;-) !!!!!!
Manya... (read in full...)
We're getting married! But all of a sudden, I'm scared that I am making a huge mistake.
Q. I'm due to be married in a few weeks time. Thing is, I don't know if I'm doing the right thing!! I really thought it was what I wanted, at first when he proposed out of the blue I was rather taken aback, and I did say yes because I couldnt exactly ...
A. 7 August 2007: While it's true that sometimes you have to just "take the plunge" -- it sounds
like you have a few things to think through. However, it may be pre-wedding jitters
because you started to -- it appears -- feel this way three weeks before the
wed... (read in full...)
Whenever I see him, I feel sick with nerves, and I feel sick when I hear the mention of his name and even when I see him in person or even think of him, is this normal?
Q. Hi I've just recently met a guy I like a lot. The trouble is, whenever I see him, I feel sick with nerves, and I feel sick when I hear the mention of his name and even when I see him in person or even think of him, is this normal? I keep wretchin...
A. 7 August 2007: I agree with Polly - you are falling for this guy deeply! I sincerely hope that he
recipricates & that you two start going out. This is the time to look your best
and maybe put some of your thoughts into a poem/journal... Be positive!
Also, i... (read in full...)
I'm having a difficult time getting past the visual of her being kissed by another man. Please help!
Q. My fiance' and I had not been really getting along and pretty much things were going down the toilet for the past month. She left for a week to spend time with one of her girlfriends that she hasn't seen in a while. While on the trip they all go ...
A. 6 August 2007: It actually doesn't sound too bad. a.) she told you about it, so it bothered her, too. b.) he initiated it and took advantage of her feeling vulnerable. I know the feeling of trying to get past the visual on this kind of thing and all I can say... (read in full...)
I caught my husband cheating with his best friend; now he wants an open relationship with her and I. I can't accept it, what should I do? I'm desperate
Q. I recently caught my husband and best friend in an affair that as it turns out has been going on for seven years. She has always been around the house several times a week for the entire time. I thought something was going on about 4 years ago and ...
A. 27 July 2007: That sounds absolutely awful! I have one idea to add --- look in your phonebook, there may be a "battered woman's shelter" in your community. Or perhaps a church or whatever your religion is? Please get out of your house. You shouldn't have to
m... (read in full...)
I forgave her for cheating, I love her so much, but I fear the relationship is dying, please help!
Q. i really feel that my relationship is dying. weve been dating for one year and 8 months so far..i love her very much, and she is/was the love of my life so far. im only 20, but unlike most people my age, im only interested in long term relationshi...
A. 26 July 2007: I applaud BadBrit for his excellent man-to-man advice.
As a woman, I would like to add that you seem like a very sensitive, sweet
young man, who would be faithful and true to the right girl.
In this day and age, you are a real find for some luc... (read in full...)
He dumped me and says he needs to be on his own for a bit
Q. i have been dumped by my boyfriend of 18months. he said he couldnt give me what i wanted. i have been to see him and he cries. i want him back as i love him, but he says he needs to be on his own for a bit. i realised my mistakes. is it to late? ...
A. 26 July 2007: When did he dump you? It has to be the absolute worst
feeling in the world, like you've been run over by a truck! You need lots of
support from friends, from DearCupid, from family, etc.!!! go easy on yourself
and don't be alone!
However, it... (read in full...)
Am I wasting my time or will he change his mind in time?
Q. I was married 31 years, I met a wonderful man 9 months ago who was also married 25 years, his ex wife has moved on with someone else but he has still feelings for her. When I tell him I love him he just replies he is fond of me. He has told me he ...
A. 23 July 2007: I liked both other replies and thought them very insightful,but I want to know WHY you think you are wasting your time. Given the 31 year and 25 year marriages you've come out of, you seem impatient, maybe give it a few more months and really try ... (read in full...)
I catch her looking at me and it sends shivers down my spine her gaze is so intense... do you think she fancies me?
Q. Has this ever happened to you: I recently met at work this girl who is sooo like me, personality wise, sense of humour that I GET, and we clicked like that from the first day, and had such a laugh together and at the moment we're at the stage of ...
A. 20 July 2007: It sounds to me that you two may be falling in love. Definitely you should keep
going out together, and just take things as they come!
Her intensity may mean it's the real thing, but if it makes you feel weird, then
keep a little distance til... (read in full...)
I don't just have spotting, I seem to have it all the time. Sometimes it's blood, and sometimes it's this sort of a brown discharge thing that just won't go away. I have it every day!
Q. Sorry I know this isn't a relationship question but I don't know where else to go for advice! I just started taking birth control pills literally three weeks, almost a month ago. On the package it says for the first few months you can have irregul...
A. 14 July 2007: You might have what they call "breakthrough bleeding." If your gyno is busy (can't believe he/she is so inaccessible - maybe reconsider having this person!) try going to a walk-in clinic. you need to have it examined by a doctor to find out exac... (read in full...)
Can someone explain to me what love can do to you?
Q. Can someone explain to me what love can do to you? I've been reading many things on the internet about love and how seretin or somthing can decrease and how men don't have as much testosterone as normal. Is this true or just false? I have been wi...
A. 14 July 2007: DJ8433's answer is so man-to-man good there's not much to add! But I would add that it's possible that your mind is "regrouping" to take the romance to the next level, so you feel like you need to focus on other aspects of your life and see a little... (read in full...)
He's dating another girl so why is he still contacting me?
Q. My ex and I broke up almost 3 months ago now but occasionally we have been still keeping in contact. I've told him 3 times already that we can't keep in contact anymore but this last time I got in touch with him again because I was feeling down ...
A. 14 July 2007: You don't say how long you dated before you broke up with this guy, but
it sounds like you were close and it was only natural for you to call him when you were sad because of your grandmother's death. Maybe he had even met
your grandmot... (read in full...)
I fancy my teacher, what should I do?
Q. Well.. i am 14 and i really like this teacher .. hes gorgeous and i like him so much . and i no its wrong but i cant help it . i don't no what to do? any advice?...
A. 14 July 2007: Flower girl is right. You should keep it as a crush. I remember having a crush on a teacher in 9th grade, but just kept it to myself. Meanwhile, I went to the Sweetheart Dance with a boy my own age. I think you should look for a boyfriend your own... (read in full...)
I'm 30 years old and still a virgin, is this normal?
Q. I'm 30 years old but still a virgin. Is this normal? Ive never had a girlfriend. I'm not ugly just very shy. Its more out of circumstance than not been "lucky" ie i work weekdays and look after my gran on the weekend. Will i ever get...
A. 12 June 2007: Sometimes it happens, but you aren't THAT old! You have to restructure your
free time in order to "get out there" and be socially active. Maybe you just are
waiting for the right person, but you may have to kiss some frogs before you
find your... (read in full...)
He says the phrase "I love you" is overused. So how do I tell him that I really do love him?
Q. Been seeing my boyfriend a year and wanna say i love you, but he has said to me in the past he thinks the words are overused. Now I don't know if I should say it. When is the best time to say something like that? I'm finding it a big deal because ...
A. 4 June 2007: Although it was good to read Childof1981"s answer, I think i would go with what the other Aunts have said, and tell him that you love him. I like Stina's idea of leading up to it with telling him how you feel, would add that depending on what he'... (read in full...)
Anyone who doesn't grovel at my feet is not worth my time. How do I get over my ego??
Q. I find it joyful to see someone beg down to me and ask for mercy so that I can then decide as to what I should do with that person. Basically I can only relate with someone who can surrender to my ego. If they don't, I just ignore them or can't ...
A. 4 June 2007: I agree with what the other aunts are saying, and i want to add that the fact
that you wrote this letter is a sign that you don't think the way you are acting is the way to happiness!
Have you seen the movie called, I think, The Secretary, with Jam... (read in full...)
Does my gf not value my opinions? Any advice?
Q. I was left feeling felt un-needed, Last night i spent over an hour helping my girlfriend sort out a problem.... not a huge one but still... The problem was: She has work today for a temping agency and at the same time she has a job interview......
A. 31 May 2007: HI again,
Now that you explained more fully, I can see that it's part of a pattern of response from her, & that's why you reacted so strongly.
It makes me wonder what my bf is thinking for example last weekend when
we were in the subway, ... (read in full...)
We're drifting apart and my husband says he's burned out! But I don't want a divorce...any advice?
Q. Hi, I am wondering if my marriage is going to survive. My husband and I have been drifting apart for sometime now. Now, he say he is burn out on the marriage and thinks we should both go and find our own happiness. Divorce has come up to, but ...
A. 24 May 2007: First, how long have you been married, and how long have you both realized that you're drifting apart? Divorce is an extremely serious decision, and you
shouldn't give up unless you both think very deeply about this. Him, too!! Have you
thoug... (read in full...)
Does my gf not value my opinions? Any advice?
Q. I was left feeling felt un-needed, Last night i spent over an hour helping my girlfriend sort out a problem.... not a huge one but still... The problem was: She has work today for a temping agency and at the same time she has a job interview......
A. 24 May 2007: Look at it this way, her own father gave the same advice as you, and surely she must value her Dad's opinion, so therefore if she values your opinion the same as her father's, that's not too bad!!
Cheer up!
Temp agencies are sometimes pretty f... (read in full...)
Wanted: Your feedback and ideas for DearCupid... !
Q. Hi I'm looking for your feedback and ideas for DearCupid. Either reply to this thread or send me a private mail :-) Got an idea for a new feature? Want to tell me what works well? What's not up to scratch? If you're in the UK hope you're n...
A. 11 April 2007: Hi Cupid!
I was wondering how it's going with the idea for an explicit-ness filter?
Have seen some questions from quite young persons! I feel they should
only have limited access to the site. There's a big difference between
"How can I say hello ... (read in full...)
So many boys want to date me but I reject them all for my married neighbor who is 40! Any advice?
Q. I'm 16 and is madly in love with my neighbor age 44 (looks 30). He is married but only see his family twice a mth over weekends coz they are overseas. We have been seeing each other almost daily for past 2 yrs, but he would only kiss and hug me. I ...
A. 10 April 2007: My gut reaction is to say, try to distance yourself from this man. He is vulnerable because he sees his family so rarely, and you should respect them.
if you turn 18 and he gets divorced, that would be different. But for now, I
think you are livi... (read in full...)
She cheated on me and we broke up, Ive bumped into her again, We still love each other but I cant get hurt again!! What should I do ?
Q. Hi. i have a really big dilemma. I was with my girlfriend for 2 years, then she went to uni and eveythu=ing went worng. she cheated on me once, and then lied to me about ohter smaller issues, and my paranoia adn insecurity went through the roof, so ...
A. 10 April 2007: I agree with Eyes and Irish49 -- and think Irish49's insight about love and the risk of hurt especially excellent.
It's possible that she was just not ready the first time around, being young and
going off to University and maybe, with much for... (read in full...)
I don't feel he's treating her right but I don't know what to do either! Please advise.
Q. Hello all. I'm once again, needing advice from you all. An agony aunt myself, I thought it would be best to see other people's opinions on views on what I should do, rather than what I "see" as the right thing to do. A girl I used to go out w...
A. 9 April 2007: Hello again!
If she's losing sleep over this, then it may be a bigger issue than I thought.
Perhaps she's afraid to talk it over with him because she can't bear to put her heart (and his feelings for her) on the line. He may reveal reassuri... (read in full...)
I don't feel he's treating her right but I don't know what to do either! Please advise.
Q. Hello all. I'm once again, needing advice from you all. An agony aunt myself, I thought it would be best to see other people's opinions on views on what I should do, rather than what I "see" as the right thing to do. A girl I used to go out w...
A. 8 April 2007: Hi! I know your main concern is the happiness of your former girlfriend, and she's lucky to have a friend like you who still cares about her so much! Obviously the kiss is of concern to her, which must mean that she and her current guy may b... (read in full...)
I'm in love with my male friend, can friends male and female date ?
Q. I am a 44 year old female and I am in love with my guy friend, he is 47 years old. Can friends ( guy and girl) date?...
A. 6 April 2007: This is somehow a strange question. If you are "just" friends, are you afraid that "dating" will ruin your friendship, if it doesn't work out? That is a big question. However, if you are in love with him, as you say, I think it is definitely worth... (read in full...)
I'm worried about my friend....
Q. I'm really worried about my friend. She is 13, almost 14 and has lost 20 pounds. The girls in her grade excluded her and made up rumors. She became depressed, and stopped eating, except at school. Her 2 boyfriends dumped her because they felt ...
A. 15 March 2007: I'm so glad to hear that your friend is starting to eat, and I'm sure a lot is due to having a warm, caring concerned friend like you! But you are still worried. This may sound like too much, but if she starts losing weight again, and/or gets ver... (read in full...)
Wanted: Your feedback and ideas for DearCupid... !
Q. Hi I'm looking for your feedback and ideas for DearCupid. Either reply to this thread or send me a private mail :-) Got an idea for a new feature? Want to tell me what works well? What's not up to scratch? If you're in the UK hope you're n...
A. 15 February 2007: Hi again!
I really think the site is close to perfect as is, and shouldn't be too complex or try to do everything. Also, I think the replies are plenty fast enough -- it's good for the poster to process mentally a little as he/she awaits t... (read in full...)
I got a valentine's message on my phone that this person loves me. I haven't cheated and this has caused so much trouble. What should I do?
Q. yesterday was valentines, my boyfriend and i started the day as usual in a loving way, he dropped me at work and i left my cell phone with him, sometime during the day i received a valentine msg from a friend who i know from a long time which said" ...
A. 15 February 2007: This is one problem with the current technology -- all kinds of misunderstandings can arise! Sounds like the man who called was feeling a little lonely on Valentine's Day, and remembered you as a very nice person and wanted to let you know this, ... (read in full...)
Wanted: Your feedback and ideas for DearCupid... !
Q. Hi I'm looking for your feedback and ideas for DearCupid. Either reply to this thread or send me a private mail :-) Got an idea for a new feature? Want to tell me what works well? What's not up to scratch? If you're in the UK hope you're n...
A. 12 February 2007: Hi Andrew,
Thank you for the "followup" information, I didn't realize there were two types of followups!
I had an idea about the national flags, as per Stina, TasteofIndia and Maxsteel86's question.
Perhaps DearCupid could have link to a fl... (read in full...)
I have feelings for another guy, yet love my bf! What is going on with me?
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for 4 years. The spark has gone. There is someone else at work that has caught my eye. I have a house together with my boyfriend. I am scared that I suddenly have feelings for someone else but love my boyfirend. He ...
A. 12 February 2007: I agree with the previous answers, but think it important to add that you should be very careful, because if you DID break up with your boyfriend to follow up on the new feelings, what if it's a disaster & there you've gone and lost such a
t... (read in full...)
Wanted: Your feedback and ideas for DearCupid... !
Q. Hi I'm looking for your feedback and ideas for DearCupid. Either reply to this thread or send me a private mail :-) Got an idea for a new feature? Want to tell me what works well? What's not up to scratch? If you're in the UK hope you're n...
A. 9 February 2007: Dear A. This website is truly a gem, and my only suggestion is not one that I have a solution for. It just seems that the flow of questions goes so fast that a response is most likely to happen only on the day that the question is posed. ... (read in full...)
How do I tactfully raise her perfume use with her... and what do you recommend?
Q. Two questions really. How do I tactfully tell my girlfriend that I really don't like the perfume she likes (it smells kinda strong and bitter)? She got some new stuff over Xmas that I adored and kept telling her how nice she smelt but she d...
A. 8 February 2007: She probably likes & feels most comfortable with her usual perfume. Maybe she's even saving the Christmas one! Definitely get her some nice perfume for Valentine's Day,
and maxsteel86 has good advice on that. Some men would come right out and say ... (read in full...)
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These are mutual friends, so *anya has
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