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*r. John agony aunt

*r. John

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*r. John's profile:

I am a husband of 28 years with a 28 year old son and a 24 year old daughter. (And a pretty one at that.)

I live about 35 miles south of Tulsa, Oklahoma, USA.

Currently a mechanical engineer in a division of the company that makes Peterbuilt and Kenworth trucks and winches, but have recently earned my Phd. in Psychology.

Now all I have to do is pay off my tuition and I will have my diploma in my hot little hand.

I have lots of life experience as well and the desire to help all whom I can.

I am also have interests in physics, chemistry, genetics, astronomy and other areas of science.

< Prev123456789101112Next > [12 pages, 455 answers]

Do you think he's checked his email yet or has he freaked out that I asked him to the prom?

Q.   Ok, in my last question, I asked about a guy from camp. The problem with this situation is that the only contact I have with him now is over the email. I actually invited him to prom a few weeks ago over the email, cleverly(or so I thought) phrasing ...

A.   13 February 2007: If he is anything like me, :o I have almost had e-mail accounts shut down because I have forgotten for too long to check them. I would just send him another polite message saying that you thought that you were afraid your previous message may have... (read in full...)

Any 'handjob' techniques you can share with me?

Q.   hey guys I've been with my boyfriend about 2 monthes and when he fingers me, it turns me on and i really really like it, but when I try to give him a handjob, sometimes hes shivers and goes Oh and stuff, but it's very hit and miss. can I ask how ...

A.   13 February 2007: The quickest and easiest way to answer all your questions on this subject is to have you check out the website link I am providing. Hope it helps. Doc. http://www.jackinworld.com/... (read in full...)

How and when do you go about telling a person you've recently met that you're saving sex for marriage?

Q.   This is regarding the other two question here about the 24 yr old guys wanting to save sex until his wedding night. I am also a 24 yr old virgin waiting for marriage, I replied to both questions but now I have a question for them. How do you go ...

A.   13 February 2007: This depends on whether or not he is a stand up guy. If a guy truly cares anything about you he will be more than happy to go along with your wishes especially in a case of virginity. Btw, let me say even though I don't know you I am proud of you. ... (read in full...)

Should you remain friends with your ex after they cheat on you?

Q.   Should you remain friends with your ex after they cheat on you? After 4 years of being in a relationship with my girlfriend. She met a guy a work. She went out to lunch with him and kept it from me. After 2 weeks she told me about it. My girlfrien...

A.   13 February 2007: You have been hurt. It would be very difficult for me to carry on a friendly relationship with someone that has hurt me like that. However, I have known many that are perfectly willing to be friends with the offending party. In many cases it dep... (read in full...)

Why doI crush after this other guy when I love my bf sooo much?

Q.   Hi..I've been with my bf for one and a half years and we are sooooooooo very much in love!! Things are going great, could not be better and he's become even more loving than usual of late, we're so crazy about each other, it's sooooo obvious to ...

A.   13 February 2007: Have you ever heard the old saying; You always want what you can't have? You may even just want something you see in him that you don't see in your bf. You are in a difficult situation, and not being able to sit down one on one with you makes it... (read in full...)

He can't seem to cope, being alone with me...I .think he is scared of his feelings for me! Advice please?

Q.   Hello, I have a troubled relationship with my ex-boyfriend. I fell in love with him a year ago, but this coincided with him falling ill and having to move to another country to be with his family....have asked several questions about him. An...

A.   13 February 2007: I apologize for the link if you can't get it to work. I checked it after submitting it and it didn't work because it did not activate the entire link. Here it is again and perhaps this one will work. If you can you may need to copy the link and ... (read in full...)

He can't seem to cope, being alone with me...I .think he is scared of his feelings for me! Advice please?

Q.   Hello, I have a troubled relationship with my ex-boyfriend. I fell in love with him a year ago, but this coincided with him falling ill and having to move to another country to be with his family....have asked several questions about him. An...

A.   13 February 2007: I am afraid you alone are the only one that can make the decision as to what to do here. However, have you heard the saying; If you love something set it free? This may be what you will have to do. Check out the link I am providing. It may help ... (read in full...)

What is the secret in attracting and nice guy and having a long term relationship with him?

Q.   Help! iam 19 but have never had a boyfriend. I don't think I am unattractive but I never get any guys interested in me. This is really getting me down as I feel like I want to be in a long-term relationship. How can I attract men and get a ...

A.   13 February 2007: I have the key to that question! BE YOURSELF! So many times people will put on a show to impress someone they think they may like only to find out later that they are incompatible. And don't sell yourself short. My daughter is 22 and feels she is... (read in full...)

Why can't I leave my husband? What is this hold he has over me?

Q.   my husband and i have been through so many things and as a result we held on tight even when we probably shouldn't have. Now our marriage is barely hanging on. he is constantly angry, goes out almost every friday and often a night or two during the ...

A.   13 February 2007: You may be having a feeling of what if. What if you could have done somthing to correct things and he would have changed for the better. Let me tell you, I think things are to a point where they cannot be salvaged. You may think subconciousl... (read in full...)

I just gave my bf my first blowjob and it was horrible! Now he wants me to do it again-what should I do?

Q.   I just had oral sex for the 1st time it was horrid and my boyfriend wants me to do it again...should i or not..im scerd if i say no he will dump me...but im in love with him and i dont want to lose him over not sucking his dick..what should i ...

A.   13 February 2007: You may need some time to get used to the idea of oral sex. Some never get used to the idea. I think you need to sit down with him and tell him that you need to take it a little slower in that area. He should understand. If not, he has little r... (read in full...)

I have this fetish about being attracted to fat women. How do I lose this way of thinking?

Q.   I'm a 21 year old male. I've always been attracted to fat girls. The main trouble is, it's more than just a preference, I'm completely obsessed with the thought of them getting fatter, outgrowing clothes, getting stuck, breaking chairs usually e...

A.   12 February 2007: There may be an underlying reason for this. You may want to seek counceling and perhaps this will take care of the problem. Doc.... (read in full...)

My girlfriend accepted my marriage proposal a while back, now she's saying she doesn't want to be with me any more? What can I do?

Q.   Me and my girlfriend have been dating for some time now and i asked her to marry me not too far back and she said yes, but now she says she can't deal with with having a boyfriend anymore. I dont know what to do last time this happend she slept with ...

A.   12 February 2007: You really need to get in front of her and find out what the problem is. You say this has happened before. You can bet there is once again something going on. You just need to find out what it is and go from there. Hope things work out for you... (read in full...)

Will he ever change back to the sweetheart he once was, or should I just walk away from this?

Q.   iv been n a relationship for about 6yrs, i know im inlove with him but feel completely unloved by him. we still havent moved in together but he stays every night he doesnt pay towards anything excpt half on the electric bill. he never wants me to go ...

A.   12 February 2007: It doesn't sound to me like he has any intention of reverting back to what he once was. I presume you have a sexual relationship with him or why would he be staying overnights. He has all he could ask for. You are satisfying him without him havi... (read in full...)

She had one missing condom in the box. I know I didn't use it--so who did?

Q.   been with my girl for 6 months..love her, trust her, ect..about 3 weeks ago she bought a box of condoms b/c we both decided we should start using them b/c of the possibilty of getting pregnant. I have been sick for the past 2 weeks and have not been ...

A.   12 February 2007: I don't think I would be too quick to judge. Any number of things could have happened to it. Too many times I have heard of someone accusing another of something only to find out that what actually happened was not at all what was thought happened... (read in full...)

Her insecurities and breakdowns are causing me great distress! What should I do?

Q.   Hello. Ive been in a relationship for five years, but its been extremely difficult lately. My girlfriend has always been very insecure and is always breaking down in tears. I am always very compassionate towards this but its started to drain me ...

A.   12 February 2007: Did you just take her on because she didn't have any problems or because you found out you loved her? You need to give that a good hard look. No matter what you are putting up with because of her, she is putting up with trouble ten times worse. ... (read in full...)

How can I get my ex lover out of my mind?

Q.   Okay Guys heres a problem that i could really use your advice with. I have been married(mostly happily) for ten years but the past 18months have been really difficult.I lost both my remaining grandparents,had trouble galore getting my young...

A.   12 February 2007: You are in quite a difficult situation. If you want to get someone to press a button put a sign on it that says "Danger Do Not Press". The human mind is such that a person almost cannot keep from pressing that button even though there might be cons... (read in full...)

At what age does a guy's voice break?

Q.   dear agony aunts i am a 15 year old boy.i would like to know at what age will a boy break his voice, as i have a really deep voice and cant speak properly on the phone and no-one understands me. i would like to know when will my voice be smoothe...

A.   12 February 2007: It should not take long for things to level out. However, in the mean time you might try things to sooth the vocal cords like warm liquids such as tea or broth and even cough drops can help. I have taken singing lessons and even though you may not ... (read in full...)

What is the average sized penis for a guy?

Q.   hi, im 15. my gfs 17. i was talking to her about penis size, and started going thru them and what she though eg(1 inch? 2 inch? 3INch?), well i said my penis size and she laughed at it, im 4 inch 5. she laughed at all other sizes up to 4.5 an sed 5 ...

A.   12 February 2007: Don't worry about it. When the time comes you will learn what it takes to satisfy her. I have heard of good and successful relationships where a guy has had only two inches. Yes 2". The trick is to learn what it takes. As the old saying goes, it ... (read in full...)

How do I kiss a girl?

Q.   i really like dis girl and wana kiss her! but how? first tym! i will meet her quickley on valentines to give her sum suprise flowers! plz help as many ppl as possible asap. fanx oh ye were 16...

A.   12 February 2007: Part of the fun of the first kiss is learning how. You have seen it done, just let it come naturally. You will get there. Doc.... (read in full...)

How can I get my brother to cut me some slack?

Q.   I have a troubled and stressful relationship with my brother who keeps trying to get inside me and know my thoughts and sort of try to publicize them and gets joy out of these. He doesn't believe i should have anything personal of my own that he ...

A.   11 February 2007: I am the oldest of three boys and the one just younger than me has always been jelous of me even though he has taken on the posture of an older brother. The key to the situation is, who is actually the more mature one. It sounds like you are and ... (read in full...)

Why is my boyfriend so critical about physical appearance?

Q.   I have been with my boyfriend for 2 years and I am just beginning to realize that he is very critical about physical apperance. I love him and want to be with him but he just doesnt get that when he makes critical comments that it really damages me. ...

A.   11 February 2007: It sounds to me like he is a bit self centered. He needs to realize that who people are is not necessarily what they look like. Often you will see in the animal kingdom birds that will dance around or fluff out their feathers and beat their wing... (read in full...)

I'm going out with a boy but he keeps hitting me and I can't explain the bruises to my parents.

Q.   i am goin out with this boy, but he keeps hitting me and treating me like a pig. wat shall i do? i dunno how to explain 2 my parents with the bruises are HELP wb xxx...

A.   11 February 2007: Hun, you tell him to stop the hitting or hit the road. I have never hit anyone of the opposite sex and there is NO reason for someone to be abusive to their partner. My son just started a relationship with a girl and she breaks down and cries be... (read in full...)

Is there hope to get my bf to be less controlling?

Q.   My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years now and things are getting really bad. The first 6 months I was with him, I cheated on him numerous times. Now I have stopped but he insists on running my life. How do I get him to be the way he ...

A.   11 February 2007: This is the main reason behind dating. you can easily get to know someone and how they will react in different situations. It sounds to me like this is just one of his problems that has finally reared its ugly head so don't expect it to go away. To... (read in full...)

I've never dated before, so when he stares at me, smiles, and is kind-does that mean he likes me?

Q.   I've liked this guy for almost 4 months, but I'm really shy, so we've only talked a couple of times. I try to flirt with him, but I don't know if he likes me. Sometimes he stares at me, smiles, and is kind. Some of his friends talk to me, and others ...

A.   11 February 2007: Don't try to rush things sugar. You are still young and have plenty of time to think about boys and such. You are still a kid so be one at least for awhile longer. In answer to your question, just talk to him. He will respond. It sounds like he ... (read in full...)

How can I stop looking at porn?

Q.   I have a big problem at looking at porn....I usally look it up once every day......I need some help or advice to stop this bad habbit i would be verry gratefull for some feedback. thanks....

A.   11 February 2007: I applaud you sir. It is really something that you even recognize the fact that you have a problem. That with the fact that pornography is everywhere we look these days doesn't help matters. It will not be an easy thing for you to get away from bu... (read in full...)

I can't get over her past! What can I do to get over it? Advice greatly appreciated.

Q.   a few years ago, i was in a relationship that resulted in a having a child. we were together for 3 months before she go pregnant and we were getting ready to have the baby. one day i found her diary and read about all of her sexual activities. it ...

A.   11 February 2007: We all have skeletons in our closets. The problem is that sometimes it takes some time and effort to clean out our closets. The key to the whole situation is love. What is it the bible says? "Love covers a multitude of sins"? How much do you thin... (read in full...)

I'm so hurt by what he did.... :o(

Q.   me and my bf have been going out 3 months. today i found a conversation he had with his x on msn she webcammed him dirty pics and he egged her on and asked if she still fancied him i saw it and walked out i came back after an hour he s...

A.   11 February 2007: This doesn't sound like a very mature thing for him to do but guys do have the tendancy to take a little longer to mentally mature and this may just be a kind of adolescent act that will pass. If you love him like you say you do, be on guard but ... (read in full...)

I don't feel the same about my girlfriend any more but don't want to hurt her. Any ideas of how to break it gently to her?

Q.   Hi I have been in a relationship for little over a year now and I am begining to lose interest in the girl. After the first six months of the relationship I thought this girl was the one. But recently I have not felt the same way. She wants to ...

A.   11 February 2007: That is what dating is all about, finding out if this is the person you want to spend the rest of your life with. Or should be all about. You need to do the gentlemanly thing and mabe go for a walk in a park or on a seashore etc. and try to brea... (read in full...)

I'm a virgin and absolutely petrified of having sex! Please help.

Q.   Hi, I really need help. I have been with my boyfriend for almost 7 months now (and for 4 years previous to that we were best friends). We had a short break in our relationship about 2 months ago, this was because things were'nt really moving forward ...

A.   11 February 2007: Sweetheart, you are still a bit young to be concerning yourself with becoming sexually active at this point. If you take pride at all in still having your virginity then you should take a good hard look at whether or not you want to give it up that... (read in full...)

I feel like he contributes nothing and I cant do this on my own!!

Q.   My husband and I have been married for 2 years and have a beautiful 11 month old daughter. I love him so very much but I feel as though he contributes nothing to our relationship or daughter. He works, but as for actually being part and taking p...

A.   11 February 2007: I know exactly how this situation is but from HIS point of view. Don't get me wrong. I am not going to stick up for him. Don't discount how hard he may work (I don't know what he does or his personality) and he may mentally bring his work home wit... (read in full...)

I want more from my 'friend with benefits' but he's not ready!!

Q.   I really like this guy i meet a few months ago and he liked me , so we slept together after a few weeks anyway , after that he told me he just wants to be mates who pleasure each other , which i agreed to at first but now i really fallen for him and ...

A.   11 February 2007: It doesn't sound like you should waste your time waiting for him to come around. I have seen this type before and they usually don't want a relationship of any consequence because they like "playing the part of the playboy". Something you should a... (read in full...)

Was he just playing or did he feel the same??

Q.   Well I know this guy who I meet trough my friends,we spoke couple of time and thats it and i never actually felt attracted to him or anything. So last weekend when I went to my friends 15th birthday party, he was there. We started a conversa...

A.   11 February 2007: It could simply be that he is waiting to see where you want to go with this. It sounds like he has knocked the ball into your court so now its your play. Give the fire a little more fuel but not so much that you smother the flame. Just go to him and ... (read in full...)

Should I let my bf meet my disasterous Dad??

Q.   Hi, I'm 18 and dating a guy who's a bit older than me (he's in his mid 20s). So far everything's been fantastic. My family and friends approve so there aren't problems there. The one person who doesn't approve is my dad. When he found out about ...

A.   11 February 2007: I think I see why your parents are no longer married. I think your best course of action is just to prepare your bf for the meeting and let it go. He bound to meet him eventually anyway especially if at some point you decide to marry this guy. My ... (read in full...)

I feel like i've reached my limit!

Q.   Hi, I've kind of got to the stage where I need some advice. I'm 25 and my girlfriend is 22. We've been together for 5 years. I do love her, but recently i've been seriously considering ending it. I did date girls before her, but she was my first...

A.   11 February 2007: How much do you love her? You can put up with ANYTHING that comes up providing you do actually love her. When I married my wife it didn't take me long to figure out she was holding in a lot of anger and problems. It took me some time to get ... (read in full...)

How do I get help to open up??

Q.   Dear cupid, I'm 18 and my boyfriend is 23. We have been together since June 2006. I have Avoidant Personality Disorder and it is creating problems for me and my boyfriend. We are not as close as we should be and we do not know eachother as well as ...

A.   11 February 2007: I do understand your problem and I know that treatment could involve Psychodynamic therapy, Cognitive-behavioral therapy, Group therapy, Interpersonal therapy, Self-hypnosis and more. I presume you are in the UK so I don't know for sure what reso... (read in full...)

Need more info on female masturbation and orgasms..any advice?

Q.   Hi there! I'm an 18 year old female who still doesn't really understand the art of female masturbation. For years since I was like 8 I've really enjoyed putting a pillow between my thighs and after a few mins I get a kinda high although I understand ...

A.   11 February 2007: In many cases the problem with little or no orgasm is mostly a mental issue although there are cases where the problem is a physical issue although rare. You may or may not have heard of the G-Spot! This is a spot in the anterior vaginal wall abou... (read in full...)

I'm confused, who should I choose?

Q.   I have been in a relationship with this lovely girl for 5 weeks now, i am not in love with her but like her a lot. However I do seem to be in love with my best friends sister, I have been out with her a lot as a group, ie my best friend her husband ...

A.   11 February 2007: In my opinion you need to back off a bit and let the tide take you where it will. If you push too hard in the wrong direction you will end up with undesired results. If you back off and let nature take its course things should fall into place natu... (read in full...)

Have any of you dated a guy who looks so hot now but was geeky in school?

Q.   Have any of you ever dated a guy after high school that was older and you thought wasn't the hottest and maybe a geek or something? but he is soo much more good looking now. Would you feel guilty for dating him now? I mean i never talked to him ...

A.   11 February 2007: No, sorry, I haven't dated any guys at all. lol From a purely male point of view.....Go for it. He obviousely found the need to improve his looks and that is a natural thing to do. Look at the animal kingdom. In all or almost all cases the ma... (read in full...)

I don't want to lose him! But he's ignoring me--what should I do?

Q.   I really love my boyfriend but over the last few days he won't return my calls and he is acting like I've done something wrong. I don't want to lose him or I will die! Please i really need some help..xxx...

A.   11 February 2007: You may have to take the bull by the horns so to speak and pry it out of him what his problem is. Get right in front of him and ask him face to face what is going on. It may not be you at all. He may be dealing with issues of his own that are taki... (read in full...)

I'm still thinking about my ex! Does this mean that I still love him and is this natural?

Q.   i have been goin out with this amazing lad for about 2 months but i cant stop thinking about my ex even though i have no feelings for him at all...well i dont think i do. i'm confused....does it mean that because i'm still thinking about m...

A.   11 February 2007: I wouldn't worry about it. You are still young. Before I married my wife she was with a bf for six years. we have now been married for 27 years and it has only been within about the last 10 years or so that she has not slipped on occasion ... (read in full...)

Horrified that I kissed my good friend's husband, while I was drunk! I feel badly about this- am I obliged to tell her?

Q.   I kissed my best friend's husband and I am feeling horrific On Friday night, my best friend, her husband and me got very drunk. We ended up skinnny dipping and when she went inside the house, her husband and I kissed. The problem is that I rememb...

A.   11 February 2007: I would not want to be in your shoes. If nothing more than a kiss happened, in my opinion you need to examine your own self concience. This would be a terrible thing to lose a friend over, so you may need to examine all the angles. What dam... (read in full...)

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