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How can she be so loving and say she wants me, for certain, in her life, then put up a wall?

Tagged as: Big Questions, Dating, Sex, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (11 October 2009) 2 Answers - (Newest, 11 October 2009)
A male United States age 51-59, anonymous writes:

My girlfriend and I are trying to get back together after having a serious fight. On Monday, she came out to visit me. We haven't made love in almost two months, but we have been communicating beautifully, were affectionate, told each other how much we loved each other, and the communication continued on this level through the whole week. Friday comes and I'm about to spend the weekend with her. I'm very affectionate and gentle, but she just puts up a wall, and suddenly she just wants to take things slow. I in now way, even initiated a lovemaking. She admitted to giving me mixed signals and was sorry, but I'm very confused. Am I setting myself up for heartbreak again? How can she be so loving and say she wants me, for certain, in her life, then put up a wall? On Saturday, I never even touched her, held her hand, kissed her, anything. Still we did have a good time together. My heart is being tugged back and forth. Is this just the normal behavior of a fickle woman?

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A male reader, CaringGuy United Kingdom +, writes (11 October 2009):

Be patient with her and talk to her. She'll be feeling insecure at the moment, so you need to show understanding and just keep talking to her and listening. Good luck.

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A male reader, Dr. John United States +, writes (11 October 2009):

Dr. John agony auntYou may have to confront her directly about this.

Ask her why she is doing what she is doing. It may be that she doesn't realize she is doing it and in asking her about it may make her aware.

In any case communication with her will be key.

Unless you have a crystal ball you may never be able to figure out what is going on unless you open a channel of communication with her. However, be willing to listen with an open mind and heart. I am reasonably sure she will want to share her feelings with you and in fact that could be what she is waiting for.

You obviously care about her so be patient. Doc

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