A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Dear Cupid.org: My question is this: I have been married for 25 years and recently I asked my husband why he was randomly driving around a neighborhood we do not live in. He preceded to tell me that I shouldn't ask him that. That he is 47 years old and he can go and do whatever he wishes. Is he right? Should I not have asked him why he was just driving around there? Is it good for our relationship for him to feel that he can do as he wishes and not have to "check with me" (his terms)?Since he tells me that I am wrong, I am very curious to see what someone else' take is on this topic.Thank you,M25years Reply to this Question |
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female
reader, rhythmandblues2 + ♥, writes (11 October 2009):
 I don't know why this is such a big deal, sounds like he was just in a bad mood or irritated about something else.
Does he generally never tell you where he is or where he is going? If not, I would just forget about his comment and move on.
My ex liked to just drive around sometimes and look at neighborhoods and houses, I think he just enjoyed checking them out and thinking about where he might like to live someday, or not.
I never questioned him why because I knew that about him and understood why he was doing it.
So not sure why this is a concern to you...really.
A
female
reader, quiet-echo  + ♥, writes (30 August 2009):
 It depends on how you asked the question. If he thought it was a demand for information or an interrogation, then I can understand his response. If you were asking conversationally, he can respond in kind.
A simple detour doesn't mean he was up to no good. Many people go for drives by themselves, sometimes it's as simple as just taking the long way home when we're running errands. That on its own is not a red flag.
Is it good for your relationship for either of you to be on a tight leash having to check in with the other for permission for something as simple as taking a drive by yourself?
Being in a relationship doesn't mean we cease being individuals.
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A
female
reader, Ginalolabridga  + ♥, writes (30 August 2009):
 No sorry he is wrong not you, we dont share half of our life with someone for to be treated like this so he is way out of line talking to you this way.
Find out why he is doing this what is it he is checking out?
Could be he is starting a mid life crisis and is checking out other women!
That was my first thought! i might be wrong ! bur when we want to hide things and dont want to answer our partner's questions on where we were, and what are you up too etc: there is usually a reason as to why they are being so secretive.
Delve further he is hiding something and he cant go do as he wishes does he forget he is married?
Maybe you need to remind him of that he seems to have forgotten!
Gina
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A
male
reader, Dr. John +, writes (30 August 2009):
 Dear M25,
You should not feel guilty for asking a simple question like that.
What is more, he should certainly not have a problem with answering it if he is not doing something he shouldn't.
True, some guys despize their wives "checking up" on them but the question "why" is what we learn from a very young age because we have an inate curiosity from then on.
Either he doesn't know the answer or he doesn't want you to know the reason he is doing what he is doing.
Maybe, though, just maybe he has a legitimate reason for going there. Just stand back and watch the situation objectively for awhile and I am reasonably sure you will find the answer and hopefully it will be a favorable one.
Doc
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