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She’s angry I didn’t tell her, her ex got married!

Tagged as: Friends, The ex-factor, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (16 February 2024) 5 Answers - (Newest, 21 February 2024)
A female United Kingdom age 30-35, anonymous writes:

I fear I have just lost a dear friend and long friendship over a silly mistake that I didn’t even know I made!

My friends fiancé cheated on her 3 years ago. Obviously she was devastated.

My friend does not have a facebook account, never has but at time I was friends with her fiancé on facebook and she told me to remove him as a friend - which I did. However we had a couple of friends in common so now and then I would see him tagged in posts.

My friend made it very clear she didn’t want to know anything that was going on with him. In fact another friend made the mistake of telling her that he and the woman he cheated on her with had move in together and she went mad and didn’t talk to that friend for a while.

So imagine my surprise when I see on Facebook tagged in was my friend who had gone to his wedding. Obviously I decided not to tell my friend seeing as she made it so clear she didn’t want to know anything!

A week later my friend called me, devastated as she had found out he got married and asked if I knew. I admitted I had seen the post on Facebook and she got angry at me for not letting her know.

Obviously this confused me and I told her so, seeing as she made it clear she didn’t want to ever know his business. She then said that him getting married was different and she had a right to know and I, being her friend should have told her.

She hasnt spoken to me in weeks. I’ve texted to apologize but she hasn’t responded.

Am I in the wrong?

View related questions: facebook, her ex, text, wedding

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2024):

About your 'friend'... you can tell her that somebody told you this:

She could care less about that guy that she's using as an excuse to draw people's attention and pity to herself. She craves attention and she's a drama queen who gets a kick out of throwing BS that purposely defy logic at people who, she's probably thinking, "if they don't realize they should not care, then they deserve to be mistreated by me".

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A male reader, kenny United Kingdom + , writes (20 February 2024):

kenny agony auntVery odd behaviour indeed, she made it quite clear that she never wanted to know, and to be honest she should have moved on with her life now and got over this.

We all have ex's, so what if they have tied the not now, the relationships done and dusted, water under the bridge.

no you never did anything wrong, far from it, i would also be inclined to refrain from contacting her again, like the other aunts said, i think i would right her off.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (17 February 2024):

Honeypie agony auntI'd leave her be.

YOU did nothing wrong. SHE had asked (or rather DEMANDED) that you do not tell her anything about HIS life.

You followed "orders".

She can't pick and choose what you CAN and CAN NOT tell her about him.

While I can absolutely feel sympathy with her betrayal 3 years ago, she needs to move on, to heal and live her life.

She is upset that he got married. She took it out on you, which is UTTERLY unfair.

So I'd put her on ice.

And in the future, do not let any of your friends dictate WHO you can and can not follow on social media.

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A female reader, Ciar Canada +, writes (17 February 2024):

Ciar agony auntI second female anon's response.

Your friend does NOT have a right to know what her ex is up to, especially 3 years after they parted.

Secondly, she'd already made it clear she didn't want to know what he was up to, and it was childish of her to not speak to your other friend for weeks.

Seriously, let this one go. She's a crappy friend. I suspect she's caused you and others a great deal of stress.

Don't reach out to her. Block and delete her and be grateful that you're able to get her out of your life without you being the bad guy.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2024):

Your friend is an absolute child, either that or she is going through some serious issues, none of which are your doing from what you have said.

To not speak to you over that is a joke. I mean it was 3 years ago for crying out loud. Has she not moved on since then?

As for him getting married being 'different'. It really isn't. She said she didn't want to know and you being a good friend, saved her the heart ache.

It really is none of her business what this man does and he would probably cringe if he knew this soft woman was still crying over him 3 years later. He might even even get a restraining order. That's how ridiculous your 'friend' is.

Personally i's write her off and move on yourself. I know it's hard but you have done nothing wrong here. You behaved like a good friend and she repaid you with a tantrum.

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