A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My husband and i last year took over my parents allotment. We’ve been very fortunate that we always have an abundance of fresh produce such as lettuce, cucumbers, onions, apples, figs, strawberries, carrots, cabbage etc…. So often we will give some to our friends and neighbors as it’s a bit too much just for us. Now we obviously don’t charge or accept money for the produce but people are usually quite generous- so if we give them our fruit/veg they will give us a box of chocolates or one neighbor makes his own wine so he sometimes gives us a bottle, or someone will give us a cake or pie they made as a way to thank us. Obviously not each time we bring stuff but now and then.We have these neighbors in particular- a married couple who love organic and fresh produce - she always knows how to use what we give her and she does a lot of preserving but they have never offered us anything in return- she makes her own jam as a hobby which she sells (prior to us taking over the allotment we bought some off her) it is a little over priced but very tasty. The other week I dropped off some produce (I’m not taking about a small batch, I’m talking a crate full) and she was bottling up some new flavored jam she made. She asked me if I’d like a jar once it was ready so I replied that I would. She said she’d drop me a jar over once she’d finished and on Sunday she bought me a jar and charged me for it!! Obviously it was my misunderstanding but I was so surprised she charged me especially as the amount of fruit and veg I give them is worth more than the cost of her jam! Before anyone starts defending her, saying she needs to make money etc…. She has a good paying job (her husband too). So sparing one jar of jam wouldn’t have cost them anything! My husband has now decided we won’t be bringing them anymore produce and I agree- none of it will get wasted as we have plenty of people who we can give it too who won’t take advantage of our good nature.So I just wanted peoples opinions if we are being too harsh by cutting them off with our fruit and veg- I know it probably sounds petty but we feel they are taking advantage of us.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 September 2023): anonymous you suggested donating to a food bank. But they would not be allowed to take donations from just anyone because of health and safety, in case it is poisoned by mistake or on purpose etc. That is one reason why most of the food food banks give out is in tins, and the rest is non perishable in packets. No fresh fruit or veg.I once got into a similar thing where a neighbour was growing strawberries and tomatoes and we agreed we would swap for runner beans I grew. She knew I am a busy person and I am a fair person. When it came to the bit about swapping she said she didn't have any strawberries or tomatoes to spare, but she would come over to collect her runner beans. Nah I said. If you are not providing me with the tomatoes/strawberries then you are not getting any runner beans.Because I am busy there was also the fact that she is the sort who does nothing but watch television all day and she would come over expecting to stay for hours, as if it is a social visit, rather than just exchanging the food. That was not going to happen either when I am so busy.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 September 2023): Fully agree, don't give them any more free stuff.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 September 2023): Wow. Such audacity. Where do these people pop up from?
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (30 August 2023):
 Nope, not being harsh at all. I was going to say the same thing that aunt Honeypie - it would be so much better if you could just donate it to someone who needs it, or a food bank or to elderly people than to ungrateful, mean people like this couple. And if she ever asks you for your produce, tell her that you've started charging for it and she can just pay for what she wants. And if I were you, I'd charge a premium for it!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2023): Absolutely agree with your husband. I would never bring them anything ever again. They are takers & there is far too many of them on the planet!
I think you are very very kind to do what you do. What a great neighbor and a lovely thoughtful person you are. Jeez, if everyone in the world was like you and your husband, I wouldn't put my excess fruit in my compost! I won't give anything anyway unless it's to good people that I know appreciate it.
Don't doubt yourself. I know exactly how you would've felt. Yes, they're taking advantage big time. If they hold out their hands for anything, make sure you charge them for every bit of it.
I'm glad to hear you're otherwise surrounded by people who are grateful for your kindness. Keep being you and don't let the bstrds grind you down :)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2023): They are USING you, bceuase you LET them.
And I am speaking as someone who has done a lot of letting over the years.
Just stop giving them anything.
If they ask, and they might, just tell them the truth and please do not sound apologetic.
I know that it is not a pleasent thing to do, but it needs to be done. You need to do this so that you wouldn't foster unpleasent emotions and torture yourself. You made a good decision, now let go.
And btw, even the jam was thei only source of income, saying thank you by giving you one jar wouldn't ruin them!
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (29 August 2023):
 Another vote for the 'no, you're not being harsh at all' camp.
OP, even if this was her only source of income, it is not your job to provide her with free raw (pardon the pun) materials for her business. It was tasteless (couldn't resist that) of her to charge you anything for the jam.
If she ever asks why you don't give her free stuff, you can be honest, just what you said to us, but NO apologies. You can be polite and cordial without apologising.
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A
male
reader, kenny + ♥, writes (29 August 2023):
 In no way are you being harsh by cutting them off with your fruit and veg, far from it.
I mean what a total cheek, charging you for a pot of jam after you went over with a crate of veggies.
Yep i totally 100% agree with you and your husband, cut them out and don't give them anymore.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (29 August 2023):
 "I know it probably sounds petty but we feel they are taking advantage of us."
I don't think it's petty AT ALL!
And yes, it's quite common that when someone gives you FREE anything you say thank you, and then IF you can you return the favor.
I would say this, no, they don't OWE you anything for free because you give them surplus veggies but it is POLITE and COMMON courtesy to offer something in return if you can, and she DEFINITELY could offer a glass or two of jam.
Taking a crate full of goodies and then charging you for ONE jar of jam is ridiculous.
You husband it totally right.
I have a lot of tomatoes this year, I gave a bunch to my neighbor, and guess what? the wife came over with a big bag of cherries! I will definitely give them any extras!
Does that mean I EXPECT cherries in return every time? No, not at all, because the cherry season is short, and tomatoes are a good 2 months here.
I would rather find a food bank to donate to or some elderly people or families with kids who don't have a large income. Over some well-to-do greedy people.
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