A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Im sure I'll regret writing in here, seen as, in my current emotionally charged state, people have the ability to cut me to pieces with a few words..But here goes...We are nearing winter here and I plan to put my elderly dog to sleep before the cold sets in. It's been such a difficult decision. Her body is wearing out, she had cancer surgery a year ago, which will spread, according to tests at the time, but no symptoms as yet. She's had a very peaceful year. LOADS of work on my part, because she's incontinent and has dementia.. but she is pain free, peaceful and happy.When winter comes, her arthritis will flare up and, at the end of her life, with these other issues looming, I feel now is the right time to let her go. Problem is making the time.. and on the right day. I wanted the weather to be nice for her last day and for a peaceful burial with flowers. A lovely send off for her. I adopted her when she was old and had lived a hard life of work.. and I've bankrupted myself on her healthcare bills and done everything I can to give her this quality time.Anyway, I changed the euthanasia date because of the terrible weather.. and a close friend of mine responded to that by saying, "you're not being fair to her, keeping her alive". This dog is not in pain yet, and is happy, but because I pushed the date out a week, my friend has said these words that cut like a rusty knife, let me tell you. I've given up everything for this dog and just wanted to honor her in death and burial, as I have in life. Am I overreacting to this? I haven't been able to stop crying since she said those words because I've ALWAYS put my dog's needs before my own. Why would someone say something like that?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 May 2022): Op here, just wanted to say, to the most recent poster, I'm sorry you had that awful criticism (disguised as advice) pushed onto you from your hairdresser! I can imagine how you'd have felt at the time. Deciding what to do, for a dog newly diagnosed with cancer, is a huge huge decision. Sounds like you made a fabulous choice for your little friend :)
Your hairdresser sounds just like this woman that upset me! I changed to a more compassionate vet I'm happy with and my friend goes to my previous vet. She updates him on everything happening with my dog, without a care! Doesn't even compute that it's personal and shared in confidence. She then tells me she told him. Really amazes me, as I'm sure it does you, how thoughtless and ignorant people are.. even when they think they're helping!
You summed up exactly what it's like to be sensitive. Yes, we definitely need to forget things that can repeatedly swirl round in our heads. It's always a challenge for me too. I'm still proud to be a sensitive person though.
Thank you for taking the time to give your advice :) I hope, one day in the future, you can open your obviously kind and sensitive heart to a new fur friend. Dogs need empathetic people in their lives.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 May 2022): I think part of the problem here is that you are very sensitive. People who love animals often are. I am the same.
I used to have a hairdresser come to do my hair regularly.
I am disabled and cannot get out. This means that I relied on her for doing my hair and for some much needed company as we chatted while she was doing it. Over the years I got to know a bit about her and vice versa. We could have a laugh and joke but she was very opinionated and often waded in with big opinions on things that were none of her business.
When my little dog was diagnosed with cancer and I told her about it she went on and on about how wrong it is to give them chemotherapy and you should just have them put to sleep straight away. Because I ignored her "advice and interference" my little dog had another two years of a worthwhile and happy life. Towards the end when the hairdresser came to do my hair and I said I was soon having my little baby put to sleep she went on about how great it was I had given her a longer life of quality! Totally contradicting what she had said before.
One of the problems about being very sensitive is that every little thing becomes a big thing and plays on your mind a lot. One of the problems with being on your own disabled at home is that you don't have many other distractions or other conversations to take the place of the one that is bothering you. I remember deciding that if she ever interferes and really upsets me I will change my hairdresser to another one. Because in my case she is as much here as someone to chat to as to do my hair. The last time she came to do it she went on and on about all different customers who are very ill, dying, getting worse, in hospital and all sorts of depressing boring stuff, all people I do not know from adam. I said look X, how about we talk about somthing fun or upbeat instead of all this depressing boring stuff? And she did.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2022): OP it's a very emotive subject. I remember when I had to make decision on putting my eighteen year old cat to sleep and people do give their input on it. We all understand its very hard and you are clearly struggling but remember that while you feel let down by humans no one on here made you feel bad and supported you.
Please just trust that when the time is right you will know, I knew with my old boy when I came down the stairs and he didn't see me how sad and poorly he looked, it's not easy, it's a horrible decision to make but be there for her until the very end and know that you did tje absolute best you could to give her all the love and care she deserved xxxx
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2022): Wise Owl, OP here,
My comment was regarding humans in general. That's what I meant. Humans in general.
Deciding to put my dog to sleep has been the hardest thing I've ever done. She's old and she's nearing the end of her days, but it's STILL SO HARD. Her little life is important. She's is very happy still.
The problem is that everyone has different ideas and opinions about what I should do, when, where, even when I should collect her body, for Pete's sake. I never asked for people's opinions, I just told 3 of those closest to me so they could say their goodbyes. These people seemed to think that that meant their judgement and critiquing, about a very personal thing, was then welcome. And I never reacted to anything, but the 'you're not being fair' comment was too much.
One thing that occurred to me today is that all 3 of these people have HUMAN loved ones that are nearing their end days. They each visit and care for them. I always ask about how they're doing. I would NEVER say, 'it's not fair to keep them going' or 'I think you should bring their body home the day after they die'. I wouldn't even think to! I respect them and their family members and those are PERSONAL decisions between them and their loved ones. None of MY business!
Because she's my dog, people, as you said yourself, Wise Owl, view them as "lower than us" and maybe that's why people think it's perfectly fine to tell me what to do. I, myself, don't view dogs as 'lower', in fact, I value their lives as more important than ours. They have no personal agendas, they don't manipulate, they don't seek to control situations to gain power over others. They just LOVE. To me, that makes them HIGHER lifeforms!
The 'you're not being fair to her..' comment.. you think that's words of wisdom? At a time where the most loving pet owners are drowning in guilt.. guilt they're taking their life too soon, guilt when they worry their dog might have wanted to go earlier.. guilt that comes every which way, as part of this horrible experience we must go through.
I will give my opinion to friends/family ONLY when they ask my thoughts, and I choose words carefully to spare their feelings.. that's not LIES.
Humans have an insatiable need to dominate and control situations, I think. There's a crisis of empathy out there.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2022): "Am I overreacting to this?"
No, it's a normal and appropriate human emotion called grief. It's the extreme feeling of loss for someone you love; even if that someone happens to be a pet.
We all react differently to our grief and losses. Some people go to pieces, and some people are as steady as a rock. You need a rock-steady person around to lean-on in times like these.
I was slightly offended at the opening of your post. We have moderators who sift through posts, and our responses to them. There are very nice people here giving of their time, wisdom, and experience to be uncles and aunts; to answer posts from people in anguish, suffering in loneliness, or just dealing with the grinds of day-to-day life. Relationships are rough, and they don't always go well; or we lose the people, or pets, we love. Everyone has, or will, experience this sooner or later.
Why would you say something like this?
"Im sure I'll regret writing in here, seen as, in my current emotionally charged state, people have the ability to cut me to pieces with a few words.."
If someone here in the past has cut you to pieces, I doubt you'd write us again. I don't think it was fair, yet you didn't consider how that would make people feel who took time to help, comfort, and advise you.
You're in a sensitive and highly emotional state right now; and I don't think your friend has bad intentions. She is observing things from the outside looking in; she can't read your mind, or know what's in your heart. She's as human as you are. She is concerned for you, and your dog. You will have to survive once your beloved pet is put to rest.
She is keeping you together; and sometimes we have to use tough words out of love and conviction. Have you ever read a Bible? We know God holy, and God is love. Sometimes we have to be told in strong language about our behavior; or admonished about how we're treating ourselves, our souls, and how we treat our neighbor. That's because it is a very serious matter. So serious it could determine the fate of our immortal souls for all eternity. You have to make the disheartening decision of when to end a creature's life; because God left the power in our hands to take care of lower creatures. I know how that feels. My beloved little pug was put to sleep. He was a joy, and had a very human-like personality. It was hard.
It is just as compassionate to quickly put the animal out its misery; as it is to wait until just the right time and place. It's your pet, and it's your choice.
Your health and well-being is as important as that of a the animal. You said the dog has lived a life as comfortable as you could make it; at great expense and sacrifice to yourself. You did it willingly and lovingly. Someone has to catch you before you go over the edge, my dear. God willing, you have about another 50+ years to go; and you have to survive once your pet passes-away.
Every living creature on this planet will die someday. It's inevitable. Sometimes some may go peacefully, and some may suffer first. In the end, the suffering and pain stops. For those who love and serve Christ; death is not the end, it is the beginning.
If you delay the euthanization of your pet; remember, it's more for your own peace of mind, than it is for the animal. The dog cannot speak, it cannot reason in human terms; and can't tell you how it feels. It may not always show visible signs of suffering; because the poor creature is medicated, or just so old and exhausted it gives-in to weakness. Which can appear to be a peaceful state. You can only do what you can; but some things are beyond your control. Your compassionate soul placed the dog's needs ahead of your own; but like you are looking out for the dog, your friend is looking out for you.
Sometimes we force those who care about us to be practical; in contrast to our emotional state. You can lose sight of reason and make bad decisions. Her words were wise and true, just hard for you to hear.
Just because everyone doesn't see things through the same lens as you do, or don't show similar measures of compassion or emotion; doesn't make you nicer, or them less kind than you are. She has legitimate concern for both you and the animal. She can be more objective; because she is closer to you than the dog. Don't be so quick to judge others negatively; yet be so sensitive about how others may interact with you.
I think your friend deserves as much love and compassion as the dog; considering she's going to be there for you when your sweet beloved pet passes on.
Forgive her, she means well. You should also listen to her advice.
You can't always sugarcoat wise and sensible advice. How it is taken often depends on the recipient's state of mind, or how they appreciate the advice given by those who really care the most about them. You came to us to seek advice, implying we intend to cut you to pieces; before anyone printed a single word. Maybe your friend deserves a little forgiveness; and the benefit of the doubt, for caring about you and the dog.
It's not always easy to tell people the truth. They may hate you for it; but love you for lying to them. Then hate you for lying to them; because you can no longer be trusted to be truthful with them.
May the good Lord bring you comfort and healing from your loss. Be good to your friend, you're going to need her.
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female
reader, Ciar  + ♥, writes (17 May 2022):
 Everything you've said makes sense. i can understand the timing and what you're hoping to accomplish. Your dog is very lucky to have found you. I'm sure you feel the same about her.It was very callous of your friend to open her fat face and vomit out her opinion as if it had any value at all. She wasn't trying to help. I don't think she was trying to hurt either, but she should have thought before speaking.That said, you might want to put a bit of distance between yourself and her for a while. At least until your dog has been taken care off and you've had some time to process everything.If this friend is normally a decent person and you think her worth the effort, you could tell her, simply and calmly, that this has been a very difficult time and you have thought this through and her unsolicited comments were not helpful. Keep it simple. If you have to explain this to her, she's not worth keeping around.I may sound like a hard case, and maybe I am, but this is common sense and basic courtesy and if she doesn't have it, she's a garbage friend. Life is short, leave the trash at the curb. I am very, very sorry about your wee dog.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2022): Pets are very different to humans in that as owners we can and do decide when the time is right if they are suffering to euthanize. With that comes people's judgements and opinions, my parents put their thirteen year old dog to sleep on my birthday a few years ago, I was peeved off simply because they could have chosen the day before or after but I guess if that was the day they felt it was for the best then so be it.
I would personally just go with when you really just know the time is right rather than weather conditions etc. You know you have done the best for him so don't seek out opinions. All the best x
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2022): Your friend just told you her opinion.Maybe she was not very tactful, anyway she just voiced an opinion,and that's what it is, an opinion,It does not mean it is the right one, or the only possible one, or that you have to take it into account even minimally.You can ignore it, you can disagree with it , and you know why ? Because the dog is yours.Your dog,your choice,your business.If you had children you would not let other people parent them in your lieu, right ? ,nor let them choose what food your kids should it or which school to go etc. Same with the dog, Whatever decision you make regarding this dog, is the one that works well for you - end of discussion.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2022): Op here..
I'm in tears reading your heartfelt advice. I really feel you have all understood this situation well. I really am grateful. I didn't feel judged or criticized, just understood. I appreciate your perspectives shared. Thank you for the kind words about me as a dog owner. Dogs only deserve the best of us.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2022): Do it. Probably she will be grateful to you for putting her out of her misery. If you can afford pls help another abused little pup by adopting it to give a decent and caring family to a little unwanted or abused pup to help you to forget the old girl.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2022): I feel your pain.
You're doing everything you can for your beloved dog.
When it comes to your friend, she has the right to have an opinion and you don't have to agree with it. You need to toughen up and not let other people's opinions hurt you.
First of all opinions change. Oh they change so often! Sometimes the person doesn't even remember that they ever thought anything different. Secondly, you have to trust your own decision and do not let anyone else influence you.
You wanted your friend to tell you whatever you wanted to hear. She didn't.
Now, do you ALWAYS want that from people? If you do, you have a problem.
Sometimes we believe we don't, so you have to be honest and look at the facts.
When we are sure we don't care what other people think. That's a simple fact.
Even when we are wrong.
But that's the way it is. You need to own your decisions.
I wish you all the best in this difficult moment.
If it means anything to you, as loong as your dog isn't suffering I wpould give him an opportunity to enjoy life anyway he can. But when the pain comes... Be strong!
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female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (16 May 2022):
 I think you need to do what feels right for you, but don't let the weather determine the timing. You can't PLAN around the weather.
She won't care if the weather isn't nice. She won't care about her burial. She will care that YOU are there and to no longer be in pain. It doesn't have to be perfect, OP. It's OK.
You are doing all this out of love, but I think you are overthinking it a little bit. No shade though. It's never easy to have to make this decision.
And if your friend feels that way, it's OK too. Doesn't mean she is right. It's just HER opinion. I do think she is probably thinking more of you than the dog. Maybe she feels that YOU should let the dog go so YOU can get some peace in your life too.
It will be OK.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2022): I have always had dogs, currently have three, to me they are like children so I do understand. I've also been through the bit about nursing a very sick dog with cancer etc for years. And had to have her put to sleep about four months ago.
It's horrible, you feel that you cannot do right for doing wrong, and that nobody understands. Your friend means well but you did not ask her for advice, you know what to do, her opinion counts for nothing. Has she ever been through the same thing, I doubt it, and even if she had that does not mean you have to be the same as her. Put this down to lack of tact and stick to your plan, which is kind, caring, loving and makes me feel that your dog - despite it's bad luck with health - is very lucky to have you as it's mother. You will miss your dog greatly when it passes over, but you will know you gave it as good and as long a life as you could, no matter what any silly person says.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2022): The dog is your family not your friends . You live with and see your dog daily .. you know her the best . Trust your own judgement and let others opinions wash over you . If you need this extra week with your dog then so be it . If your dog is well enough then that's good . There is never a right time to let your dog go . I know this as I have had to let go of my pets over the years . In the end they are our babies . Hold you chin up ..
Sending hugs and keep us updated
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