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female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: I'm not in a relationship nor have I been or want to be with the guy in question. We are friends nothing more, although I think he wouldn't say no if I asked him to be my bf.We've known each other for years but lost touch for ages, started hanging out again earlier this year. In that time he broke up from his 'abusive' gf (not sure if she actually was or not). He then kept messaging me about how he misses a relationship bla bla bla, it was to the point that I really felt it was a hint at me. Especially when he's also messaging what a great time he had with me, how lovely I am etc. In the end I told him that if he was hinting at a relationship with me it wouldn't happen, I want to be single and dont have those feeling towards him.He has been messaging a lot, and I'm not one to spend life on a phone so if I didn't reply straight away he'd send more messages and even message my WhatsApp to say he thinks messenger is broken.He got very needy and clingy so I distanced myself a bit, and told him I'm not always near my phone etc etc.He's been struggling with depression and pain killers addiction (from spinal fracture years ago) and recently apparently took a little overdose and took himself to a and e. He's always been stupid with money and asked to borrow some weeks ago, well initially he just hinted until I offered. He paid me back pretty quick.The other day he messaged saying how skint he is, no one will help him etc and that he needed £20 until the following morning when he was getting a large some of money. I reluctantly lent it, telling him I needed it desperately by 12 midday the following day. He promised by half 10 in morn. Well that time went, when I messaged to ask the whereabouts he said hed pay in afternoon..no money still.. then he said half 7 in evening.... nothing..he then said for half 10 at night.. nothing...Following morning I messaged again, his reply was to ask if I was at work then told me that his nan died just before getting to mine with money n he spent all night at hospital. He eventually paid me that evening and also gave me an extra 20. Which I transferred back straight away.I feel he's been extremely manipulative, he knows my nature, he knows I help those that need so he's taken advantage. Then with all the excuses as to why he hadn't given me money back... he even said he thought I was at work at noon so didn't think I would need it! His initial excuse was that he was with his daughter who he 'hasn't seen in 2 weeks and won't see until next year now'. Even how that's worded screams manipulative.I've fallen out with him, asked him to stop messaging...which he did for most the day and now he's messaging again to say (again, for the millionth time this month) how useless he is, how no one wants to help him...bla bla bla. He's even messaging saying that he can't talk to the one person he really respectsB (me) coz he's pissed her off. N tryna make me out to be the bad guy for sending his extra 20 back!!He's being extremely manipulative right? I've had issues my whole life with trust and manipulation, I never set boundaries and now I'm trying. It all feels new, I'm proud of myself but spose just want some reassurance.I dont know if to completely cut him out of my life for good or try to be friends again but with stricter boundaries... no money lending, no whinging!
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female
reader, Ciar  + ♥, writes (14 January 2024):
 Yes, he is manipulative and I recommend you cut him out of your life completely.
He's not lonely and depressed because life has dealt him an unfair hand, but because he is very self centred and manipulative and people distance themselves from him when they realise what he is about.
Block, delete and I recommend changing all of your passwords and security questions to something he doesn't know and can't figure out. You never know with this type of person.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2024): "Borderline personality disorder + men"
Look it up.
You'll find some answers there.
Your problem is that your are thinking of him as a "friend".
It's just someone you know.
Real friends do not act like him.
He will always, ALWAYS test your boundaries to get his own way.
It's draining.
You should never, ever take put up with this kind of behavior IF you have a choice.
Sometimes, sadly, we don't.
It seems like you do. Use your God give liberty to choose people you surround yourself with. Keep in mind that in some parts of the world some people (mostly women) don't have that liberty. Don't create problems, life's full of them as it is.
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