A
female
age
30-35,
*rueLoveWaits2016
writes:My bf and I have been going out close to a year. When I 1st met him he was working 2 jobs, over 12 hours a day and was miserable. He told me he had to get out of his job to move forward. Well now he is and is exploring options to go back to school and figuring out finances.I'm worried about how he is acting not having a job. He used to wake up super early (even on weekends), but the weeks after him not having his job, he wakes up later and later 11 or 12. I'm not a super motivated person, so I know I have to have a schedule to keep me on point. We are gonna start working out together and we have been going on hikes to exercise. Our finances are separate and we do not live together, he pays his bills and I pay mine. I did want my bf to reach his full potential, but I also commended how much of a hard worker he was. I'm just afraid that if we get married and something happens to his job, he will sit on his butt not doing anything. Should I be worried? He has been living on his own for a long time, paying his own bills. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (20 March 2018):
 I can understand why he would be miserable, working two jobs is tough! I done it myself and it does make you miserable! You don't get enough rest or you don't have a great social life. He obviously wasn't happy in his job so he took the decision to leave. It is great that he is thinking of going back to school and doing better for himself. I guess the last job he done made him realize it is not what he wants for the rest of his life.
What way is he acting that has you worried? Surely he is entitled to lie in until 11 or 12 if he wants. He is an adult not a child. If he wants to lie in then let him. I am not a morning person plus I work evening so we are all in different routines. I understand that he has no schedule at the moment, but he is looking in to school which means he is looking at his future.
At the moment your relationship is not even a year old, and he pays all his own bills. So realistically you shouldn't be worrying about this. It is to early to be worrying about marriage and things that might not happen. We all have worries that something might happen our work but really there is no point you worrying about you and your boyfriend for no reason at the moment.
As you said he lives on his own, he supports himself. So why worry?
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2018): He's taking a period of rest. He doesn't have anybody else to pay his bills; so hunger and necessity are good motivators.
I'm not sure how you're projecting so far into the future about how he'll behave after losing a job? A guy who lives on his own and can manage to work two jobs, averaging 12 hour days, doesn't sound like the type of guy who will just sit on his butt.
I think it's up to him to decide at what pace he wants to move with his life; and how much drive he has is mostly his concern.
He plans to return to school, and that's pretty motivated. In the interim, he's catching up on some sleep until he has to get back into another demanding schedule. These concerns are his business; not really yours.
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A
male
reader, Been there Now over it +, writes (16 March 2018):
It will take time to tell about his degree of motivation. Obviously, he was willing to work quite difficult hours. He is planning on school and is conscious of his finances in regard to that decision.
You don't say over what period of time he worked 12-hour days. Nor do you indicate how long he's been on vacation time. Also, his financial condition is an important factor in his taking time off. You indicate that he's been financially responsible and you haven't had to pay any of his expenses.
He very well could be highly motivated once he hits school and finds a career path. It is too early in this process for you to be worried. But you are right to be concerned and observe this situation.
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A
female
reader, DancerGirl1984  +, writes (16 March 2018):
If you guys no not have a joint life then why do you worry about him?
His finances are his business. Support him in this transition and stop worrying about things that haven't happened yet.
You guys haven't been together very long so this isn't a big enough issue to question his ability to work.
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