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*een there Now over it

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*een there Now over it's profile:

At 64 yo I've been in a number of relationships and gone thru a lot of life's experiences. We all have rocky times in our lives but I have done my best with each instance and am the happiest and most successful person I know. I am upbeat and optimistic, and always try to make others feel the same. I really enjoy seeing someone shine, especially a young person with true talent.

I live in Los Angeles and am on the liberal side. I am a little more accepting of some predicaments than other DQ helpers. As for spirituality, I am agnostic and live purely by the Golden Rule...Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. This very simply covers EVERYTHING!

In 2015 I had shoulder surgery (rotator cuff), which resulted in my left arm being tied to my side, 24/7 for the next month. I was mostly at home and spending a lot of time browsing the internet. I found Dear Cupid and - disappointed by the way some people were letting themselves be treated so poorly - decided to post some answers. I discovered that I was giving the questions much more thought than if just reading them. So this has become a matter of personal growth for me as well as extending help to others. Depending on what's going on in my life I get on here and read questions sporadically, and answer only a minority of them. If I read but don't answer a question it is because either 1) I don't feel I have any good advice to give or add, or 2) the info provided in the question isn't sufficient for me to make a judgement.

My favorite quote: "People tend to believe two things...what they want to believe and what scares the hell out of them."

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I'm turned on but can't orgasm - what can I do?

Q.   I'll try to keep this short. Basically over a month ago me and my girlfriend decided to have sex whilst I was staying over on the weekend but unfortunately we had to stop because she was feeling sore down there after only a few minutes. Ever since ...

A.   29 November 2015: I'm on board with YouWish as to this being performance anxiety. Perhaps you should do each other orally and by hand while you get back to being more relaxed. It doesn't sound like anything has changed here except for your doubts about yourself... (read in full...)

Do I give my date a second chance?

Q.   I met a guy in his 40s for a drink on Thursday after chatting for two days. The evening went well and I wasnt sure if the chemistry was right but he seemee lokeca good guy. I agreed to meet him Sunday. That night he text he was coming off the dating ...

A.   29 November 2015: Being too possessive at the outset is a huge red flag. Tell him "No" now before things become more difficult. The guy sounds like a wuss, anyway. ... (read in full...)

I broke "no contact" after 6 months with my ex-girlfriend, and I'm very confused by her response!

Q.   I was with my girlfriend for almost a year, we had some really great times together and as many relationships do, some trying times as well. The last month of the relationship was really odd after she got back from out of town visiting family. We ...

A.   29 November 2015: It sounds like she was unhappy in your relationship before going to visit her family, talked it over with them, and the decision was to split with you. She obviously has no interest in renewing your relationship and is moving on. It is time for you ... (read in full...)

My boyfriend doesn't hug or kiss me in front of his family

Q.   Hello, I have been dating my BF for 9 months now. We are spending Thanksgiving at his mom's with his family. We are staying for the whole weekend because it's his birthday too. I am not sure why but I feel as he has been distance. He doesn't ...

A.   29 November 2015: Do his parents show any affection when in company? My guess is they don't and this is the example that he's long been given. Whatever the case, I am fairly certain that he is doing it to honor his parents and it has nothing to do with you. To ... (read in full...)

How do I keep my college-age daughter from falling away from our church and family?

Q.   I am a proud mother of six children from the ages of 27-10. I am a stay-at-home mom and part-time Sunday School teacher and I volunteer for many church activities as do all members of our family. All of our children attended or attend our small ...

A.   28 November 2015: You say you are the mother of six children, 10 to 27 yo. At least three of these are not children but adults and should be treated as such. You've given them no space at all! I grew up with a church as the center of our household but I ... (read in full...)

How often is a partner in a relationship likely to come home drunk? His actions are causing me concern

Q.   Hi all, for those cohabiting and/or married, how often does your partner come home drunk? My boyfriend comes home drunk once a month. We've been living together for half a year. He reaches home around 3,4am, reeks of alcohol and is terribly inco...

A.   27 November 2015: Once a month isn't a huge red flag one exception that I'll get into momentarily. He should be sensitive to any needless behavior that bothers you. Have you discussed this with him? If not, you need to do that and then see where this goes. I... (read in full...)

I'm 67, she's 54 and she thinks I'm too old for her

Q.   I am 67 year old man, widowed and I have met a 54 year old lady but she thinks I am to old for her. We have gone out several times and I feel like I am in love with her. But she thinks that I am too old for a relationship with a woman her age. ...

A.   27 November 2015: At 67, some guys are ready for the nursing home while others are still active, stylish, fit and interesting. You don't say where you are on the spectrum. Just try to embody these qualities and be the type of guy she wants in her life. ... (read in full...)

How can I move on when I still love her?

Q.   Hi, I need some advice I dated this girl about 3 years ago. I realy loved her with all my heart then after about 7 months she cheated on me. We never broke up but we never have sex. Since that day I've seen her about 5 times thought we work in the ...

A.   27 November 2015: Yes, the "rehab" deal that you you make only incidental mention of. Understand that your past is undoubtedly a big part of the deal-breaker for her. People who like themselves and look positively toward the future don't chain themselves down with ... (read in full...)

I like him so much but my head says no

Q.   I've just got into a new relationship and we made it official. We've been together for 5 weeks but I'm feeling it's not right. I'm feeling more like a handbag used when needed. In the 5 weeks we've been together we've seen each other once. He has ...

A.   27 November 2015: Having a new relationship just doesn't fit with seeing someone only once in five weeks unless he lives on a different continent. But living only 10 minutes apart??? Sorry, there is no relationship here...really, you can't even ditch him because ... (read in full...)

My boyfriend has been trying to meet up with another woman

Q.   So, I've been in a relationship with someone for about a year and a half mostly online. Up until recently it has been completely virtual. I went to visit him in the summer and we hit it off eventhough he was a bit....forward. Recently (Septemb...

A.   27 November 2015: He obviously represented himself much different when your relationship was only viral and you depended on his word and keystrokes without any exposure to his actions. You really should have spent much more non-viral time with him before thinking ... (read in full...)

My employer isn't providing me with the additional training to meet qualififcation

Q.   I have been working in my job for 2 and a half years, when I took on the job I was given a temporary contract, I was looking to develop my life into a career after a series of 'jobs' and I worked hard to move forward, I was taken on as a permenant ...

A.   27 November 2015: You are very career-minded and have approached this situation very well, having asked for additional duties and doing whatever you can to move ahead. Without knowing your tasks, employer, nature of the business, what training is available in you... (read in full...)

I do want you, I don't want you - is it my fault?

Q.   I feel at cross roads in my relationship. I have been seeing and older woman for two years. We had a rocky start due to her constant lies over her spending time with her ex which resulted in lack of trust on my behalf still even now. I have always ...

A.   26 November 2015: It sounds that you may be a stay-at-home personality while your girlfriend is more of an out-and-about personality. This is a fundamental difference that defies compromise. There is not much you can do without getting out of your comfort zone and... (read in full...)

Tips/Advice on moving in with your significant other?

Q.   Any tips you guys can give me about moving in with your significant other? I am going to be moving relatively soon with my bf, and I never have done that before. He has in the past when he was younger. He is 26 and I'm 22. But he told me it wa...

A.   26 November 2015: Have a very informal conversation with him regarding the potential problems in this, which could include bill paying, how chores are to be split, the level of cleanliness you both expect, making meals, washing dishes, anything that could lead to ... (read in full...)

Am I over-reacting to his harsh and hurtful comments?

Q.   Hello Everyone! Boyfriend and I have been together for almost a year. Last weekend, he said things to me that really broke my spirit and was very hurtful. We were getting intimate and he said that I was the only woman who's never made him come,...

A.   26 November 2015: Has he left behind any DNA as proof that you've made him come? I find his statement a little difficult to believe. Why would he say such things? He does so because he is a child looking to boost his own ego by decimating yours. He is selfish ... (read in full...)

Is he a complete flake or are all men like this?

Q.   About 6 months ago I started talking to this guy on a dating site. I initially rejected him because he was much younger than me (9 years) but I thought he was attractive and agreed to have coffee. He was so flaky that we actually were never able to ...

A.   26 November 2015: As for your Sunday afternoon date, he probably woke up another woman and they decided to do something else that day. He has too many excuses. He has a list of girls and, given his long absences, you are not on the upper part of the list or you'd be ... (read in full...)

How much more can my heart take? Tired of being Mr Nice and getting no where.

Q.   I tried again, am done being the nice guy, romantic, sweet talker, opening car doors ,poems,I've tried, an tried again, woman say they want to meet a good guy, well I've had it, am not going to be a bad boy, just don't give all I got. So ladies ...

A.   25 November 2015: I'm not going to give you any advice but I can't help empathize with you. Just yesterday I was having a conversation with a talent agent regarding a production I'm involved with. The name of busy and popular 'B-list' actress came up and he asked ... (read in full...)

Second cousin love and love at first sight?

Q.   Recently I met my second cousin for this first time ever. to get an idea of the relationship: his mom is my great aunt. So his mom is my grandmothers sister. When he first walked into the door, I had no idea who he was, but there was an instant c...

A.   25 November 2015: Thanks for the update and glad you are feeling better over it and having a whole lot of fun with this. Be sure to update us! ... (read in full...)

Why do I delay leaving him? How do I gather the courage to leave?

Q.   Dear Cupid My bf of 5 years constantly belittles me, insults me, talks about how other girls look good and how I look v bad in front of them and how old I look, how I don't deserve him... But still comes to me for money, it's been months since w...

A.   25 November 2015: The best and easiest way to leave him would be to find a new guy. This guy is a loser and is screwing you over royally. You are perhaps afraid of getting out of your rut and facing new challenges. Actually, you should be embracing a change...it'll ... (read in full...)

I seek true love and a lasting romantic loving relationship. Are my goals possible?

Q.   So, one thing has been driving me crazy lately. I am 21 years old and I have yet to find the girls around me as individuals that I want to date. It seems that the dating experience has changed drastically since the last 20 years. I watch and listen ...

A.   25 November 2015: I think there are a lot of girls around that feel much like you and would love to have you in their lives. Your description is a bit idealistic but there is nothing wrong with that. It has a nice Hollywood flair to it. You are only 21. You have... (read in full...)

Smitten with my female best friend. She has a Bf. Am I Bi-sexual?

Q.   I am so beyond confused and hoping somebody will point my thoughts in the right direction.... I have always been bi-curious, but never actually thought bisexual! Reason being i've had 3 serious boyfriends, but never been tempted to have a girlfr...

A.   25 November 2015: To answer your question, yes, you are bi-sexual. You admit to being bi-curious and having sexual thoughts about girls. This is not the first woman you've had thoughts about. You even fantasize about her when you are with your boyfriend. You d... (read in full...)

What should I pay for, in the first month, as I will be away, and not residing there with him?

Q.   My bf and I are moving in together. He is paying for the rent, and i'm paying utilities and food. I unfortunately, will be gone for a month and a half with my mother on vacation. We planned this trip out, before I even met him because she is just...

A.   25 November 2015: Pay it but with some reservation about doing so. A really cool guy would not even ask you to pay it, but go ahead and pay it himself. Or, he would wait for you to return and then sign up. I'm not a cool guy but I would do the same thing.... (read in full...)

He said he's, "marrying me because I want it and he doesn't".Is marriage still a good idea, in the circumstances?

Q.   Im 28 years old and yave been with my boyfriend for 13 years. We have a 10 year old and a 6 year old. We are best friends and cant be away from each other for more than a few hours a day. We are in love. He never proposed but gave me a ring on my 2...

A.   25 November 2015: It isn't a good idea to force his hand into marriage, even though it is unfair of him to ask you and then revoke. The alarm bells go off when you say he asks you what's wrong and you go on weeping without saying anything. You really need to c... (read in full...)

I lashed out at him. He says we are done. What should I do?

Q.   I lashed out to my boyfriend for the 3rd time after a party again and now we are broken up. I lashed at him about his daughter but Ive been very stressed with him for the past couple of weeks. He just has not been nice to me and I was going to...

A.   25 November 2015: He has been around his daughter and is likely much, much closer to her than he is to you. Depending on the situation, you may have put him into a situation where he was faced with taking sides. Janniepeg is correct when she says that some people... (read in full...)

I feel he may be simply taking advantage of my generosity, how do I ask him?

Q.   I am 55, my partner 28...I feel he may be simply taking advantage of my generosity until he has gained what he wants and will then disappear. How can I know? How can I ask him this very difficult question?...

A.   23 November 2015: No questions...there is no way he will admit to you that he is just hanging around to take advantage of you. You are here because your intuition tells you that he is bleeding you and will disappear when you no longer provide for him. Trust your ... (read in full...)

I have a lesbian crush on my boss. Should I tell her?

Q.   I have a lesbian crush on my boss. I recently broke up with my boyfriend of three years after coming out as gay, so she does know I'm into women. I have a feeling she may be into women as well, she has never spoken of a boyfriend and in past ...

A.   23 November 2015: You know you shouldn't be intimate with your boss and just to hear that is not why you've come here seeking advice. If you have to move ahead with this: Find out first if she is bi or lesbian. You don't want to make a move under wrong assumpti... (read in full...)

I have recently come out as bisexual. Any advice on dealing with homophobic family members with ingrained prejudices, some micro aggression and some homophobic?

Q.   I have recently come out to myself and close friends as Bisexual but I haven't to my family. They are not outwardly homophobic but are generally full of micro-agressions and ingrained prejudices. My grandparents are super homophobic and w...

A.   23 November 2015: Yes, it is good advice not to make a declaration until you have a same-sex partner you'd like to introduce. If family and friends already like that person it could make things a lot more comfortable. I'm for not telling you grandparents if there... (read in full...)

I don't want my being a virgin to put him off

Q.   I am 22 and haven't had much luck with men, I always seem to fall for the wrong guy and I guess I just haven't met Mr Right. I've been on tinder for about 18 months, been on about 6 dates and have had mixed feelings about them all. I have finally ...

A.   22 November 2015: Good for you! You are approaching this just right. At the moment, he has great respect for you. I can't imagine how his girl being a virgin would a turn-off for any guy. Rather, it is almost always a huge turn-on. Giving your virginity s... (read in full...)

BF lack of ambition is starting to scare me.. how do I help him?

Q.   I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years and he's 27. He spent 10 years of his adult just watching movies with mates and getting high. I fell in love with him him because he's a good guy. He got a customer assistant job in a shop in the beginning of ...

A.   22 November 2015: Honeypie has analyzed this beautifully and I won't disagree with the other aunts/uncles before me, either. You're not going to change him and you will never be satisfied with his lack of ambition. It is time for you to move on. There are lots of ... (read in full...)

I'm worried he'll blab to others about what we did

Q.   I have been seeing this guy for about a month, but he has only been my boyfriend for a week. Yesterday I let him go down on me, there was no pressure he asked and I said yes. He has said he won't tell anyone but I worry that when he gets drunk he...

A.   22 November 2015: There's not much you can do in this situation. You can pretty much expect him to tell someone, especially if he is around your age and drinks to the point of being intoxicated. You'll live thru this and you are probably not the only girl in your ... (read in full...)

What could have happened to this great guy I corresponded with and did meet, once?

Q.   A man I am extremely interested in is supposedly in the counter intelligence community in the Middle East. It is hard to determine if this is so as these individuals can never speak very much about their work and you can only operate on blind fa...

A.   22 November 2015: Having a secret life due to some sort of glamorous and clandestine occupation is one of the most frequently used excuses by guys who are hiding the truth. If you would like to see him again, it would probably be much more fruitful to not visit th... (read in full...)

My man is 22 yrs old and very fit. So why can he only last one round? what needs to be done?

Q.   2 issues: One that I stopped moaning during sex and the second that my healthy man only lasts one round at a time. When we first met and had sex, this was exciting and new and sensuous for me. I would moan and thrash around and be involved m...

A.   22 November 2015: I don't know who has been telling you that 2-3 rounds for a guy is average, but it isn't. Yes, there are articles (usually in women's magazines) that talk about going all night and endless orgasms. But that is a lot of bravado and misinformation, ... (read in full...)

To have or not have children? Can people give their stories?

Q.   We are deciding whether or not we want to have children and we're leaning towards not. We've been together for years, value our spare time, our independence, ability to take trips at a whim and the quietness of our lives. I've done plenty of reading ...

A.   21 November 2015: I grew up with a brother three years older who was a constant problem for my parents. They were going to divorce over their differing opinions of how to treat him but my dad suddenly died of a heart attack right in the middle of the process. So ... (read in full...)

She's dating me but seeing 2 other guys for just sex

Q.   So, I have been seeing a lovely woman for about a month. We get on extremely well and have alot of fun,we have tons in common and love nearby. We laugh like crazy and there's never a dull moment or awkward silences. She texts me every day from ...

A.   20 November 2015: Simply give her an ultimatum: If she wants to continue your current relationship with you, she cannot be having sex with other guys. If she really values your friendship and wants to move it forward, it will be little price for her to pay. I'm ... (read in full...)

How dare my husband ask for a threesome after he had an affair!

Q.   Hi all, earlier this year I found out my husband had an affair. We are working it out, however, my husband has asked me to have a threesome. I feel like it's a common fantasy for men but at this time of working things out, I don't know what to ...

A.   20 November 2015: He's proven that in addition to you, he'll always have a desire to be with other women, as well. He will very likely resent it if you don't agree to a three-way, which will result in an even wider divide between you two. A three-way only works if... (read in full...)

My girlfriend wants a tattoo of her dead ex!

Q.   How should I feel and/or respond to my girlfriend asking about her wanting a tattoo to remember her dead ex? We have been dating for almost 2 years. I do love her. She had known this ex for a long time before me and describes him as a dear friend. ...

A.   19 November 2015: She is being extremely insensitive and selfish. Reading between the lines, part of her desire to get a tat of him is that she somehow resents you. I hate to see you walk away from two apparently decent years with her, but this woman is trouble and ... (read in full...)

Clearly three women in succssion have not felt "that way" about me. What am I doing wrong?

Q.   Hello all. I am a 33 year old guy with a 10 year old daughter. Her mother and I split up nine years ago but I have been ever present in my daughters life. I see her as often as I can and I pay my way with every salary. Everything is great but for ...

A.   18 November 2015: You haven't given us much to go on here. You'll need some face-to-face with someone - hopefully a therapist - to tell you what you did wrong. If you met these women in bars, the answer might be "nothing."... (read in full...)

I feel unwanted ....

Q.   I have been with my boyfriend for 5.5 years, and he is embarrased by me. Whenever he has an office party, I am not invited or he makes excuses about not wanting to go after he has invited me. Its hurtful, and it keeps happening. Cam any man tell...

A.   18 November 2015: Whatever the case, he is not proudly displaying you to people who are obviously important to him. Whatever the case, this is a bad sign and time to move on. I'm sorry that you've spent 5.5 years with him and it has come to this.... (read in full...)

I was told I have a weird way of kissing?

Q.   backstory, I'm fairly recently out of my first long term relationship with the first guy I had ever kissed. Anyway, I figured I knew what I was doing. Guess not, cause I just made out with someone and they said I had a weird way of kissing, we j...

A.   18 November 2015: Yikes! That YouTube clip is brutal. I did a quick Google and there are more kissing videos on the internet than you'll be able to watch in your lifetime. Just like in a restaurant where they'll sell everything on the menu in a night due to dif... (read in full...)

Was I just another notch on his bedpost?

Q.   Hi Okay so I've been friends with this guy for a while, we don't see each other often but have a catch up now and again. I think he's nice looking and have liked him for some time, I wasn't too sure of his feelings about me and neither of us ev...

A.   18 November 2015: Yes, go ahead and write this one off as a paid experience regarding the drawbacks of casual sex. If you told me in a month that you are seriously seeing this guy, I'd think he was with you out of desperation. This hook-up basically cost t... (read in full...)

My boyfriend lives with his child's mother!

Q.   To begin, my boyfriend and I have not been together long. I really care about him! I have two children and at first I thought he only had one. When we are together it's great and when we are not together things are also great. He will spend 95% of ...

A.   18 November 2015: I won't venture to say whether he is just living with her out of convenience and without a sexual relationship, or has taken the relationship to a sexual stage. If he spends 95% of his free time with you, it doesn't sound like he gets along with ... (read in full...)

Should I pay an escort to go on a date with me?

Q.   I'm a male virgin who's never been on a date or kissed a girl ever. I live alone. I have a big collection of films and film memorabilia. I'm very shy. Partially due to my obesity, and that lots of girls in high school and college would say I was ...

A.   18 November 2015: Going out with an escort wouldn't put you any closer to a having a relationship with a woman, which I'm sure you would like. Don't be discouraged by your lack of success at on-line dating...most women are very cautious and the ones who you wou... (read in full...)

Second cousin love and love at first sight?

Q.   Recently I met my second cousin for this first time ever. to get an idea of the relationship: his mom is my great aunt. So his mom is my grandmothers sister. When he first walked into the door, I had no idea who he was, but there was an instant c...

A.   13 November 2015: A relationship with him isn't what I'd recommend but I can clearly see you are in a total crush over this guy. You are having a lot of communication with him, so try to find out how mutual the attraction is without freaking him out. Is he all ... (read in full...)

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