A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Dear CupidI'm living with my bf of 3 years , and he is nice most of the times, but he is very unemotional and practical and had not told me he loves me yet, though I said couple of times and no response So I got pregnant , we both agreed it's not something we both wanted and hence decided to aborted.so we did the abortion and I went to the clinic for follow up yesterday , since my bf was not able to time off, i went alone for follow up and I went well. I expected him to text and ask how it went , nothing and he didn't ask when he got home. I believe he forgot, still that was fine, i told him how it went and told him he should have asked me how it went , no response and he is not talking to me from that tome, he is giving me silent treatment. It is annoying and irritating me and he behaves like a kid and throwing a tantrum nowHow should I deal with him, pls help to
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male
reader, liddel +, writes (11 March 2018):
Wow, you are in a very bad situation and it's time to try to get out of it. After three years and he cannot even profess love says a lot.
There is indeed someone better for you other there and you won't find him while being with this guy. I know you have a lot invested in this but since you're seeing no return on investment after this amount of time, dump it.
A
female
reader, 02DuszJ  +, writes (8 March 2018):
 This post makes us all sad.. we're complete strangers. But WE seem to give more of a damn than HE does.. what does that tell you? He can NEVER give you what you want and doesn't seem to have a caring bone in his body. Man an abortion would traumatise any normal woman for a long time.. even for the rest of her life- and yet he can't even take the time out to ask you if you're OK??!
You will never get the love and care you need from him. Love doesn't conquer all and moreover ONE-SIDED love achieves NOTHING other than causing pain.
You need a reality check. You are young but if you want a happy family lifestyle you need to cut this waster out of your life.. the longer you're with him the less time you have to find the RIGHT guy and have a child before 40.. like pruning a rose you need to get rid of the bad stuff to flourish.
This is not all going to work itself out on its own.. YOU are the one that can put an end to the misery- that will only get worse if you stay. You would honestly rather be better off on own and have no one than stay with him. He's toxic. You're old enough to take a hold over your life and make your own happiness. Maybe get some counselling if you have trouble being on your own.. but at the end of the day YOU are the one who has the power to make YOU happy.. never RELY on anyone else. Why not join a hobby club get out there and meet people? Spend some time alone without men. Or join a group of homeless workers that give supplies out to homeless.
You don't need him! You need YOU.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (8 March 2018):
 Okay so what you need to ask yourself is do you need to be with someone who shows emotion and tells you that they love you? If the answer is yes then you are in the wrong relationship. If after three years he cannot say he loves you well then this relationship really does not sound healthy at all.
You say that you both agreed on the abortion, but he fell silent afterwards? Could it be he was having second minds? Or is he really just that clueless? You need to ask him why the silent treatment? It seems like he is not talking to you. If this is after three years I really don't expect that it will get any better. I am not sure why you are both still together if he doesn't show you any love, surely you deserve better than that.
Also in the future try using condoms and birth control at least then hopefully there won't be any more unwanted babies.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 March 2018): Here's how you deal with him. If you haven't gotten an abortion yet, and you don't really want to. DON'T!
Go lease a room in a hotel and just spend some time alone to think. Go stay with a very close friend or family member a few days; but don't tell him where you are. Your addiction to him will speak too loud when he's around. You need to hear your own heart. Even if you go through with the abortion, he's next to be removed from your life.
You may need some therapy and counseling to get through all this.
If he is giving you the cold-shoulder using psychological-blackmail to make you go through with the procedure, or he'll leave. Let him! He still can't say he loves you. He can't even bring his mouth to utter those words. If you're doing it as a form of emotional-blackmail to hurt him, you will never live it down.
Do you really and truly want the abortion, or do you want him so badly you will do it to please him? If it's mainly for him, it will be harder to do it; than if it is 100% your own decision. Always do what's healthiest for you! Any thing you do, you must be able to live with it without guilt or regret. Then it was a good decision.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (8 March 2018):
 You know where this is going. Why you are pretending it's all fine, I don't know. You might be one of those women who claim "but I LOVE him" as an excuse to stay in an unhealthy, unequal, loveless and maybe even slightly abusive situation ALL in the name if "LOVE".
OP, this isn't how a loving and healthy relationship should be.
I think you are wasting your time on a fella who doesn't love you and/or are incapable of SHOWING love and support.
You have wasted 3 years on this guy. Again my guess - hoping he will change, hoping he will be the man you believe he can be or should be. BUT here is the honest truth... HE WILL NOT change. THIS is who he is.
If he after 3!!!! years can't or won't say that he loves you - he never will because he DOESN'T feel it OR he is withholding that to make YOU feel bad about yourself, to keep your self-esteem low, to MAKE you feel unworthy of love. And you know what? IT HAS WORKED! for 3 years! You still stick around regardless of him NOT really giving a shit.
I'm sorry you had to go through an abortion. It IS a HUGE decision that can weigh on a person's emotions, thoughts and personal beliefs. YOU are the one who had to go through the PHYSICAL side too. ALL alone. He is not there for you, not because he forgot but because he doesn't care.
I think it's time for some self-love and self-care, OP
STOP trying to reach out to him, if you need any counseling after the abortion GO SEEK counseling, that way you will get SOME support and some help put it all in perspective.
Maybe... it's time that you accept that this man is NOT adding to your life in a positive way. He is not only a waste of time, he is dead-weight. cut him loose.
Take some time to get back to YOU.
I fully agree with all the uncles and aunties and with "Been there Now over it" especially when he says :" It is time to move on. Every day you remain with him is a day you are denying yourself what you really deserve."
You can do it. Want MORE for yourself and from a relationship.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 March 2018): Your boyfriend doesn't seem to love you. If he doesn't show it, why say it? He was cold and indifferent when you went to the clinic all alone. As if he's sending you to correct your own mistake.
You need to get your head out of the clouds and stop pretending this man cares anything about you. You have gone so far as to rationalize him to be some kind of unemotional practical Vulcan/drone/humanoid that just doesn't feel anything. THREE YEARS???
You want this guy so badly that you'd allow anything he does to you, just to keep him. That kind of infatuation, desperation, or obsession for a man is so unhealthy; I can't even put it into words. This may fall under the category of an addiction to a person.
Try and find the book: "How To Break Your Addiction To A Person" by Howard M. Halpern,Phd. Maybe you need to figure-out how you've remained so devoted to someone for so long; who can't find it in his cold and practical heart to tell you he loves you? He's like an addictive-drug to you.
He considers it your fault you got pregnant. You're just a roommate who pays half the bills, cooks, cleans, does laundry, and delivers sex on demand. If he has Asperger's Syndrome, you may never see any emotion; and a post like yours tells us that is not what you want. You want this guy to show emotion and affection. To say he loves you.
My dear, even if he suffers from Asperger's Syndrome, autism, or any other emotional-disorder; I think in the span of three years a man could find the words to tell the woman he loves that he loves her. He's not comatose or have a grave intellectual-disability.
He wouldn't even take the day off to stand by your side while you faced your pending abortion procedure. If something like that could slip his mind, you may as well be single and alone. I thought you said he was "practical?" Most practical people are not forgetful!
I think you have been deluding yourself all this time; because you want to be with the guy so badly. Well, read your post to yourself. Especially the part where you go for the follow-up at the clinic...ALONE! You may as well be alone. Heck...you are alone!
It breaks my heart, and rips through my soul to know a man can be so calloused! It breaks my heart even more that someone could believe they love someone so much they'd put-up with anything from them.
As to be expected, comes the follow-up post to paint an entirely different picture of him. How wonderful he is and so forth. Yet the sonofabitch wouldn't take a day off to be by your side. He can't even pretend to mouth the words "I love you!" No follow-up post will humanize that block of ice.
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (8 March 2018):
 Why are you bothering?
What could you possibly love about this emotionless robot? He isn't going to change so you are wasting your time.
You've wasted 3 years that could of been spent with someone that's head over heels in love with you.
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A
female
reader, mystiquek + ♥, writes (8 March 2018):
 You ask how to deal with this man? I think the more important question you should be asking is "WHY are you dealing with him"?
OP, after 3 years he hasn't said I love you? Come on...he hasn't said he loves you because apparently he doesn't. You are "Miss right now". He enjoys the sex, your company but yet he won't commit. He knows whether he loves you or not! He doesn't. At one of the most vulnerable times in a woman's life (loss of a child) he couldn't even bother to ask how you were??? Maybe you both agreed to the abortion but its still very difficult and there are so many feelings most women experience and he couldn't say "how are you doing" He forgot??? Give me a break.
Want more for yourself sweets. He will NEVER be there for you. Realize that. Find someone who cares and isnt cold.
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A
male
reader, Been there Now over it +, writes (8 March 2018):
I hope you don't expect him to change...he's not going to. This is just his nature. It is as simple as that.
You are living with the guy who has not told you - after three, THREE years that he loves you. You are merely a convenience to him. Do you understand that? You are in his life for sex and someone to occasionally treat well enough for those moments when he wants some decent companionship and conversation. Other than that...well, he has better things to do. You are probably also providing him with cooking and shopping services. Any monetary help?
It is time to move on. Every day you remain with him is a day you are denying yourself what you really deserve.
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A
male
reader, TylerSage +, writes (8 March 2018):
 I'm no doctor, but this does not sound like a very healthy relationship.
Are you sure you don't pester or annoy him all day long? Men tend to tune women out if they become too overwhelming for them at any point in time and sometimes not saying anything is best for everyone.
However, that aside, you've pretty much pointed out that he doesn't love you. If he doesn't love you after 3 years of living in the same space I think you're wasting your time. Not to mention he didn't show any form of concern for you or his aborted child when you were clearly in need of support and comfort. Any human being could see that.
Is this the man you really want to build a future with? He sounds a little bit scary.Please make sure all his mental faculties are in order. Don't waste your years waiting for this guy to love you. I'm not getting the impression that he does.
All the best.
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