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Can a relationship that started out purely for sexual hookups actually amount to more.

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Question - (13 February 2018) 13 Answers - (Newest, 14 February 2018)
A female Canada age 22-25, *essaD writes:

A year ago I started a purely sexual relationship with a friend of my ex bfs. We had both just gotten out of relationship so we were only looking for a hookup. It was suppose to be a one time thing but turned into regular hookups. They were amazing , like the best sex I’ve had, he literally blew my mind every time we were together. But we left it seuxal and nothing else. In August I found out I was pregnant, he shocked me when he stood up and promise to be there, He came to appointments , offered money for baby items etc. In December the baby passed, he there with me while I delivered. He called me daily, brought me meals and set up a grief counseling session for me. At the first of February we had sex , it was just like before, intense , fun and exciting but he asked if he could spend the night which never happened before. After he left the next morning he texted me and asked me to go out on a date with him. I was a little unsure what to say but I did and it was amazing. He picked me up, took me to a private tour of an amazing museum and out to dinner and a really nice restaurant. The next morning I woke up to flowers at my front door and somehow he managed to get help from a coworker who delivered a rose and a personal note to my desk every hour of my work day. I’ve never had a guy go so above and beyond. I already know the sexual chemistry is there and he is every girls dream guy but I’m worried because of the sexual history that our relationship won’t work. Can a relationship that started out purely for sexual hookups actually amount to more.

View related questions: co-worker, flowers, money, my ex, sexual past, text

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland + , writes (14 February 2018):

aunt honesty agony auntThe important question here is do you feel the same for him? Loosing a baby together often brings people closer together, it is hard not to get feelings involved once something that intense happens to you both in life. It sounds like he is a good guy so why not phone him up and talk to him and see where he wants to go from here.

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A male reader, Been there Now over it United States +, writes (14 February 2018):

Of course your FWB relationship can turn into more. Is there any reason that it can't? I don't see this as much different than you two hatching your relationship based on a common interest in museums, golf or whatever. He seems like a keeper, too. He's impressed me. Go with it. From what you've told us, don't let this guy get away!

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A female reader, NessaD Canada +, writes (14 February 2018):

NessaD is verified as being by the original poster of the question

I have to admit that in the beginning part of it was to get back at my ex the other part was to have sex. A few times during the hook ups I would start to feel something but I would shut those feelings off quickly because we had agreed it was a sex thing so I didn’t want to mess that up. After I found out I was pregnant and his reaction when I told him , I totally started seeing him differently but again because of what we agreeed I pushed him away emotionally. After the baby passed we bonded on a different level, he could have bailed but he didn’t he was there for me when ever I needed him.

When he asked me on the date I was hesitant because I didn’t know how he felt, I wasn’t sure if he felt like he was obligated to ask me out or if it was true feelings. After the date and the days following I realized that he was sincere.

He was always a nice guy, even before we started honking up. He was always respectful

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A female reader, Youcannotbeserious United Kingdom + , writes (14 February 2018):

Youcannotbeserious agony auntI'm so sorry about your baby. You have been through more than the majority of couples will ever go through in a lifetime and this guy has come through with shining colours. He has shown himself to be dependable, strong and caring.

Yes, the relationship may have started as a sexual one, but he has obviously developed feelings for you. You don't say what YOUR feelings towards HIM are though. I think you would be crazy not to give it a go. He sounds like a wonderful guy. Be the wonderful girl he deserves.

Good luck.

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A male reader, WiseOwlE United States + , writes (14 February 2018):

I hope you have some real feelings for him; and this wasn't to get back at your boyfriend.

His hesitation was not to break the bro-code. Something still had to develop from somewhere to go as far as he went after the hookups. Once you lost the baby, he could have jetted.

I'm sorry for the loss, by the way. I meant to say so earlier.

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A female reader, chigirl Norway +, writes (13 February 2018):

chigirl agony auntYes.

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A female reader, NessaD Canada +, writes (13 February 2018):

NessaD is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Yes we did know each other before hand, he was a friend of my ex boyfriends. I think that’s why we were we ok with hooking up. We knew that the other person wasn’t batshit crazy so I get safe with him verses some random guy I were to meet at a bar and neither of us were the type to sleep around so we knew we were clean.

I don’t think he had feelings for me going into it. Haha it was my idea to hookup and he was actually hesitant because of my ex.

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A female reader, Andie's Thoughts United Kingdom + , writes (13 February 2018):

Andie's Thoughts agony auntIt very rarely amounts to more. The only way you'll ever know is by asking. Once feelings get involved, you can't continue the FWB. Ask him.

I'm really sorry you lost the baby, but please don't risk pregnancy with people you're not in a highly committed relationship with. Also, use condoms every time to avoid STDs. Please use condoms *and* birth control with casual sex partners and new relationships.

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A male reader, WiseOwlE United States + , writes (13 February 2018):

I think I need to add something. There is also a disclaimer that really sets your situation apart from the usual. You two were previously acquainted. He had the opportunity to see you in motion and from afar. He knew you before he knew what sex with you was like. So his attraction may be more than physical.

Please practice safe-sex. Pregnancy isn't the only thing that can occur with unprotected-sex. You can pass on STD's. Some people are carriers; and some sexually-transmitted diseases lie dormant. Good reason to get tested together; if you decide to become a committed-couple.

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A male reader, WiseOwlE United States + , writes (13 February 2018):

Yes, it can. Anything is possible. It wasn't necessarily the sex part that created what you have. He saw something beyond that, and something clicked beyond merely the physical.

Sometimes one-night stands are drawn back together. If not by an unexpected-pregnancy, but it was always their destiny to meet. Barring that "soulmate" crap; which is nothing but cosmic-bunk. That's a total bullsh*t concept; based on greeting cards and false-notions. You may have dozens of people out there that are unbelievably excellent matches for you. The blessing is finding the first one.

I have to add words of caution to readers; because a lot of FWB relationships are really not true to their nature. Sometimes one of the two is infatuated. Maybe it started out purely physical, but one person caught feelings. The hookups continue; because one of the two has ulterior-motives. Offering sex as bait or a form of bribery. Biding their time, hoping to lure the other into a meaningful relationship.

That is a risk taken to get someone through manipulation. Deception is not going to work. You might not be fooling anybody but yourself. It usually ends in frustration or heartbreak. That is playing against the odds; because you should build a relationship on caring for each other in every way, and on different levels.

You develop feelings first, then sex is added as an expression of those emotions. Starting the other way around, men don't think like women. Men can disassociate their feelings with sex. So can women, but not as well or as consistently as we can.

Tindr and Grindr are popular online sites for the ease of dates leading to hookups. They aren't really the sites you go to if you want something meaningful. Although some pull it off, survey says "it ain't happening for most of you!"

That young man stepped-up; but you seem to be overlooking the possibility that he always had eyes for you. He seized the opportunity. The truth is, most do not turn-out as yours did.

As any man placed in that situation should; he might have felt obligated to step-up to a pregnancy, because he has the moral responsibility. However; he went the whole nine-yards, and then some. He developed some feelings in the process. My guess is, he liked you from the time you first met. Which makes a big difference.

In your case, I'd take it a day at a time; to test the authenticity of his feelings and consistency of his actions. It is quite important that you feel the same for him; not just taking advantage of an opportunity, because it's convenient. Hoping neither of you are operating under rebound-feelings.

I am very happy for you. As a rule, what happened for you doesn't always go that way. You two are the fortunate exception to the rule.

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A male reader, Serpico United States +, writes (13 February 2018):

You have a baby together. You are way past the "casual sexual hookup."

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (13 February 2018):

Honeypie agony auntSure it can, if you have more in common than great sex.

JUST make sure you two are being responsible with birth control until you are ready for a child, OK?

From what you write... he sounds like a Keeper. He could easily have dropped the ball when you got pregnant, but he didn't. He could have dropped the ball when you lost the baby, but he didn't.

I don't think it's common that a hook up turns into more, but sure it CAN happen.

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A male reader, N91 United Kingdom + , writes (13 February 2018):

N91 agony auntIf this guy doesn't want you to be his girlfriend I will eat my shoes.

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