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| | *een there Now over it's profile:At 64 yo I've been in a number of relationships and gone thru a lot of life's experiences. We all have rocky times in our lives but I have done my best with each instance and am the happiest and most successful person I know. I am upbeat and optimistic, and always try to make others feel the same. I really enjoy seeing someone shine, especially a young person with true talent.
I live in Los Angeles and am on the liberal side. I am a little more accepting of some predicaments than other DQ helpers. As for spirituality, I am agnostic and live purely by the Golden Rule...Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. This very simply covers EVERYTHING!
In 2015 I had shoulder surgery (rotator cuff), which resulted in my left arm being tied to my side, 24/7 for the next month. I was mostly at home and spending a lot of time browsing the internet. I found Dear Cupid and - disappointed by the way some people were letting themselves be treated so poorly - decided to post some answers. I discovered that I was giving the questions much more thought than if just reading them. So this has become a matter of personal growth for me as well as extending help to others. Depending on what's going on in my life I get on here and read questions sporadically, and answer only a minority of them. If I read but don't answer a question it is because either 1) I don't feel I have any good advice to give or add, or 2) the info provided in the question isn't sufficient for me to make a judgement.
My favorite quote: "People tend to believe two things...what they want to believe and what scares the hell out of them." |
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I'm turned on by a fantasy I'm sure my wife's interest in would be zero!
Q. Hi All. I am a very happily married man and my sex life with my wife is fantastic. However, I am hugely turned on by the thought of a threesome between my wife and a shemale. I am almost certain that my wife's interest in this is pretty much zero. ...
A. 1 June 2016: Hardly any wife would go for this. Bringing it up to her would not only be useless but could very well stick a knife into the happy relationship and fantastic sex life you share with her. If you want to get her take on shemales, you might somehow ... (read in full...)
I like this guy at work. But he is dating someone else at work. How should I handle this situation?
Q. I like somebody at work, however it is a bit complicated as he is seeing someone else at work. A few months ago they had broken up (although I didn't know at the time) and at the pub he and I were getting on really well, enough for some of my work ...
A. 31 May 2016: Around the time you were at the pub, he had alternatives: 1) date you, or 2) go back to the old girlfriend. From what you've said, choosing you or at least someone else would seem the logical choice. However, there is a reason he chose to go back ... (read in full...)
Fantasizing about my husband's best friend
Q. My husband is a fair amount older than me and has a lower sex drive. On top of this I am also sexually attracted to multiple people at the same time. My husband's best friend is single and has been on a dry spell for about 5 years and is very ...
A. 28 May 2016: Have you considered what will happen to the friendship between this fellow and your husband? Even if you disclose this to just one of them, it would almost certainly make things very awkward between them or all three of you.
You've said nothing ... (read in full...)
I don't mind paying but resent being asked to
Q. Dear Cupid: I was on an on-line dating site. A man sent me messages saying he would like to meet me. We met at a place he picked, I told him I was good with just a drink (no food). I had one beer (it was happy hour), he picked up the tab which wa...
A. 25 May 2016: I'm more curious as to him not calling you for a month.... (read in full...)
Why do people want strippers at celebration parties just before they marry?
Q. Hi this is a weird question because its a hypothetical. I think its very strange that before two people get married they are encouraged to have strippers at their bachelor/ bachelorette parties. I've never been to a strip club even though it w...
A. 25 May 2016: I've asked myself the same question whenever this comes up. If you are so attracted to your mate that you want to marry him or her, why do you need a stripper? Honeypie is right...it supposedly marks the time in a persons life when they have just ... (read in full...)
Married 4 years and still my husband only wants 'vanilla' sex. What can I do to ease him towards more and liven up?
Q. I have been married close to 4 years and have always wanted to explore intimately with my husband and he is aware of this desire but seems uninterested with anything beyond "vanilla" sex. Lately I feel incomplete longing for more from him, the desi...
A. 22 May 2016: Don't give up without trying. Sex is too important to just compromise without trying. Two important things here: Open up your communications and take baby steps. You don't say where you want this to end up (BDSM? Threesome? Porn?) but start... (read in full...)
My ex boyfriend invited me to his graduation. Should I attend?
Q. Hi aunts!! My ex boyfriend just called to ask if I would be willing to attend his undergrad graduation in June 11th. He and I dated for 6 months and broke up twice both times because my best friend let me know he was cheating on me, though neith...
A. 7 May 2016: For the reasons mention, I'm with the other aunts on this one. Do not attend.
I'll add that if you do attend, you'll probably see him hugged by various attractive girls and it'll set you to wondering which of them he's slept with. Your expectat... (read in full...)
Should I tell my stepdaughter that her father has become abusive towards me?
Q. Should I call and tell his daughter (my stepdaughter) that her father has been abusive for years and recently put his hands around my throat? The day following his abuse, he went out for 5 hours and came back with no apology, no flowers… but wan...
A. 7 May 2016: Darn! This is one of the more troubling situations I've read here on DearCupid and I've read a lot of them! My heart aches for you. First priority is to get him out of the house! I don't know what police protections are offered in your country ... (read in full...)
I'm not Barbie enough. What's the answer?
Q. Hi, I know this sounds like a stupid question but I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years and he is obsessed with Barbie type looking women. If a woman with long blonde hair walks past he stares at her till she's out of sight. I'm the opposite with ...
A. 7 May 2016: This will be a persistent problem...men don't suddenly change their attractions. While he may like blondes, he certainly shouldn't be diverting his attention to them when he is with you. At best, your guy certainly has poor manners. Worse would ... (read in full...)
How can I relax and enjoy an orgasm after all the pressure I suffered in a previous relationship?
Q. My ex and I both took ourselves way too seriously when having sex, and it was probably too soon for me to doing the things I was doing based on that immaturity level. Sex was always VERY serious, it wasn't fun or exploratory. He had an anger ...
A. 5 May 2016: Good and completely open communication is the key in correcting a broad spectrum of sexual situations, including this one. You took an excellent step when you told your new person that you need to relax in order to orgasm. Did you just tell him ... (read in full...)
Please help me, it turns out that my boyfriend has a brother, the same man I slept with a few years ago!
Q. I know a boy for about seven years, and we started dating a few months ago, and last Saturday he decided to introduce me to his family. It turns out that he has a brother, who was never mentioned, and is the same man that I slept a few years ago. I ...
A. 27 April 2016: It is very possible that your bf already knew that you'd had sex with his brother. Brothers talk. Assuming that they have normal brother/brother communications with each other, after a few dates with you, your bf probably told his brother about ... (read in full...)
Found out I'm pregnant at 41 after a first date
Q. Please do not judge me , Im single and stable ,i went on a date with a guy we had a great date and planned to see each other again but he canceled the 2nd date saying he has issues and not ready to date. I have now found out im pregnant ( the condom ...
A. 16 April 2016: I can't tell you how to find this guy but in all likelihood he probably won't be of any help to you or your child. A guy who tells you he has "issues" and whose phone is disconnected sounds like a total loser, especially if he's around your age or ... (read in full...)
What could be the consequences if my Gf and I did follow through with our wish to have sex, discretely, in a public place?
Q. My gf and I want to experiment more sexually. She wants to have sex some place public, like a mall changing room or movie theatre . What exactly would happen if we get caught? She has given me head in a movie but we were pretty discreet about i...
A. 16 April 2016: I think this is a really dumb idea but that doesn't mean you won't do it. If you do, make absolutely sure that it is in a place where there is no chance of any children seeing you. You might get into VERY serious trouble with dire consequences if ... (read in full...)
How could people be so rude about my wedding?
Q. Hi, I don't know if I can post on here but I really need to vent and feel so upset. I got married in October and my husband and I were on a really tight budget, even though we had been saving for 2 years, making sacrifices and working every ext...
A. 10 April 2016: I can't add much to what the other aunts have said below, especially WiseOwlE. But I will say that - from all description - I would much rather have attended your wedding than your cousin's "purchased and pretentious show." I'll bet anything that ... (read in full...)
I'm terrified I'll be a bad kisser!
Q. Hi! Im a 16 years old girl and I never kissed anyone and thinking about it just freaks me out, i know that I don't know how to kiss! I am going to be a bad kisser and since I am pretty popular at my school I know that I will be laugh at! Please help ...
A. 4 April 2016: Do some web searches centering around kissing, such as "how to kiss" or "best kissing techniques." I'm sure there are plenty of kissing videos on YouTube, as well. At your age, your partner is probably suffering the same issues: "She's so popula... (read in full...)
Was anything wrong with me? My Bf is my sexual partner but now he's saying he thinks I was not a virgin when we met.
Q. I was a virgin before I met my boyfriend. He found me too wet the other day when we had sex, like he just slipped in so easy I could feel it..so he claims i slept around or I masturbate but I do none of those things. He is the only guy I have ...
A. 2 April 2016: As noted here, there is not a connection between being wet and being a virgin. Not much news there, but as I read your post two things come to mind: 1) Is there a double-standard here...was he a virgin prior to having sex with you? 2) If even if ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend has accused me of suffering BO. I shower. What can I do?
Q. My boyfriend of 4 months thinks that I have B.O. and I'm very hurt. I always shower when he comes over and he says that sometimes showering isn't enough, and that the natural deodorant I use isn't effective at times. He doesn't mind but highlig...
A. 2 April 2016: Two years ago a friend told me that she used liquid chlorophyll as a deodorant. Chlorophyll is the green stuff in plants and is all-natural. It is taken internally (you drink it) rather than used topically like nearly all deodorants. I've been ... (read in full...)
We kissed on our last date. Should I stay with her, even though I am not attracted to her?
Q. Dating a girl I'm not completely attracted to? I met this girl on a dating app and we've been on two dates so far. I like her personality so far and think shes kind of pretty but I'm not as attracted to her like I was with other girls I've da...
A. 28 February 2016: You owe it to her not to make a mess of things by leading her on thru dating her even though you are not attracted to her. Any attraction you do have will only dwindle as the newness wears off. You'll either drop her and possibly break her heart, ... (read in full...)
Please help me win my dream job
Q. Hi everyone! This is not a relationship question but more a question of advice, as everyone here as a variety of experience and comes from all walks of life. I am a qualified nurse in a job that I hate. My dream job would be to work with people...
A. 25 February 2016: Judging by your age you are probably not the most experienced person for the job. That's probably what prompted sister's comment. Regardless, put your best foot forward. You can still be the most enthusiastic, passionate and best worker. And the ... (read in full...)
Is this weird or am I normal?
Q. Is this weird? I'm 16 and I'm horny all the time (I'm a virgin too). I've had very little to no experience with guys. All it takes is a sexual song or a male singer with a sexy voice to turn me on and then I have to masturbate, or atleast pleasure ...
A. 2 February 2016: This is very natural for people your age. You probably have friends who masturbate even more than you do, they just don't talk about it. There is some taboo regarding masturbation, which is really a hold-over from the Dark Ages. It is totally ... (read in full...)
Am I being overly sensitive about how my parents handled the loan?
Q. Hi, I am a 49yo professional woman with a stable spouse and a successful career. I have owned my own business now for 10 years. My husband and I have been married for 24 years and we have zero debt. Eight years ago, we had borrowed $100,000 from my ...
A. 2 February 2016: It is difficult to advise you with certainty without seeing or knowing the nature of the document and knowing more about family dynamics.
It doesn't sound like they were/are adversarial, but they just want to keep you current with payments... (read in full...)
How can I secure myself financially?
Q. So I've been with my boyfriend for almost 6 years now... 3 of those we were saving up to buy a house. Well really he was the one doing the saving, as he served in the military and I was a University student on a tight budget. After finishin...
A. 31 January 2016: You are sooooo right to be concerned about what could happen with your investment in the house should your boyfriend die. You should have a written agreement with I'm regarding the disposition of the house and any other co-owned assets in case you... (read in full...)
Should I encourage him to take the job? Can our marriage survive as a LDR for 3 to 5 years?
Q. Dear Cupids, I am a 35 year old woman, married with no kids. I love my husband and I love our life together. Yesterday he told me that his firm is considering sending him in a remote country 10hrs away by plane and he would have to work there fo...
A. 31 January 2016: If he goes, most likely the best situation is that you'll spend 3 to 5 years frustrated, missing him and worrying about him doing the same as many before him who have left their wives and married younger locals, and then he will return to you. And ... (read in full...)
Should I be worried that I have puffy areolas? I am worried they will be a turn off for guys.
Q. So I'm 16 and I have really puffy areolas. I read somewhere that they level out as puberty progresses but I guess I've passed that stage already and I'm stuck like this. I hate it because I always have to wear a bra, even around the l the house I ...
A. 31 January 2016: I can't imagine there's been any scientific research done on this question so I didn't even look for it. However, doing a Google search on "puffy nipples" brings up 1,420,000 results. Narrowing the search to "puffy nipples porn" results in ... (read in full...)
Is it hard to find a person who is your perfect sexual match?
Q. Do you think it takes goimg through lots of people to find your sexual match? I mean somebody you are totally compatible in bed with? Unlike any other? You can be attracted to many people but that does not always mean mind blowing sex wit...
A. 31 January 2016: It is easiest to find a good sexual partner if your sexual tastes are for every-day vanilla. Nobody is sure what percentage of the population is of the vanilla variety but I do think it is a lot smaller than most of us would assume. A lot of peopl... (read in full...)
I "hooked up" with a guy I hardly know. No sex, but did try to give him a Bj. Will my next experience with a guy be better?
Q. I'm a 16 year old girl and a few months ago I stupidly and carelessly "hooked up" with this guy I didn't know too well. Please don't tell me I'm an idiot because trust me I've told myself that everyday since. Before that I'd never soo much as held...
A. 31 January 2016: Maybe it was a poor experience but it sounds like you sure learned a lesson. So it wasn't all bad.
Your sexual experiences don't improve just because of having more of them. In your case, your experience was disappointing because you hooked u... (read in full...)
By accident I discovered that my husband likes to video himself masterbating, when he is alone. Why does he keep this secret?
Q. My husband and I are both in our fifties. We have been married for 13 years. He has always watched porn but now he stays up late to watch it, masterbate, and videotape himself ejaculate. He won't do this in front of me and he also denies that ...
A. 31 January 2016: The first question: Is he doing this or his benefit or that of someone else? I would have to assume he is doing it for someone else (sending them the videos) as it is much more difficult to imagine a man filming it just for himself. If he is ... (read in full...)
I keep bombing on the Statistics exams! Help?
Q. Advice please? I only need ONE class to graduate with a Bachelors, and that would be Statistics. This class is kicking my behind not because the material is hard, but the exams are timed short and I simply cannot compute that fast and so I failed ...
A. 21 January 2016: You've probably done what you can in this regard but in the off chance you haven't: Can you use a statistics calculator in the exams? If so, are you allowed to program the formulas? I disliked statistics and have little aptitude or use for that ... (read in full...)
Difficulties in the bedroom with boyfriend and I don't know how to fix them
Q. I am having difficulties in the bedroom with my boyfriend of three years and I don't know how to fix any of it. We have been very adventurous in the past. Our sex life was always amazing and I can't believe I'm asking for advice. A few...
A. 21 January 2016: While he can be frank with you to the point of being rude, there seems to be something going on in his mind that perhaps he hasn't discussed with you. It could be anything from work to family matters. It is preventing him from relaxing and enjoying ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend is hurt from losing investments. How can I help?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been dating two months. I've always known he trades stocks and that's fine with me. However recently the market has been very bad and he's suffered quite a few losses. He handles his emotions well but I know he's hurt from ...
A. 21 January 2016: Assuming he is around your age, I would congratulate and tell him your proud of him for having the discipline and view to the future that it takes to invest. There aren't many people his age who are taking such an initiative. This may be of... (read in full...)
She wants everything. Should I walk?
Q. Been going out with a woman, for a month, she tells me if I want to continue to see her, I have to buy her gifts, cards, flowers, and take her out two times a week. Do I walk away? She said she will give me two days to make up my mind. I sure know ...
A. 19 January 2016: If she is giving you an ultimatum to shower her with gifts, cards, flowers and dinner, those things mean more to her than you do. ... (read in full...)
I've just come out as a lesbian and am not sure how to go about dating
Q. I am a lesbian and I have just come out. I'm trying to find someone but I don't know how. There is multiple parts you this question: A) Is it okay to flirt and get someones number when they are working? For example if you meet somebody in their j...
A. 18 January 2016: If you look/dress like a lesbian and a woman pays you special attention, then she is probably interested in dating you. If you look like a hetero girl, she most likely doesn't know you are a lesbian and she is just being nice. The same rules... (read in full...)
do my feelings indicate actual gender identity issues?
Q. Hi, I ticked male as my gender because there was no option to ignore and it said gender not sex, however I appear female and was born with female sex organs. So, basically I am "female" and refer to myself as a girl in most contexts, but deep dow...
A. 18 January 2016: I find it peculiar that you don't state whether your sexual encounters are with men or women. Have you heard of the term 'genderqueer'? Take a look at the following web site that explains this term, may shed some light on your own situation, a... (read in full...)
I love this man but I don't trust him!
Q. Ok, so I posted on here not to long ago but I seem to be having a problem... A few months ago, back in september, around my fiance and i's anniversary, I caught him online talking to other women, calling them beautiful, making sexual remarks and ...
A. 18 January 2016: First things first...DO NOT give this guy money, cars or put him on the title of any house you buy. Not even if he pays part of the cost. This guy is just bad news and you are likely to lose any money you spend in these directions. As for th... (read in full...)
I lied to my dying friend and told him that I loved him. Now he's gone and I feel sick
Q. I slept with my friend because he was dying and because I felt guilty for leading him on. Each time after having sex he would cry and hug me and profess his love for me. He had a crush on me for years. During his last days I lied to him that I loved ...
A. 15 January 2016: Think how he would have felt had he not had a love in his life before dying. All of us would rather feel loved than alone in our final days. Having lied in order to give him that feeling is certainly a valiant act. You did right. Thanks for ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend left on a trip but he was not overly emotional during our "good bye" and I am wondering why?
Q. My boyfriend is leaving on a family trip to Europe tonight. He'll be gone for two weeks. He was just over at my place spending an hour with me to say good bye because that's all the time he had. He is getting ready so he can soon get to the airpo...
A. 4 January 2016: Two things come to mind: He probably feels bad for not taking you along and thus tends to minimize the amount of time he'll be gone and the good time he'll hopefully have. Second, he could be very distracted by everything going on with this ... (read in full...)
Do other people enjoy being spanked?
Q. Is this normal ? My wife has a birthday in December and enjoys an annual thing, which is a good spanking!! This year on the night of her b'day I was in the shower and came out to her on all fours on the bed with a paddle next to her and she said ...
A. 2 January 2016: I just Googled 'sex spank' and 'sex spanking" and, between the two, got over 15 million links. So, your wife is far from being alone. I had a girlfriend ask several times to be spanked and I obliged her. However, I was not all that into it and... (read in full...)
Husband doesn't please me anymore
Q. Hello! I have been married three years and I hate my sex life. Back in the days we used to have sex every day or so and I loved it- though i never orgasmed. Now I just got bored. Told my hubby I need oral to get off and he said it's not his thing. ...
A. 1 January 2016: I like all three answers that have been posted so far and will try just to add to what's already been said. He has probably gotten bored, too, or else he'd still want sex (assuming his problem is not physical or psychological). Try spicing up ... (read in full...)
Under grandma's thumb and with a sex mad boyfriend
Q. I have a problem. I live with my grandma and my mom is out of the picture. Grandma is really strict and she makes it impossible to do practically everything. I mean things like seeing my friends outside of school, talking on the phone, and being on ...
A. 1 January 2016: Hi, and thanks for coming to DearCupid with your questions. You don't seem to have a male role-model in your life. If you did and he was a good one, you'd quickly realize that your boyfriend's behavior is not just out of place but it very lik... (read in full...)
Is my trainer at my group fitness class flirting with me?
Q. I am not sure if a trainer at my group fitness class is flirting with me. He calls me out several times teasing me in front of the class about my technique. One class it was so bad and obvious I guess, that a couple of the guys in the class fe...
A. 31 December 2015: All this attention is proof that your trainer is definitely interested in you. I hope you can take that as good news as the bad news is this: He is a boob for taking this approach. If he was even a second-class guy, he would maintain a professional ... (read in full...)
What do I say, if anything about our LDR? Why re-connect with these girls? Why have a racist friend?
Q. I've been dating my so for a while now and we have a fabulous relationship the majority of the time. However he lives 418 miles away in a big city and I'm stuck here in a small town. There are a few problems that have arisen and the majority of ...
A. 31 December 2015: He may love you to bits but he is insensitive and not really interested or serious about having the kind of relationship you want. That is just his nature. Also, a guy has to be a major boob to not understand how or why his continuing relationships ... (read in full...)
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