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| | *een there Now over it's profile:At 64 yo I've been in a number of relationships and gone thru a lot of life's experiences. We all have rocky times in our lives but I have done my best with each instance and am the happiest and most successful person I know. I am upbeat and optimistic, and always try to make others feel the same. I really enjoy seeing someone shine, especially a young person with true talent.
I live in Los Angeles and am on the liberal side. I am a little more accepting of some predicaments than other DQ helpers. As for spirituality, I am agnostic and live purely by the Golden Rule...Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. This very simply covers EVERYTHING!
In 2015 I had shoulder surgery (rotator cuff), which resulted in my left arm being tied to my side, 24/7 for the next month. I was mostly at home and spending a lot of time browsing the internet. I found Dear Cupid and - disappointed by the way some people were letting themselves be treated so poorly - decided to post some answers. I discovered that I was giving the questions much more thought than if just reading them. So this has become a matter of personal growth for me as well as extending help to others. Depending on what's going on in my life I get on here and read questions sporadically, and answer only a minority of them. If I read but don't answer a question it is because either 1) I don't feel I have any good advice to give or add, or 2) the info provided in the question isn't sufficient for me to make a judgement.
My favorite quote: "People tend to believe two things...what they want to believe and what scares the hell out of them." |
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My boyfriend is a great guy and good looking but I'm not sure that I fancy him
Q. Hi, I have a problem with my boyfriend and I don't know what to do about it. We've been together for 3 months and I absolutely love him - he's kind, attentive, loyal and loving and we get on really well. He's become my best friend. The pr...
A. 8 February 2018: He has lots of good traits but you just don't find him interesting. Is this a good one-word description? If so, do you think you'll ever find him interesting? He seems like a guy who embraces the the traits we are told to have but doesn't ever ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is a great guy and good looking but I'm not sure that I fancy him
Q. Hi, I have a problem with my boyfriend and I don't know what to do about it. We've been together for 3 months and I absolutely love him - he's kind, attentive, loyal and loving and we get on really well. He's become my best friend. The pr...
A. 8 February 2018: He has lots of good traits but you just don't find him interesting. Is this a good one-word description? If so, do you think you'll ever find him interesting? He seems like a guy who embraces the the traits we are told to have but doesn't ever ... (read in full...)
How can I deal with racist comments?
Q. How can I deal with racist people ? I am a European ( originally born in chech) and came here at 3. I have been in the states for 27 Years my life has been shaped here - I love this county and never want to love. I can not identify with people and ...
A. 3 February 2018: Does this happen often? You've only made specific mention of two instances, one of them being six years ago. I engage with a lot of people and get to know many of them well enough that we can and do have candid conversations. I hear racial ... (read in full...)
Do we try to help this couple, whose marriage is deeply troubled?
Q. So this is for a couple who have been family friends for a long time, let call them A (the woman) and B (the man). They've had differences in approach and tension going on, but now they have stopped conversing all together. They have a child and ...
A. 3 February 2018: "Interfere" suggests throwing yourself in the middle of the situation. There is all probability that this relationship will fully advance to a divorce and you don't want them to blame you, or you to feel like you helped break them up.
I MIGHT "o... (read in full...)
Is it ok to not have a label on what I am?
Q. I "want" to be with men but I find women alluring, I wouldn't say I overly like either gender nor am I that sexual a person. Sometimes bordering on asexual. Basically wondering if it is okay to not have a label on what I am? To know i want ...
A. 3 February 2018: Whatever one feels like, their name is about the only label they really need. We are all different...most of us never meet anyone with our same name and never meet anyone so similar as to merit the same name. If anyone asks about your sexuality, ... (read in full...)
Should I continue being my ex's friend or let him get married and walk away.
Q. My ex and I? were together for 6 years. We had a few ups and downs but we made I.T through. He didn’t like me having a girlfriend because he felt that he should have been the only friend that I? needed. One night my friend and I? attended a concert ...
A. 3 February 2018: Walk away, whether he gets married or not. This guy is just bad news and will have a negative effect on your life as long as he is in it.... (read in full...)
We've been together for 4 years but I now I'm torn
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for about 4 years now and are living together.Now I've kinda hit a point where I'm torn.I need help as to what am i doing wrong or how should I take this.Every now and then my boyfriend hits these points where ...
A. 31 January 2018: The guy is a loser and he's trying to blame you for his shortcomings. If you'd mentioned only one of the many problems you have, this relationship might be worth the work and effort to revive.
Any thought of that immediately dissipates the mome... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is mad that I've kept my old wedding dress but he keeps Instagram posts from his exes
Q. Dear agony aunts and uncles I need some opinions please. My bf got upset that I’m saving my old wedding dress but he has tons of posts and lovey dovey comments on his Instagram from 3 ex gfs. Im keeping my dress because it was expensive and pe...
A. 31 January 2018: I don't see a jealous streak...I see a controlling streak.
Even without him having his ex's posts and comments out for public consumption, red flags are flying over you keeping your wedding dress. The fact that he does keep his posts and comments... (read in full...)
Three dates in and she does't want to kiss!
Q. So I met a girl through Tinder and we went out for dinner. I'm 30 and she's 27. We hit it off really well. We talked for nearly 4 hours. She had a pretty bad cough though, and I didn't attempt any sort of physical contact except a brief touch of the ...
A. 30 January 2018: This one will be story after story if you keep seeing her. Back off...you might want to call her once in a while and see if she wants to go out but don't be her excited puppy. And don't take her anywhere expensive or fancy that will have you ... (read in full...)
He’s very affectionate towards everyone! Does this sound strange?
Q. Hi there I started seeing a guy around 3 months ago. One of the things i love about him.is that he is very very affectionate towards me. At gome and out in public. He sometimes says to be before we go out'can i kiss you a lot tonight in publi...
A. 28 January 2018: In a perfect world, we'd all be like this. My mother was affectionate with me and I am more of a touchy, huggy guy. Did her grow up in a similar situation?
Unfortunately, the Harvey Weinstein problem and the flood gates it has opened has made inn... (read in full...)
Should I have waited till he said “I love you”?
Q. I have been seeing my bf for 3 months now. I feel like everything is great. Iv been bursting to tell him i loved him, but wanted to wait until he said it first. The other day i just said it and he said it back. Now i worry that he doesnt actually...
A. 28 January 2018: Words are cheap and often motivated by other factors such as pressure, politics and so on. Whether he loves you or not, he probably wouldn't have said it the first time had you not done so first. So that one is fairly meaningless.
Actio... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is always distracted when talking to me on the phone and it's getting on my nerves!
Q. I'm confused. My understanding of being on the phone with someone is to have an active conversation. That each party should be holding on to the phone (or have on ear phones) and giving undivided attention to the person on the other line. Why is it ...
A. 28 January 2018: Are most of these conversations about you? I have a friend who likes to talk with me on the phone forever. After the introductory question of how I've been (which is about a 10-second answer) the topic turns to what is going on in her life...most ... (read in full...)
My attempts at sex were horribly painful. How do I make things better?
Q. Uhm so about two years ago me and my friend lost our virginities to each other. We were both drinking but regardless of being drunk it was insanely painful for me. We tried so many times because I thought I was being a wimp but the pain was ...
A. 28 January 2018: This is a common problem that, fortunately, is much discussed on the internet. Google "painful sex" and it comes up with an enormous 28 million links! Several causes are mentioned. Do some research here and you should be able to identify your ... (read in full...)
Is there anything wrong with my sister and I being nude around each other?
Q. I am 20 years old and my sister is 18 years old. Our parents are usually not home: my dad is a long distance 18 wheeler driver and since my sister graduated from high school last year, my mom often goes with our dad. Both my sister and I hat...
A. 28 January 2018: I don't think there is anything wrong with it. Lots of people go to nudist camps and nude beaches without any sexual purpose or ideas. But as N91 suggests, it is best not to talk about this with others...there are lots of people who wouldn't quite ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend says he will break up with me if I move 150 miles away
Q. Iv been dating my boyfriend for a year and i love him so much. But i want to move in with my friend who lives 150 miles away and my boyfriend says if i do he will split up with me and look for someone else. So now i feel trapped because i dont want ...
A. 25 January 2018: If you are moving 150 miles away to move in with a friend, you are definitely sending a message to your boyfriend that you no longer love him or even value his company. People who are in love move 150 miles to be together, not to be apart. What ... (read in full...)
My job interviewed didn't offer me a job but asked me out on a date. Is this appropriate?
Q. I am job hunting. I recently got call from one of the jobs I was interested. In the middle of the interview, the interviewer did not offer me the job due to my school schedule clashing with the days he had available. Instead he asked me out on a ...
A. 25 January 2018: "Appropriate" is a word that's been used a lot lately...mostly in regard to unwanted touches and worse. I don't think the word means what it did just a year ago.
Given that you aren't available for the schedule required, it sounds as if you woul... (read in full...)
He is very confused, should I give up?
Q. Hello everyone, I'm 25 years old homosexual guy. two months ago I met a guy on Skype (who lives not so away from me). At first we talked like friends, but then we started flirting and now it seems that we like each other very much. we talk on Skype...
A. 24 January 2018: I feel there's something fishy here...as though he isn't giving you the full story and he's playing you. In any case, he's not available. And sounds like he comes with a truck-load of emotional baggage if you were able to meet with him. Tell him ... (read in full...)
Do I stay? I have a lot to consider! Any advice would be helpful!
Q. My problem is quite complex and works across a number of different levels and areaa. So i want to break it down and look at some of them piece by piece. The under pinning issue is that 18 months ago i moved from the UK to Norway (Oslo) to be with ...
A. 24 January 2018: It doesn't sound like your problem is very complex, or at least as complex as you state in your intro: I only see two issues here: 1) You are unhappy in Norway and would like to move back to the UK, 2) you aren't satisfied in your relationship. ... (read in full...)
Is this what to expect after 10 years? Or has my relationship run its course?
Q. Hi, I've been with my partner for over 10 years now. I'm not sure what to expect out of the relationship. If I'm looking for too much and it's unrealistic. I feel like we don't have anything in common anymore. He just plays computer games a...
A. 24 January 2018: It seems you pretty well know the answers to your questions. He is out of your control...you really can't conform him to meet your expectations. He'll remain lazy, apathetic, rude and detached as long as it suits him. No, relationships can wane ... (read in full...)
He's abusive and I need to get out
Q. I'm going through a really difficult period in my life and don't know what to do. How to restart and go on... I'm 41 and have been with my husband for 15 years, no kids. Good times and bad. Well now things have gotten pretty bad. The good times y...
A. 21 January 2018: Document his bad behavior toward you...the date, the circumstances leading up to it, what he did or said, to what degree you felt threatened...those types of things. I would even get an audio or video recording. You may need this for a restraining ... (read in full...)
Is he using me as a means to come to Canada?
Q. Hello I married a man from Africa and I am Canadian. We have been together for 11 months and I am trying to get him to Canada. He has been good to me but very dominant and expects I be submissive and do whatever he says to me. If I don’t he ge...
A. 21 January 2018: He probably is using you. He doesn't respect you and has proven himself to be a leach...all signs of using you. Its the same for his girlfriends...he should respect you by dropping those relationships. You says he's been good to you...it sounds ... (read in full...)
Why does my partner bring up my ex?
Q. Why does my partner bring up my ex? This will happen if she wishes to upset me in an arguement or even from right out of nowhere; which can be particularly problematic. I have told my partner that I really dont want to talk about her. I have reas...
A. 19 January 2018: We're a little short on background as to figuring out what started your current partner provoking you in this manner. But she has certainly learned how to push your buttons. And it is certainly insensitive of her to do so when the two people who ... (read in full...)
Is it mean to ghost someone who is nice but you just don't want to see anymore?
Q. Would it be mean to ghost, a guy who treated you good for over six months, but it just isn't working for you, I don't want to cry when I break up with him in person, so I just want to block him, my girlfriend tells me, that be cruel,not giving him a ...
A. 19 January 2018: How would you feel if he roles were reversed? Anyone who has treated you good for over six months deserves better than being ghosted. Don't worsen the situation for this guy just because you don't want to cry. And ghosting someone like this ... (read in full...)
Am I an evil step mother?
Q. I am a stepmother who will be inheriting my husband Home instead of his adult child. I want responses on whether * am the evil stepmom everyone fears. Here is my story. My husband was a widower when we married,that was 14 years ago. His daughter ...
A. 15 January 2018: You should have this house. Please, feel no guilt whatsoever. You've been with the man for 14 years while she has intentionally limited the time he can spend with her and see his grand kids during that time. Wow...how rude can one get!
My co... (read in full...)
I just want some to love ... who will love me back!
Q. Hello aunts What does someone do when they can’t find love? I want to give a background ( been in two relationships) long term( both same type of guys) negligent - over powering - verbally absuive - and non emphatic . Learned my lesson that I ne...
A. 15 January 2018: All the men I know who go to bars do so to pick up women, have sex, and then look for their next conquest. The best guys I know are not hanging around bars...after work they spend their outside time at classes, getting some type of exercise and ... (read in full...)
We live with his parents they heard us fight and now I'm ashamed to see them
Q. Hi.. we are asian married couple living with my in laws. We married several months ago and been together for 5 years before. My husband isnt perfect, but he is the most approriate man for me. When we first marry we are so happy and he is protec...
A. 14 January 2018: He is treating you with great disrespect and is taking you for granted. As Aunt Honesty notes, he needs to take you seriously. His taking you for granted was only reinforced when he opened the door for you three times and you shut it. You need to ... (read in full...)
To love, or not to love, that is the question
Q. I really don't know how to put this out there, I normally like to keep things pretty private, it's simpler that way. I am interested in dating again after many years of being alone. I meet women all the time, lovely women, but there are some t...
A. 13 January 2018: I know that HIV is not the death sentence that is once was, but I would not date a woman with the disease. So I don't blame the women who reject you over this issue. We have a lot of preconceived notions that hold over from the old days when it ... (read in full...)
Some advice on circumsision please
Q. I'm nearly 26 years old and uncircumcised. In my country, only a certain religious group practice this. But now I hear it can be done as a medical procedure and it is beneficial for hygeine and is actually recommended by WHO. Am I too old to do it ...
A. 13 January 2018: There is lots on the internet about this. Google "circumcision vs uncircumcised adult" and you'll get 258,000 links. Several years ago the issue was well publicized and debated, and most experts were against it. A very important issue here - not ... (read in full...)
HE wants to play games with his ex, but I am not sure about it.
Q. Hi, I started an LDR a week ago, we talk every day, everything is good. But he just got out of a 3months relationship ( his ex gf ended it..) Now, she's texting him, and he wants to go with it. wtich means he just wants to make fun of her and make...
A. 13 January 2018: He is doing either one of two things here: 1) He is playing the girl and making fun of her. Or, 2) he is playing you both, working to have his own harem. Either one is unacceptable. Dump this guy immediately or you'll be the one he's playing ... (read in full...)
Girl I don't want to go out with is messing with the girl I like!
Q. Hi, I think that I need some advice on a confusing matter. I have a friend, who I've known for a few years now. I've fallen for her as, so far, she is the only person who I ever thought liked me, and I liked her back. Everything seemed to go smo...
A. 13 January 2018: I think the girl you don't like is just reacting to the fact that you wouldn't go out with her, and she is jealous of the girl you do like. She wants to keep you two apart...if she can't have you, neither will the other girl. This all leads me to ... (read in full...)
Does he want to be friends because of his financial situation? Or he wants to date others?
Q. Hi This is a question for the guys. My boyfriend was released from prison about a year ago, and he is struggling to get on his feet. I don't have the amount of money that he really needs to be established again, so I just help out when I can. I ...
A. 4 January 2018: He is keeping his options open in case someone he likes better comes along. I definitely would not be having sex or investing emotionally with someone who doesn't care for you nearly as much as you care for him. ... (read in full...)
Uh Oh! My girlfriend and I are related!
Q. My girlfriend and I are related, found out after 30 years but are great great grandparents are cousins??..I love her to death and we have a 4 month year old daughter but what should we do?...
A. 4 January 2018: Sit back and enjoy. Albert Einstein married his first cousin and Charles Darwin did the same, having ten children with her. But I would check with a professional before having any more children.... (read in full...)
Boyfriend wants sex on demand, what about what I want?
Q. I love my boyfriend we been together nearly a year but he always wants sex in the morning and I just don't and if I don't have it when he wants he gets into a strop all day and just walks off and if we go out he will just walk miles in front of me ...
A. 4 January 2018: If you put out every time he wants sex, this is going to cause increasing resentment on your part, which will make you avoid sex even more, and enjoy it less when you do have it. If you don't put out, he will just pout and sulk more. If that ... (read in full...)
Should I ask my co-worker out? Or is she a gold digger?
Q. Hello, The thing is I'm getting mixed signals from a female coworker. She said once that she doesn't like quiet guys (like me), or fat guys (also like me), but recently she seems much more eager to talk to me about random stuff (but she does spe...
A. 4 January 2018: This woman is throwing all sorts of contradictions at you. I would avoid going out with her but purely because the two of you work together and you hardly seem compatible, which can make things very uncomfortable.
Without the work connecti... (read in full...)
We're both 26, been together 3 years and done nothing sexually beyond kissing! It's just driving me up the wall!
Q. Have been dating for over 3 years, we clicked in more than one way and we're fond of each other. We're both 26 and haven't had sex yet (both virgins) . It's likely she hasn't ever had an orgasm or done much "exploration" on her own either. I have ...
A. 28 December 2017: I'm concerned that she will give into your desires just to keep your relationship going. But then at some point (such as after you are married) will pull back to her old ways and not want it. I'm also concerned that she stares at you blankly when ... (read in full...)
I'm low on cash but why are dates so weird with me but good to other girls?
Q. I am underemployed, I am very up front with guys that I am not earning much. I even offer to alternate paying/split early on. However men I date are very funny about my financial situation. An example is a guy who I dated recently who boasted to me ...
A. 27 December 2017: If you have the right guy, it won't be an issue. No guy will give up a woman he really likes, just because she is low on cash. At least in my circle, most guys don't expect a woman to pay for the first few dates. They just don't want a woman who ... (read in full...)
Is she interested? How can I tell and how do I tell her without sounding too full on?
Q. Hi, I hope some of you can offer me some good advice. A colleague of mine left a few months ago and we got on like a house on fire, so I was a little upset when she left for another job. I also was really attracted to her, but not wanting to mix b...
A. 27 December 2017: Pal, she's done everything but skywriting to show you that she's interested. Let me get this straight: You have great fun together. You obviously have chemistry. You bait her with the suggestion of going out for a drink and gets right back to ... (read in full...)
Family troubles have me at my wits end
Q. I’m in a tough spot. Due to some circumstances, I am living with my boyfriend and his siblings in their parents summer home. It was a very good living situation - none of us paid rent and we had a huge house to the four of us while his parent...
A. 27 December 2017: Your boyfriend and his parents shouldn't be putting up with this child. They should be doing something to treat her addition. However, that is their business and - if you want your relationship with your BF to last - you shouldn't interfere. But ... (read in full...)
Am I a terrible person for wanting an abortion?
Q. I'm 18 in my first year at university. In week one I met this guy and we became friends, and then really close friends, spending a lot of time together and when we weren't together, talking on the phone and texting. As you can imagine, we got ...
A. 26 December 2017: I have nothing to add to what's said below but agree with the majority here and just want to give you support. When studying the situation, be careful of some of the pro-life propaganda. Some suggest that the weeks-old fetus is in there nearly ... (read in full...)
I have a health problem that makes me feel unworthy of a man's love
Q. What really makes us worthy of love? I have been losing hair since teenage years and my hair density has gradually declined (not bald yet). With treatment, I have stopped the hair loss to some extent and seeing some new hair growth. But, fig...
A. 12 December 2017: I can see you really need your hair back. Have you considered hair extensions or a wig? As long as you can't grow it, you should go in that direction as it is your only solution.
I know a beautiful blonde woman whose hair got "fried" two year... (read in full...)
How do I control something that is so compulsive in my nature?
Q. I dunno if this is the right place to ask this question but here goes... I'm a motorcyclist and I'm impulsive and crave the thrill of speed.I had another accident today... This must be my fifth and it looks like I have completely torn my rotator ...
A. 11 December 2017: You especially shouldn't be riding a motorcycle if you have little control of one arm.
This is all very easy...sell the motorcycle and don't buy another. Get a cheap car, ride share or find another way to get to work.
It takes more discipline ... (read in full...)
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