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| | *een there Now over it's profile:At 64 yo I've been in a number of relationships and gone thru a lot of life's experiences. We all have rocky times in our lives but I have done my best with each instance and am the happiest and most successful person I know. I am upbeat and optimistic, and always try to make others feel the same. I really enjoy seeing someone shine, especially a young person with true talent.
I live in Los Angeles and am on the liberal side. I am a little more accepting of some predicaments than other DQ helpers. As for spirituality, I am agnostic and live purely by the Golden Rule...Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. This very simply covers EVERYTHING!
In 2015 I had shoulder surgery (rotator cuff), which resulted in my left arm being tied to my side, 24/7 for the next month. I was mostly at home and spending a lot of time browsing the internet. I found Dear Cupid and - disappointed by the way some people were letting themselves be treated so poorly - decided to post some answers. I discovered that I was giving the questions much more thought than if just reading them. So this has become a matter of personal growth for me as well as extending help to others. Depending on what's going on in my life I get on here and read questions sporadically, and answer only a minority of them. If I read but don't answer a question it is because either 1) I don't feel I have any good advice to give or add, or 2) the info provided in the question isn't sufficient for me to make a judgement.
My favorite quote: "People tend to believe two things...what they want to believe and what scares the hell out of them." |
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Fun with cyber sex? Or more?
Q. I met this guy through a dating app and we clicked! We spoke for a few days on that app. At that moment, I was still getting over a tough breakup for me. I hadn't exchanged numbers with this guy yet. One day, don't know what got into me then but I ...
A. 11 March 2017: I would suggest not having cybersex but that horse is now out of the barn.
I do like your history with him. If he was a serial internet sex-seeker he would have propositioned you within a few conversations and, after your refusals, would ha... (read in full...)
Are men interested in a women in her 50's? Or do they always chose the younger ladies?
Q. Are there many men actually interested in a relationship with an attractive woman in her 50s or will they always choose a younger woman if given the chance . It seems for sex an older woman is still often chosen if attractive especially by you get ...
A. 11 March 2017: This question probably goes back to the beginning of mankind but I doubt that that any quality research has been done on this subject. So I'll just answer based on my own tastes and those of probably 50 guy friends who have touched on this subject ... (read in full...)
I like this guy but he just doesn't have a clue about women
Q. I am seeing a guy who is into porn and hasn't had much experience with women. It feels like he doesn't know the difference between porn and being with a real women. He's not romantic at all, doesn't make the effort to make me feel special,...
A. 10 March 2017: This behavior is difficult to change and usually gets worse as the person wants to be more and more controlling and gratified. Your justified resentment will only worsen things as time goes on. Right now, you're probably seeing him at his best. ... (read in full...)
How can I figure out what job suits me? Any tips on finding the perfect job?
Q. I work in a prestigious corporate role and I absolutely hate it. I feel like my life revolves around my job and I'm so dependent on it (money) that everyday just feels robotic. I went to school undergrad and grad and now I have a corporate role as ...
A. 20 February 2017: Don't believe you friends when they say that work shouldn't be fun. I'm quite successful at a job that I love...one that a lot of people would pay money to do. But it didn't come finding me. I found what I wanted to do, then went back to schoo... (read in full...)
I'm crushing on an older female doctor. How do I ask her out?
Q. I have a huge crush on a medical professional. I want to be as vague as I can be so bare with me. TL;DR I have a crush on my female doctor who's twice my age. How do I ask her out? Should I even do it? She's easily double my age... she's su...
A. 16 February 2017: It may be legal in Canada (I don't know) but it wold seem that she could get in very hot water with her medical boards. I don't think any doctor in their right mind would have a relationship with his or her patient, especially a same-sex ... (read in full...)
Is it a red flag if a woman has been 3 or 4 times and says all the marriages were abusive?
Q. well asking a question, if a woman, a man started dating, tells you they been married three or four times, is that a big red flag, my own opinion is that they all couldn't be bad,one or two maybe,an if they say all three men were abusive ...
A. 16 February 2017: I don't remember ever talking to anyone about their divorce and them not blaming their spouse. I recently talked with both husband and wife who were recently divorced, and they had very different stories, not even recognizable as being from the ... (read in full...)
Should I break up or not?
Q. I met a guy almost 2 years ago. He is very kind, generous, thoughtful, loving etc. I had just finished with a guy who I was with briefly who had none of these qualities. The problem is, I'm not physically attracted to him, he's average looking ...
A. 12 February 2017: I assume your boyfriend has a normal sexual appetite and will expect a normal sex life. Can you go on for years catering to his sexual needs under the current situation?
Your comments suggest that you are only with him because you might never me... (read in full...)
Is it just looks men care about?
Q. Do men ever think highly of women for anything other than how the look. My partner never seems to give credit to any woman based on anything other than her appearance and I've been thinking that this actually seems to be such a common thing when I ...
A. 11 February 2017: A man who has a girlfriend or wife should be interested in her looks and not how attractive other women are. Your partner is both narrow-minded and inconsiderate. Most men I know measure a woman as a person, not a sex object. To answer your ques... (read in full...)
Boyfriend seems to have an issue with spending money on me? Title
Q. When we first met, I was signed with a modelling agency so I had acquired some money. However he was/is a university student and his parents pay for his costs. He is the only child and I've observed he has little understanding of the value of money ...
A. 10 February 2017: He may be stingy, but I'm just as worried about him being inconsiderate of you. When I was in college I knew guys who were practically penniless but they would at least acknowledge their girlfriends were hungry and would come up with some way to do ... (read in full...)
Do women ever regret dumping a nice guy for a jerk?
Q. my question is do women, ever look back an wonder? they have been in a relationship for a while and the guy isn't very nice to them, not a gentleman or romantic, before him they were seeing a guy who was, but he wasn't a challenge,they thought he ...
A. 9 February 2017: Two things here: First, some women are attracted to guys who embody similar traits to their own fathers. Perhaps dad was a jerk. Second, women are attracted to guys who offer a higher level of excitement than they have in their own lives. That ... (read in full...)
Every time my boyfriend has problems he pushes me away
Q. My boyfriend is going to his cousins funeral tomorrow. He said that I could go with him at first, but then he told me not to go as the service will only be for about 30 minutes and there won't be many people there. I feel hurt that he said I could ...
A. 9 February 2017: He's definitely not the greatest communicator in the world. It's difficult to say for certain without knowing him, but your boyfriend is probably the sort who wants to grieve by himself. We all have vulnerable emotions when a saying our last ... (read in full...)
I need help to deal with new found info about wife's past. What should I do?
Q. My wife and I have been married for five years and have two kids. I have never asked anything about her past all I knew is she wasn't a virgin when we met. This past summer we were at a pool party and one of my best friend's from school was ther...
A. 9 February 2017: Given your friends apparent close observation of the girl - close enough to pick out a birth mark - it would seem that he would have placed even more focus on her face. It shouldn't take a birth mark to identify her. And I can't imagine a friend ... (read in full...)
We have Skype online sex regularly. He is my first cousin and separated from his wife. Is this OK?
Q. Im having skype sex with my first cousin. Im 34, he's 32. I just got out of a 10 year relationship 6 mths ago, and been feeling very sexually frustrated. He's separated from his wife for 3 years now. He lives in Canada, and im from Cali. We ...
A. 5 February 2017: This is much like the popular activity known as webcaming, where guys go on-line with girls and they do whatever. I've never done it but it serves a purpose for lonely guys. However, the guys on webcams pay money to the girls. This flies in the f... (read in full...)
How be a warmer person to my Dad and ask for his forgiveness?
Q. I am staying at my mother and father's house this week and it has brought up a lot of reflection upon how I used badly I used to treat my parents as a teenager. I especially feel guilty about treating my father poorly. As a teenager I resen...
A. 3 February 2017: The previous answers from our Aunts and Uncles is so good that I can't believe it is available to you for free!
I'm sure you're dad is disturbed by your poor relationship, just like you are. Men often have a hard time communicating and, while he... (read in full...)
He wont have any more sex with me because he is a Christian!
Q. Hi there, I'm a normal girl, 26, and I'm in a relationship with a transguy, 29 (not yet done any surgery to transform) who happened to be a Christian since he was born (with girl name of course). I'm not religious at all. We've already been tog...
A. 3 February 2017: Anyone who is 29 and a serious Christian since birth knows his or her religious laws regarding sex. It sounds as though he sexually satisfied you early in the relationship just to placate you, and when he felt the relationship was solid he decided ... (read in full...)
My husband has Erectile Dysfunction issues and yet is not interested in seeing the Doctor about this. I get no satisfaction. What can I do?
Q. Hey, my husband couldn't have sex with me. It's been a year since our wedding and I'm still being a virgin , I want to experience it. He says that he has early ejaculation and erection issues too. He never really tried to have with me but he a...
A. 1 February 2017: There is more here than standard ED. Straight guys who cannot get an erection can still enjoy fingering or doing oral on their wife or girlfriend.
I'm assuming that him wanting you to "do masturbation for him" means that you are masturba... (read in full...)
Why do men say they need porn?
Q. Why do people so often say men need porn when it's clearly a want not a need. No man has ever died of lack of porn and although men may prefer porn to masturbate with porn , men for thousands of years masturbated without the hardcore porn available ...
A. 1 February 2017: I have never heard a guy friend tell me that he or other men "need" porn. Some of my guy friends don't get off on porn. If every guy who masturbates needed it, porn would have overtaken our world by now.
Up until less than a century ago, many men... (read in full...)
Boyfriend wants me to give another man oral sex.I am not happy with this!
Q. My boyfriend has been pressuring me into blowing another guy and I feel completely uncomfortable with the idea, I have told him this everytime he's asked and now he brings it up in the middle of sex or while he's dirty talking, I told him I'd ...
A. 26 November 2016: I agree with the others in that this is horrible thing for him to do to you, and a very bad thing for you to do. In dealing with this, you should know your boyfriend's motivation: 1) His pal is giving him some money or other compensation? 2... (read in full...)
What can I do to make myself feel a little more comfortable and less nervous?
Q. Hey Everyone, I am taking part in the School Show and for my part I have to kiss someone. I don't mind but I have never kissed a boy before so I am really nervous. What can I do to make myself feel a little more comfortable and less nervous?...
A. 9 September 2016: I don't think a school should make you kiss a boy whether it be for a school play or whatever, especially at your age. If you wish to do so, don't feel at all ashamed if your want to back out on this.
The aunts will have plenty of good advice f... (read in full...)
What's his game? Why did he phone me after all his did in the past?
Q. My ex and I broke up over 8 months ago because he kept on registering on dating sites, after me giving him chance after chance. It was not long before he had met someone else. I stayed on my own. He has now got in touch because he has broke up...
A. 5 September 2016: He wants you as "friends only" because he is looking for companionship (and possibly a temporary friend with benefits) to fill in the time slot until he finds another girlfriend. If you want this kind of relationship, that's cool. But if you ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend is insisting I sell my house
Q. I'm a women in her late 40's and my boyfriend of 5 years is in his mid 50's. Both of us have been married 2x's and we both have children in teen's and early 20's. I own my home and he lives in a family member's extra home in a different city. He ...
A. 27 August 2016: For sure, he is being VERY controlling and manipulative. The fact that your house is a large part of your psychological foundation suggests that it is more about having control of you. I can't imagine somebody wanting you to sell your house just ... (read in full...)
Intimacy question, boyfriend doesn't want to be intimate with me
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for 4 months who is 33. He is the one who asked me to be his girlfriend. Things are great , he is sweet and nice. However, whenever it comes to intimacy. He wants me to stay over at his place and we just cuddle. He a...
A. 24 August 2016: As Janniepeg notes, there are a lot of possible reasons. Add one: He might be gay. If you inform us of the reasons he's giving you and your reaction to them it might give us the right clue.
Also, have you had sex with him at all? How many tim... (read in full...)
Guys never hit on me and I think it's because I have a big nose. Should I get a nose job?
Q. I never/barely get hit on by men. I see other women get hit on men frequently, but men do not frequently hit on me. Only homeless men or guys I don't find attractive will call me beautiful out of nowhere. Once in a blue moon, I will catch a guy ...
A. 20 August 2016: Before getting nose surgery, try some free and relatively inexpensive tricks such as smiling, being upbeat, dressing stylishly(shoes are always important in these matters), keeping your hair nice and so on. Together, these items are probably worth ... (read in full...)
Guys never hit on me and I think it's because I have a big nose. Should I get a nose job?
Q. I never/barely get hit on by men. I see other women get hit on men frequently, but men do not frequently hit on me. Only homeless men or guys I don't find attractive will call me beautiful out of nowhere. Once in a blue moon, I will catch a guy ...
A. 20 August 2016: Before getting nose surgery, try some free and relatively inexpensive tricks such as smiling, being upbeat, dressing stylishly(shoes are always important in these matters), keeping your hair nice and so on. Together, these items are probably worth ... (read in full...)
Guys never hit on me and I think it's because I have a big nose. Should I get a nose job?
Q. I never/barely get hit on by men. I see other women get hit on men frequently, but men do not frequently hit on me. Only homeless men or guys I don't find attractive will call me beautiful out of nowhere. Once in a blue moon, I will catch a guy ...
A. 20 August 2016: Before getting nose surgery, try some free tricks.... (read in full...)
Am I despicable for wanting to change my name? How to handle my family's potential response?
Q. I have a dilema. I feel like I have to choose between hurting my family and being miserable for the rest of my life. That's what it comes down to. I feel like I was born with the wrong name. There are people who are born the wrong gender, an...
A. 19 August 2016: Years ago I worked with a woman whose first name was Patricia. Her last name was of Hispanic origin. When we first met she had just changed her first name to Jericho. Another year or so later she changed her last name to something non-ethnic. ... (read in full...)
Wife's vagina passes air during and after sex. Could this mean she is sleeping with someone else?
Q. My wife fart before I insert my penis that was for the first time after that it continues while having sex or afteer sex is she having an affair? when I tried to insert my penis her vagina fart after that it continues while after having sex or after...
A. 19 August 2016: You seem convinced that she is sleeping with another man. Is there something missing here? From what you've written, you don't give us any reason to suspect that she is doing so.
I concur with what everyone else has said here regarding the reas... (read in full...)
My Bf's cousin died recently, in a car accident. Now he's acting all weird. What did I do wrong?
Q. I have been dating my bf for the past 3 1/2 months and I love him so much and he loves me. but recently he lost his cousin in a car accident. He was acting fine all day yesterday and then my friend called me. He is gay and he lives across the coun...
A. 19 August 2016: What's with your gay friend!!??!! Why did he say this? If he said that to me (as your bf) I could only think that you'd told him (your gay friend) that I was somehow treating your poorly. Your boyfriend has a right to be ticked either way: 1) he ... (read in full...)
Changes are making me feel super sexy
Q. Here is my question and issue. Why now? I just turned 40 this year and it's like my sex drive is over the top. Is this normal? I a woman who really didn't care about sex can't seem to get enough. I'm noticing different changes in my body but didn't ...
A. 16 August 2016: Being curious but not well informed about your situation, I turned to the internet for answers, of which there are many. Their opinions and findings cover 360 degrees as to female sex drive at varying ages. The best article I found was in the The ... (read in full...)
Why does my boyfriend always want to cum on my face?
Q. When me and my boyfriend have anal sex, he always wants to cum on my face after. I don't mind once in a while but not every time. I have blown him many times and swallowed many times. Can anyone tell me why he wants this all the time ? ...
A. 14 August 2016: Ewwww!!!! I would never do this but it does help demonstrate that there are many flavors of sex in this world.
There's a good possibility that he picked this up from watching porn. If I'm right, it is called a "cream pie."
As for his motivati... (read in full...)
Dare I tell this younger woman how I feel?
Q. hi, my name is Roger. I am a 70 yr old man and I have become very friendly with a Romanian woman for over a year now, who is 31, and also married I can honestly say I have never got on so well with a woman in all my life we do many things together...
A. 9 August 2016: Hold on to yourself, Roger. Has this woman voiced any complaints about her husband and suggested a need for someone else? If not, it is 99.9% unlikely that she has any interest in you.
I watched a similar situation unfold with an older relative... (read in full...)
He likes rough sex, I don't! Am I being unreasonable or is he?
Q. I recently started a relationship with a guy I met 4 months ago. We went out a few times in the last 4 months before deciding we wanted to give a relationship a go. We recently started having sex and it turns out that he is really into rough sex and ...
A. 20 July 2016: I've always had the rule that if one person (of a couple) doesn't want to do something sexual that the other wants, they shouldn't do it. It will soon (if not immediately) ruin the compromising person's interest in having sex.
Years ago, a famous... (read in full...)
13 years old. Some of our friends have done more than we have ever tried. How should I react if he asks to to do more with him as far as touching?
Q. Errh', okay - so I'm fairly young, just turned 13 a few days ago. I have a very serious relationship with a boy, who is about a year and a few months older than me. (I'm off to gr. 8, and he's off to gr. 9.) It's extremely obvious that he absolute...
A. 14 July 2016: I agree with all of the aunts' comments so far. In addition, you don't want to get a reputation for being easy. You know exactly what's happening with his best friend and his girlfriend. It'll be the same for you...guys talk, especially at that ... (read in full...)
Would you go to a reunion with a brother who blames you for Dad's alcoholism?
Q. Hello, I am the youngest of four. I have two older sisters and a brother. My dad passed away in 2008 and my mom in 2013. When my dad passed away my brother called me two days later blaming me for his death. He died of a bad liver due to drinking. My ...
A. 28 June 2016: I probably wouldn't go except that this is a special event, a family reunion. If you like your other relatives it would be a shame not to take advantage of the situation. I have very little family left and would sacrifice greatly to have a reunion ... (read in full...)
I want to marry my g/f but she won't do oral sex and its important to me
Q. I have been with my girlfriend for 5 years and she wont blow me. I go down on her and tell her alot how much id like one. She says she might one day but thinks itsgross and awkward. I want to marry her one day but this is important to me. What ...
A. 20 June 2016: Wherever this goes, don't continually pester her about this. It will likely drive a wedge between you two.... (read in full...)
Why is porn condemned by women?
Q. I am curious about this. It seems that to some women the worst sin a man can commit is looking at porn and I don't get it. They are just images on a screen of women he most likely will never meet or ever have a chance with. The chances of him a...
A. 18 June 2016: By nature, human beings are not monogamous. For men that is especially true. While we may dearly love our partner and be ideally matched in many respects, it is difficult to keep the bon fire burning in the bedroom. That is just the nature of ... (read in full...)
He wants to have sex on Skype! Do you think anything serious can come out of this?
Q. Hi, iam on a dating site, I received a message from man aged 53, he was saying how he liked my profile and would like to get to know me. I checked his profile it said looking for serious relationship leading to marriage, he also said that he likes ...
A. 12 June 2016: There's a strong chance that he'll use the video to make money...selling it to anyone on the internet. A lot of this stuff is on the free porn sites. It sounds like a total scam, especially when he says he wants it to lead to marriage. Whether ... (read in full...)
Why is my Bf refusing to tell me why he wants a tracking device?
Q. Hi, first all thanks for reading this. My bf of 2 years suddenly asked me about a gps tracking device that he knows I had in the past. I told him I don't have it with me. It is in my locker ( work locker) and I asked what do you need for that ...
A. 5 June 2016: He figures you wouldn't give it to him if you knew how he was going to use it. Which probably means that it involves either another woman or something unsavory.
Just calling you stupid is reason enough not to give it to him.... (read in full...)
His finances are in disarray. What can I do to help him? Is it awful I want to break up with him at this time?
Q. Hello everyone, So I am in a bit of a situation. I am in a 1 1/2 year relationship with a 35 year old man, who I feel is not trying as hard as he should in many aspects in his life. About a year ago, when we first met--I realized he wasn't ...
A. 4 June 2016: You really need to do best for yourself, and that's to move on and find someone else. It would have to undergo enormous changes in his dedication to being financially responsible. This is not going to happen at age 35, especially as long as he has ... (read in full...)
Why do we no longer have sex?
Q. Im currently in a relationship with my boyfriend and have been for 2 and a half years we have lived together for one. Were both incredibly happy and are very affectionate towards one another. All is going well except for one thing ... sex. In the ...
A. 4 June 2016: It sounds as though your sex sessions have become stale for him and the process too predictable and done according to habit. Try scheduling date nights, starting at once or twice a week, on days when you are both relaxed and rested. You may want ... (read in full...)
I'm turned on by a fantasy I'm sure my wife's interest in would be zero!
Q. Hi All. I am a very happily married man and my sex life with my wife is fantastic. However, I am hugely turned on by the thought of a threesome between my wife and a shemale. I am almost certain that my wife's interest in this is pretty much zero. ...
A. 1 June 2016: Hardly any wife would go for this. Bringing it up to her would not only be useless but could very well stick a knife into the happy relationship and fantastic sex life you share with her. If you want to get her take on shemales, you might somehow ... (read in full...)
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