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| | *een there Now over it's profile:At 64 yo I've been in a number of relationships and gone thru a lot of life's experiences. We all have rocky times in our lives but I have done my best with each instance and am the happiest and most successful person I know. I am upbeat and optimistic, and always try to make others feel the same. I really enjoy seeing someone shine, especially a young person with true talent.
I live in Los Angeles and am on the liberal side. I am a little more accepting of some predicaments than other DQ helpers. As for spirituality, I am agnostic and live purely by the Golden Rule...Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. This very simply covers EVERYTHING!
In 2015 I had shoulder surgery (rotator cuff), which resulted in my left arm being tied to my side, 24/7 for the next month. I was mostly at home and spending a lot of time browsing the internet. I found Dear Cupid and - disappointed by the way some people were letting themselves be treated so poorly - decided to post some answers. I discovered that I was giving the questions much more thought than if just reading them. So this has become a matter of personal growth for me as well as extending help to others. Depending on what's going on in my life I get on here and read questions sporadically, and answer only a minority of them. If I read but don't answer a question it is because either 1) I don't feel I have any good advice to give or add, or 2) the info provided in the question isn't sufficient for me to make a judgement.
My favorite quote: "People tend to believe two things...what they want to believe and what scares the hell out of them." |
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The sex is just not working out. What are we doing wrong?
Q. My boyfriend often complains that we don't have enough sex. But he doesn't initiate ot, or try to turn me on. The other day we were hugging in bed then he rolled over, saying that he had to because he was horny ... like, sex could've happened if he ...
A. 18 September 2017: You both have a tendency to approach the other for sex but often at a bad times. This isn't an unusual problem...none of us are always in the mood or have sufficient time. How about setting appointments for sex? This may not sound romantic but it ... (read in full...)
My ex came back into my life only to leave again!
Q. He reached out to me after about 6 months of not speaking, during that time he was dating someone else. We ended up meeting up to talk, and we had great conversation. He apologized for things that wet wrong with us and opened up to me that "he just ...
A. 18 September 2017: He's a guy. At age 30-35 you should by now understand that most guys will have sex with you if you give them the opportunity. You should understand that he probably told the other girl that you were the worst relationship he's ever had. You ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend won't speak to me. What did I do wrong?
Q. I'm with my current boyfriend for about 2 years and yest was hia bday. He thinks bdays are overrated, but I still got him gift card and since he didn't want cake, got him a small cake and went to see him. I was hungry by the time I reached his ...
A. 18 September 2017: If there's one day you should be able to do what you want, it is your birthday. It is a bummer to have a birthday and then have someone demand that you spend it how they think you should spend it, even though it is contrary to how you want to spend ... (read in full...)
How to get off on the right foot with his parents?
Q. Hello! I hope you're doing well today. I met someone new and so did his sibling. He is 30, sibling is 28. It's been on 4 occasions that their parents cater to the sibling's new paramour in my opinion. They initiate conversation with them more than ...
A. 6 September 2017: You will not look snobbish If you are quiet but listen and appear as though you are attentive and interested in their conversation.
Don't try to make conversation just for the sake of participation. It will likely seem forced, insincere and lack... (read in full...)
How do I explain my decision to skip the reunion without bad mouthing the Dean?
Q. When I was in high school (a Catholic school), the Dean of Men was one of the worst people I ever known. He played favorites (if you were one of his favorites, you would never be in trouble no matter what you did but if you were not his favorite, ...
A. 5 September 2017: That's a lot of resentment you've built up and long time to let if fester. People handle these things differently. I'd go and hope to have some words of peace with him so that you might free yourself of your anger. People change over 20 years, ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend doesn't hug me as often as I'd like
Q. I've been living with my bf for 4 months now, only got 2 hugs from him cause I had to sneak them but he said I'm too needy. He says he loves me but I'm too embarrassed to ask to cuddle with him. sometimes a girl needs to be held to feel better. ...
A. 3 September 2017: I am not for forcing him into giving you hugs. If they don't come naturally they don't mean much, probably don't feel like much, and will dwindle over time. You need to evaluate this relationship...where would it go over the long term?
This ... (read in full...)
I told him 10pm was too late for dinner and now he won't speak to me
Q. Dear Cupid; I met a man on-line, he asked me to meet him at a nearby restaurant/bar at 9:00, he then changed the time to 9:15. I texted him when I got there never got a reply. I waited for 15 minutes and as I was getting ready to leave when he ...
A. 3 September 2017: A very strange character you've crossed paths with. Being late - especially on a first date - is not good but doing so without an apology or even excuse takes this to a whole new level...one of being very boorish.
Then, going to a restaura... (read in full...)
I'm made to feel like a social pariah because I've chosen not to have children
Q. Dear all, I am a 37 year old woman with a great job and an even greater husband. I have my own house, I travel a lot and I love my life. I live and work in a ver small and narrow-minded community which makes me feel like a pariah because I don't ...
A. 2 September 2017: I grew up with a brother three years older who was a very difficult child. He got kicked out of 1st grade and things went downhill from there. He was pretty much jobless or dealt drugs during his adult life, passing away from cancer at age 55. My ... (read in full...)
Can anyone explain why I have this dream?
Q. I am a mid 20s female and I'm trying to find out the meaning to a dream I have had twice. In my dreams I'm myself and I'm making out with a female (not the same person both times) I know but aren't close with in my wake life. Then the making out ...
A. 1 September 2017: When you wake up do you find this erotic and pleasurable? Or are you disgusted by it? In other words, is it something you'd really like to do? Figuring that out will help in analyzing this dream.... (read in full...)
Was this a missed financial opportunity and should I have consulted with my boyfriend?
Q. I'd like opinions from everyone about communication and responsibility within a relationship. To briefly summarize, my boyfriend and I live in my childhood home. We get by w/ our jobs and friends/tenants helping out on the monthly expenses. B/c my ...
A. 1 September 2017: Unfortunately, the USA has become a swamp for litigious opportunity. Your BF wasn't the one who suffered in this accident but he is the one who wants to capitalize on it. It was your accident, it is your choice as to how to handle it. I might be ... (read in full...)
Is it wrong to ask for a date from him of when he will abandon the search for the dream and work to support our everyday?
Q. Am I being too negative to consider a possible and positive future? Or is my gut's screaming correct? My boyfriend and I were recently laid off from our job, we're still working but our last day is approaching and then we will receive our ...
A. 1 September 2017: We've all had jobs we've hated. But it is something you do when you have bills and no other choices. As you suggest, your BF is not terribly marketable with his limited employment experience. I don't know how realistic it is to become a ... (read in full...)
Why 2 days later does my husband go off on me about something I said while drunk?
Q. I got too drunk on Saturday night - it happens only occasionally. I said something embarassing about my husband to his friend (who was also too drunk to remember). My husband brought it up - but told me it is ok - his friend probably didn't hear and ...
A. 29 August 2017: Show him you love him by completely quitting booze. Not another drop. It'll make you a better person and give you a better relationship. He certainly doesn't want you to take another drop of it. Show him you care and want to be a better person.... (read in full...)
I'm wondering if my b/f is into men. What are some signs to look for?
Q. What are some of the signs that a guy is gay or likes men on the down low? I caught my bfs watching shemale porn. I looked into it and found the mostly straight guys watch that type of porn. He also has a friend who is gay, he said that he didn't ...
A. 29 August 2017: He isn't asexual if he watches porn of any sort. I think shemale porn could be interesting to either straight or gay guys. But it is interesting that he is horny enough to watch porn but not be interested in having sex with you. The situation ... (read in full...)
My friend drunkenly ranted into my voicemail. Do I call him or wait for him to contact me?
Q. So last night I was sat alone minding my own business when I received two phone calls , both left voicemails from a good friend of mine. He has helped me through a lot of relationship problems, he has made it clear he fancies me but he knows th...
A. 28 August 2017: While you've informed him that you want to be just friends, he obviously is not happy with that arrangement. Like most people would, he was putting up a facade, not wanting to alienate you by exposing his feelings for you. That facade disappeared ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend says my friends took advantage of me.
Q. Hello Everyone! Just wanted some insight on this situation. Last night, my boyfriend and I had friends over (my friend and his girlfriend) to watch the Game of Thrones season finale. I cooked a lot more than my boyfriend thought I should have but ...
A. 28 August 2017: We don't know why your friends left but there are plenty of reasons other than them not liking your company or being rude (did they mention why they left?).
It would be nice had they stayed to help clean up but they are not obligated to do so. ... (read in full...)
Anal sex embarrassment!
Q. I had anal sex last night and thought I was clean, when he went really deep I had a big accident and it literally went everywhere was so embarrassing my boyfriend was really good about it we had a shower and he has just shrugged it off but I am so ...
A. 28 August 2017: If you want to avoid another such episode, don't eat that day (prior to sex) and use and enema just before sex. Allumeuse is right in that's what porn actresses do. If that's too much, try a pad between you and the sheets. ... (read in full...)
I started bleeding after sex
Q. Hi this is a question for the women. I've been in a relationship for 4 years and last night about 2/3 hours after sex I started bleeding. I had just finished my period 2 days before. anyone else experienced anything like this and is it anything t...
A. 24 August 2017: Try Googling "bleeding after sex". I just did and Google came up with 1,800,000 links. ... (read in full...)
I've just completed cancer treatment and now my toxic ex wants to come back
Q. Hi aunts, I've just completed a years worth of cancer treatment and luckily I might be OK, but my ex partner who was abusive to me during our three year relationship has got in touch saying he might want to get back together with me. He was with ...
A. 24 August 2017: This is a guy who loves a repeat performance. You say he's a rat...why would you want a shameless rat back in your house? Especially one who has already abandoned you when the going got tough, and now wants back in the house because things are ... (read in full...)
Should I remind my boyfriend about the money he owes me?
Q. My boyfriend is not working at the moment but is trying hard to get a job. Last week I lent him £20 and asked him when he would give it me back, he said the next time he saw me. I've seen him twice now and no mention of the money. Should I ask for ...
A. 24 August 2017: Yes, I would remind him. Things like this are all too easy for the debtor to forget unless they are occasionally reminded. But take a soft approach and don't yet pressure him. He probably can't pay it back if he isn't working.
You should c... (read in full...)
Worried life is passing me by
Q. So I've been doing a lot of reading lately, romance novels to be exact, and the cheesy one not the erotic kind. And after contemplating the choices I've made and the life I currently lived, and I feel empty. So I've recently finished college, and ...
A. 24 August 2017: I think what you are asking is, "How do I add excitement to my life and make me interesting to others?"
Here are some recommendations that have proven to work for me or others that I know: Take the time you are reading romance novels and switch t... (read in full...)
I've been snooping and finding messages my boyfriend has sent to people on Craigslist
Q. Hi everyone My boyfriend and I have been living together for 2 years dating for 3. This summer we moved to a new town for his work. He really hated the job but had to do it to move up. One week, our sex life was amazing, he was tired but came h...
A. 20 August 2017: He is deep enough into this stuff that you can't expect him to change. I don't buy the "just flirting on-line" excuse. Had someone come onto him he probably would have jumped at the chance. You have quite a bit invested in this guy and I'd like ... (read in full...)
Should I invite my estranged dad?
Q. Hey Guys! I'm engaged and am due to have a small intimate wedding in January. My issue is that I don’t want to invite my dad. My dad and I don't have a relationship whats-so-ever. My mom passed away when I was 1 1/2 and didn't step up to take care ...
A. 20 August 2017: Your other family members know the situation and will respect you more if you don't invite him. And they should certainly understand. He probably doesn't want to come to your wedding, anyway, and would probably be a cloud over the event for you. ... (read in full...)
My friend's son seems to have a crush on me
Q. Hi there, so I have a problem that I myself don't have a solution to. I recently went to live with my friend who's older then me. She's nearly 50 and I'm 21. She was really close friends with my mum when I was little and we recently reconnected when ...
A. 20 August 2017: Can you move out of there? I don't know the laws in Great Britain but the laws and penalties here in the USA are very, very harsh when it comes to sexual contact with a 16-year-old. I understand that you are not having sex with him or encouraging ... (read in full...)
I'm OK with just sex. Should that be a problem?
Q. Commitment issues with no commitment? I met this great guy, neither of us are looking for a long-term commitment and we have great chemistry and amazing sex and we have had open talks about it not being a serious thing. BUT he seems to always freak ...
A. 14 August 2017: As long as your are taking precautions against pregnancy and disease, I am fine with your FWB relationship. But I don't understand this guy telling you that he needs to "pull back." Hey, it's a FWB deal for god's sake...what's this bunk about he ... (read in full...)
What will my boyfriend think of me that I don't have many friends?
Q. I am in a relationship and we have been together about three months. I feel a little bit insecure about the fact that i don't really have close female friends in the area (i work on my own, self employed) and where i live, i simply go to work, come ...
A. 13 August 2017: There's nothing wrong with not having a lot of friends, especially if you are focused on raising your child. I have a nice home that I've set up so I can pursue my many interests. It is difficult to pry me away from here. Sometimes I feel like I ... (read in full...)
My best friend's boyfriend tells me he loves me.
Q. So my best friend's boyfriend likes me and her and I like him as well. I feel horrible for liking him even though I liked him before they started going out. He says we should just wait even though he keeps telling me he loves me. I don't know what ...
A. 13 August 2017: If they break up and you start dating him, you will lose your best friend! And he'll have a designated back-up for when he messes things up with you. This guy is not worth it. I'm not for snitching, but if your friend is having sex with him I'd ... (read in full...)
How do I say no to my niece without destroying our relationship?
Q. Great site with good advice. I thank all in advance who help me out here. My neice is an actor...kind of well known and I am looking forward to seeing her when I am in her part of the country at the end of August. I have sent her a few emails a...
A. 7 August 2017: You state they want money for camera equipment. Most people in this situation - doing a single film - will rent cameras. A Sony FX7 (camera body only, no lenses), which should be plenty good for an independent production, will run about $900 for ... (read in full...)
How do I say no to my niece without destroying our relationship?
Q. Great site with good advice. I thank all in advance who help me out here. My neice is an actor...kind of well known and I am looking forward to seeing her when I am in her part of the country at the end of August. I have sent her a few emails a...
A. 7 August 2017: I work in Hollywood and can tell you that it is very, very rare for these films to make any money. Have they told you how it will be marketed? The world has made and is making so many movies and television content that it is difficult to come up ... (read in full...)
How do I say no to my niece without destroying our relationship?
Q. Great site with good advice. I thank all in advance who help me out here. My neice is an actor...kind of well known and I am looking forward to seeing her when I am in her part of the country at the end of August. I have sent her a few emails a...
A. 7 August 2017: I work in Hollywood and can tell you that it is very, very rare for these films to make any money. Have they told you how it will be marketed? The world has made and is making so many movies and television content that it is difficult to come up ... (read in full...)
Why does my husband of 4 months look at me with disgust?
Q. My husband doesn't tell me I'm beautiful anymore. He yells at me. Demands things. And the hugest thing is he looks at me with disgust. The only person that matters the most to me. Seems to be overwhelmed with disgust whenever he sees me. I ...
A. 6 August 2017: This doesn't sound like he'll turn around and make things right. His actions are very loudly saying that he doesn't want to be married and - for whatever reason, we can't really tell from what little you've told us - resents you. But we do know ... (read in full...)
We bought a house together but feel my fiance is taking advantage of me financially
Q. My finance and I bought a house together at the beginning of the year. I paid for the entire down payment out of my savings account, with the understanding that he will pay me back for his half. In addition, I also put 25K into our joint account to ...
A. 6 August 2017: From the sounds of him, you are not going to get any of the money you feel you are owed. And he certainly doesn't seem like marriage material. Most likely you will have to resolve this according to law.
There are two very important document... (read in full...)
I can't deal with his passive aggressive behavior when I don't want sex
Q. I met a guy, who is now my boyfriend, 3 months ago. He has made it clear he is really into me. I wasn't sure if I was atttacted to him enough, but he was lovely to me and we had a lot in common, so I went with it. I was very happy to fiND we worked ...
A. 18 July 2017: Do you see anyway that this could change into a satisfactory relationship? For longer than just a day or a week?
I didn't think so. It is never too soon to leave a hopeless relationship. ... (read in full...)
Why has he not met me yet?
Q. There's this guy I like.... so he keeps making plans to meet me then goes quiet for the before and day of. Why, does he not really like me? Does he really like me and is nervous? We seem to get on well over text and phone and social medi...
A. 17 July 2017: He is probably stringing several on-line women along. This is not uncommon for guys, who want to keep their choices abundant. But you're right...there could be other reasons. None of which are acceptable. If he is unable to meet you and should ... (read in full...)
Is there anything in this astrology thing?
Q. Do any aunts and uncle believe in fortune teller? Are there any experience from aunts and uncle here? As a chinese, many of us believe in fortune teller and physic reading. But i was raised in an atheist family and not a believer of mystical thin...
A. 16 July 2017: If fortune tellers could really do such, they could play the stock market and make a lot more money than they do.
Have you ever read or heard about any scientific studies of anyone having the abilities to foresee the future? I haven't. Anyone w... (read in full...)
I'm very uncomfortable around my colleague who has made advances at me. Did I deal with him in the right way?
Q. An older male colleague made advances towards me in a (in my opinion) really creepy and passive aggressive way, half a year ago. I shut him down, almost got HR involved and we had a long frank discussion where I told him not to call me anymore, not ...
A. 14 July 2017: HR should have been made aware of this at the time, but I don't see them being able to do anything, at least at this point. As you requested, he's stopped hitting on you, and HR would probably tell you that he doesn't seem to be a threat and that ... (read in full...)
The love of my life just shamed my dressing style and said that I embarrassed him
Q. The man I thought was the love of my life just informed me that when I visited him in his home town I embarrassed him because of my outfit because, he says , it was way too short I feel totally embarrassed . I'm in my 40s and somewhat chubby ...
A. 14 July 2017: It seems as though he has no issue with the way you dress when you are outside his hometown, just when you are among his friends and relatives. He is reacting not to you but to the expectations of those he's grown up with. They are obviously a ... (read in full...)
I cheated on my fiance and am looking at others because of the lack of sex in our relationship
Q. Looking for advice... I'm marrying my fiancé next year whom I've been with for 9 years. We've had our ups and downs over the years and he's not had much time for me over the past couple of years as he's been studying on top of his full time job. Thi...
A. 14 July 2017: Dear Cupid is full of relationships with insufficient communication about sexual needs. What's the deepest conversation you've had with him about this topic, and how long ago was it?
I don't like telling you this but it appears he has lost int... (read in full...)
How do I deal with creepy older men?
Q. I live in a small rich town where there are a LOT of people in their 50s and 60s, I'm here because it's cheaper and nicer than the nearby city. I'm a female student in my 20s. I get hit on regularly by older guys (I'm talking the ones in the 50s ...
A. 10 July 2017: Most men will look to see whether the woman has a wedding ring before they flirt. Fake rings are very inexpensive at discount stores or on eBay. If your co-workers wonder how you got engaged so quickly, you can tell them the ring belonged to your ... (read in full...)
Is moving to a big city a good idea? or am I leaving a REALLY good life?
Q. Hi all, Thank you for taking the time to read. I have a huge question. I am 29 yrs old, I have a finance degree, I live in a pretty good state (UTAH, USA), the economy is booming, the state is clean, safe. I rent a pretty cool apartment, I ...
A. 28 June 2017: Thanks for the additional information! Knowing that little bit more, I now support your move. After being born, growing up and finishing school in Montana, I immediately moved to the bright lights and big city of Los Angeles. It's turned out to ... (read in full...)
Caught him watching porn
Q. I caught my husband watching father daughter porn twice now is this normal he denied it and got very upset....
A. 28 June 2017: There is a lot of father/daughter porn available. If producers are spending the money to make it in volume, it can't be too unusual for a man to have this fantasy. Hopefully, he wants to fantasize about it happening next door and not in your ... (read in full...)
He wants to record us having oral sex and then send it to a friend?
Q. Been seeing a guy right, everything was great.. Until he asked me a few days ago to let him record himself giving me "oral" in the not so usual place..to send to his guy friend! Is this relationship between them normal? Do guys do this with their ...
A. 28 June 2017: The risk here is where this will be going. Once you are recorded having sex, it can go ANYWHERE! What happens if you break up with the guy and he wants to get back at you by shotgunning the clip of you giving him oral? Even if your boyfriend sends ... (read in full...)
Is moving to a big city a good idea? or am I leaving a REALLY good life?
Q. Hi all, Thank you for taking the time to read. I have a huge question. I am 29 yrs old, I have a finance degree, I live in a pretty good state (UTAH, USA), the economy is booming, the state is clean, safe. I rent a pretty cool apartment, I ...
A. 27 June 2017: I'm a big proponent of having various chapters in your life and moving is a great way to do so. How much time have you spent in Miami? Why there? Having always lived around mountains, I don't care for the flat horizons in Florida. And it is ... (read in full...)
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