| *een there Now over it
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| | *een there Now over it's profile:At 64 yo I've been in a number of relationships and gone thru a lot of life's experiences. We all have rocky times in our lives but I have done my best with each instance and am the happiest and most successful person I know. I am upbeat and optimistic, and always try to make others feel the same. I really enjoy seeing someone shine, especially a young person with true talent.
I live in Los Angeles and am on the liberal side. I am a little more accepting of some predicaments than other DQ helpers. As for spirituality, I am agnostic and live purely by the Golden Rule...Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. This very simply covers EVERYTHING!
In 2015 I had shoulder surgery (rotator cuff), which resulted in my left arm being tied to my side, 24/7 for the next month. I was mostly at home and spending a lot of time browsing the internet. I found Dear Cupid and - disappointed by the way some people were letting themselves be treated so poorly - decided to post some answers. I discovered that I was giving the questions much more thought than if just reading them. So this has become a matter of personal growth for me as well as extending help to others. Depending on what's going on in my life I get on here and read questions sporadically, and answer only a minority of them. If I read but don't answer a question it is because either 1) I don't feel I have any good advice to give or add, or 2) the info provided in the question isn't sufficient for me to make a judgement.
My favorite quote: "People tend to believe two things...what they want to believe and what scares the hell out of them." |
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My past has led me to hate sex, relationships and even the human touch
Q. I hate sex, masturbation, porn and sex toys. I even despise human touch and being social, including relationships. I'm very happy being single being alone by myself, but my family and therapist pressures me to date and socialize, which angers ...
A. 30 October 2017: You prefer being single and reclusive but I don't see you being "very happy" about it, as you've stated. You just prefer to avoid anything regarding sex or relationships.
All of us are happier when we are in a good relationship but that isn't po... (read in full...)
Fantasizing about older men. Is it normal?
Q. Hello. I just have a simple question. Is it wrong for me to fantasize (daydream, or think..) about dating an older guy? Like five to ten years older than me? I already am dating and my boyfriend is three years older than me. I am 21 years old. I ...
A. 29 October 2017: Fantasies are usually great. They add interest and enjoyment to your life, make you think outside the box, and you aren't acting on something that could get you in trouble. We all have fantasies. A lot of guys have fantasies about older ... (read in full...)
I have nowhere else to live my mother and stepfather have offered me to live with them but my stepfather is a nudist and walks around naked most of the time!
Q. Dear Cupid, I am a 44 year old single woman (and a virgin) and have nowhere to live because of various events in the past 2 years. However I am welcome to live with my mother and step dad, who are generous and considerate generally speaking. ...
A. 29 October 2017: Is your only other option living on the street? That can be dangerous...don't do it. You'll be putting yourself into a downward spiral. How about a tent in their back yard? If you have to live in their house...well...that's what you have to do. ... (read in full...)
I'm interested in a separated man but don't like some of his actions. Advice?
Q. Hello, I recently joined a dating site, and I found someone I know, I actually was at his wedding. But his currently separated from his wife of 2 years and has 2 kids with her. At first I contacted him and told him that I know him and that I was at ...
A. 29 October 2017: Yes, the photo thing is a creepy. Especially as it doesn't appear you've been out with him before. That's something that certainly isn't appropriate prior to a secure relationship that's already sexual. And it is even a little creepy then. Once ... (read in full...)
Has my husband gone off me
Q. Hello I have a problem with my husband never wanting sex anymore we have been together 6 years and married just over a year ago and now have two children together.in the beginning we were sex maniacs and he couldn't get enough of me now he never ...
A. 29 October 2017: It is widely taught that people are supposed to be above considering another's appearance, especially when something like weight gain has come on unavoidably due to pregnancy.
But guys are very primal and want a woman who they consider attracti... (read in full...)
Can I believe him after just 2 months?
Q. I am from Palestine and currently living in Jordan. so I met a turkish guy at a resort 2 months ago, and we started talking and liked each other, and I kept talking to him even after going back to palestine. He then started telling me that he wants ...
A. 28 October 2017: Perhaps he does want to marry you. But this is way too soon to be thinking like this. You have not near enough history together for one of you to start declaring intent to marry, especially if there are cultural differences involved. He's either ... (read in full...)
How do I tell my online guy friend that I won't be able to keep talking to him every night when I move in with my boyfriend?
Q. So to give you a little bit of context - I've been talking with this guy over the phone for a little over a year (we met online) - Let's call him James. He lives in the US and I am in Canada. We used to talk dirty to each other over the phone during ...
A. 28 October 2017: If James knows everything about Anthony, he should understand that you will no longer be speaking to him. In fact, given the seriousness of your relationship with Anthony and that it is serious enough to move in with him, James is probably ... (read in full...)
How did I get involved in their drama?
Q. Well I'm feeling kind of embarrassed. I reach out to my old friends probably once a year. I reached out to who seemed like a little brother because his parents were like surrogates to me for 6 years. He never saves my number so I said can you save ...
A. 25 October 2017: With the news media pitching so much sensationalism at us these days, it becomes more and more easy for people to overreact and assume the worst. Be yourself and don't worry so much about how others react to you.... (read in full...)
My husband was exposed to HIV and I am very scared
Q. Hi, I am juggling with a serious situation ., My husband has been exposed to hiv at work he is a health care provider. He is given post exposure prophylaxis now.we have to wait and see what happens in future.my husband is the best human being you ...
A. 24 October 2017: Darn! I feel your sadness.
Have you ever heard of Magic Johnson? He was one of the world's greatest pro basketball players, now long retired and a very successful businessman. He contracted HIV 26 years ago, shortly after his marriage to Cooki... (read in full...)
What is it like being a stepdad?
Q. Hi I've got to known this girl for 1 year and she has daughter that's 5 years old, what's it like being stepdad? My parents say just be dad from start that way you see him grow in stages as you have a full dad title ...
A. 24 October 2017: Is bio dad in the picture? I had a serious, long-term girlfriend with a daughter who was entering puberty. She was really mean to her mom (the usual phase, I believe) and it was very difficult for me to watch what was going on. But bio dad was ... (read in full...)
My long distance love wants me to send sexy pictures of myself
Q. I've been going out with this boy for 2 months now and it's a LDR situation. I knew it was going to be hard to not spend all that time together but I felt I could handle it. Lately he's been asking me to send naughty pictures to him and it m...
A. 23 October 2017: Oh, and tell him that you'll be going to an attorney, too.... (read in full...)
My long distance love wants me to send sexy pictures of myself
Q. I've been going out with this boy for 2 months now and it's a LDR situation. I knew it was going to be hard to not spend all that time together but I felt I could handle it. Lately he's been asking me to send naughty pictures to him and it m...
A. 23 October 2017: Never send nude photos of yourself, especially on-line and to someone you haven't met. At any point he can post these on-line for everyone to see. If he ever gets angry with you he can declare revenge by sending your nude photos to your friends and ... (read in full...)
Is 15 years too big a gap for us?
Q. Hi I have been talking to a guy on line who states he is 39 although looks a little older in his picture. I am a 54 year old woman but I do not look my age and have stated that I am 43. I work as Cabin Crew and surrounded by loads of young p...
A. 23 October 2017: Yes, starting the relationship off on an untruthful statement only makes one wonder what other false statements you might be making. It is somewhat softened by the fact that many people misstate their age on dating sites. Don't be one of those. ... (read in full...)
Can I ask him to let me touch myself?
Q. I want to masturbate in front of my husband but I'm not sure how to go about it. Do I talk about it and just straight out ask him if he wants to watch or should I slip into something sexy just be waiting for him when he enters the bedroom and ask ...
A. 22 October 2017: We don't know your husband: If you don't know how to best initiate masturbating in front of him, we sure can't tell you what he might prefer. But I like your question so I'll give you my opinion...
I believe most men would prefer you introduc... (read in full...)
Should I try to see if he is available? If so how?
Q. Ok! Where do I start? I met a boy seven years ago. We were on a summer abroad in Australia and we fell madly in love with each other. When the summer ended we both went back home. But lived in opposite parts of the country and it just wouldn’t have ...
A. 22 October 2017: Contact him, perhaps describing a particularly memorable moment back in Australia, and asking him if he remembers it. Or some other way of initiating just a casual contact. If he feels like you, he will certainly give some hint (such as he is now ... (read in full...)
Can he be a sucess when he neglects everything around him?
Q. Need opinion on this person. Thank you? Can ignorant, careless and not taking care of self person going to be succeed? Please give example and opinion? Do you believe ignorant, stupid, and not take care of himself person can be succeed? Is ther...
A. 22 October 2017: Succeed at what? There have certainly been examples - some very well known - of such people who have succeeded in business. But I doubt you are inquiring because you are thinking about buying stock in his company.
Given that you are asking t... (read in full...)
Should I try to see if he is available? If so how?
Q. Ok! Where do I start? I met a boy seven years ago. We were on a summer abroad in Australia and we fell madly in love with each other. When the summer ended we both went back home. But lived in opposite parts of the country and it just wouldn’t have ...
A. 22 October 2017: Contact him, perhaps describing a particularly memorable moment back in Australia, and asking him if he remembers it. Or some other way of initiating just a casual contact. If he feels like you, he will certainly give some hint (such as he is now ... (read in full...)
Was I out of line and is my boyfriend right in not trusting me?
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for about 5 years now. A few months ago I met a guy at work who I messaged after I left the job. He was quite flirty with me in this conversation but I didn't think it meant anything. About a month later he messaged...
A. 19 October 2017: You won't be able to regain his trust. This will be on him...it'll take either high-level stupidity or a case of total amnesia.
You agreed to go out for a drink with a guy who'd been flirty with you but he knew you had a boyfriend, so you "tho... (read in full...)
My ex hasn't told me his wife is filing for divorce
Q. I've been seeing ex for some time. Yes, I know it's wrong it's a long story. anyway, his now wife is filing for divorce but he hasn't told me. heard from mutual friend. why would he not mention this?...
A. 17 October 2017: Perhaps it is for some other unrelated reason he doesn't want you to be aware of. Or, maybe he's been cheating on his wife and you with yet another woman, or at least has his eye on someone else. Whatever the case, this situation suggests that he ... (read in full...)
Men don't see me as dating material - why?
Q. Hi, you know how people like to use the term "friendzone" in situations when girls only see guys as friends? Well, i'm the opposite. I'm a 25 yo girl and find that most guys see me as a buddy or undateable. I've gone on dates with guys but nothing ...
A. 16 October 2017: Guys are highly visual, especially those around your age. Dress fresh, stylish and sexy. Keep yourself well groomed and made up. Research hair styles and perhaps get some consultation on which ones are best for you. Women have so many ways of ... (read in full...)
Have I blown my dream job with a wrong answer?
Q. Hi I just applied for my dream job in an IT company and got invited for interview. Interview had 4 rounds and I cleared all of them. But after the rounds we had a small question answer round about the job. They asked me whether I'm okay with ni...
A. 16 October 2017: Follow-up with a communication (hopefully, a written one, evne if it is an IT company) telling them how excited you are regarding the position and enthusiastically giving them the reasons why. It most often takes a while for a company to make up ... (read in full...)
How soon is too soon to ask her out?
Q. Ok I use to give this girl a lift to work and we got on really well and have so much in common. 2 weeks ago she split up with her boyfriend and has moved so I longer have to give her a lift. At work we have been speaking a lot more since she has ...
A. 10 October 2017: It is never good to date a co-worker. I'm sure you know that. But your hormones are probably running high and it doesn't sound like you have enough game to find somebody outside work. So, just a couple of things: You've already been giving her ... (read in full...)
Is this a positive sign or is she just being nice?
Q. My ex broke up with me a couple of weeks ago. I had been working on the things she didnt like about me and I sent her an email updating her on how I have been changing i.e getting better and that I love her and hopefully in future we might cross ...
A. 5 October 2017: She didn't like having to break up with you and obviously wishes you well. However, she did break up with you. If she wanted things to resume she would have given you some hint in that regard, which she hasn't. I wouldn't contact her again unless ... (read in full...)
How do I politely ask that they donate my fee to charity?
Q. Hi Aunts and Uncles, I have a somewhat boring question, but never the less I need some advice. How do I politely ask that the money I earned (which is not a lot) be given to a charity? I don't want to sound weird or arrogant... A friend o...
A. 4 October 2017: If you get a tax deduction for charitable contributions (which you do if you live in the USA), tell them that you believe so firmly in their mission that you are donating the money to their cause and only want a receipt for tax purposes.
I don... (read in full...)
My boyfriend flirts with his employees and it's annoying me!
Q. I've been exclusive with this guy for the last few weeks, its going OK but I get really jealous when he flirts with his employees (he runs a v popular Indian restaurant and has a lot of really pretty Indian girls working there). He moans at me...
A. 2 October 2017: His actions make more wonder what he says about you to his employees after you leave the restaurant, or what he says to other girls about this current girl he is dating (you), or what he tells his guy friends about you, or......... (read in full...)
I feel so guilty about leaving my abusive ex
Q. Hi, I previously asked for advice regarding a relationship I was in for 3 years with a guy I lived with who was controlling and violent. It went on for a number of years and last December I cheated on him with a guy who had been keen on me for a wh...
A. 1 October 2017: You can't expect the guy from work to be giving you commitments at the three-month mark. Nor to introduce you as anything more than a "friend" or "girlfriend." Three months is way to quick to start talking about having a family... good for him!
... (read in full...)
How do I control these erections I get so easily?
Q. Hello everyone! I've got sort of an awkward issue, and I'm going to try to make this brief. I get erections incredibly easily and it's starting to annoy me. Especially around my girlfriend. I'm a very physical person, it's how I show affection, ...
A. 30 September 2017: Wouldn't you love to have a girl who you discover "gets wet" whenever she just looks at your photo or gets your text? If and when she finds out, she'll love your reaction to her.
As for controlling your reactions, about the only thing you can ... (read in full...)
He's starting a new job and I've begun to worry about it!
Q. Hello everyone! My hubby has been unemployed for over a year. Last summer I encouraged him to apply for a good job I knew he wanted... and today we got the news that he got it and he starts on Monday!! Exciting, right? Well... I was excited at first ...
A. 30 September 2017: Men's egos and happiness are often wrapped around their careers and what financial contributions they make to their families. Now that he's working, he will likely be a happier person and will again have the opportunity (by being a bread winner) to ... (read in full...)
What are the best ways to make new friends?
Q. Recently people have been complaining to me that it is difficult to make friends in the city I currently live in and that most people are either superficial or out for themselves. I agree that busy people with busy lives just dont have time for new ...
A. 30 September 2017: The city is not the problem. The people you are talking about have only themselves to blame. There are any number of charities and community groups that one can join. One needs to dedicate a few nights a week and their available time on weekends ... (read in full...)
We want different things in life ... should I just let it go?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for about 2 years now. I’m 20 and he’s 22 so we’re still pretty young and we don’t plan on getting married or having kids any time soon. Especially since we’ve only been together for 2 years. But we have com...
A. 29 September 2017: If you do persuade him into marriage and a family it will likely be with great resentment on his part. Marriages are difficult to hold together even if two people do have the same goals. In your case you have a guy who may very well dump you soon ... (read in full...)
If she wasn't interested why did she bother to text me?
Q. Hello, Before I start I am a gay girl, 24 years old. So I went on a night out on Friday with a group of people, and got very drunk. We all ended hooking up with someone (everyone else is straight) and we went out until about 6am. The girl...
A. 27 September 2017: She has a partner and was drunk at the time. She didn't text you back because she sobered up and has a partner. Let her know that you'd like to hear from her if she ever becomes single.... (read in full...)
Unsure how to proceed I've fallen in love with my 2nd cousin
Q. So long story short, I'm in love with my second cousin. I went to Lebanon earlier this year, and met this girl there. From first sight we both looked at each other and thought "wow". We got along like a house on fire, it really was scary how we...
A. 27 September 2017: The age difference and family relationship constitute two difficult problems. How long were you with her in Lebanon? You'd want at least several months (and hopefully more) of being together in order to make sure that your relationship would not ... (read in full...)
Why am I stuck with the girl that doesn't want to give but wants me to do all the work?
Q. I been in relationship for 4 years. She was virgin before we met. I have high sex drive , she doesn’t. I tried to accommodate this by doing stuff in shower and not bothering her. Sometimes I ask her to go down, and she won’t put in effort, when she...
A. 27 September 2017: The critical question you must ask yourself is: Will she change and start desiring sex often enough to satisfy my appetite? It is that simple. Having a sexless relationship when you are horny is extremely stressful and just doesn't work. Unless ... (read in full...)
Can smells and tastes affect a perfect blissful courtship?
Q. Im blessed with a beautiful and very loving, caring partner who im sure would do anything for me and I would for her as well. So when I have this seemingly silly problem, I do not know how to overcome. Her odors. She uses deo but it wears off either ...
A. 26 September 2017: She isn't going to change until she gets some input, and you are the person who is going to have to give it. It is time to communicate with her. You want to do it without hurting her feelings, of course, and that can be the difficult part.
Softe... (read in full...)
Where's the sex gone?
Q. My girlfriend and I have no sexual chemistry. None at all. Every time I bring up anything sexual it’s, ‘we don’t have the time’ or she acts like it’s vulgar and what I’m saying is disgusting - we went to New York recently on our first holiday ...
A. 23 September 2017: She once had a good sexual appetite but that is gone. Why? That's the fundamental question here. You've let her know that sex is important to you, now it is time for her to open up and let you know why she is no longer responding. Let her know ... (read in full...)
Is the guy I'm dating being a jerk?
Q. I started dating this guy about a month ago and we've been on four dates so far.. We haven't gone all the way yet but have done some stuff in bed, as well as the usual things like cinema etc. TBF to him he does have his good points like he pays for ...
A. 23 September 2017: Hmmmm...I had to go to Webster to see exactly how a jerk is defined. Here's part of the definition: "an unlikable person; especially :one who is cruel, rude, or small-minded"
I'll have to go against the other Aunts on this one and declare ... (read in full...)
What are your thoughts on surprising someone that hates surprises & is worried about money?
Q. we've been Trying to conceive for over a year and a half now and both of us are self employed and super stressed out. So I decided that for my husbands birthday I would surprise him with a trip to the Netherlands to see this band that he loves! but ...
A. 22 September 2017: We don't know your husband but, from what you've said, there is no way I'd surprise him with a trip. He may love the band but he may very well not want to spend the money to see them live. Buying a house is a very strong desire for a lot of men ... (read in full...)
I want to marry my cousin's grand daughter.
Q. My aunt has a son.That would make him and I first cousins. My first cousin has 3 daughters. Lets say the oldest girl is named Tasha.Lets go a bit further and say Tasha has 2 daughters.One name Mary and the other one named Sue.Is it wrong for me to ...
A. 19 September 2017: Has Sue shown any evidence that she is interested in marrying YOU? She treat you very kind, sweetly, and shower you with attention, but that certainly doesn't that she sees you as a romantic interest. For reasons mentioned below, I would rather ... (read in full...)
His teapot has his and his ex's names and wedding date on it! Is it appropriate to ask if I can replace it?
Q. My partner of 18 months is divorced. At the time of his wedding to his ex-wife he received a personalised tea pot with their first names and wedding date printed on the side. It's a nice big pot and he uses it, but I quietly feel uncomfortable and ...
A. 19 September 2017: If he's a guy worth your time for the past 18 months he should be a guy who will understand your sensitivity to this memento. As for your question in regard to whether this makes you look jealous or insecure, all I can say is that most people in ... (read in full...)
How should I handle one of my biggest regrets and the depression it is causing me?
Q. When I was in high school, I was so afraid of being bullied that I became a bully myself. I was a immature kid and the way I was thinking was completely wrong. About a year after I graduated, one of the kids that I bullied, Zach, died from ...
A. 18 September 2017: If he did this a year after graduation, you are probably a very small part of Zach's problems if a part at all. Kids who get bullied often get such treatment because they exhibit feelings of self inadequacy or a lack of self-respect. And bullies ... (read in full...)
The sex is just not working out. What are we doing wrong?
Q. My boyfriend often complains that we don't have enough sex. But he doesn't initiate ot, or try to turn me on. The other day we were hugging in bed then he rolled over, saying that he had to because he was horny ... like, sex could've happened if he ...
A. 18 September 2017: You both have a tendency to approach the other for sex but often at a bad times. This isn't an unusual problem...none of us are always in the mood or have sufficient time. How about setting appointments for sex? This may not sound romantic but it ... (read in full...)
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