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I want to be his girlfriend..not his FWB

Tagged as: Friends with Benefits<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (18 February 2018) 9 Answers - (Newest, 20 February 2018)
A female United States age , anonymous writes:

Am in a fwb situation..we are monogamous with each other..he tells me he loves me..I tell him that too..

But he says he does not want a girlfriend..he did take me out on valentines day..but next morning referred to me as his fuck buddy...I hate that...

I do want to be his girlfriend..this all sounds crazy..but I do not want to end it..

What should I do?

He texts me and comes by..I want to date..I am not a young girl either..

View related questions: fuck buddy, text

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A male reader, liddel United States + , writes (20 February 2018):

If you want a relationship in your life, have one. Either with him or someone else.

Tell him it's either time to piss or get off the pot. You're not going to find anyone else while rocking and rolling in bed with this guy. Frankly even if you did, it wouldn't be fair for you to be dating someone else while having sex with an F buddy.

Dear Mr. F Buddy, I know you don't want a relationship but I do. If it's not going to be with you, we need to stop what we're doing so I can find a relationship.

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A male reader, WiseOwlE United States + , writes (20 February 2018):

End it!

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A male reader, Billy Bathgate United States + , writes (19 February 2018):

Stop being his FB. And tell him why. He’ll either say he wants to be your BF or he won’t. You can then go find a guy who wants you for more than what is between your legs.

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A male reader, N91 United Kingdom + , writes (19 February 2018):

N91 agony auntIf you were going to be his GF, you would be by now. Stop kidding yourself and accept that you're being used for sex.

You gave him sex with no commitment so why would he need to chase you and want more? You've already given him what he was after.

Tell him it's over, block him and move on.

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A male reader, Been there Now over it United States + , writes (18 February 2018):

I hate to be brutal but: He is keeping his options open so that he can get into a) a real relationship or b) another FWB relationship should the opportunity come along. You have two choices: a) stick with the FWB relationship, or b) tell him this is it for FWB and that he can move on if he doesn't want to get committed.

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A female reader, mystiquek United States + , writes (18 February 2018):

mystiquek agony auntMy grandmother used to say "Why buy the cow when you get the milk for free"? I don't mean this to be disrespectful to you but I have a bad feeling that your FWB has this attitude. FWB relationships are usually a disaster because one person winds up caring more than the other. This is what has happened to you sadly. As Honeypie has stated, you can either talk to him and tell him of your feelings or continue you on as you are. No matter what age you deserve to be loved and cared for and if this man cannot give you want you want and need, then perhaps its time to just end things. Years ago before "FWB" was a term used, I was in one. I loved the man before we ever entered into the FWB situation. As time went on (3 years) I fell more and more in love with him and I had the hopes that somehow he would fall in love with me. He never did. I walked away feeling very hurts and disappointed even disgusted with myself. It took me a long time to accept that I had let myself be used by wanting more than the man was ever going to give me. Be very much aware of what you are worth sweetie and don't settle for less. HUGS. I've been hurts.

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A female reader, Andie's Thoughts United Kingdom + , writes (18 February 2018):

Andie's Thoughts agony auntOP, it's common sense: "referred to me as his fuck buddy...I hate that...", then don't be one. You *are* his F*ck Buddy. You agreed to it, you've continued it and you know he doesn't want a girlfriend.

Tell him you want more, then leave when he says "I love you, but I don't want a girlfriend". If he truly loved you, you wouldn't be a F*ck Buddy.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (18 February 2018):

Honeypie agony auntIt seems you two are at an impasse. You want more, HE doesn't.

Saying "I love you" doesn't mean he LOVES you. They are words that HE knows make you comply to continue to being a FWB/F-buddy. Taking you out for Valentine doesn't mean crap either. Again he know how to keep you SWEET so you will continue to be his FWB/F-buddy.

I know you say you don't want to end it... so what choice do you really have but to continue as things are?

OR you can tell him, that you care deeply for him and want it to be more but if he doesn't YOU are going to have to end it, so YOU can be FREE to find someone WHO does want you as a GF.

There is no magic word that will change his mind OP.

When you DECIDED to settle for a FWB in the beginning you SET the tone for this "thing" you two have. While you might want more, HE doesn't.

So... The choices you have are:

Suck it up and keep going with what you have.


Tell him you want more and if HE can not provide that or be part of that, it's over. That you will find someone who want you for more than sex and occasionally "GF experience dates".

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A female reader, ashleighkaylin United States +, writes (18 February 2018):

ashleighkaylin agony auntI'm not trying to be mean but if you already gave him something meant for a spouse, what motivation does he have to have you as a girl friend? As far as he's probably concerned, he shouldn't have to woo you or take the time to get to know you. I'm not saying you're a bad person, I'm just saying learn from your mistake and make sure you're actually in a relationship FIRST. And that means look for men who will take you on proper dates for awhile before you even commit. If you're looking for true love, sex can wait. Any man who won't wait is not for you. You are worth more than that.

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