| *een there Now over it
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| | *een there Now over it's profile:At 64 yo I've been in a number of relationships and gone thru a lot of life's experiences. We all have rocky times in our lives but I have done my best with each instance and am the happiest and most successful person I know. I am upbeat and optimistic, and always try to make others feel the same. I really enjoy seeing someone shine, especially a young person with true talent.
I live in Los Angeles and am on the liberal side. I am a little more accepting of some predicaments than other DQ helpers. As for spirituality, I am agnostic and live purely by the Golden Rule...Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. This very simply covers EVERYTHING!
In 2015 I had shoulder surgery (rotator cuff), which resulted in my left arm being tied to my side, 24/7 for the next month. I was mostly at home and spending a lot of time browsing the internet. I found Dear Cupid and - disappointed by the way some people were letting themselves be treated so poorly - decided to post some answers. I discovered that I was giving the questions much more thought than if just reading them. So this has become a matter of personal growth for me as well as extending help to others. Depending on what's going on in my life I get on here and read questions sporadically, and answer only a minority of them. If I read but don't answer a question it is because either 1) I don't feel I have any good advice to give or add, or 2) the info provided in the question isn't sufficient for me to make a judgement.
My favorite quote: "People tend to believe two things...what they want to believe and what scares the hell out of them." |
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My morther's behaviour at my wedding upset me
Q. I got married 2 months ago and I noticed that on my wedding day my mother was very cold towards me. Just to give you a brief outline- my mother is a control freak and at times can be toxic. As a child I suffered greatly with her being both ...
A. 14 December 2015: She lost control of you on that day. It marked the end of her ability to be physically and verbally abusive to you. And she is probably very envious that you are happy and that she isn't. Perhaps her being especially nasty to you on your wedding ... (read in full...)
Six months ago my wife started rejecting me sexually. What's going on? Now she masterbates multiple times a weeek
Q. We have been married twenty year and always had a good sex life so my wife says. Then six months ago she rejected my advances, and started masturbating next to me in bed at night when she thinks I am a sleep. She has always made plenty of no...
A. 14 December 2015: A lot of people find it very difficult to communicate about sex and let you know specifically what they want. Do you make sure she is satisfied when you have sex? Don't be the guy who orgasms and then rolls off and goes to sleep. If you do, I can ... (read in full...)
What shall I do? Is my family right or just being narrow minded?
Q. So I've been dating this guy for few months now, we're both serious on getting married however my family are not keen due to the guys reputation regarding him being a player and being divorced before as well as being a control freak, the thing is ...
A. 14 December 2015: You should be with someone for more than just a "few months" before even considering marriage to that person. You family's disapproval of this guy is another red flag. The third and final red flag is that he is losing interest. There is a lot of ... (read in full...)
Without foreplay I feel pain if my husband attempts intercourse without foreplay. How can I make him understand? I don't know what to do.
Q. I am recently married to my boyfriend of 10 years. We never had sex in these years,only physical intimacy/foreplay. now after marriage he just wants sex, he cant wait for 15-20 minutes of foreplay before sex. foreplay is important to me because ...
A. 14 December 2015: There are a lot of articles on the internet about this situation. Print some of them and go over them some night. He may not be so interested in those articles as they don't pertain directly to his sensations during sex, so perhaps you can include ... (read in full...)
Was this a marriage proposal?
Q. I'm not sure if I got a marriage proposal last night or not. I know that sounds strange, let me explain. It was a spur of the moment kinda thing, no ring or anything. We were walking around our local park which is decorated in christmas lights i...
A. 13 December 2015: It shows good intent but he still hasn't proposed. But I'm sure the question was a nice surprise for you and made it a very magic evening. ... (read in full...)
His drinking has become a major issue. Help!
Q. Dear cupid When my fiance goes out on nights out alone with his friends he gets stupidly drunk to the point he can't stand. He sways. He makes a total mess of himself or gets argumentative or very unpredictable. He even ended up going missing fo...
A. 12 December 2015: Why isn't he pleasing you? There is an ugly element of disrespect in his behavior. Certainly it is more important to respect one's fiance than to go out and get drunk with friends. You should have a sitting with a councilor or someone... (read in full...)
I miss my former colleagues
Q. Hi, I really need some advice on how best to handle this situation. Having been made redundant recently, I left some good friends behind and I feel I am grieving to the point it has affected me - I dream about being back in the same office with...
A. 12 December 2015: You say these are "good friends." Why would you leave good friends behind just because you shared a job with them? That really doesn't make any sense. Good friends are difficult to find! Most of us don't get very many in a whole lifetime. ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend mentioned an FFM as a 'passing thought' and now I'm worried he's tired of me
Q. Just trying to understand where my boyfriend is coming from. When he came to see me yesterday he was mentioning seeing two women together. How he was thinking about why men would find it appealing. He said that men like to see women climax. An...
A. 12 December 2015: It's good that he felt he could bring it up to you and not be hiding these feelings. And nice, too, that he wouldn't ask you to do it without your blessing. This is pretty much every guy's fantasy. Ladies, if you're guy tells you he doesn't h... (read in full...)
Is it too soon for me to move in with my boyfriend?
Q. How soon is to soon to move in with someone? My bf and I have been dating for six months , I've known him for almost a year. My lease is up at the end of January and he asked me to move in with him instead of getting a new place. He said ...
A. 12 December 2015: Six months is fine for many people. Honeypie is absolutely correct: Think about all the things that can go wrong, discuss them, and come to an agreement with each other regarding how each item will be handled. Problems that could come up: One of ... (read in full...)
Is marriage really necessary? But sex is necessary for our continuity.
Q. I am not an anti marriage advocate. Infact, I route for it. But then one thinks is marriage really necessary. Afterall, marriage is not necessary for our continuity on this earth, it's sex and reproduction. The reason for asking this is because ...
A. 12 December 2015: Marriage creates a commitment on the part of both people, which gives additional assurance (not an absolute guarantee) that the parents will stay together to raise the child. There is no doubt that kids with two parents have more advantages than ... (read in full...)
How do I know for sure if my suspicions that my boyfriend's younger sister is gay, and what should I do, or not do?
Q. Hi everyone My boyfriend has a 19 year old sister (I will just call her "Jane") and I have known her for many years but have recently realized something that is not quite normal about her. She is extremely pretty but has never had a boyfriend or e...
A. 11 December 2015: You are overly concerned about her sexuality, which is really no concern of yours. Just be nice to her and show her the same amount of love whether she eventually proves herself gay, straight or bi.
Don't get involved in outting her...th... (read in full...)
Where was this version of him when I was dating him?
Q. So I dated my ex boyfriend for 4 years. It was a terrible relationship. He had anger issues, and cheated on me here and there. He's really tall, 6 foot 5, very intimidating. Girls wanted him, guys wanted me, it was constant fighting, verbal a...
A. 11 December 2015: Your judging the "new" him after seeing his nice side for only a few hours. I'm sure he was nice to you for a few hours when you first met, shortly before he turned into an animal. Following that, you have four years of prior bad experience that ... (read in full...)
How to talk to guys? How can I put my fears aside? I worry about being rejected
Q. How do I get more confident around new guys? I'm 16 and I'm kind of shy around people when I first meet them, especially guys. Obviously once I get to know the guys I don't care about trying to impress them or doing weird stuff, its just at first...
A. 11 December 2015: Learn something about topics that are of interest to the guys at your school. They could be things such as sports, student affairs (not the romantic kind) or school politics. Learn enough to be passionate about these interests and let some of that ... (read in full...)
What can I do? Should I meet a man who can only tolerate my much loved resucue dog?
Q. I was really looking forward to meeting a man I have have been talking online to. This morning he dropped the bombshell he would only ever"tolerate" a dog and his argument is he thinks its cruel to keep them as pets anyway. I am quite hurt as my do...
A. 10 December 2015: Dog lovers are just a poor match for those who would have no more feelings for a dog than to just tolerate it. His argument that it is cruel to keep pets is a thinly disguised way of rationalizing his attitude that is likely due to being jealous of ... (read in full...)
My husband said I'm not as tight down there as the other girls he's been with
Q. I recently got married and it's my first time losing my virginity to my guy , we have had sex a couple of times and his complaining about that I'm loose down there and he doesn't enjoy sex with me he said his been with other girls before me and it ...
A. 9 December 2015: You've been to the doctor. Have you had him checked out? This sounds very much like his penis is too small. If you break up, do him a final favor and give him a penis enlarger.... (read in full...)
Are blow jobs a bit overrated? Do people go through stages of what they like in bed?
Q. I've been seeing my boyfriend for just over three years and we've always had a great sex life but I'm starting to worry about things. At the start of the relationship our foreplay involved the both of us doing things to each other. I really...
A. 8 December 2015: You are smart not to show you displeasure with him not responding to blow-jobs and hand-jobs. That could cause him to loose confidence in his sexual abilities and worsen the situation. Try to open up communication with him but make sure it has a ... (read in full...)
Live in an isolated area and am home schooled. What can I do to make new friends?
Q. I have been diagnosed with an extreme form of social anxiety, going back to when I was a young child and my parents encouraged achievement above socialization. Now as a teenager forced to leave school in order to come back to grips with life (do...
A. 8 December 2015: By the way, weirdos are what makes the world go round. It's great to be a little different from others as long as you don't do it in a negative way (such as being a mass murderer). Kids don't yet recognize this and, having grown up in a small town ... (read in full...)
How can I cope with a Boyfriend who is emotionally closed off to me?
Q. Hi hope someone can help my boyfriend is very closed off emotionally We've been together nearly 2 years we never argue and in the summer he moved in with me but the problem is he has never told me he loves me or never shows me any affectio...
A. 8 December 2015: This is bad. But it is so much worse when you report that he was affectionate with a past girlfriend. It is unlikely that he had some life-altering, catastrophic event that changed him from being affectionate to not affectionate. For some reason ... (read in full...)
Gay men flirt with my boyfriend in front of me and he likes the attention
Q. We have been together a year and a half. We have a good relationship and sex life.He seems attracted to me and he's very physically affectionate. He says he's in love with me and wants to have children get married all that fairy tale stuff. ...
A. 8 December 2015: The man you describe sounds totally bi-sexual. I've never had a straight male friend tell me that they want to look like a certain celebrity...that is very strange. And I have never had a straight male friend smile about being hit on by a gay guy. ... (read in full...)
I found a stash of condoms, but we don't use them.
Q. This morning while my boyfriend was at work, I decided to stop by and drop off the clothes I had bought for him while I was shopping yesterday. Realizing that this was the only time I had been in his house by myself, I decided to do a little s...
A. 8 December 2015: It is easy to see any guy having a bag with condoms that he used long ago still stuffed away in the back of his closet and totally forgotten about. If this is a bag he takes out of the closet and uses frequently....well, that might be different. ... (read in full...)
I hate faking it -- why can't I get off through intercourse?
Q. Hi I'm 31 and I have been sexually active for over 10 years. I've had three long term partners and then a handful of one night stands back at the start. I've only ever orgasmed through sex or otherwise about 3-5 times. And they were clitoral an...
A. 8 December 2015: You say you feel 'numb down there.' Have you spoken to your gynecologist about this? Comments here about women not achieving orgasm thru penetration alone reflect my experience. I have heard a lot of women say that their easiest orgasms come ... (read in full...)
Should I confess all to my husband or should I not?
Q. I really need some advise without being judged because my guilt is turning into depression and I really don't know what to do at this point.I cheated on my husband with our neighbor. It all stems from a few months ago when my husband and I we...
A. 7 December 2015: If you you want to stay with your husband, the answer is no. Don't tell him. It will only create problems and lead to a worse life than you have now.... (read in full...)
Live in an isolated area and am home schooled. What can I do to make new friends?
Q. I have been diagnosed with an extreme form of social anxiety, going back to when I was a young child and my parents encouraged achievement above socialization. Now as a teenager forced to leave school in order to come back to grips with life (do...
A. 7 December 2015: Do you parents understand the situation? If not, they should know. If they do, they should be trying more to help you socialize. Based on the age that's shown for you, you may have a few more years at home before you are able to leave. In the m... (read in full...)
I found feminine toiletries in his bathroom!
Q. I have been on a couple of dates with this guy and yesterday i had dinner at his house and i found womens body sparys and make up in his bathroom. The body spray was left on the side and when i opened the draw to find hand soap there was foundation ...
A. 6 December 2015: Maybe he's a cross dresser.... (read in full...)
While hiking during rough weather my boyfriend would go ahead and just leave me. Are men like that?
Q. My boyfriend and I had a week end planned which involved a 3hr hike. The weather ended up being really bad with a storm that hit the country. It wasn't so bad where we had planned to go hiking. It was however very windy and wet. We decided to go ...
A. 6 December 2015: No, guys are not "like that." Your guy just happens to be incredibly rude and selfish. I'm sure this behavior is evident in other ways, as well. What if you were married and you got sick...Would he visit you in the hospital, bring you flowers and ... (read in full...)
Our eyes met and I felt a connection. I can't stop thinking about the barista..could he have felt it too?
Q. I walked in to my favorite coffee shop today and I saw that there was a new barista and I immediately thought he was cute. After I ordered my drink I sat across from the pick up area with my mom. When I saw the barista make my drink I was feeling ...
A. 6 December 2015: You've said nothing to suggest that there might be a connection on his part. The smiles and extended eye contact doesn't mean there's a special connection...it's his duty to connect with customers so that they will return. Go back for more ... (read in full...)
Is it a crush? attraction Do I take it further?
Q. I'm 23 years old. Its been 2 years since my first love break up. After that I was like not interested in any love stuffs. Now I met a guy online and he is near to my place. I'm getting attracted to him each and everyday definitely not by his looks. ...
A. 5 December 2015: As it has been two years since your last serious boyfriend, you are probably ready to try it again. Why wouldn't you go out with him? It sounds like it should be great fun for at least the short term and perhaps for the longer term. Go out with ... (read in full...)
Former FWB relationship, am I just a text buddy to him now?
Q. A guy ive known for two years texted me to see how I am. We have had sex in the past and I know he doesn't want more from me because he as never took me out and as only got intouch when he wants sex. He texted me a week ago and I said when shall we ...
A. 5 December 2015: Two years and this is how far you've gotten with him. He is playing the field, probably sending out feelers to several different women when he gets the urge. Maybe he didn't reply because someone else who lives closer to him also replied back. ... (read in full...)
Is he too young for me? What do you think?
Q. im 31 and there is this guy who is 26, everytime i go into the store, he keeps flirting with me to the point that my bro thinks he will ask me out soon and a customer asked me was I his girlfriend…..the guy is a store manager at a grocery store…...
A. 5 December 2015: There is no reason for his age to be an issue. ... (read in full...)
I went out on dates with 3 guys, I like them all, they like me and I don't know which one to choose!
Q. Hey, so I'ma college freshman, 18, and new to relationships. I've been looking for something more serious and so my friend told me to go on some dates. I went on three, expecting one of them to be the obvious choice. However, all three of them went ...
A. 5 December 2015: Go ahead and date others, as well. While these three are good, it usually takes quite a few more than that to find the one who makes you crazy in love. If one of them gets to possessive, tell him that you aren't looking for a relationship at this ... (read in full...)
Since masturbation is the only sexual gratification I've had, what can I do to make it less shameful?
Q. I am 24 and a kissless virgin. I am ashamed of the fact that I have no idea what it is like to be in an intimate relationship and that the only sexual gratification I can get is self given. I feel like by not having dated in high school and college ...
A. 4 December 2015: You know why your two hands dangle just below your waist, right??? Thru either god, evolution or a combination of the two, you are meant to masturbate and enjoy yourself.
Everybody masturbates. Join the crowd. Nothing to be ashamed about he... (read in full...)
He broke a cup I gave him, but has chosen to not replace it. Should I let this upset me so much?
Q. I bought my hubby a cup with the words, love you more then shoes on it. He accidently broke it and said he would get another but he still hasnt. it hurts me that he hasnt replaced it and it shows he doesnt care. I've reminded him to get it and s...
A. 4 December 2015: I agree with the others...this is hardly a situation to get angry over. I would be more understanding if HE wrote in and asked what to do about his wife who threw something at him because he didn't replace a broken cup.
Perhaps he really didn't l... (read in full...)
I think my boyfriend is addicted to porn
Q. Ok so me and my boyfriend have been together for four years now and everything in our relationship is good except for our sex life. In the begin, he had a hard time keeping an erection when we would have sex and it really hurt me and made me quest...
A. 4 December 2015: Does this guy not work or have other interests that keep him busy during the day? Three times is a lot. He may have some sort of sexual addiction outside of porn, which is the reason why he watches porn and masturbates so much.
At the minimum,... (read in full...)
Did my old flame let me down easy or leave the door open?
Q. I am in my early 40's and recently asked an old flame who I have become friends with on fb again as I already know his sister. I mentioned to him that when I am next in town in a few weeks would he like to meet up for a drink briefly before I go ...
A. 3 December 2015: If he wanted to see you he would have made other arrangements for that weekend or, if that would not be possible, he would have made suggestions as to how you otherwise might get together. It certainly sounds as though he isn't interested in ... (read in full...)
Can our love survive this religious zeal?
Q. My girlfriend of little over two years how now decided that she wants us to be celibate until marriage. She is a Christian and recently has taken active steps to get closer to God. I am an agnostic. I am doing my utmost to support her in her belie...
A. 2 December 2015: Your belief in agnosticism is just as valid as her belief in religion. You've been very accommodating by supporting her beliefs up to this point and she should in turn be accommodating to you. This isn't a one-way street.
Relationships always r... (read in full...)
Fiancée's attitude makes me sick but how can I leave?
Q. A few weeks ago me and my fiancée of 2 years went to her parents house for her mom's birthday. It was there, her mother told the family she was sick. This is the wonderful woman who put my fiancée through school twice!, bought her a car when she ...
A. 1 December 2015: This is one case where I suggest breaking your word to her mom. This is just not nearly a good enough reason to put yourself in a situation that will only become more and more problematic.
Give her a pregnancy test and, if she isn't, get the heck... (read in full...)
Do couples go through stages where they don't have sex?
Q. Hi everyone, My boyfriend and I have been dating for 2 years. At first, sex was great. It was passionate and it happened often. Now my boyfriend never seems to want sex. What makes me confused is that we still have great chemistry, great conversa...
A. 30 November 2015: Sex is a funny thing...everybody wants it (well, at least at one time or another) but darn little survey research is done on it. Wouldn't it be nice to have some studies done on situations like this so that you could know how balanced or off ... (read in full...)
My work has partnered with wife a terrible driving woman. How should I handle this?
Q. Hi, A few months ago the company I work for provided a "share drive scheme" What They do is buddy you up with another person in the workplace (they base this on who lives the closest together) and they provide you with a company car - which you ...
A. 29 November 2015: If you made a statement to HR and your company says it isn't valid until an accident happens, they would be liable in case of an accident. That just makes no sense at all...just a horrible HR blunder...but that doesn't help keep you alive in the ... (read in full...)
Pay back my friend and have job security? Or go for my dream career?
Q. Dear friends, I need some advice on what to do. When I graduated, the career I had wanted was out of reach because there were no job openings. I was barely able to keep myself afloat participating as a subject in medical experiments and ...
A. 29 November 2015: You say that your friend would "miss out on a lot of money and all the time spent..." Things are not quite clear.
Did you borrow money from you friend or do you just feel indebted because of your friend's generosity? What would the course h... (read in full...)
What does she mean when she says "we are dating"?
Q. Been seeing a woman for three months, she says we are dating, so what does that really mean, I told her am not seeing any one else, can that mean we can see others, I don't want to, but I don't know if she is, she says she isn't, but I don't know ...
A. 29 November 2015: The term "dating" has evolved over the past decade and I would not be surprised if it has a different meaning in different geographical areas here in the USA.
I live in Los Angeles and dating here often means that you are having sex and are mono... (read in full...)
I'm turned on but can't orgasm - what can I do?
Q. I'll try to keep this short. Basically over a month ago me and my girlfriend decided to have sex whilst I was staying over on the weekend but unfortunately we had to stop because she was feeling sore down there after only a few minutes. Ever since ...
A. 29 November 2015: I'm on board with YouWish as to this being performance anxiety. Perhaps you should do each other orally and by hand while you get back to being more relaxed. It doesn't sound like anything has changed here except for your doubts about yourself... (read in full...)
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