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I'm pregnant with my first cousin's baby

Tagged as: Family, Forbidden love, Pregnancy, Teenage<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (8 February 2018) 10 Answers - (Newest, 14 February 2018)
A female Mongolia age 18-21, anonymous writes:

I'm pregnant with my first cousin's baby and i'm going to birth the baby but i'm worried. Doctor says my baby is fine but i'm still worried.

My cousin is scared and we both can't tell our families because they're really strict but now they know that i'm pregnant. My cousin's father kind of suspects us.

I'm really scared what should i do?

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A female reader, Andie's Thoughts United Kingdom + , writes (14 February 2018):

Andie's Thoughts agony auntFor what it's worth, if something has to be kept a secret, it's nearly always a bad idea to do it. This relationship, for example: if you "can't" (won't) tell them, don't do it. If you can tell them, but are scared to, either tell them or don't be with your cousin. If you want to be together, own it and tell them. If they may be violent, move out immediately.

You can't deal with things childishly anymore because you've been making adult decisions like having sex and keeping the baby. You need to start being responsible and setting up support for when you give birth. None of that can be done until you own up because your family is your strongest support and they'll need to know who the father is. No more lies and sneaking around, OP.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (10 February 2018):

Honeypie agony auntHonestly? The likelihood of there being anything "wrong" with the baby is VERY small. However, the "bun is in the oven" so it's a LITTLE too late for those concerns, to be frank.

You two CHOSE to have sex. UNPROTECTED sex. Now you two have to deal with the consequences, which is ONE little new life and OWNING up to your parents what happened. You two TOGETHER also need to figure out HOW you can take CARE of this new little life, financially, emotionally and physically.

This new little life DESERVES a mom and a dad. Not necessarily being a couple or being married - but UNITING in RAISING the child. Working together. And you can't do that without the family knowing that HE is the dad.

So time to act like a grown up and take responsibility for your actions (both of your actions).

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A male reader, liddel United States +, writes (10 February 2018):

If there's a chance that all of the relatives knowing will put you or your cousin in danger, be out of the house before informing your family. There is no reason to put either you, the baby or your cousin in danger if there is the possibility of violence.

You're going to need the financial support of your cousin to help support raising the child. That's why it has to come out who fathered the baby.

There may also be government help with the cost of childbirth, and medical care for you until the baby is born, if you don't have insurance or means. There are also many charities that are willing to help. Seek and ye shall find. While you might not be one that likes to receive charity, your and the baby's health is more important than your dislike of such.

It isn't that unusual for relatives to experiment sexually but it would be better if you had stopped short of intercourse. Unless it is legal for cousins to marry in your state and that is something you both want to do, don't let this happen again with this cousin or other relatives.

As many have stated, the chance of a genetic disorder with a child produced from first cousins. Assume everything is normal unless you find differently. For what it's worth, every parent has the fear that there child will be born with a disorder that will make life harder for the child.

I wish my best to all of you and hope you all have a bright future.

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A male reader, Been there Now over it United States +, writes (10 February 2018):

If your cousin's father suspects your cousin is the father, there's a good chance that he's discussed this with your folks and perhaps they suspect, too, but don't want to confront you about it.

As the father, your cousin will be involved with this child for his lifetime. It'll help you greatly if he does whatever he can thru your pregnancy and is there when the baby is born. I suggest telling your parents now and not trying to hide this under the carpet any longer. It won't be an easy conversation but it will immediately release much of the shame you're feeling. And it'll stop what would be the ever-growing question as to who exactly is the father.

It may seem peculiar but you are definitely not the first two cousins to ever be involved with each other. Charles Darwin, the fame scientist who originated the Theory of Evolution, married his first cousin and had ten children with her. Albert Einstein and Edgar Allen Poe married their first cousins, too.

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland + , writes (9 February 2018):

aunt honesty agony auntHi, I do understand why you are worried. It is always such a taboo subject cousins being together. Try and not worry because worrying is not good for you or your baby. Although there is a slight more risk of birth defects when both parents are first cousins, it is only slight. Believe your doctor when he tells you that your baby is okay.

I understand why you are both scared if you have strict families, but you cannot change what has happened now. You have both created a baby and nothing can change that now. I agree with the others that it might be best to wait until after the baby is born before you tell all the family. It will have given them a chance to bond with your baby and also give them time to let the news sink in.

You mention that they know you are pregnant, yet they are strict so how did they take that news? Did they ask you any questions about who the father is? Have you discussed the future with them? You mention that your cousins father suspects this already, if that is the case then telling them the truth might not be as bad as you both think.

It is a waste of time being scared, it has happened now and you cannot change it, but you can build a good future for you and your baby.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2018):

I know two people who are first cousins and have been married for over forty years.They have three kids and five grandchildren.No birth defects what so ever.If you are in love with each other who cares what your family thinks.Love well true love is very rare and hard to find.. Live your life for you not them.Take care and love your baby.

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A female reader, Andie's Thoughts United Kingdom + , writes (9 February 2018):

Andie's Thoughts agony auntI think it's a cop out to wait until the baby is born. You made the decision to have sex with each other - why avoid owning up to it until the last minute? You didn't care when you were doing it and risked young pregnancy. Take responsibility and face the consequences, but don't keep secrets, as they get you in trouble - like the situation you're in now. It could have been avoided with sex education and being told to stop by your families. Good luck.

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A male reader, TylerSage United States +, writes (9 February 2018):

TylerSage agony auntSomething like this is bound to come out sooner or later.

I'm assuming you feel embarrassed for the fact that you've been sleeping with your cousin and now the two of you will be found out.

Many people have long and happy lives with their cousins but it would come down to whether or not you two are in love, If it's love then you have an argument, if it was just for fun then if may be a bit more awkward. Stuff like these are usually meant to come out from under wraps when people do it but sometimes it does.

As @WiseOwl said you can wait until the baby is born, this will allow the family to bond with the child a bit and probably look past the fling you had. This is a pretty tricky topic but it comes down to you and what you think is best. You know how you dad and family might respond to something like this, use that to determine how soon you should tell him.

All the best.

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A male reader, WiseOwlE United States + , writes (9 February 2018):

Wait until your baby is born and reveal the truth. There is only a small risk of birth-defects.

I think you should break-up with your cousin and co-parent the child. You increase risk of defects should you have more children together. There isn't much else you can do. Maybe the family will accept things later on.

There is testing to be down within the first trimester of your pregnancy to determine if the baby will have Down's Syndrome, if that's your concern.

You can test again after the baby is born for any other congenital-defects. Honestly, I think that might be the least of your worries.

You have to face your family, they will insist on knowing who the father is. If they suspect and haven't said anything, I think you'll be okay.

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A female reader, Andie's Thoughts United Kingdom + , writes (8 February 2018):

Andie's Thoughts agony auntIf you're adult enough to have sex and get pregnant, you need to be adult enough to own up to it. You can't raise this baby alone. You and your cousin need to step up and start behaving responsibly. NOW.

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