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Why am I a walking contradiction!!??

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Question - (14 February 2018) 5 Answers - (Newest, 14 February 2018)
A female Australia age 41-50, anonymous writes:

Is it ok to feel most comfortable, content and safe at home?

I live alone and have a small amount of individual fiends I see occasionally. I’m single, gay female, i work, and have no kids.

As much as I enjoy looking around my city,going to see movies and doing things, getting out, shopping, seeing friends (3-12 monthly) and

having coffee with them , and alone..

home is comfort and I long to be home when I’m out, but..I long to be out when I’m home and feel guity about being at home!!

Why is this??

I’m an at times extroverted introvert.

With selective mutism,(google it) diagnosed.. (meaning I shut down in big groups due to being quieter, and so caused by severe childhood/teen bullying)

no I’m not autistic or Aspergers (so don’t say that! ) as Peope are nasty online and assume..

I am not “impaired” intellectually either and fairly intelligent.

Not a “dumb” person

Why am I like this.. a walking contradiction!!

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A male reader, WiseOwlE United States + , writes (14 February 2018):

I'm naturally a loner. Although I enjoy the company of good friends and I often entertain; my choice is my "me-time."

I think you have a built-in mechanism that tells you when it's time to change scenery or get out of the house. Maybe your gauge is set on low; when it comes to how social you want to be when it comes to people in groups. I know other people who have been bullied, who are the same as you have described yourself.

You are somewhat touchy and defensive, assuming you'd be attacked. Symptomatic of victims of bullying. It's almost impossible to live your life without being scrutinized or criticized; and without either, there is no way to know where you need to improve yourself.

Hypersensitivity is your problem to work on, not the fault of others, once you are aware of it. Sometimes it's not what's said, but how you choose to take it! You cannot live life as a victim. You have to empower yourself, or live in solitude. Obviously you've found that's not possible.

Your self-imposed isolation just makes you feel safe. You still get criticized and assessed by your bosses and co-workers; so there is no hiding from harsh words. It's how life works, and shutting yourself away does more harm than good. Never surrender to the things that separate you from humanity. We all have to give of ourselves to help others.

As a loner, I like wide-open spaces which allows me to feel free, I have room to breathe, escape unwanted intruders, and I like to observe people. It helps me stay grounded, social, and approachable. I hibernate in the winter; and usually limit travel to work and the market. You have to come to me, if you want to see me! So I entertain!

I think we are all walking-contradictions; and we attribute that to our personal-quirks or idiosyncrasies. It gives us our individualism and defines our personalities. What you described of yourself seems pretty mild, calm, and generally easy-going. You just don't like crowds.

I don't like mobs of people; but I attend concerts, festivals, parades, and events that draw crowds. As long as the crowd is relatively tame, I'm cool. I hate rowdiness, even in small groups.

I don't think it's good to allow our homebody-tendencies to overrule the need to socialize; because you lose your interactive-skills, or you become awkward around people. Just because we were once traumatized does not mean we live a lifetime a slave to the pain. My faith won't allow that.

Don't feel guilt about staying home, just schedule yourself time set-aside in a day to get-out. Make it a routine. Get some fresh air, visit a friend, or relative. Invite a friend out for a walk; so you kill two birds with one stone. You expose yourself to the public, but you also provide companionship to someone else.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2018):

That is perfectly normal you would be surprised that a lot of people feel the same way! Take my advice and you do you. You should never feel guilty about who you are

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A male reader, Been there Now over it United States +, writes (14 February 2018):

The goal is to be happy. I'm not sure whether your concern comes from societal expectations or a genuine, deep-down desire to be more involved outside your home.

Television programming presents model lifestyles and we compare our own lives as to whats depicted on the tube. Perhaps your television is telling you how you think you should live. And living something contradictory to the tube may leave you feeling some sort of guilt.

If you are fulfilled and happiest at home, I don't think there's a problem here. If you spend much of your home time bored, unhappy and not being fulfilled, you should think about joining some regular outdoor activities such as classes or a hiking club.

This may have something to do with the environment in which you live. If you live in a crime area or where transportation is difficult, that might be playing into your desire not to deal with the outside world.

Remember, you own get one chance to live each day. Do what makes you happy (without it being at the expense of others, of course).

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A male reader, Serpico United States +, writes (14 February 2018):

You are not and extroverted introvert, you are an introvert, period.

Nothing wrong with it (I am one too), but there is nothing contradictory about it.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (14 February 2018):

Honeypie agony auntMaybe it's because you "think" you should be doing ALL these things while at home but when out, you rather be home. It's not really so strange from someone who is introverted.

Maybe you need to focus on NOT feeling guilty for enjoying your solitude at home. It's OK to be comfortable with your own company AT home. GIVE yourself permission to ENJOY when being home or out. It's OK!

BUT I would also make an effort to see and do things and TRY to enjoy them when you do. There are plenty of things you CAN do without having to be in big crowds.

Remember you got ONE life, so live it how YOU want. Not how Cosmopolitan tells you you should or Vanity Fair tells you, you ought.

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