A
male
age
36-40,
*ainincarnate
writes:My girl and I have been together for over two years lived together two yrs this month. In that two years, she has cheated once, we were broken up for a bit. Has failed to find/keep a job, doesn't clean w/ being told, doesn't wake up with our 5mo old son w/o being told, doesn't cook. I cook, do 90% of the housework, and work 5-13hrs/night as well as help with the baby. Over the past two years, she accusses me of cheating CONSTANTLY and I have pretty much cut out all friends. Outside of work, I never hang out with anyone... or if I do, she's there. I'm not allowed to speak to females without her accusing me of cheating, she wants me to cut one of my beyond needed shifts because there's a girl working it. I can't take it, I love her to death, I don't want to be without her, BUT I can't live like this, always angry, always upset, only wishing to sleep. Not good for me OR my son. What should I do? I told her to get her shit straight, or get out. She cries and begs me not to leave, then accuses me of cheating. As well says she's sick from anxiety and its my fault because I won't act like everythings is perfect and peachy when its not. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (17 September 2010):
 She needs an anti-depressant and counseling...Sits at home all day, doesn't engage in activities she once enjoyed, lack of sleep or sleeping too much, changes in weight either eating nothing or too much, wanting to stay at home where it's safe, and has a social anxiety. Obviously, she needs to get a job if she wants these items...but due to her depression she prefers to be holed up in the house where it's safe. Has she always been like this?
A
female
reader, bebe87 +, writes (17 September 2010):
 Perhaps it is post partum depression. Do a little re-search on that....
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A
male
reader, painincarnate +, writes (17 September 2010):
painincarnate is verified as being by the original poster of the questionShe doesnt want to get a job, meet people or do anything. Just sit up my ass aand complain aboit material things she wants.and i cant afford
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A
female
reader, kirra07  +, writes (16 September 2010):
I agree with what the people before me have said about her getting help, and just want to add that one of the factors that would add to her insecurity/unhappiness/etc is the fact that she has nothing to do. You go out to work everyday, and have some sort of social interaction with other people (coworkers and what not). Whereas she's alone at home, or with the baby (which doesn't quite count), and it drives people a little crazy. She needs social interaction and some sort of activity that makes her feel like she's accomplishing that. Whether that's a job, volunteering, hobby, school, whatever. So I recommend the counselling, and talking to her about something she'd like to do to add more to her life. The happier you are with your own life and yourself, the less insecure you are (or the better able to deal with it), the happier you are, the more motivated you are (with chores, cooking, etc).
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 September 2010): She needs some form of help. She is obviously very insecure and is probably depressed too. If you want to save this relationship and she does too, she needs to see someone.
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (16 September 2010):
TimDD says it all. May I point out she's the one that cheated in this relationship and she fears that you have or will retaliate. She needs to open her eyes and see that you really don't have the time, or the energy because you're way too busy picking up her slack. You should be coming home to a spotless house, a hot meal on the table, and your smiling 5 month old everyday. There's no excuse for it not to be like that especially since she doesn't have a job, I see laziness here. I like the idea of couples counseling but at the same time if it's been like this for nearly the whole 2 years it's going to take a lot of counseling and quite a bit of time for her to change her tune. Can you stick it out if she got help? Or are you to the point of no return? Really you need to do what's best for you and your son.
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (16 September 2010):
 I recommend psychological help. When someone acts this way, often there is something off balance in their sense of self. I recommend you seek counseling and she does separate. You need to because of how this behavior affects you. I also recommend that you have sessions together as well. At least then you'll know what's going on, and you can get a plan together to balance this relationship.
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A
female
reader, bebe87 +, writes (16 September 2010):
Get her out! And fast!!! Honestly, re-read everything you just wrote. Sounds like the girl needs some serious help that is beyond you, in fact you may make it only worse for her. You say you don’t want to loose her? But are you willing to stay and it only get worse from here on out for you AND your child. Something within her NEEDS to change. Where did all this resentment come from that she seems to have towards you, where along the way did you do something wrong (cause it sounds like she has way more than validated it in her head that you screwed up big time) A part of me does feel bad for her, to be that un-happy and that miserable, no way to live your life especially when there is a child involved. As I'm typing this, one thing does come to mind. What ever happen to her for her to be this way now was never dealt with the right way, forgiving someone or letting something go is a process, therefore now, she's outta control emotionally there is a rollercoaster going on within her. You must make the decision to either A. stay with her, and help her (if you do I would suggest her seeing someone i.e. a therapist) and B. walk away from her, and tell her that you refuse to live this way with her anymore, and this way doesn’t work for you anymore. Remember one thing, the fact that you are a father now, you must above and beyond yourself you must put him first and decide what is best for the child!
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A
male
reader, GrimmReality +, writes (16 September 2010):
 Why put yourself through this? usually when someone constantly accuses a partner of cheating it is because either they themselves are and are projecting upon the other to lessen their guilt or they have some self esteem issues. Or a combination of both.
Please do yourself a favor. Long term relationships and/or engagements are a dress rehearsal for a life together. Get out now so in 5 years you don't have a mortgage, a couple of kids, and a nightly session of looking at the ceiling regretting sticking around.
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A
male
reader, TimmD +, writes (16 September 2010):
 Sounds like she's got some serious personal issues. You can try counseling for her (if she'd even agree to it) and even couple's counseling for both of you, but in the end it comes down to her getting her act together. She either needs to contribute to the relationship equally or she's gotta understand that if she doesn't, it's over. If you keep letting her get away with it, keep pickup up her slack, and keep letting her "cry" you back into submission then it will only continue.
She has to know things NEED to change. Period.
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