A
female
age
41-50,
*lexi
writes:I broke off with the guy i was seeing last December because i couldn't continue living without emotional security and without being able to express honestly my feelings and emotions with him. I want a family he wants his career and a harem. I said we should still be friends because at the time I just couldn't let go of hi completely. We had no contact for 9 months and then he phones me out of the blue, tells me he's moved down the street from me, that I'm a great girl, that he wants to be there for me and be my best friend but it seems like he needs to be the one who controls when and how he'll be there for me. When I got sick and i called him just to talk to a "friendly" voice he "forgot how to use his phone/answering machine", when i asked him to be one of my case studies and help me with my school assignment he avoided that uncomfortably, on msn he talks to me if HE initiates the conversations, if i am the one who says hi first there is no response. I am getting very tired of his immature need for control and the way he runs away every time he feels he has perhaps been a bit too nice to me.Please excuse my language but i need him to either be nice and see if we CAN actually be friends or just tell me to "fuck off little girl, you'll never be good enough for me to be friends with or more". The man is 40 and acts like a 5 year old. I HATE him but i care for him and want to take care of him. I want to walk away forever and be free of him but I can't seem to do it so I keep trying to be nice hoping that one day he'll just push me out( i think that's why i keep trying.....i don't know:(............)Thank you all so much for taking the time to read this
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female
reader, QuirkLady  +, writes (8 November 2009):
 I don't think you realize how much control you already have over this situation. You're giving up your control hoping for him to change and make the final decision for you...but he's never going to do that. As long as you're waiting around keeping the lines of communication open, hoping he'll throw you a bone, he will continue to treat you like something not worth investing time in. He hasn't needed to in the past for you to stay around, so why should he change that? It's not like you're going anywhere.
The man has proven that he's not interested in you or your well being. What's the point of waiting around for him to tell you? He's already told you with his actions! You don't need him to tell you any darn thing and he is not going to do it anyway. You're waiting in vain and wasting your time.
Own your own choices, walk away, and look for someone better.
Good luck.
A
female
reader, Plexi +, writes (8 November 2009):
Plexi is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thank you for your answer quiet-echo . You are right I did go 9 months without talking to him and i didn't die, i did get over my flu without him being there for me but i was hoping he would be there for me to see if he really meant that he wanted to be my best friend and all.
You are right that I want to impress him but not so that he needs me so i can too have control. I am actually very insulted by that causation. I want to impress him because I don't feel like i have his respect and because i feel that he looks down on me. I No I am not done with my case studies..........it's a long project that won't be done till next year( i wanted him to be one of them so that i can have a chance at taking care of him because i know he works hard and is very stressed and i don't feel he takes very good care of himself).
I came on here to ask for some kind advise from people because i am obviously feeling down and rejected and i am very torn over my feeling for him( resent/love).
Leave the man..............I am hardly chasing him........I'm sorry that I opened my heart to him and now the void is painful but the fact that strangers can be so mean to me for my naivety is perhaps what i needed!!!
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (8 November 2009):
 All I can add to what quiet-echo said is "Plexi, leave the man". He sounds like he's not good at all for you.
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