A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:Met this guy 5 times and really hit it off. Just before 3rd date I told him that I had genital herpes. He said he was falling in love, and still met me for date, but then told me we could only be friends. I havent seen him for 2 weeks, and last week sent him quite a lot of information on it, putting the virus into perspective. He then started changing his tune and we agreed to meet today. However yesterday, he texts me and says he cant come... he needs to be alone. He stated his reasons which I know are valid: financial worries and health problems with his young son. He said it wasnt personal but he would be bad company and at times like this he needs to be alone.I wonder if he is now worried that he cant deal with having a relationship with me as well, and if he's letting me down gently, or if he will come back in a few days....How long should I leave him 'alone'? I dont want him to think I am deserting him because of his problems, which at the moment seem far greater than mine!All advise greatly received.
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks Sarcy, but I hope he doesn't talk to anyone about it, it is a completely private matter! We are texting again now, so small steps at a time I think...
A
female
reader, sarcy24 +, writes (22 November 2009):
 I think you misunderstood my grammar- I inferred he talk to his friends and GP about it. I wasn't for one minute suggesting you talk to his pals. Men often have a close male confident that they discuss a lot of very private things with to get another male perspective.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks everyone. Though I'm a bit miffed by sarcy 24 saying 'talk to his friends and his GP'! Are you mad!? I wont even tell MY friends!! And as I have only recently met him I dont know any of his friends anyway! He is a lawyer, so he has read and digested the information, and was very close to changing his mind, which makes this very difficult for me. He said if he saw me he wouldnt be able to resist me - I guess that scares him.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2009): I commend you for your honesty. Educate him about herpes. Tell him to go on line and seek more info. I have been in this situation before with a girl with herpes.I ran! I wish I knwe what I know now. Only have sex during incubation period. If he truly loves you, he will go the extra mile. Goodluck!
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female
reader, sarcy24 +, writes (22 November 2009):
I think he needs time to think about the Herpes issue. I know you want him to know the facts but bombarding him with info on Herpes was probably a bit off putting. I think he will read and digest the material in his own time, talk to his friends about it and maybe ask his GP and then when he puts all the facts together and is happy in his own mind I think he will be back in touch. He cancelled the date because he was stalling for time and didn't want to hurt you. I know I would react like this if it was me. The fact that he really liked you and hit it off with you means that with a bit of thought he will be back in touch.
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female
reader, QuirkLady  +, writes (22 November 2009):
 I think he's trying to let you down easy.
Herpes can be a turnoff for some people. It's better that you know what he can't accept ahead of time before you get too involved and get your heart broken.
If he contacts you, go ahead cautiously, but if he doesn't, you have your answer.
I'm sorry. Good luck.
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A
male
reader, softtouchmale2003 +, writes (22 November 2009):
 Well it could be he's gun-shy. Did he just break up with someone else? Are there lingering ghosts of a past marriage?
Sometimes its hard for a guy to just get into a relationship with a woman especially if he's still hurting over the last one.
You might want to ask him if he's still stuck on someone else, and if so if he needs more space, or if he's willing to try and reconnect with you.
It could be anything though. Financial issues are usually a major concern, and if he has kids, then the kids are going to take the #1 slot until he's comfortably adjusted to dating again.
Just a few thoughts. Its hard to read someone's mind, especially second and third removed as in -- its all speculation.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHe knows the risks are down to 1%. He says he needs to be alone and that its nothing against me. Is he asking for space? I really don't want to lose him, we were just getting close.
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male
reader, softtouchmale2003 +, writes (22 November 2009):
It could be personal problems. It could be the herpes. My experience is that you can still have relatively safe sex with herpes, you just have to be careful when the virus is active.
You might want to be kind, wait a little bit and ask him if he's worried about it.
Unfortunately herpes is a turn off for some men, but if he really does care for you he will understand that there are ways of getting around that issue.
Again, it could be a number of other issues clouding his time. Financial constraints do place a burden on dating; and if he feels he's not "rich" enough for you, he may be shying away.
If money matters little to you, offer to come over and help him out with his problems, like watching over the kids or just help him get some energy to be with you.
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