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... Send *enta a private message | | | *enta's profile:I'm a married, 41-year-old, working mother of 2 sons, ages 2 and 3. I live in the S.W. United States, near the Pacific Ocean. We live on one income (mine); my husband is a stay-at-home father, and he's great with our kids. |
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I am worried that someone might tell my new guy about something I did in my past
Q. I am in a bit of a muddle..I have recently got together with a friend of my ex. Myself and my ex split up years and years ago but a couple of years ago when I was at a low ebb and after listening to him tell me all the things I wanted to hear I ...
A. 14 September 2007: You should do 2 things. Confront this "friend" (he's no friend of yours). What he thinks is funny, ISN'T. Especially since he's only harassing you, not your ex. Tell him that this "half telling" is BS and he's being a jerk. Ask him directly ... (read in full...)
How can I make my vagina dry so that my husband wont want to have sex with me?
Q. I've been married for 16 1/2 years. We've had great sex,but lately I'm not interested in having it with him.He's very controlling in the bedroom he wants it every night.And the problem I have is my vagina is very wet at night and he loves it.Ho...
A. 26 July 2007: Hi Colleen -- I sent you another message with phone numbers to call in your area (people who can help you escape). You haven't read your message and I'm worried. Please contact me, either on this thread or privately. Take care. -Penta... (read in full...)
Is it ok to stay in a relationship that has not commitment until I find something better?
Q. I am involved in a relationship that has no commitment. I have been questioning whether I should continue or go find a guy that is willing to commit. I get my self all worked up to tell him that Im not going to keep having sex and this ...
A. 24 July 2007: Well, I don't see anything ethically wrong, but I'm afraid that you won't be able to fall for anyone else while you're in this relationship (that you've agreed will go nowhere).
When someone tells you who they are, believe them. He's not going to... (read in full...)
What can I say to her before we depart on our separate holidays to prevent her from cheating, but not sound too desperate or suspicious?
Q. hello. Me and My girlfriend are going away on holiday in a couple of days but is its not the same holiday. we are both going with our families. this is her second holiday if the summer. anyways the problem is thing aint to smooth at the moment, i...
A. 24 July 2007: Have a frank conversation with her about the state of your relationship and whether it's "exclusive." Tell her you would like it to be.
It may be that she wants that too and this would be a chance for her to put any concerns to rest. If she a... (read in full...)
My boyfriend goes out with his buddies and dances with other women
Q. im always uneasy about my boyfriend going out with his guy friends and brother. they are all single and he is the only one with a girlfriend. i dont see why i cant come along when his guy friends are interested in going out to dance with and meet ...
A. 24 July 2007: See, I'd just be annoyed if he wasn't taking ME dancing some times too. I think you have a legitimate gripe. If he won't take you dancing, then he's dancing to find women, and that's not cool. I can understand the night out with the buddies -- ... (read in full...)
Is it worth it to stay, or should I trust my gut and leave my guy?
Q. Well, I found out that he cheated on me and it continued over a long period of time. I confrunted him, and he said that he stopped. I then cought him out several times after that. It has been about six months since he swore that it has ended, but I ...
A. 24 July 2007: I'm with Beckto, for her reasons and also for this one: if he HAS changed (which I'm not sure is possible, but let's assume so for the sake of argument). If he has changed, and you can't forgive him, then it's going to be miserable for both of ... (read in full...)
I hate cheaters, but now I have become one!
Q. I've been going out with my boyfriend for almost 2 years now. he lives over 200 miles away from me and i only see him about once a month. i get lonely a lot of the time which makes me interested in lads more. I've always been against cheating and ...
A. 24 July 2007: Is your BF moving because it's where you are? If so, you need to come clean with him about your doubts about the relationship. Give him the opportunity NOT to move. He needs the opportunity to make his decision with all the facts.
If you were... (read in full...)
My husband likes to go out to listen to live music, but I dont. How can we comprimise?
Q. My husband loves to go out late at night to listen to live music, while I don't like the scene at all because it's loud and crowded. I need to go out more with him because he very much wants me there. How can I make it more bearable?...
A. 23 July 2007: That's so wonderful! Thanks for coming back and sharing your success!... (read in full...)
He avoids discussing the big issues like having a family; what should I do about his attitude?
Q. Alright. I've had a boyfriend for about 15 months now. He's fabulous; I love him and he says he loves me. He's even proven his love on a few occasions. But then other times, he makes me wonder. (the love aspect of a romantic relationship is ...
A. 23 July 2007: When someone tells you who they are, believe him. I wanted children before I was 30, but I was in a long-term (since we were both 18) relationship with someone who said he wouldn't be ready until he was 35. For many years I thought he'd change his ... (read in full...)
How can I move on when I feel so betrayed by my cheating husband?
Q. My husband cheated on me a few yrs ago, with a woman who was suposed to be my friend. When I confided in her about the affair she promised to help find out who the other woman was! It ended when I found out it was her and confronted the pair of ...
A. 22 July 2007: Trust is the hardest thing to get back once it's lost, and it's up to him to work on it. He shouldn't just tell you to "get over it."
Here is an article FOR HIM on how to get your trust back:
http://ww... (read in full...)
Ladies, looks or personality?
Q. Are looks more important to women than personality? Or vice versa? I've heard looks are 30% and personality is 70% important to a women. What you guys think? As many posts as possible would be great! Thanks...
A. 22 July 2007: You'll get as many different answers to this questions as there are ladies who answer. To me, looks are the initial attraction, but without personality it goes nowhere. And after 10 years with my husband, I can tell you looks (both his and mine) ... (read in full...)
How effective is using just a condom to prevent pregnancy?
Q. How effective is using a condom to prevent pregnancy, without any other form of contraception, such as the pill? ...
A. 20 July 2007: Check out this site: http://www.advocatesforyouth.org/publications/factsheet/fscondom.htm
it has the statistics you're looking for.... (read in full...)
I'm not that confident in bed..so how do I deal with this?
Q. basically i think i started having sex too young (i was just 14), and i never really had sex with anyone i cared about until my last boyfriend. however we've now spilt up and im just starting a relationship with somebody else. the problem is the t...
A. 20 July 2007: We've all been beginners. Some guys find this a turn on. Don't pretend to know more than you do. Take it slow, ask "Does this feel good?" and don't take it seriously -- there should be laughter in the process too. ... (read in full...)
Is sharing a kiss with another guy and liking him really telling me my current relationship isnt working? Any views?
Q. I shared a drunken kiss with my boyfriends work colleague. We both have partners although he hasnt been with his long, we have txt each other and agree we both find each other physically attractive and enjoy each others company. We are both in ...
A. 20 July 2007: Well, you can't control your feelings. But acting on them when in a committed relationship is wrong.
Doing it with your BF's work college is especially dangerous. This could spill over into his work. It's just wrong on so many levels. ... (read in full...)
I have a violent bf who treats me like dirt behind closed doors! Any advice?
Q. I'm in a three-year relationship with a guy five years my senior. He's great in public, always kind to me, my family and friends plus very affectionate but behind closed doors it's like he's had a personality change. He treats me like dirt, forcing ...
A. 20 July 2007: So my choices to advice you are to (1) stay with an abuser, (2) try to date a gay man, or (3) be single.
There's no choice. 3! 3! 3!
Treat yourself like a girlfriend and give her advice. If her boyfriend hit her, even once, stole money from... (read in full...)
Is it possible that my ex is my online stalker on MySpace?
Q. Back in October, somebody appeared on MySpace and started stalking me. They kept telling me all these things they knew about me, including where I had gone to lunch that day etc. I figured it was one of my friends, but I saw fairly decisive ev...
A. 20 July 2007: Document everything and go to the police. Seriously. Death threats should be taken seriously and stalkers are bad news. If you don't have any of the previous stuff write down as much as you remember. It could be your ex. Or it could be a ... (read in full...)
Is it dangerous to have oral sex with him right after anal sex?
Q. My boyfriend likes to come in my mouth and have me swallow his semen. I'm ok with that...but we've been thinking of trying anal and I'm worried about how dangerous it is to do him orally after anal. Can I do it safely? Is it safe to swallow ? ...
A. 20 July 2007: There are bacteria in your intestines that are safe for you ONLY if they stay there. Ingesting them (putting them into your mouth) can cause a NASTY stomach flu-like illness. Don't do oral right after anal.... (read in full...)
I've gained 4 pounds and I feel fat! How do I lose it?
Q. i need some advice. i am 19 years old, female. i feel like i am getting to fat for my boyfriend. he says i'm not. but i have put on 10 kilos (4 pounds) in the past 12 months. does anybody have any advice on how i can lose some weight? what has ...
A. 20 July 2007: Please be careful. The amount you've gained is practically nothing, and YOU'RE NOT FAT! Good diet and exercise are good for you anyway, so I recommend that. But please don't go on some fad diet just to lose 4 pounds! You body sometimes varies ... (read in full...)
Would it ruin our relationship if I tell him I was sexually abused?
Q. I was sexually abused when I was a child. I really like this boy, but I don't know if I should tell him. Should I tell him about my past? Would that ruin our relationship? Would he look at me differently and never want to come too close to me?...
A. 20 July 2007: First of all what happened to you wasn't your fault. That said, it's also very private. This is something you share with someone you know well and really trust.
So I would wait on this one. Guys in your age group aren't especially great an... (read in full...)
He looks at skinnier girls! Does he want a girl, that is better looking than me?
Q. I have been with my guy for about a year and a half and he always looks at other girls that look better then me. They are skinnier then me and they are hot and I get jealous but i just feel like he dont find me attractive anymore and it hurts. I ...
A. 20 July 2007: All guys look. Some are just better about hiding it than others. Just 'cause a guy looks DOES NOT mean he's thinking of ditching you for the latest "her." He's with you for a lot of reasons, NOT (repeat, not) just because he couldn't find anyone ... (read in full...)
How can I make my vagina dry so that my husband wont want to have sex with me?
Q. I've been married for 16 1/2 years. We've had great sex,but lately I'm not interested in having it with him.He's very controlling in the bedroom he wants it every night.And the problem I have is my vagina is very wet at night and he loves it.Ho...
A. 20 July 2007: Colleen -- I sent you a private message...... (read in full...)
Do people just come out with spontaneous compliments sometimes?
Q. Hi all, this is just something that bothered me while my girlfriend and I were together, and kind of still does. (Very quickly: We were together for 2 years, separated by 200+ miles, broke up 3 weeks ago) Anyway, we'd be on the phone sometimes,...
A. 19 July 2007: It depends a lot on the person. I sometimes compliment a complete stranger on her shoes. So yeah, some people will say nice things for no reason.
It sounds like you and she were mismatched, and that you're MUCH better off without her. Good fo... (read in full...)
I had my period last month but since I am late this month I am worried I could be pregnant
Q. The last time I had sex was about the 13th/14th of May. I had a normal, heavy period last month and I'm now overdue for the next. Last week, I had intense cramping akin to what I'd get in a period. I put it down to things being on the move (as they...
A. 19 July 2007: Stress can delay a period. Go get a pregnancy test and make sure. Then relax and your period will come.... (read in full...)
She doesnt want sex and I am getting bored
Q. my girlfriend doesnt want to go further :S what can i do? me and my girlfriend have been going out about a year now and all we have done is kiss and hug and the really petty stuff but i want to go further as im quite a 'exploring' guy if that kind...
A. 19 July 2007: If sex is more important to you than your girlfriend, then you should move on. You'll be doing her a favor. Don't push her to do something she's not comfortable with; you'll both regret it.
"Women need to feel close to have sex. Men need to ... (read in full...)
How can I make my vagina dry so that my husband wont want to have sex with me?
Q. I've been married for 16 1/2 years. We've had great sex,but lately I'm not interested in having it with him.He's very controlling in the bedroom he wants it every night.And the problem I have is my vagina is very wet at night and he loves it.Ho...
A. 19 July 2007: Look into a battered women's shelter and see if they can help you find a place. Your county should have a list of them. Also, you should see a lawyer (the shelter can help you with this too). You have rights and this guy is bad news. Once the ... (read in full...)
I came off my period last wednesday, had sex without a condom - could I be pregnant?
Q. I came off my period last wednesday, had sex without a condom with my boyfriend on Friday twice during the evening. He didn't come in me, he pulled out but he does have a bit of clear what I call pre-cum. Could I be pregnant?...
A. 19 July 2007: count the FIRST day of your period as the first day in your cycle. The AVERAGE woman ovulates on day 14, but it could come sooner or later. The egg lives +/- 24 hours in your body, and sperm lives +/- 72 hours in your body. So that's 4-5 days of ... (read in full...)
Is it possible for my tongue to reach my boyfriend's prostate?
Q. Can my tongue reach my boyfriend's prostate? I know it's not as long as my finger, I'm just not sure if it's worth trying or if I'll just strain my tongue...! So far we've mostly just done external tongue stimulation with a little bit of ...
A. 19 July 2007: I don't think it's possible. Here's a picture/diagram:
http://www.cancerresearch.org/images/prostate.jpg
I would stick with other penetration with just external stimulation.... (read in full...)
Can sperm die in chlorine water?
Q. Can sperm die in chlorine water?...
A. 19 July 2007: Yesterday's Dear Abby discussed this:
http://www.uexpress.com/dearabby/?uc_full_date=20070718
(you may need to cut and paste to get the date in the URL)... (read in full...)
My husband likes to go out to listen to live music, but I dont. How can we comprimise?
Q. My husband loves to go out late at night to listen to live music, while I don't like the scene at all because it's loud and crowded. I need to go out more with him because he very much wants me there. How can I make it more bearable?...
A. 19 July 2007: Hey Deb. This is great news! I'm so glad we were able to help.
One of your questions below asked for help with the visual. I think you could easily find some "trendy" sunglasses -- preferably something with color-tinted or mirrored glass --... (read in full...)
I'm 14 and I'm scared to have sex with my 17 year old boyfriend; he wants me to get pregnant!
Q. i am a 14 year old girl and i am going out with a seventeen year old boy and i am stuck in a situation because he wants to have sex with me but im scared because i do not no what to do when having sex!!and he said that he wants to get me pregnant ...
A. 19 July 2007: Your body, your rules. NEVER do anything you're not comfortable with. And any guy of worth won't ask you to do something you're not comfortable with; he'd wait. If this guy keeps pressuring you, then all he wants is sex. He's SO not worth it, ... (read in full...)
How can I make my vagina dry so that my husband wont want to have sex with me?
Q. I've been married for 16 1/2 years. We've had great sex,but lately I'm not interested in having it with him.He's very controlling in the bedroom he wants it every night.And the problem I have is my vagina is very wet at night and he loves it.Ho...
A. 19 July 2007: "Then he comes back into the room and fucks me when I'm asleep."
THAT'S RAPE! You need to leave this guy. He has no interest in your feelings at all. He belittles you. Please, get out of this relationship! You deserve so much better!... (read in full...)
My boyfriend wants to make love but my ex wants mad sex! Who do I choose?
Q. hey i need advice how do i decide between my boyfriend and my ex??? i'm a virgin n i really love my boyfriend n my ex. i think i'm ready to go all the way but the problem is i want them both to b my first...i kno its not possible but i cant decid...
A. 18 July 2007: I don't think eyeswideopen is giving bad advice. If there are this many questions, then probably the answer is wait altogether until you're sure.
Your first time isn't going to be either "passionate" or "hot mad"; likely it's going to be clumsy a... (read in full...)
I am worried that someone might tell my new guy about something I did in my past
Q. I am in a bit of a muddle..I have recently got together with a friend of my ex. Myself and my ex split up years and years ago but a couple of years ago when I was at a low ebb and after listening to him tell me all the things I wanted to hear I ...
A. 18 July 2007: I'm with Beckto. She's given you excellent advice. Better he hear it from you, in a manner you can control, than from any place else. He should be able to leave the past in the past.... (read in full...)
He broke up with me to have sex with another girl and now wants me back
Q. Dear Cupid, I am a 16 year old female. I have been dating the same guy for about 2 years now. We get along great and we really love each other. But he is afraid of commitment, so when he gets scared or needs space he just breaks up with me. But ...
A. 18 July 2007: I'm sorry, but he IS treating you like a doormat. If he needs to "date other people" he should be honest about it. Breaking up with you do date around then asking you to take him back is disrespectful.
You two should either agree to date oth... (read in full...)
Since I moved in with him, he is jealous and controlling
Q. Hi, i have just recently moved in with my boyfriend of 6 months, we got along great and i needed direction. But now that we are living together everything is different, he is different, he is very jealous, i am not allowed to go anywhere alone, not ...
A. 18 July 2007: His actions are all bad signs. You can't stay here. Accepting this situation will give him implicit permission to continue. Run. Please. You deserve so much better, and this will only get worse.... (read in full...)
My boyfriend says I have caused him too much pain by not trusting him
Q. I have been in 3yr relationship w/my boyfriend.I have been very untrusting of him.He told me several times to stop but I didn't and now because of my trust issues I have driven him away, he won't be affectionate at all to me, says I've hurt him and ...
A. 18 July 2007: Try this:
http://www.ehow.com/how_2004257_build-trust-relationship.html... (read in full...)
Is it normal to only want to have sex with the lights on?
Q. My boyfriend can only have sex with the lights on. He doesn't know how anyone can do it if they "can't see anything." Is this normal? Do most men actually prefer doing it with the lights on?...
A. 18 July 2007: Some guys are very visual. My husband sometimes likes it in front of a mirror -- I find it very distracting and keep my eyes closed when we do this. But we do it sometimes, because he likes it a lot.
Compromise: have it on half the time. O... (read in full...)
Should I be upset that my boyfriend watches porn on the internet?
Q. Should I be upset that my boyfriend watches porn on the internet? Ok, so my boyfriend of 10 months every night before he goes to bed goes to at least 3 porn websites and masturbates. I am kinda uncomfortable that he watches naked women while I am ...
A. 18 July 2007: There are several things going on here. Porn, by itself, shouldn't be a problem. Guys like to look, and it doesn't say anything at all about your relationship. (He says you're excellent in bed; believe him.)
The volume concerns me. He may be a... (read in full...)
Guys always ask me out when I just want to be friends and then it ruins the friendship
Q. Hey guys, I need some advice. The thing is that every time I want to be mates with a guy they always end up asking me out and I hate this. When they ask me out I say no or whatever and then our friendship seems to always end there and I can't be the ...
A. 18 July 2007: I wouldn't say anything to them at the beginning -- you'll come off as conceited ("every guy always falls in love with me so be on your guard" doesn't have a nice ring to it, and I know it's not what you mean).
You might want to step back and... (read in full...)
How can I make my vagina dry so that my husband wont want to have sex with me?
Q. I've been married for 16 1/2 years. We've had great sex,but lately I'm not interested in having it with him.He's very controlling in the bedroom he wants it every night.And the problem I have is my vagina is very wet at night and he loves it.Ho...
A. 18 July 2007: Believe me, that won't solve your problem. Having it dry will just make it painful, it won't keep him from wanting it.
Wanting it EVERY night is a little excessive, though. You should talk with him and compromise. If it HAS TO BE every night, n... (read in full...)
My boyfriend doesnt want to use spermacide because he says it is painful for the girl. Is that true?
Q. Hi There People,I Have Just A Quick Question. My Biggest Fear Is Getting Pregnant, But Im SO In Love With MY Boyfriend (and he loves me too :) ) That We Started Having Sex The Problem Is, I'm Getting On The Pill But I Want To Be Safer Than That ...
A. 18 July 2007: I have had a problem with spermicide. It wasn't painful, but every time I used it I had a reaction (maybe I was allergic?). I can't imaging that EVERY woman has that reaction, or it wouldn't sell as well as it does.
I think the combinat... (read in full...)
My husband likes to go out to listen to live music, but I dont. How can we comprimise?
Q. My husband loves to go out late at night to listen to live music, while I don't like the scene at all because it's loud and crowded. I need to go out more with him because he very much wants me there. How can I make it more bearable?...
A. 18 July 2007: Is there something you like that he doesn't? You can either go out "together separately" (go to your separate activities then meet up at the end of the evening), or you can trade off (you both go to his thing one time, then yours the next).
... (read in full...)
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