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... Send *enta a private message | | | *enta's profile:I'm a married, 41-year-old, working mother of 2 sons, ages 2 and 3. I live in the S.W. United States, near the Pacific Ocean. We live on one income (mine); my husband is a stay-at-home father, and he's great with our kids. |
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My husband likes to go out to listen to live music, but I dont. How can we comprimise?
Q. My husband loves to go out late at night to listen to live music, while I don't like the scene at all because it's loud and crowded. I need to go out more with him because he very much wants me there. How can I make it more bearable?...
A. 23 July 2007: That's so wonderful! Thanks for coming back and sharing your success!... (read in full...)
My husband likes to go out to listen to live music, but I dont. How can we comprimise?
Q. My husband loves to go out late at night to listen to live music, while I don't like the scene at all because it's loud and crowded. I need to go out more with him because he very much wants me there. How can I make it more bearable?...
A. 19 July 2007: Hey Deb. This is great news! I'm so glad we were able to help.
One of your questions below asked for help with the visual. I think you could easily find some "trendy" sunglasses -- preferably something with color-tinted or mirrored glass --... (read in full...)
My husband likes to go out to listen to live music, but I dont. How can we comprimise?
Q. My husband loves to go out late at night to listen to live music, while I don't like the scene at all because it's loud and crowded. I need to go out more with him because he very much wants me there. How can I make it more bearable?...
A. 18 July 2007: Is there something you like that he doesn't? You can either go out "together separately" (go to your separate activities then meet up at the end of the evening), or you can trade off (you both go to his thing one time, then yours the next).
... (read in full...)
I think he wants me to end it so he wont look like the bad guy
Q. Hi I really need some advice. my boyfriend of 8 years told me he doesn't know if he loves me any more and refuses to discuss it any further so I am in limbo and dont know what to do. We also have absoloutly no sex life even though I try to initiate...
A. 18 July 2007: I would ask him directly. At this point you really don't have anything to lose.
And by the way, if he's only pushing you away because of your looks and/or your financial situation (which will improve once you graduate, after all) then HE's the... (read in full...)
After we lost our viginity to each other-she stopped talking to me! Any advice?
Q. hey i have been with my gf for nearly a year now and we lost our virginity's to each other the other day and now she wont talk to me ,what have i done wrong i didn't force her into it and i made sure she was ready plz help ...
A. 18 July 2007: She might just be embarrassed. Be direct and ask her what's wrong.... (read in full...)
Is my relationship over?
Q. Is my relationship over? My girlfriend of 10 years has gone away for a few days to spend time with friends and family. Since she left I've had unexpected feelings. For the first few days I felt a sense of relief, and really enjoyed havin...
A. 17 July 2007: I think we can all use a break. Some of us just need some individual time -- and it's entirely probable that this is the case for you.
When I leave for business, it takes about a week before I miss the husband. But I do miss him.
Give yo... (read in full...)
She called her boyfriend by MY name!
Q. Well I sorta found out that my really close friend called her boyffiend my name by accident I believe. We have been friends, even before they met. We're really close and she has told me that they have talked about me, and that he knows we're really ...
A. 17 July 2007: It could be nothing. I mix up my sons' names all the time. Sometimes you just have a block in the brain. I had a close friend of mine forget my name when he was trying to introduce me to his mother. It happens. I've even called my husband of 10 ... (read in full...)
My thief of a stepson wants to come stay with us for a month!!
Q. What do I do?? My step-son, he is coming to stay with us for a month as his mother is going away. I have 2 children one from my previous marriage and one with my husband and our son has special needs. My step son is out of control teenager who has ...
A. 17 July 2007: Well, you can't really forbid your husband to accept his son at this point. And if you and your husband can't provide a united front (you and he on the same page) then you will have some serious problems. You have some very real fears that need to ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is verbally abusive when he is drunk
Q. This might sound like quite a minor problem but it really gets me down - my bf is lovely n kind etc and ive bin with him for over a year. but when he gets drunk he completely changes and is really nasty to me. he calls me a slut/whore etc and just ...
A. 17 July 2007: This is NOT a minor problem. NO ONE gets to call you a slut, etc., EVER, under any circumstances.
You need to run like your ass is on fire. Dump him. You deserve so much better. If you don't leave him, you are telling him that it's okay to ... (read in full...)
I want to end it with her, but I'm not sure I could forgive myself for breaking her heart!
Q. I've been with my girlfriend for nearly 5 years. She absolutely adores me and would do anything for me. I love her, she is such a wonderful person. However, over the last year I've found myself less attracted to her and wanting to see what its lik...
A. 17 July 2007: Think long term. What will break her heart more? Losing you now, when it's honest and she still has her home/friends/support/chance for kids with someone else? Or losing you later when you finally get the nerve to be honest with her? At that ... (read in full...)
How, if I cant even get a tampon in, am I supposed to have sex?
Q. Im 15 and have a super huge problem with the whole tampon thing. I never knew how bad they hurt; so i just let my mom put it in and dear lord it hurt like hell. I went and threw up because I was so shocked and scared. I couldnt get it out and ...
A. 17 July 2007: It hurt the first time I put a tampon in too. This will have NOTHING to do with whether sex will hurt, or whether having a baby will hurt.
My first time at sex didn't hurt. It was uncomfortable and nothing to phone home about (no skyrocke... (read in full...)
I discreetly got DNA and the result shows I am not her biological father. I am stunned and do not know what to do.
Q. Just found out my 12 year old daughter is not mine, I was divorced recently and an old friend of my ex wife told me when she had a few drinks . I confronted my ex she said it was rubbish but it has been playing on my mind for months. I discreetly ...
A. 16 July 2007: If you love your daughter (and yes, she's your daughter in every way that counts) do nothing. Many years later when she finds out (and she will) you can tell her truthfully that you're her daddy and you love her and nothing has changed. She'll need ... (read in full...)
I think I'm falling for him again........
Q. hi I was in love with a guy who's 5 years older than I am for 2 years... he's my neighbor and our parents are like best friends... he knows I liked him but he never told me what I meant to him. Anyway, he travelled on business 3 months ago it was ...
A. 16 July 2007: Stay busy. Preferably at something away from the house. Take a class, join a sport, practice in a chorus, take dance lessons. Anything you enjoy. Keep your mind and body busy, and this will give you a chance to get away from thoughts of him. ... (read in full...)
When out w/ my bf, how do I deal with seeing a stunning woman act sexy in a movie? I get jealous and uncomfortable.
Q. Im22,i dont get the opportunity to wear sexy clothes like all these girls do on posters and magazines, and itslike,myboyfriend never sees me in the sexy way he see's them. I just dont know how im supposed to feel good next to them?? how? and ...
A. 16 July 2007: P.S. The link I gave below is correct IF you remove the period at the end. My sentence ending somehow got stuck on the URL...
Try this:http://www.campaignforrealbeauty.ca/film_fullscreen_evo.html
... (read in full...)
I just don’t understand what she is needing or wanting
Q. Hello I am in need of some advice if you guys are willing to listen. My girlfriend and I have been dating since around Halloween of last year we both went to the same University in Oklahoma, my girlfriend is from Arizona and she had to transfer ...
A. 16 July 2007: 50% of any relationship is timing. If you're in different emotional places then there's a problem. You need to be aware of the where you both are for the timing to work out.
If you love her and you think that you have a strong chance of this wor... (read in full...)
Is this relationship worth trying to save?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been going out for a year, but now suddenly he's told me that his parents want me to change my attitude and watch my words whenever I'm at his house (he lives w/his parents). The thing is, they've been speaking to him about ...
A. 16 July 2007: You've mentioned a lot of issues, so I'm going to address them quickly. Let me know if any don't make sense.
In general, change only those things about you that you want, but in his parents' house, it's "Their house their rules." If you choose t... (read in full...)
When out w/ my bf, how do I deal with seeing a stunning woman act sexy in a movie? I get jealous and uncomfortable.
Q. Im22,i dont get the opportunity to wear sexy clothes like all these girls do on posters and magazines, and itslike,myboyfriend never sees me in the sexy way he see's them. I just dont know how im supposed to feel good next to them?? how? and ...
A. 16 July 2007: You need to stop comparing yourself to these women. No LIVE person can ever compete. The post-filming work that's done is unreal. Check out this video to see what I mean: http://www.campaignforrealbeauty.ca/film_fullscreen_evo.html. The film ... (read in full...)
How can you tell a good friend to go home without sounding like a jerk?
Q. Whenever my husband and I ask one of our close friends over for dinner, he always just assumes that he's going to also spend the night - and then he spends half of the day with us the next day! He only lives 45 minutes away and we've tried hinting ...
A. 16 July 2007: You're going to have to be blunt. Don't expect him to read your minds or get the hint. "We'd love to have you to dinner, but you can't stay the night. We have plans that don't include you."... (read in full...)
She said it's not me, it's her. How can someone's feelings just suddenly stop??
Q. I've been in love with this girl for nearly a year and we've been through a lot of ups and downs. She said that she was in love with me, then suddenly she's saying she dosent even fancy me anymore. She says it's not me but she's changed. I just don...
A. 16 July 2007: There are a lot of reasons why a person's feelings can "suddenly" change. Probably they've been changing for a while but she hasn't felt she could say anything. Or maybe she thought they'd change back.
It may simply be that she's changing... (read in full...)
My partner is lazy; am I wrong to expect more, given the circumstances?
Q. I am the only wage earner in the family and have to work away one sometimes two nights a week. When at home I have to do all the cooking and when away my partner only buys readymade meals. The house is a mess because she says she is not a ...
A. 16 July 2007: P.S. You might tell her if she's not a "housewife" then she needs to go get a job and pay half the bills. A housewife's job is a lot of work, and it's understandable that they don't make any money doing it. But if she shuns that title then she ... (read in full...)
My partner is lazy; am I wrong to expect more, given the circumstances?
Q. I am the only wage earner in the family and have to work away one sometimes two nights a week. When at home I have to do all the cooking and when away my partner only buys readymade meals. The house is a mess because she says she is not a ...
A. 16 July 2007: I don't think it's wrong to expect more, but I'm not sure you're going to get it. Sometimes you have to decide if the good qualities in a partner are worth the bad ones.
Until she realizes that this is a deal breaker, she's going to continue... (read in full...)
He is now saying that he wants to have babies with me and to be honest I do want his children but will it make things worse than they are?
Q. My ex boyfriend says that he wants to work things out after he had found out that I cheated on him, I'm happy that he wants to take me back but how do I handle him being nice to me one minute and nasty the next? He is now saying that he wants to ...
A. 16 July 2007: Babies are real people. They shouldn't be used as tools to fix a relationship -- what a lot of responsibility to put onto very small shoulders.
PLUS, babies add a lot of additional stress. You'll both be exhausted with all night feedings... (read in full...)
Is there any situation where a guy should hit or smack a girl?
Q. I need a lot of people's opinions on this subject so if you could give me your perspective it would be great. Ok...Is there any situation where a guy should hit or smack a girl? I mean if the girl is hitting him on his head because she is so mad at ...
A. 16 July 2007: She was abusing him. He has the right to defend himself. But that means to get her to stop, not to hit her back. Hitting (by either party) is wrong.
A girl who takes advantage of the "Men don't hit women" convention has no honor, and to some ... (read in full...)
Did she have revenge sex?
Q. Revenge Sex? My girlfriend and i were out with another couple. I knew the other girl for years, and we were all drinking. The other girl kissed me, open mouth style and I let her. My girlfriend saw this and was devistated. Two weeks late...
A. 15 July 2007: You obviously decided what it was and then wanted us to confirm. There are a lot of things it can be. Right now I think the two of you need to talk. If you don't, your relationship is pretty much over.... (read in full...)
Would sex help relax my girlfriend who is stressed? What else can I do for her?
Q. just curious here. This is probably mainly for the girls than the guys. Would you say that sex is a good stress reliever and that it relaxes you when your stressed? If so are there any tips that you can give me that helps you relax more and that can ...
A. 13 July 2007: Depends a lot on WHY I'm stressed. If I'm overwhelmed by all the stuff I need to get done, then taking time for sex makes me more stressed.... (read in full...)
He said he likes me just 'as a friend'. Any views?
Q. wat does it mean when u like someone and u ask if they like u n they say only as a friend?...
A. 13 July 2007: How would you feel if a male friend of yours, whom you had no interest in -- not in that way -- started chasing you? Wouldn't it make you really uncomfortable? Wouldn't you start avoiding this person?
If your friend doesn't like you the same way... (read in full...)
I am not interested in anyone else I only have eyes for him, I adore him and know we are brilliant together when it is good.
Q. Hi there. Nearly 4 years ago I had an affair which consequently broke my marriage up. At the time I had been with my husband for 21 years. We had worked hard and had a beautiful house in the countryside. We had a son who at the time of breakup was ...
A. 13 July 2007: He's not going to change. You need to work on distancing yourself from him permanently. I wish I had easier advice, but in your heart you know it's what you need to do. Good luck.... (read in full...)
I want more of a commitment from him before having sex. How should I proceed?
Q. My bf has had sex with two of his ex gf's and I've never had sex at all, not even with him. He wants to have sex with me and I want to have it with him too but the fact that hes been with someon else before me unsettles me a lot. I don't like the ...
A. 13 July 2007: There are a lot of variables here. Just because he's had sex before doesn't mean that he takes it lightly (either in general, or with you specifically). He could have felt very committed to the others but the relationships didn't work out. He ... (read in full...)
He said he likes me just 'as a friend'. Any views?
Q. wat does it mean when u like someone and u ask if they like u n they say only as a friend?...
A. 13 July 2007: It means they're not looking for anything romantic from you. You need to respect that and not go chasing. If you can enjoy the friendship without looking for anything more, all is good. Otherwise I recommend breaking contact.... (read in full...)
He is my guy now, but his ex still calls him Babe and talks all nice to him!
Q. I am in this same situation! My boyfriend and I have been dating for about 5 months now, and I realized that he still contacts his ex girlfriend. They dated for about 7 months or so. My boyfriend and I started off as friends, and I've helped him ...
A. 13 July 2007: He's your guy now. (End the sentence there.) You don't have to trust her, you have to trust him. And if you do, let this go. Reading his e-mail (big mistake) and acting all jealous are ways to push him away. IGNORE HER. ... (read in full...)
Did she have revenge sex?
Q. Revenge Sex? My girlfriend and i were out with another couple. I knew the other girl for years, and we were all drinking. The other girl kissed me, open mouth style and I let her. My girlfriend saw this and was devistated. Two weeks late...
A. 13 July 2007: If it were revenge sex, wouldn't she tell you about it? I get mystery bruises all the time, and if my spouse thought I was cheating every time I'd be in lots of trouble. lol.
So why did you let the other woman kiss you open-mouthed in the firs... (read in full...)
Our sex life has really gone from bad to worse recently...is this normal?
Q. Hi guys, I've been seeing my girlfriend for over a year now, and she moved in with me last month (serious, I know!) - but our sex life has really gone from bad to worse recently, only making love once a month at the most. It just seems that she d...
A. 13 July 2007: BTW, waiting until she's in bed to make a move is the WRONG thing to do. By that point she's tired and planning for sleep. I don't think I said that very well before. The bed has to be a neutral place once sleep is involved, or she's going to ... (read in full...)
Our sex life has really gone from bad to worse recently...is this normal?
Q. Hi guys, I've been seeing my girlfriend for over a year now, and she moved in with me last month (serious, I know!) - but our sex life has really gone from bad to worse recently, only making love once a month at the most. It just seems that she d...
A. 13 July 2007: 2 things:
1. She may be overwhelmed by the amount of work she thinks she needs to do. Women with a higher sex drive would have jumped at the chance to blow off the ironing to take advantage of the romantic atmosphere. Try finding out what kin... (read in full...)
I need some new flirting ideas
Q. There's this one guy in particular who I like and I try to flirt with him the best way I know how, eye contact, touching, making him laugh and just generally trying to be a good friend. He responds well to it all and even flirts back, but I'm tired ...
A. 13 July 2007: Just ask him out for coffee. Seriously.... (read in full...)
I have been married 2 years, but I am still a virgin!
Q. I am in need of urgent help. I am almost 28 years old and married since last two years now. it was a love marriage and we both love each other a lot. But i am still a virgin. I am just so scared of the pain even before we start kissing that i do not ...
A. 12 July 2007: I like eyeswideopen's answer -- then you don't need to fear. Also, I would see a counselor who specializes in sex issues. S/he can talk about why you're so worried.
My first time didn't hurt at all; it was a little uncomfortable but that was... (read in full...)
He says he's not 'taking any of my crap' when he's the one that's acting ridiculous
Q. I am pretty sure that my boyfriend and I had the fight that has totally ended our relationship last night. Now I sit here wondering where I went wrong. I have been dating my boyfriend for 2 1/2 years and have been living with him for the past year. ...
A. 12 July 2007: It sounds like he has accumulated hurts, such that each thing adds to the next.
I'm not saying he's totally right, but I can see why the ticket issue bothered him. Honestly, it would have bothered me if the performer was more important to my S.... (read in full...)
He has a girlfriend, but we have feelings for each other. He kissed me, too. Is this considered cheating? Is he using me?
Q. Thers's this guy i know who works in at my local gym. He's 25 and I'm 16 but i really have feelings for him and he has for me. He has a girlfriend but the other day we kissed. Is this regarded as cheating? Or should i be worried that he is using me ...
A. 11 July 2007: Yes, kissing is cheating. Stay away from this guy. If he cheats WITH you he would cheat ON you.... (read in full...)
Who agrees that a man really would choose a porn star over the woman he's with?
Q. I have read the many of the posts about porn and was interested in asking a question. One of the agony aunts (incidently who I think is excellent and gives very insghtful adice btw). said the following in response to a question about porn..I have ...
A. 11 July 2007: It sounds like you think that men are really only interested in sex and looks. I know that's the stereotype, but the vast majority of men are interested in a lot more than that. (Not the least of which is companionship, honesty, trust and love -- ... (read in full...)
To all the women who AREN'T bothered by their partner watching porn; why?
Q. Wow, this porn issue is huge and obviously we women are bothered a lot by it. But there are women out there who AREN'T, and it is to these impressive women that I go to for advice: Why aren't you bothered by it, and what can you suggest to help ...
A. 11 July 2007: My husband likes to look. It harms nothing and no one; certainly it doesn't harm me. He mostly does it when I'm either not there or asleep, though occasionally he likes to have sex to it. (I can't see without my glasses, which I usually don't ... (read in full...)
How do I know if he has feelings for me or if he is just controlling?
Q. For the past 3 years I have worked with D. We both have partners,but unhappy. We are really close at work. I have told him my feelings of love. We went out once and felt guilty...since then we have tried to maintain a friendship and work ...
A. 11 July 2007: Wow. You really are delusional.
Folks, I say we leave this woman to her own advice. She clearly only wanted permission to date the man who's bad for her, while disrespecting the father of her children and the other guy's partner. She's no... (read in full...)
How can I learn to be apart from my boyfriend without it driving me nuts?
Q. i dont know what to do. I have been with my b/f for over 2 years and i think i have changed since meeting him. He is my first serious relationship so i never really got attached to a guy before. But for a long time now--i found myself thinkin...
A. 11 July 2007: It's important that you learn to trust him. If you don't, you could drive him away. Jealousy is seriously unattractive. If he's not doing anything to make you suspicious (and just talking to another girl or having a night without you does not ... (read in full...)
Will my body piercings turn a guy off?
Q. This is directed mostly to guys. I was wondering if body piercings turn guys off? I have six piercings on one ear and five on the other, and I want to get my belly button and tongue pierced. I just don't want to lose my chance with a guy, because ...
A. 11 July 2007: I have 4 piercings in one ear and 2 in the other. My husband has his nipple pierced (to which I say "yeouch!" but it didn't turn me off). My sister had her navel pierced. You do what you think is fun.
If you find someone who doesn't like it,... (read in full...)
How do I know if he has feelings for me or if he is just controlling?
Q. For the past 3 years I have worked with D. We both have partners,but unhappy. We are really close at work. I have told him my feelings of love. We went out once and felt guilty...since then we have tried to maintain a friendship and work ...
A. 11 July 2007: "We are paying for our mistakes and not letting our children like most people do."
This is PURE CRAP. You need to stop lying to yourself. You are showing your kids that a NORMAL relationship is one without love. You are modeling to your kid... (read in full...)
How do I know if he has feelings for me or if he is just controlling?
Q. For the past 3 years I have worked with D. We both have partners,but unhappy. We are really close at work. I have told him my feelings of love. We went out once and felt guilty...since then we have tried to maintain a friendship and work ...
A. 8 July 2007: Even if you don't call it adultery, it's still a form of cheating. You seem more concerned about D than you do about your partner, and you're feeling guilty that you went out with D even once.
You are not being honest with your partner, and that... (read in full...)
Our sex life has really gone from bad to worse recently...is this normal?
Q. Hi guys, I've been seeing my girlfriend for over a year now, and she moved in with me last month (serious, I know!) - but our sex life has really gone from bad to worse recently, only making love once a month at the most. It just seems that she d...
A. 3 July 2007: I agree that talking is really important. I'm glad you opened up to her. Keep the dialog going.
But let me ask you something: when you moved in with her, did you stop courting her? Do you wait until she's in bed to make a move on her (because... (read in full...)
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