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*cbirdie agony aunt


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*cbirdie's profile:

I am American, living in Newcastle (I've just moved up from London and I'm still trying to adjust to the slower pace and friendlier people), and I am training as a clinical psychologist. I have a small dog, who wears a little yellow raincoat when we go to Wales.

Latest articles:

Getting into my pants is easy-peasy

This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted

15 May 2007: I was talking in email with a friend about what age I lost my virginity and that moved on to a discussion about what age most women do and why and how they feel about it. I'm not looking for stories here, by the way, I do have a point I'm getting ...

Love by any other name, would be as sweet

No replies yet...

15 May 2007: Coming off of Valentine's Day and after a random thought provoked by an email, I'm pondering zoophilia and agalmatophilia. Yeah, I do mean the love of animals and inanimate objects. Wait, wait! Don't go leaving that dirty joke on my comments just...

Abide with me, fast falls the eventide

This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted

15 May 2007: I was in London the past two days, attending a training session in Dementia in Research. We went through the usual background--what types of dementia are out there, what the various brain scans look like, even did the usual 'funny' anecdotes about ...

Maximum Appeal

No replies yet...

15 May 2007: There is a list out there in journal-world that I read on a young woman's journal that she had apparently gotten from somewhere else; I don't know where, she doesn't indicate that. But, really as I have no intention of linking the whole journal ...

1234Next > [4 pages, 134 answers]

Why is it that when men don't get their way they always go off in a mood?

Q.   Is it just me or when men don't get something to do with sex they go in a mood and blame their partner. My boyfriends likes bum fun, we tried it but it really hurt me. but he doesn't seem too realise that cause of the pain i dont want it. and he ...

A.   8 June 2010: I wouldn't generalise it as being something all or even most men do. It is part of growing up to realise that we don't always get what we want or that to get what we want, we may need to try other tactics that aren't quite so whiny and childish. ... (read in full...)

Is masturbating bad for me?

Q.   I masturbate alot.. but i'm only 15. I masturbate about 4 times a week, and just can't stop because I love it! But is it bad for me? Is it going to cause any problems?...

A.   8 June 2010: The short answer is: "Nope. Not at all." The slightly longer answer is: "Only if you're doing it in such a way as to cause damage--are you particularly rough with yourself? Vigorous without lubrication? Using dirty toys? Or if you're not able... (read in full...)

I keep dreaming about him. Is it Love?

Q.   i have been having dreams about this boy for months now, i get them every night. He is always hugging me and telling me he loves me. Sometimes i wake up crying because ive realised it was just a dream. I Really dont know how i feel about this ...

A.   19 October 2008: Dreams are rarely so very literal. Our dreams just reflect whatever emotions or problems our subconscious is trying to work through. It's possible that you're longing for a relationship or wanting to experience deeper emotions--your mind just uses ... (read in full...)

I love my girlfriend but don't really enjoy having sex with her.

Q.   I love my girlfriend and find her very attractive, but for some reason I don't really enjoy having sex with her. I can orgasm when she gives me a handjob or oral, but I never have been able to orgasm from sex with her or any girlfriend I've ...

A.   19 October 2008: Considering how many people in the world have problems having an orgasm (while this is normally thought of as a female problem, don’t think for a second that there aren’t thousands and thousands of men who are also struggling), how many men have ... (read in full...)

He seemed interested at first but recently he's gone very quiet, I don't understand!

Q.   Hiya, For the last few weeks i have been getting to know a guy, who i have been liking more and more. I'm a little confused as he seemed very interested about a week ago now hes gone very quiet, do you think hes losing interest? A couple of my ...

A.   21 September 2008: I know it's a hard thing to do, but when he is pulling away, let him. If he is quiet, match his quiet and fill your time with other things. I'm sure he's really great, but if you get yourself crazy you'll only make yourself miserable and make him... (read in full...)

I don't want to feel ugly every time I run into porn, any practical solutions for me?

Q.   I hate porn. Or the entire sex industry really. And I'm not gonna lie and be all "it's degrading to women". No, I hate it because the women are so perfect. They all have big tits and tiny waists, with a round butt. They have gorgeous faces (ok, some ...

A.   6 September 2008: Start surrounding yourself with amateur porn. For every time you see porn mags or similar sitting around, take a few minutes on and take a gander at normal people having sex. Seeing flawed folks enjoying themselves is usually a big help... (read in full...)

I have had to fake before...can someone help me so I can stop?

Q.   I have been with my partner for 3 years, and he recently proposed. The thing is, for those 3 (sexually active) years i have, quite a lot of the time, faked orgasms. The only way i can seem to orgasm is if my c*** is rubbing against him, like on top ...

A.   5 September 2008: I once had a boyfriend I faked my orgasms with. The problem with doing that is that, even though it keeps things easy in the short-term, is that you’re then stuck with unsatisfying sex and no way to change what you’re getting without admitting that ... (read in full...)

What can I do to increase my low sex drive?

Q.   What can I do to increase my low sex drive? I'm almost positive that it's low because of psychological reason. My in-laws have become far too intrusive and my husband allows them to control all aspects of our lives. Because of this I have lost ...

A.   4 September 2008: It is pretty hard to completely, permanently kill off your sex drive, so I wouldn’t worry about being ‘psychologically messed up’. Drives ebb and flow depending on a whole heap of factors and you seem to have an awful lot going. It is important to ... (read in full...)

Should I try again with my not-great ex?

Q.   i broke up with him because things were really bad between us but i still like him. but i also like another guy at the same time. should i get over my ex or should i give him a try??? please help...

A.   21 August 2008: If things were really bad between you and nothing has been done to change things (just missing someone after they're gone doesn't change the fundamental problems), I don't see any reason for why you would try again with him. Enjoy being single, ... (read in full...)

Why do girls "settle" in relationships?

Q.   I've never quite understood why some people seem to settle for certain in point: one of my best friends is in a relationship in which her bf was caught almost going across the country to meet up with his ex...he didn't t...

A.   21 August 2008: Relationships are pretty much completely unscrutable from the outside. Trying to understand why someone stays with someone--or why someone doesn't--is impossible for anyone who isn't in that relationship because you can never know all the dynamics ... (read in full...)

I've never broken up with anyone so how should I handle this?

Q.   It has been the hardest choice I've ever had to make in my life but have decided for my own happiness I need to break up with my boyfriend of four years. We have a great relationship but there have been intimacy issues for three years and I just...

A.   21 August 2008: When ending a relationship, I try to do it the way I would want it done to me (as much as one could ever be said to "want" to be broken up with). I do not wait until the circumstances seem better, because the idea of someone staying with me ... (read in full...)

I think I'm in love with my wife!

Q.   Dear all, This is in response to the many posts I have read about people who are in love/lust with a forbidden fruit such as sister in law. I think Im in love with my wife, we have known each other for 3 years and been married for one but I st...

A.   21 August 2008: This might do better as an Article, rather than a question.... (read in full...)

He said it was no strings sex--how do I know?

Q.   hi im 30 in relationship with 2 children.ive known this guy 4 years as friends and we had sex together the other day he is also married with 2 kids he said it was just sex how do i know if its anything more need advice.he keeps saying dnt tell know ...

A.   11 August 2008: Take him at his word. If he says it was just sex, then it was just sex. I'm sure he doesn't regret it--why would he?--but that does not mean at all that it is more than sex. Be very careful in this situation. If you're looking for more, yo... (read in full...)

Need Birth Control Solutions--Please help!

Q.   My boyfriend finds it hard to use condoms because most of the time he loses his erection just after he puts one on. Because of this we tried me going the pill. However, four months ago while on the pill, I became pregnant and had a miscarriage at...

A.   10 August 2008: There are many, many, many types of condoms out there. There are condoms that have no spermicide and flavours added if you wanted to go back to oral afterwards, there are condoms that increase sensitivity, and condoms that have ridges and bumps for ... (read in full...)

Need Birth Control Solutions--Please help!

Q.   My boyfriend finds it hard to use condoms because most of the time he loses his erection just after he puts one on. Because of this we tried me going the pill. However, four months ago while on the pill, I became pregnant and had a miscarriage at...

A.   9 August 2008: I would never recommend the rhythm method as a sole method of contraception. Unless you're willing to not just count days from your cycle but also to take your temperature to suss out the days when you are most fertile, you're bound to make a ... (read in full...)

I think my boyfriend is disrespecting me--he says I'm being unreasonable. Help?

Q.   Dear Cupid, I have been with my boyfriend for just over a year. He cheated on me last winter with his ex girlfriend which i have never fully got over. He still wants to meet up with her(just to chat as friends) and often talks to girls in an ...

A.   9 August 2008: He is absolutely showing you zero respect. Seriously, what kind of emotional voodoo has he done on you that you need to ask if his behaviour is unacceptable? Cheating is a huge issue, but people can move on from it--so long as the cheater truly ... (read in full...)

Has anyone stayed friends with an ex?

Q.   Hi I would like to know of any success stories of keeping friends with an ex. Me and my ex wouldn't work and split a while ago. Its about as civilised as needs to be now i think, and we are both pretty much sorted as singletons and moving onto gett...

A.   9 August 2008: I am actually housemates with my ex, so it is definitely possible to be good friends after a relationship ends. It does, though, require a whole heap of honesty and double the amount of compassion. We have found that being very upfront about what ... (read in full...)

Quick question on period masturbation

Q.   Can I use my vibrator during my period?...

A.   9 August 2008: Of course you can. In fact, many women find that they masturbate more during their period, since they are often more aroused at this time and the orgasms help their cramps. You just need to make sure that you're cleaning your vibrator after ev... (read in full...)

Why am I so unlucky in life?

Q.   Why is it that one cannot forget one's first relationship? I am right now experiencing this similar mode in my life....Its almost 3 and a half months since my breakup but still i cannot forget him . he's always on my mind 24x7...Everytime i try ...

A.   9 August 2008: Three and a half months is not any length of time when it comes to moving on from a breakup. It's a process and some days will be better than others, but eventually, you'll suddenly realize that you've gone more days without thinking about him than ... (read in full...)

Why do I never get invited out on a second date?

Q.   I am 35yrs old I am fairly secure with myself I am confident of my self worth, my life, friends, personality etc but since spliting with my LT boyfriend 6yrs ago I have had only one boyfriend which lasted 6 months last year (2007) and around 10 ...

A.   9 August 2008: You haven't given much information about how you conduct yourself towards the end of the date, how you're communicating, and what you do to indicate your interest in the guy. Those are the real areas that determine if you get a second date, I ... (read in full...)

His ended his marriage - but won't move out?

Q.   i am madly in love with a married man who has young children, his marriage was on the rocks long before i came along we were friends to begin with and we had alot in common as well as mutual friends,. when i realised he had feeling for me i backed ...

A.   9 August 2008: Perhaps he would be better leaving his wife, perhaps not. The problem, however, is that you don't have much say in it. It may not make sense to someone from the outside, but marriages are their own entity--I am quite sure the husband is torn by ... (read in full...)

Should I shave "down there" for him?

Q.   I'm 15 and I wanna let a guy go down there. I want to shave but I don't because I don't have the right equipment and I don't wanna pay the consequences. The boy I'm planning it with really likes me and I like him and I know he really does because ...

A.   22 September 2007: You do not need to shave just because you want a guy to go down on you. Please do not buy into this idea--more media driven, than based on reality--that all women are shaved or waxed. That stems from the porn industry--when they were finally ... (read in full...)

How can I get rid of back acne?

Q.   hello people i would like to knw i seem to have a lot of spot on my bck, is their a way to get rid of them, as i dnt wnt to go to the doctors just yet, i have a lot bdw. thnk you for any advice u give me...

A.   3 July 2007: The most important things to keep in mind is prevention and gentleness. It is tempting when you want to clear up your skin right away to really attack your skin harshly, but that invariably makes the problem worse. Get a back brush--or a loofah o... (read in full...)

YOU CAN HELP: Spread the word about DearCupid!

Q.   Hi, I want to ask a really big favour of everyone who uses, likes and has been helped by DearCupid. Help spread the word this weekend, by doing some of these suggestions: * Tell your friends and family about DearCupid * Talk about and ...

A.   29 June 2007: Hey, Andrew-- I've got an RSS stream of my column on my IMVU profile page ( and on my current temporary page at It will get a finer showcase when goes live. :) I ... (read in full...)

Is there anyway to tell if your girlfriend is faking an orgasm?

Q.   I've recently read quite a lot of questions from women about faking orgasms so I was just wondering if there is anyway to tell if a girl is faking it? Especially physical signs, because I want to make sure I really please my girlfriend....

A.   27 June 2007: In short, no. There is no physical way to prove that a woman is faking an orgasm. Every single response that a woman has when orgasming--and they can be different for each woman--including the clenching of vaginal muscles, can be controlled and ... (read in full...)

I'm continually nasty to her but I want to try our relationship again

Q.   My girlfriend and I broke up 3 months ago. After an initial period of no contact we started to meet up on occassion and had a friends with benefits relationship. We discussed our relationship and why it failed and if we could rekindle it. After a ...

A.   27 June 2007: Bubbloo gives good advice and you could certainly go that route. But for my money, I'm thinking it's not going to work. If you had said that you once or twice have said something to hurt her, I would chalk that up to normal course of events. ... (read in full...)

Are there any concerns with having sex doggy style?

Q.   Guys, I just want to know the disadvantage of doing doggy style position because every time my boyfriend and I do it, we really enjoy it...but I just want to know is it ok or will it be bad for me?...

A.   27 June 2007: If you are in the partial doggy--where you keep your chest down--it is possible to be a little rougher on your back, because of the position, if he is a bit more aggressive with his thrusting. You should also note that this shortens your vaginal ... (read in full...)

Should I tell him I still love him?

Q.   i was with a man for 17yrs, he left me 2yrs ago, he helped me raise my 4 kids now he is helping a 36yrs old women with a drug promblem; he had a gambling promblem, he says i am his best friend but i still am very much in love with him. should i tell ...

A.   27 June 2007: I would suggest that you not. He has an awful lot on his plate right now, and seems to be trying to get his life back together. While it may seem that an expression of love is always a good thing, it can often just make things harder on people. ... (read in full...)

I don't want to be tied down, but I feel an urge to have a baby!

Q.   This is really weird. I'm nearly 16 and I've had sex twice with my boy-friend. My cousin is 18 and has a daughter and has just moved in with her boyfriend. My mum is a child minder so I see a few babies around the house sometimes. Recently I rea...

A.   27 June 2007: Everyone has said that it is normal and that every woman goes through it, so I wouldn't repeat that again, but a word of advice about the heat of the moment--you are absolutely right to recognize that sometimes, you'll get caught up and maybe be ... (read in full...)

I don't know which of them I love more

Q.   I have a serious problem im in love with two guys. Guy:A i have known for a few years as friends and about 3-4 months ago he asked me out since then we've been going out and its his first real relationship. since we started dating he has hurt me ...

A.   25 June 2007: You don't actually have to choose, you know. I think people always think that there has to be some big decision making process where they list pros and cons of each guy and then tally the results to choose--you are young. So long as you are being ... (read in full...)

She was emailing a guy she used to mess around with. She's now turned around and said that she will do anything for me. Should I saty in the relationship?

Q.   i he been with my girl for a yr and half now -we both in the military due to the war it force us to spent some time apart -i gave her all a man can give a woman from spending all my time with her to giving her my last with no regrets -in april we ...

A.   25 June 2007: Goodness. There is an awful lot going on in this email. I think a couple of important questions in determing what you should do come down to--first, how did you find these emails? Did she tell you or did you look through her things? If you look... (read in full...)

When my girlfriend says she is finished, does that mean she has orgasmed?

Q.   When fingering my girlfriend she eventually moves my hand away to tell me she has finished.. does this mean she has orgasmed, or just comed? I mean is it possible come without orgasm? ...

A.   25 June 2007: There is no difference between orgasming and coming (or cumming) for women. For men, it is possible to have an orgasm without ejaculating--usually through prostate stimulation--which could technically be called orgasming without coming, I ... (read in full...)

I want a threesome, but my boyfriend doesn't--can I convince him?

Q.   I had a fantasy of having a threesome with two guys. I have a boyfriend and a guy that would join in, but my boyfriend is funny about seeing another naked guy. My boyfriend also wants me all to himself. He doesn't want to try with two girls be...

A.   25 June 2007: Short answer is 'No. No, you can't.' There are two problems that I see with this question--first, you and your boyfriend see sex in very different ways. You want to try new things, experience new people and situations, and he wants to have sex... (read in full...)

We've been together for quite a while but now she wants to slow down our relationship

Q.   Hey Cupid Ive been in a relationship with the most amazing woman ive ever met for 45months now and couldnt be more in love! We've had a tough time over the duration of our 45months. She's white and im black.My mom was quite easy with it all a...

A.   25 June 2007: When someone needs space, you can really only go two ways--either you don't give them the space they need and they have to leave you to get it, or you find a way to back off so they can be comfortable in the relationship. It is by no means ea... (read in full...)

I don't condone dating, yet I have a boyfriend; I want to be with him, yet I feel I'm wasting my time. I'm so confused!

Q.   I have a boyfriend and I love him dearly.. ONLY ONE PROBLEM!! I swore to myself that I would never date. I have my own reasons but I don't condone the idea of dating. but still I fell in love and now I am here. he is my first boyfriend ever and ...

A.   25 June 2007: You...don't give enough information for us to help you, I don't think. Loving someone dearly and them being 'the one' aren't always the same thing. You can't wish it into existence. You haven't really said why you feel that you may be wasting ... (read in full...)

What is this discharge? I'm only 13 and really worried!!

Q.   Okay. I'm 13 years old, and I started my period when I was 12. A few months ago, I noticed a strange, clumpy, whit substance in my panties. I wasn't aware of it until I saw it, and it is sometimes accompanied by a thick, whitish liquid. I'm ...

A.   21 June 2007: Unless your discharge also has a smell to it, or ever goes from white/clear to yellow/grey/green, you should be fine--your discharge will change as you go through your cycle. So while you may always have a clear discharge, you may find that on the ... (read in full...)

Can the hyman be broken without having sex?

Q.   I go Horse Riding and have been doing every week since i was 6. I have heard that women that horse ride or ride a bike there hyman can brake without having sex. I am still a virgin. I was wondering how can i find out my self if it is broke yet or ...

A.   21 June 2007: It is actually pretty rare to find a hymen still intact in a girl your age, who is active at all. Not all girls have them and most are thin enough that they get broken through riding, normal activities, or using tampons. It is possible that gir... (read in full...)

She says she doesn't want to be with me but signs say otherwise

Q.   Sorry if this is too long of a question, it is hard to sum it up but I will try. The short question is this "What is she thinking?" The reason for the question goes like this. Started seeing a women in Nov of 06, we had known each other for 6...

A.   21 June 2007: Sometimes people get lonely. Sometimes they ponder the old "what if?" Most of the time, it doesn't mean anything, really. Maybe she wanted to see if you still felt anything, or see if she still felt anything. Maybe just idle curiousity. I wou... (read in full...)

Is it normal for a man to want to watch you giving him oral....?

Q.   Is it normal for a guy to want to watch you give him oral sex?...

A.   21 June 2007: Goodness, yes, it's normal. In fact, I bet if you look down the next time he's going down on you, you'll understand why it adds to the appeal.... (read in full...)

Can he use a condom when having sex in the bath?

Q.   Hi there. My boyfriend and i have been going out for 6 and a half months now and we're really close. Our relationship is always full of passion and he and i love each other very much. We're both 16 and he often starts conversations with me about ma...

A.   21 June 2007: This is one that is answered best as "kinda-sorta". You've got two problems with using condoms in the bath: first, condoms aren't water-tight at the base. So, potentially, as you are moving in and out, it will be possible to have water moving a... (read in full...)

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