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... Send *idge a private message | | | *idge's profile:I'm 35 years old and after 12 years have just broken up with my boyfriend. I was born and lived in South Africa until 1997, when I moved to Scotland. I am currently studying Community Education after my father passed away in July 2009. His death made me think long and hard about what I had, what I want and how Im going to get it. I have loved, lost and loved again. I have a lot of experience in areas that sometimes I wish I never had, but the experiences make me stronger and able to deal with things that normally I wouldnt be able to. I dont pull any punches and call a spade a spade, some like it, some dont. If you ask for advice, be prepared for a frank and honest answer. |
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My ex is upset, my friend is upset, how do I fix things?
Q. So, me and my ex were texting each other...things were going great...we were joking around and then he said, "hey, well my sister told me that she found out that I fingered you." And then I freaked out because his sister is my friend...and now ...
A. 1 April 2007: Good for you! Just see where it ends up, thats all you can do. ... (read in full...)
The pregnancy test showed two lines really faintly! Im 9 days late, could I be pregnant!?
Q. I had unprotected sex two weeks ago, I am nauseous, I smell everything, by breast are a little bigger but not sore. My period is 9 days late. I took pregnancy test a very very faint line makes me question if it is really there, but when I held it ...
A. 30 March 2007: The best pregnancy test is a blood test. It doesnt lie! However those home pregnancy tests can sometimes be wrong. I know, because 9 years ago, my test was positive, and when I blood tests done, I wasnt pregnant.
Go get it checked today!... (read in full...)
Im a recent victim of a racist attack, I'm scared and traumatised, should I see a proffesional ?
Q. I live in a country where racism is supposed to be a thing of the past but is still an issue. I have recently been a victim of a racist attack and it has left me traumatised and scared to go any where. Should i see a professional therapist?...
A. 30 March 2007: Being very familiar with your circumstances having lived there for 21 years, racism is far from a thing of the past their I'm affraid. I'd love to be able to say it is, but I wouldnt be truthfull.
Racism can be very hurtful and cruel. No-one h... (read in full...)
My ex is upset, my friend is upset, how do I fix things?
Q. So, me and my ex were texting each other...things were going great...we were joking around and then he said, "hey, well my sister told me that she found out that I fingered you." And then I freaked out because his sister is my friend...and now ...
A. 30 March 2007: You are right, if it happened in the past, it should stay there.
The fact that your friend, his sister, is upset should be set aside for the moment. However, how she found out should be investigated. Any form of sexual contact between two conc... (read in full...)
I slept with my husbands brother!! Now I dont know whether to tell my husband ??
Q. About a year ago I cheated on my husband with his brother. A lot of what happened between us was emotional rather than physical, although we did sleep together on 2 occasions. I think I did it because I wanted the excitement and as a reflex reac...
A. 29 March 2007: I have to confess I differ from everyone else, although it is just my opinion.
If you think that your marriage is strong enough, I would probably tell him. Simply because, as they have all stated, what if his brother decides to open his mouth. I... (read in full...)
My gf kissed another guy when she got drunk! Any advice?
Q. My g/f got drunk for the first time in her life and then walked to her room with a guy. He gave her a kiss and she didn't object. Then she told him to leave. We have been together for 4 years and I really love her and she is really sorry...Any ...
A. 29 March 2007: If it were me, I'd not be too impressed. However, since it was her first time drunk, I would give them the benefit of the doubt.
I would however stress to her that there are boundaries and she was borderline! If she ever stepped on that line or ... (read in full...)
4 years ago his girlfriend killed herself, Hes still hurting over it, how can I help him, I truly love him!
Q. I love my boyfriend very much but he has a problem I genuinly don't know how to help him with. 4 years ago, his girlfriend killed herself and we have just gone past her anniversary recently, which has really got to him. He still feels like he co...
A. 29 March 2007: My boyfriend was killed in mysterious circumstances on 13/03/1993. I miss him terribly and every anniversary I put a memorial in the newspapers so that he knows that i will never forget him.
The mysterious circumstances surrounding the incident... (read in full...)
Why cant I orgasm from oral sex ?
Q. My fiance and i have just recently started to seriously mess around. He has been fingering me and eating me out. So far i havent reached an orgasm and obviously he has noticed this and it bothers him. i dont want him to think anything is wron...
A. 29 March 2007: Actually for many woman that is normal. Woman dont have orgasms as much as men, and most woman find it much harder to reach climax. So there is nothing wrong with you!
You are probably in the majority, who find it REALLY difficult to have an orgas... (read in full...)
My boyfriend seems different lately, or is it just me !?
Q. Can someone help me please? I don’t know what to do about my boyfriend his been acting different lately like he can’t be bothered to have me as a boyfriend. Let me try to explain this. Well he has loads of friends and that in 6th form and so on and ...
A. 29 March 2007: I dont think its all you! Although I am not gay, I have many gay friends. One of which was in a similar situation a few years ago.
In his situation, what it boiled down to was that people at school had commented on his sexuality and it made him... (read in full...)
She's trying to blackmail me, but it wont just effect me other people will be involved! Please advise what to do ?
Q. I would appreciate your help and advice on this. my question is do you ever have to stand down your grounds if someone try to blackmail you? lets say that action may effect other poeples and thier families emotionally? I can't just bac...
A. 28 March 2007: Blackmail is the lowest form, honestly! Firstly I dont believe in giving into a blackmailer simply because if you give them what they want, they still have the information and will be able to do it again at a later stage. Stand your ground!
I kno... (read in full...)
Is he cool toward me because of his depression or..does he no longer wants me?
Q. Okay so, I've posted a few questions previously about confusion regarding my boyfriend. I'm still confused. Well, we had a lot of tension for a while until things cooled and we decided to move back in with our own parents. We did this because he ...
A. 28 March 2007: Depression is something that affects people in different ways. My boyfriend suffers from clinical depression, and I can assure you, when he is depressed I could honestly kill him. He is sooo difficult to deal with.
Now when he is depresse... (read in full...)
How do I convince her to trust me again?
Q. Adult Help And Advice Required Please I need some Help and Advice with my relationship. I have been seeing my Gf for about 2 years now and got engadged at christmas, we were meant to be getting married sometime this year. our relationship has ...
A. 28 March 2007: You seem sincere about what you have said.
Take it from someone who has been lied to on a daily basis by an ex, its really hard to deal with when someone hasnt told you the whole truth, and all the facts.
She has obviously got baggage from pre... (read in full...)
How do you ask your girlfriend for sex for the first time?
Q. How do you ask ypur girlfriend for sex for the first time Ive got to the point where i want sex with my gorlfriend, but i don't know how to bring it up...
A. 28 March 2007: Firstly as you will know its something that the both of you want, it has to be otherwise it wont happen.
Also, its not something that you "ask" for, its normally something that "just happens".
You need to ask her how she feels about you, and i... (read in full...)
How likely is it that the baby I'm having is my ex-boyfriend's?
Q. i recentl found out i was pregnant me and my current boyfriend didn't use a condom but i slept with my ex-boyfriend and we did use a condom how likely is it that the baby i'm having is my ex-boyfriend?...
A. 28 March 2007: How far on are you? What was the time frame between sleeping with one and then the other. If its within days of each other, then its a 50/50!
Sorry!... (read in full...)
Due to a bad breakup, I find myself very uncomfortable around "couples'! How can I deal with this?
Q. I have been single for a year and a half after what I felt was a 'messy' break-up with a past boyfriend. When it ended, and for several months afterwards, I felt as if I had lost all of my confidence. I constantly thought people were only looking at ...
A. 27 March 2007: Firstly, from what I can tell, your self confidence took one hell of a beating! You feel self consious around couples probably because it reminds you of what you had. You have been so used to having a guy on your arm that you dont know how to deal ... (read in full...)
We have split and hes making it really hard to sell our jointly owned house! Would getting a solictor be too aggressive ?
Q. I finished with my partner of five years, two months ago, mainly because he was physically and verbally abusive. He is a serious control freak and hates the idea that it's me who has finally finished. He's seeing a psychologist for his anger and ...
A. 27 March 2007: If I can give you any advise, get a solicitor involved! If has anger management issues and is a financial director, the chances are he will want to control the situation and at the same time, control you!
Its a little costly, but if you dont wan... (read in full...)
My ex called to meet up with me and then stood me up! What's up with this guy?
Q. my ex got bk in contact...he arranged wiv me that we'd go out last nite at hlf 6 but it me 4 me to ring him 2 ask if he was still cmin but didnt show up!!! what is goin on? y arrange something wiv me? hes 25 by the way...
A. 27 March 2007: If he makes arrangements to meet with you and stands you up, I think that is your answer. He has perhaps thaught about it again, and decided not to go ahead with it.
Perhaps the best thing to do, since you wont know why he stood you up, is to ca... (read in full...)
I'm married but find myself thinking of my ex! It's driving me crazy!
Q. I just don't know why I feel this way about an ex. He is now with someone else and is happy. He always smiles at me when he sees me and comments on how lovely I look. We finished 4 years ago. I am married to such a wonderful man and love him with ...
A. 27 March 2007: I think it is normal to feel such feelings towards an ex, especially if they were your first love. Was he by some chance?
I love my boyfriend to bits, and like you, would NEVER do anything to hurt him, but I still think about my ex. He was in t... (read in full...)
Things arent has romantic as they were, Will he fall back in love with me ?
Q. I have this strange relationship with a 34 year old man who lives in NYC(I am 22 and I live in Mexico), we see each other at least each month. At first it was all romantic, but he turned now to be distant, he is not dating with any other guys, and ...
A. 27 March 2007: Long distance relationships are never easy. My boyfriend and I lived 600 miles away from each other for a year before I moved closer to him. It was very difficult!
In most relationships, there does come a time when the romance does deminish... (read in full...)
This girl is spreading lies about me because I said no to dating her! What can I do ?
Q. OK,Well i have recently asked a girl out. And another girl likes me and i said no to her and she is making up lies that make mad but i dont want to seem like if someone talkes about me ill snap on them what can i do this girl said i went out with...
A. 27 March 2007: There are a few ways of dealing with it. You could ignore them and eventually she will get the picture that you are not interested and not fazed by what she is saying and doing, and she will eventually stop.
Alternatively, you can confront... (read in full...)
He seems a very sexual person, how can I be sure that's not all he's after?
Q. i just turned 19 years old and im dating a guy that i met over the internet who is 36 years old. there are a few problems here he thinks im 20 but also he is a very sexual person which is ok with me but how do i make sure that's not all he wants. ...
A. 27 March 2007: Thats quite an age difference, but its not the end of the world either. Although its natural to think about things like that since he has been an active man for somewhat longer than you.
Firstly, you need to be straight with him about your age... (read in full...)
I cant orgasm with my partner and its getting very frustrating!!!
Q. please help me! i cant cum when im with my bf. i have been with him for just over a month and we have a good sex life.. its not that i dont get turned on by him because i do! im in love with him, its just so frustrating.. when he fingers me i just ...
A. 26 March 2007: I think you are just a little tense, and believe it or not, but some woman do find it much more difficult to have an orgasm than others. It is very common and there isnt anything wrong with it, perhaps very frustrating though.
Since its just a m... (read in full...)
Is kissing classed as cheating ? Should I end this relationship ?
Q. hiya im really confused and need some advice, the other day me and my boyfriend of a year n half with a child went out for the night, we were stopping in a hotel so it was an all nighter, half way throught he night we had an argument over nothing ...
A. 26 March 2007: I agree with CD. Although I personally would consider kissing as cheating, as when you are in a relationship and its supposed to be monogamous, it shoud be just that! He has obviously made an error in judgement and admitted this to you, which means ... (read in full...)
Should I backpack to the far east or stay and deal with my marriage problems?
Q. Hi. I am 34 my wife 44. Been together for 10 years and not had an argument until about 6 months ago. I am stepfather to her 5 teenage kids.Both work full time. She finishes at midnight. I try and stay up til half one to be with her and get 4 hrs ...
A. 26 March 2007: What are you waiting for? Pack your bags and trek the Far East.
She has made it abundently clear that she doesnt want to be with you, and she IS stringing you along. Fortunately you dont have any kids together, but you will also be feeling ... (read in full...)
I'm15-can my 33 year old bf get into trouble with the law for kissing me?
Q. Hey! im 15 and my partner is 33. we met 2 years ago and he told me that he is in love with me.i love him as well.and dont say i dont know what love is,because i do!! Last May,my mum and dad found out their was something going on between me and him ...
A. 26 March 2007: This could be a difficult one because the legal concenting age for sex is 16, and all you need is one person to say that you have been having a sexual relationship and he could get into serious trouble.
Your dad is only looking out for your bes... (read in full...)
Is there a way I can help him feel more comfortable with expressing love and showing affection.
Q. My problem is my partner (of 16 years, we have one child just over 1 year old) he seems to have a real problem expressing love and affection. It seems to have got worse since we had our baby. He does not tell me he loves me but thinks I should ...
A. 25 March 2007: My boyfriend of almost 9 years has the same problem not showing affection and doesnt express his love. Its not because he doesnt love me, but because he feels uncomfortable showing his affections, like its going to make him a lesser man if people ... (read in full...)
How can I cope with all of this?
Q. hi, im 16 years old and have recently been diagnosed with depression, and also my boyfriend split up with me wed bee going out for 4 months and he helped me to cope alot, he says this is due to me being too clingy-although all of mine and his ...
A. 25 March 2007: There are various types of depression, some more serious than others. My boyfriend has clinical depression and it is serious. It can last for months, and during that time, I can honestly say, he is no fun to be with. He tries to pull himself out of ... (read in full...)
My life is horrible at the moment, I feel my parents treat me unfairly, can anyone help?
Q. My life is hell at the moment. my parents treat me like rubbish. i dont know what to do. they want me to be perfect and listen to every single little command of theirs! i spend most of my time at home trapped in my bedroom. i work on weekends...
A. 25 March 2007: I think you are in a situation that a lot of children are in every day of thier lives.
You need to speak to an adult about your situation. Perhaps someone close to you that you trust. You need to tell them what is happening and that you dont wan... (read in full...)
Is it possible he's just become too afraid to love me?
Q. My husband of a year and a half has just admitted to me that he feels like he doesn't love me anymore, and hasn't for quite some time. He said he feels like he's been pretending all this time. I feel like he is rushing towards divorce much too fast, ...
A. 25 March 2007: Marriage is most sacred and everythng should be done to resolve your problems before seeking the advise of a divorce lawyer.
Being a sexual abuse victim myself, I know from experience that it has long term affects and consequences. One being th... (read in full...)
He's dying to have sex but I want to wait until marriage. How do I tell him?
Q. Me and my boyfriend have been together for about 6 years now and lately he keeps asking when are going to finally have sex. He doesn't know that i have chosen that i want to wait till marriage. how do i tell him???...
A. 25 March 2007: Its not going to be easy because he will probably assume that you want to have sex too, but just a little scared.
I was in the same boat as you. I was brought up with very catholic values and as such, was told that sex was for marriage, and marr... (read in full...)
I'm flattered that he is trying to gain my trust--but, will he go back to being a cheater?
Q. In January of this year, I broke up with my fiancee because he was cheating on me. He emailed me recently and said that he wanted to talk to me because he was sorry for what he did to me and he understood the pain I went through because of his ...
A. 24 March 2007: From personal experiences, a cheater cannot change that quickly. He may have had a very bad fright (one which he was seriously needing) but I do not believe he is a changed man. I do believe though, that he is doing all of this to get back into a ... (read in full...)
Due to past baggage, I am pulling away from this great guy! How do I stop doing this?
Q. I am 18, and have had two boyfriends... I'm with my third, but we've decided not to label anything because of my fear of commitment! My first boyfriend broke my heart badly, I was very young (15), and he was much older. I realize it's silly, but ...
A. 22 March 2007: You have answered your own question. You have a self asteem problem. You have to love yourself because when all is said and done, and if everyone else leaves, you will always have yourself.
You know what type of person you are, and as we dont kno... (read in full...)
Im 6 months pregnant, all we do is fight, Is there any point to carrying on ?
Q. im a bit confused at the moment. my boyfriend and i have been together for a year and a half. im 6 months pregnant with his baby. the problem is that we keep on fighting, and its gotten so bad that there is a lot of name calling and blaming each ...
A. 22 March 2007: I'm so glad things are starting to work for you!
Good luck and keep us informed of your progress!... (read in full...)
Any tips for bringing the fun back into a relationship? (without spending too much time on it...)
Q. does anyone ahve any tips for bringing the fun back into a relationship without spending much time on it? my bf and i have both been in really high-stress, intense points in our professional lives for the last couple of years, to the point that we ...
A. 22 March 2007: Well my boyfriend and I dont really get to spend much time together and we were at a point two years ago where our careers had somewhat taken over our lives.
He was away for months at a time and when he was home, he was too tired to do anything... (read in full...)
How do you tell your guy that you're pregnant?
Q. Well... I have a boyfriend and we have only slept together twice since we got together a month ago but at the moment I'm late and thinking I may be pregnant. I know its sounds silly worrying now before I have even done a test, but how do you tell ...
A. 22 March 2007: This exact same thing happened to me and my boyfriend. We had been in a relationship for about 3 months, only slept together maybe 3 or 4 times at most. I was a week late and I told him this. Obviously the both of us were panicing, thinking that I ... (read in full...)
Due to past baggage, I am pulling away from this great guy! How do I stop doing this?
Q. I am 18, and have had two boyfriends... I'm with my third, but we've decided not to label anything because of my fear of commitment! My first boyfriend broke my heart badly, I was very young (15), and he was much older. I realize it's silly, but ...
A. 22 March 2007: I think you are going through what a lot of us have gone through. (When I say "us", I mean the older generation)
I think its natural to feel the way you when you've been hurt so badly. Particularly if it was your first love.
How much time... (read in full...)
Should we get back together or just remain close friends?
Q. Me and my ex broke up some months ago, she decided that it wasnt working, but i thought we could try it one more time, we went out 3 times. We were really in love with each other, matter of fact we were engaged, but obviously that didnt work. We are ...
A. 21 March 2007: You both seem really confused about what you want.
If its meant to be, then you should tell her how you feel. Be honest!! If she says the same back, well bingo!! If she knocks you back, then consider it a bad move and move on with life, she's ju... (read in full...)
Should I just not bother with this guy !?
Q. im am seeing this boy at first i did not really like him but sfter spending nearly the whole of 3 weeks with him i really like him, he treats me well to but he used to go out with my friend and i used to go out with his freind, he aked made plans ...
A. 21 March 2007: A few things really. Make sure if he does apologise he makes it a good one. Dont let him off with it too easy. He should have done the decent thing and called you, it would have taken all of 2 minutes to explain.
As for inviting you, perhaps ... (read in full...)
He had a fit of rage and hit me and hurt me, then acted like normal... I cant forget and dont know what to do!?
Q. Hi, I am engaged with "O" for 3 years already. The topic of having the wedding has been off and on between the two of us. It just seems like 3 years is a long time (though I am willing to wait and respect his opinions too). It's been recent t...
A. 21 March 2007: I have a very strong opinion on men or woman abusing the one they are supposed to "love".
I feel that perhaps you had asked the question in "the wrong way", but I dont feel you asked something that you shouldnt have. If I asked my boyfrien... (read in full...)
My boyfriend threatens to take away our baby!! I want to leave as he is violent!
Q. Hi im just need some help my boyfriend keeps putting hes hands up to me. We have a 5month old baby together. I tell him I dont want to be with him anymore, but he then takes the baby and says i will never see him again and I dont no what to do plea...
A. 21 March 2007: Leave! Any man or woman that puts their hand up to the one they are supposed to "love" is not worth crying over.
You have a baby that is at risk of being with an abusive parent and you obviosly love your child and wont want that for him.
Ther... (read in full...)
Why does my boyfriend show no affection towards me?
Q. Why does my boyfriend show no affection towards me? It's been 9 months and we've had sex maybe a doz. times. Were both in our 50's. He says he loves me. Is this love? I don't think so. Please help....
A. 21 March 2007: There are a lot of relationships where one of the people dont show affection, but that doesnt mean that they dont love each other. They just arent the affection showing type!
I was never an affection showing type of person, but since I met my b... (read in full...)
Why did it take my boyfriend 8 months to have me meet his friends and take me to his apartment?
Q. Why did it take my boyfriend 8 months to meet his friends and take me to his apt? I kept telling him he was hiding something. He wasn't. He said he was just ashamed of what his place looked like. Yes, as he has said, my place is a lot nicer ...
A. 21 March 2007: At the end of the day the most important people in his life will always be his kids. Even if you werent in his life, they will be! Its not easy being part of someones life when they have kids elsewhere.
He probably feels as though he has missed o... (read in full...)
Im 6 months pregnant, all we do is fight, Is there any point to carrying on ?
Q. im a bit confused at the moment. my boyfriend and i have been together for a year and a half. im 6 months pregnant with his baby. the problem is that we keep on fighting, and its gotten so bad that there is a lot of name calling and blaming each ...
A. 21 March 2007: This is supposed to be a happy time for you in your pregnancy, you really dont need the stress, its not good for yours and your babies health.
Running away isnt the answer either, but perhaps its time to look at the whole picture. Why are you alwa... (read in full...)
Why does my boyfriend show no affection towards me?
Q. Why does my boyfriend show no affection towards me? It's been 9 months and we've had sex maybe a doz. times. Were both in our 50's. He says he loves me. Is this love? I don't think so. Please help....
A. 21 March 2007: My boyfriend doesnt show much affection either, however he shows his emotions in other ways. He doesnt give me kisses or hugs or anything like that.
He has never been the touchy, feelly type of person, but I accept him for that.
There is also... (read in full...)
Why did it take my boyfriend 8 months to have me meet his friends and take me to his apartment?
Q. Why did it take my boyfriend 8 months to meet his friends and take me to his apt? I kept telling him he was hiding something. He wasn't. He said he was just ashamed of what his place looked like. Yes, as he has said, my place is a lot nicer ...
A. 21 March 2007: My boyfriend wont allow me to go to his house. The reason being that my house is a lot nicer than his, and he is not comfortable me seeing that. Like you, I dont care about material things, and dont particuarly care if he lived in a box, so long as ... (read in full...)
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