A
female
age
30-35,
*ailglitter18
writes:I am 18, and have had two boyfriends... I'm with my third, but we've decided not to label anything because of my fear of commitment!My first boyfriend broke my heart badly, I was very young (15), and he was much older. I realize it's silly, but ever since then, I haven't been able to let myself get truly close to another man. The second relationship ended badly because of this.Now I want to really open myself up, because the guy I'm with now is really a good guy. I want to believe that he wouldn't hurt me, but already, after only 1 month, I feel myself pulling away. We were OK for a while, just kidding around and hanging out... but now I see him looking into my eyes with that Look- that says so much, and it scares me!How can I stop this fear? I'm afraid I'll sabotage every relationship I have if I keep this up. I realize I'm young, but shouldn't I still be able to love? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Midge  +, writes (22 March 2007):
 You have answered your own question. You have a self asteem problem. You have to love yourself because when all is said and done, and if everyone else leaves, you will always have yourself.
You know what type of person you are, and as we dont know you, cannot say what type of person you are. But you sound like a nice, sincere person who really needs to learn to love themselves.
A
female
reader, nailglitter18 +, writes (22 March 2007):
nailglitter18 is verified as being by the original poster of the question My first love broke it off with me on new year's eve last year. That February, I just drifted into a very tumultuous affair with a friend of mine. We drifted out just as suddenly by the end of August. Between August and last month, I was so determined to not date!! It took me this long to admit that my first love hurt me. I feel a little freer, but I still can't help but constantly worry. I'm wearing myself out. After every date, I feel like he surely thinks I'm a lesser human- which I'm sure I'm not, and he never gives me any signals that would suggest he thinks any of these things!
Maybe the real question is "how can I love myself so I can let others love me?"
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A
female
reader, Midge +, writes (22 March 2007):
I think you are going through what a lot of us have gone through. (When I say "us", I mean the older generation)
I think its natural to feel the way you when you've been hurt so badly. Particularly if it was your first love.
How much time did you give yourself between relationships? If dive from one relationship straight into another, you will most certainly feel the weight of the baggage from your previous relationship. You need to give yourself time to heal! You obviously havent allowed yourself to heal.
Maybe you should take things really slow this time. Dont just in with both feet. If its meant to be, he will accept that there have been issues in the past, and be happy to take it slow.
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