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*idge agony aunt

*idge

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I'm 35 years old and after 12 years have just broken up with my boyfriend. I was born and lived in South Africa until 1997, when I moved to Scotland. I am currently studying Community Education after my father passed away in July 2009. His death made me think long and hard about what I had, what I want and how Im going to get it. I have loved, lost and loved again. I have a lot of experience in areas that sometimes I wish I never had, but the experiences make me stronger and able to deal with things that normally I wouldnt be able to. I dont pull any punches and call a spade a spade, some like it, some dont. If you ask for advice, be prepared for a frank and honest answer.

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How can you tell it was rape?

Q.   I was 14 when it happened, most people don't believe me, not even my friends. I snuck out of the house to go meet 2 of my girlfriends and two of their guy friends. I had 7 shots, not that many but I passed out in the next 5 mintues. I keep waking u...

A.   18 February 2008: Having been through all of this myself I suggest that firstly you go and get an HIV test even if it was some time ago. Then you need to seek councelling at this very early stage. You say you were 14 when it happened and from the details you give... (read in full...)

I feel like a "Homewrecker" should I tell his wife?

Q.   Firstly I want everyone to know that this wasn't planned it just happened. I'm a uni student and to make some extra cash I began babysitting for a local couple. They're a great family but the father, who is 28, I was told was a bit of a player. ...

A.   11 February 2008: I take my hat off to you for being mature enough to have a consience about this. Not many people your age would. You are going to get a lot of different responses to your question and only you can make the final choice as to what you do. I... (read in full...)

What "nick" names do ladies like to be called?

Q.   What do you ladz like to be called in a relashionship? e.g girls mostly get called babe...

A.   5 February 2008: Being that my boyfriend is Scottish, they tend to call woman "hen". So he calls me Hen. Its a term of endearment, nothing more. I on the other hand call him "my love" or if I am angry with him, I call him by his name. Then he knows I am angry with ... (read in full...)

My little sister gives me self esteem issues, how can I handle this?

Q.   Hi guys, I've found the culprit of my low self esteem but don't know how to handle it. My sister is a very very very immature 17 year old. Whenever she speaks to me it's to call me ugly or fat and even a dog. She always always calls me a fat u...

A.   4 February 2008: From personal experience with my own two sisters, I can honestly say that giving them a taste of their own medicine on your terms is the best way to sort out the problem. It may not seem like a very mature way of dealing with it, but I found it ... (read in full...)

My husband has molested our daughter for years. What should I do now?

Q.   I would like your opinion on this serious issue. I was in bed with my husband over 20 years ago when my daughter, then aged about 2, climbed into be between us. After some time, I noticed my husband was getting aroused and I thought he was masturba...

A.   28 January 2008: I am glad that you have your head screwed on and that your daughter does not need to go through the court case process. If she has dealt with/or is dealing with the situation, there is no need to go on a personal crusade to imprison her father. ... (read in full...)

I am disabled and can't walk! Is this fair to my bf?

Q.   i fall in love with someone and he also loves me but i have a big proplem i can't walk and i dun know if i could live with him in a normal life or i will injustice him??...

A.   22 January 2008: I dont think someone that is disabled is something that one can put a label on if they are in love with you. If this guy loves you, and its real love, then any disability no matter how severe will not phase his feelings for you. Stop thinking... (read in full...)

I am disabled and can't walk! Is this fair to my bf?

Q.   i fall in love with someone and he also loves me but i have a big proplem i can't walk and i dun know if i could live with him in a normal life or i will injustice him??...

A.   22 January 2008: I dont think someone that is disabled is something that one can put a label on if they are in love with you. If this guy loves you, and its real love, then any disability no matter how severe will not phase his feelings for you. Stop thinking... (read in full...)

Is there such thing as internet love?

Q.   Is there such thing as "internet love"? I've registered for a website sort of like myspace just for fun however, I didn't know I would come across someone I thought I'd find interesting. Sometime, in the beginning of November of 2007, he sent...

A.   22 January 2008: I met my boyfriend on the internet 10 years ago. We only emailed for about a month, then made arrangements to meet. We met somewhere very public so that if I didnt like the look or how things were going, I could get out of dodge quick! But things ... (read in full...)

Coughing up Blood! I am scared and not sure what to do?

Q.   Hi, i know this is nothing to do with relationships but im worried about some health issues i have at the moment. Firstly i have spells where i keep coughing but its not a consistant cough its just now and again, the other day i started coughing and ...

A.   22 January 2008: I am no doctor but I had a similar thing many many years ago where I was coughing up blood and had serious chest pains. They landed up checking me for TB. Unfortunately I landed up in hospital with TB and an infection. Problems with the doctor o... (read in full...)

Have been trying to lose weight but my partner is unsupportive!

Q.   I have been desperately trying to lose weight since the birth of my son 5 years ago, when I gained a hefty 30 kgs. I have lost 12, but have struggled to lose anything else. Recent blood tests revealed that I have Insulin Resistance and a sluggish ...

A.   12 January 2008: Well I think you are doing the best thing possible by proving to him how important it is for you to loose the weight. Yes it is hard to watch someone eating a bar or chocolate etc in front of you, but in the end, who is going to be the one laughing ... (read in full...)

My boyfriend's gone away and won't get in touch...

Q.   My boyfriend is away at the moment but promised to keep in touch I have text a few times I haven't heard from him all weekend This isn't like him I tried to call him earlier and no answer My battery went so i tried to call off a friends phone he ...

A.   1 January 2008: Well first off, where is he? My boyfriend goes away a lot. He is normally in a foreign country but because he is working, I understand that he cant always phone me when he promises he will. Also, depending on the country he goes to and the ... (read in full...)

How can I get rid of warts?

Q.   I just found out that having warts means you have HPV, im really down because im on my second out break with them within the last year,im so ashamed im now a carrier, is there anything i can do get rid of them forever?...

A.   1 January 2008: When I was at primary school I had over 130 warts on my hands and over 80 on my knees. I had them surgically removed, but within a week, they were all back. I was totally ashamed. It depends entirely on where the warts are? If like me, its on y... (read in full...)

My husband has molested our daughter for years. What should I do now?

Q.   I would like your opinion on this serious issue. I was in bed with my husband over 20 years ago when my daughter, then aged about 2, climbed into be between us. After some time, I noticed my husband was getting aroused and I thought he was masturba...

A.   31 December 2007: I could tell you that going to the police would be the right thing to do, but having gone through a court case myself and being made out to be the villan, if she is on the mend, I personally wouldnt want her to have to deal with the trauma of ... (read in full...)

My husband has molested our daughter for years. What should I do now?

Q.   I would like your opinion on this serious issue. I was in bed with my husband over 20 years ago when my daughter, then aged about 2, climbed into be between us. After some time, I noticed my husband was getting aroused and I thought he was masturba...

A.   30 December 2007: There will be many judgemental people who will think it is so easy to know what you should have done, and should do, but you and your daughter now have some hard decisions to make. I was raped at age 15 by someone that I trusted with my life. He... (read in full...)

I get panic attacks when my bf is away and doesn't contact me! Advise?

Q.   My boyfriend is away for christmas and i miss him so badly i feel like constantly crying He promised to keep in touch but sometimes he is not very good at it I feel like part of me is missing when he is away and dont know how to cope Im 24 but t...

A.   20 December 2007: Look I am constantly in this situation with my boyfriend away for months at a time. At first I was in the same boat. I waited constantly by the phone just in case he called, didnt leave the house and cried a lot because I missed him. It does get... (read in full...)

My boyfriend is annoyed I did something that he had done in the past. What can I do?

Q.   hey. i've been it a relationship with my partner for nearly a year now. at the beginning we were really happy. then about six months ago i found out that he'd been texing someone behind my back. he said some hurtful things about me to this other ...

A.   20 December 2007: I think he needs to grow up! He has the balls to tell you that you are wrong and he doesnt know if he can forgive you? After you sorted out the problem, he changed his number and deleted heres, and that should have been the end of that if that ... (read in full...)

My boyfriends dad has just died. I don't know how to comfort him without crying. Please help!

Q.   My boyfriends dad just died and i am about to cry and i don't know how to act or what to say no one close to me ever died what should i do?...

A.   17 December 2007: I went through this two years ago with my boyfriend. All I could do is be there for him when he needed me. Be his shoulder to cry on and be as strong as possible. If he wants to cry, let him, its the best way for him to get through the initial ... (read in full...)

Once a man has a history in Cheating, is it statistics or signs he will continue on this pattern?

Q.   If a man has cheated on his first wife and divorces her. Then marries the Gf he had the affair with and cheats on her and divorces her.Will he continue this pattern with the current Gf?...

A.   14 December 2007: I'm sorry to say but more than 75% of them will be constant cheats. I'm not saying it is a certainty, but you can bet that he will always have the propensity to want to look elsewhere. If he has cheated on every solid relationship he has had, the... (read in full...)

My boyfriend is in jail for abusing his sister when she was younger... Am I stupid for staying with him?

Q.   Well, my boyfriend is in jail now. He has been in there for almost 7 months. His sister called the cops and told them that he raped her ever since she was 8 and he was 10. Of course, i didnt believe her, but he is in jail, but then again, all the ...

A.   14 December 2007: For someone that was sexually abused by someone that I trusted 100%, I could never forgive or forget him for doing that to me! I am sorry to say that I think you are crazy for staying with him, simply because if he did it one time in a rage, to... (read in full...)

I paid for us to go away but now we have split up he won't pay his share. How can I get him to pay?

Q.   I recently bought tickets for my bf and I to go on a trip out of the country. He had no intention, it turns out, of paying me back, and now that we've broken up, I have a feeling I'll never see that money again, but IF there is a chance of getting ...

A.   12 December 2007: Well first off it boils down to what "agreement" he had with you to pay the debt off. If you didnt have an agreement as such to pay off this debt, then you have nothing. Its an unfortunate situation, one that I have found myself in before, ... (read in full...)

I have had a rough year

Q.   I want to know what people think of the year I've had (relationship-wise); it would be interesting for me to find out: It all started very well in January when I was going out with a girl who lived in Yorkshire, but after 2 months, she chea...

A.   11 December 2007: I can understand where you are coming from. There are a lot of people out there though that have had a rough year and have chosen to rather learn from the experience though rather than doing something silly. I'm not judging you though! I have bee... (read in full...)

My wife's past hurts me deeply

Q.   I met my current wife of 2 yrs when we were just barely old enough to get a drivers license. I was into her right away. In fact she was the first girl I had ever asked on a date. I was 16 and she was 15 (and a few months shy of 16). She shot me down ...

A.   5 December 2007: You have to remember that this is her past! Yes, she was no angel and yes she has made mistakes. Yes she knew how you felt and she still went out with other guys, but sometimes it takes time to find out that you are in love with that person! It ... (read in full...)

We both have properties, if I move with her I'd have to sell what I own, is it not too big of a risk? What should I do?

Q.   Been in a relationship for a year, and now, I need to decide whether I want to take it further by moving in with my partner. She's not interested in getting married, owns her own house. I also own a house, but if I move in, I will have to sell what ...

A.   4 December 2007: My boyfriend and I are in that same situation. We have been together almost 10 years, he has his house and I have mine. We love each other and intend getting married however neither of us are prepared to sell our properties. He doesnt want to live ... (read in full...)

He said he would wait for me but the way he is acting I am not sure he will.

Q.   Just to recap: I was in a 3year relationship with a man I loved dearly and with all my heart. However, we fought a lot and he never understood the things I needed and I was always wrong which frustrated me a lot and was always unhappy. He is a gre...

A.   4 December 2007: My advice is this. Stay out of a relationship until you have healed. There is no point in getting yourself hurt or hurting someone else for that matter. You cant fall in love until you are ready for it, no matter how much you want to. So you coul... (read in full...)

I want to see my one-night stand again...how do I go about it??

Q.   I slept with this guy this weekend. We were talking at a party and I was definately the aggressor, but he was into it too. Anyway we ended up back at my place and had sex and a while later niether one of us was asleep so we made some sandwiches ...

A.   4 December 2007: I agree that if you are able to get someone to give him your number, you have made the first move. What happens next is up to him. He can either call or not, but the next move is in his ball court!... (read in full...)

I found a pregnancy test and a female's picture in my husband's toolbox. I suspect an affair.

Q.   i found a pregancy test in my husband toolbox and a pic. of a girl. he told me that the test and the pic. had been in thier a long time,the test was his exwife and the girl he don`t rem... how do i no he telling me the truth. rem.. he lied to me ...

A.   30 November 2007: I think the question here is that if his "excuse" is as he has stated, then why is he holding onto an ex partners pregnancy test and a picture of another girl? I personally think he is telling tails and that he just thought of the first thing th... (read in full...)

Sick with dread at the thought of Christmas and the tension it causes.

Q.   Hi, Christmas is coming and the thought of Christmas day makes me feel sick, not with excitement but with dread. Right to explain, The first year my partner and I were together, we hardly knew each other and spent Christmas day apart (even though w...

A.   28 November 2007: I dont think you are asking too much at all. My family tradition is that its a time for family to pull together and spend time together. Not for dad to go to the pub and get hammered. He is a father and therefore should act like one! My dad is i... (read in full...)

How can I stop thinking about the future and think about the here and now??

Q.   Ok i recently came on and said i was stessing about leaving school although i dont leave till may 2009. I am still upset and recently had a dream about the last day of year 11 which triggerd all thease emotions. I know i can always stop for sixth fo...

A.   28 November 2007: Its will be the end of a chapter in your life, but the start of a whole new book for you. You think you like school now, well you will love college or university even more. You think schools a party, well college and university is an even bigger p... (read in full...)

How long will a guy wait for sex??

Q.   So heres just a general question to see what everyones point of view is. How long is a unreasonable amount of time to expect a guy to wait for sex? What I mean is, say a girl isnt ready to have sex with her bf (whether she be a virgin or not) but...

A.   28 November 2007: I would wait as long as it takes to make sure that that person is the right one for me. If he wasnt ready and I was, then I would respect his wishes! Sex is a part of a relationship, but it is most certainly not the most important part of having a... (read in full...)

My girlfriend is pregant with another mans child...what should I do??

Q.   My girlfriend is pregnant by another man! I have been with my girlfriend for nearly 6 years. Over the last 3 years or so she has had an increasing problem with drink and because of this, she has been telling lies over the most stupid things. ...

A.   28 November 2007: I am sorry to hear about how she has been leading you on a merry chase. Its most certainly not fair on you! I think the fact that she has been so dishonest on more than one occasion begs the question whether she seriously wants a relation... (read in full...)

Husband makes belittling comments about my looks

Q.   My husband is usually a very loving, caring, and sweet guy. We have been married for 10 years now and he has always told me how beautiful, smart, etc. I am. Recently, over the past year or so, that commentary has tapered off and he has even ...

A.   28 November 2007: Honestly I dont think he is trying to be nasty or belittle you, I honestly think he thinks people will find the jokes funny! My dad has that sense of humour too. My mum finds his comments offensive and sometimes they are, but he doesnt mean any... (read in full...)

I fallen for a musician who played in our town, now I'm thinking of moving near him, how do I tell him I'm interested in a relationship?

Q.   O.k., basically I met the guy of my dreams and he lives a long way away from me. I am almost 23 and he is 26. We met the first time in person when he and his band were on tour and played a show where I lived about 7 months ago. We keep in touch ...

A.   26 November 2007: Well at least you have your head screwed on right! Okay so I have a little more information to go on! I am of the belief that honesty is the best policy, but I also dont believe in getting ones feelings hurt unnecessarily. Perhaps the best thi... (read in full...)

I fallen for a musician who played in our town, now I'm thinking of moving near him, how do I tell him I'm interested in a relationship?

Q.   O.k., basically I met the guy of my dreams and he lives a long way away from me. I am almost 23 and he is 26. We met the first time in person when he and his band were on tour and played a show where I lived about 7 months ago. We keep in touch ...

A.   26 November 2007: Telling him how you feel can be tricky, simply because him telling you that he thinks you are adorable doesnt really mean that he is into you. It could do, but it could also mean that he likes you in a different way than you like him so you have to ... (read in full...)

I fallen for a musician who played in our town, now I'm thinking of moving near him, how do I tell him I'm interested in a relationship?

Q.   O.k., basically I met the guy of my dreams and he lives a long way away from me. I am almost 23 and he is 26. We met the first time in person when he and his band were on tour and played a show where I lived about 7 months ago. We keep in touch ...

A.   26 November 2007: Telling him how you feel can be tricky, simply because him telling you that he thinks you are adorable doesnt really mean that he is into you. It could do, but it could also mean that he likes you in a different way than you like him so you have to ... (read in full...)

I ended up in bed briefly with someone who took advantage of my condition. Since then, my relation deteriorated. I'm close to break down, what can I do?

Q.   i had been with my girl friend for 1 yr 6mth, we found each other at the perfect time. i admired,respected and fell in love with her for 6 mnths befor we got together. the day we started seeing each was incrediable, i had never ever wanted s.on...

A.   16 November 2007: You have made mistakes, but you have also come such a long way since you were "that person"! Good on you for moving on from drugs and making the decision to get your life back in order. I think the most important thing you need to understa... (read in full...)

Can I get pregnant by oral sex?

Q.   hi i am a 14 year old girl,and recently i have had a boy come to my house i know him and that!but the thing is recently me and him have become quite close mates!me and my mom have had partys lately at my house so he has being coming round and that ...

A.   16 November 2007: No you cant get pregnant by doing this, however you can contract sexually transmitted diseases. I would strongly suggest that you stop doing this before you catch something you really dont want. Or somehow go further than you think you are goin... (read in full...)

We've decided to abort. We were close to engagement. Is her dumping me now likely to be a self defense/preservation reaction due to hormone changes and being scared?

Q.   Help!! I recently found out my girlfriend was pregnant. It was a great shock to us both. We both have children from previous relationships. We talked about the options and both agreed a termination was the best option, although we both considered ...

A.   13 November 2007: In your last statement you were honest and admitted that your initial reaction was not what it should have been. However, you said that you told her a couple of days later that you were "prepared to keep the baby". I hope you didnt say it like that. ... (read in full...)

We've decided to abort. We were close to engagement. Is her dumping me now likely to be a self defense/preservation reaction due to hormone changes and being scared?

Q.   Help!! I recently found out my girlfriend was pregnant. It was a great shock to us both. We both have children from previous relationships. We talked about the options and both agreed a termination was the best option, although we both considered ...

A.   12 November 2007: Personally I think she is so riddled with guilt that she cannot even contemplate seeing you in fear of what you may think of her. It may be that perhaps when you were discussing the baby that you may inadvertently said something that made her feel ... (read in full...)

Is it wrong to date a younger guy?

Q.   I like this guy for long time. We have been friends for almost 4 years and i seem to have not lost interest in him. I have tried so hard to stop liking him because he is a year younger than me but it's really hard. I even dated other guys to try ...

A.   8 November 2007: Stop panicing about it. A year is nothing at your age! When its 3-4 years difference at your age, then start thinking outside the box. But at the moment, go for it!... (read in full...)

Any suggestions what may have happened to my missing friend??

Q.   A couple of years ago I had an extremely complicated relationship with my best friend. It ended not too long after it started and we've spent the last two years getting back to the way we were before we dated and wrecked our friendship. It's only ...

A.   8 November 2007: Well I would probably see about contacting his parents. His parents will surely know where he is. Perhaps he has decided that he needs a change of scenery and decided to take a working holiday somewhere. It happens a lot to people your age. Befor... (read in full...)

My husband threatened my 11 year old with a knife!

Q.   been married to a controling man for 10 yrs and have 3 kids lately he has grabbed me by the face a couple of times when he says i have done wrong and just last week he threatened my 11 year old while he had a knife in his hand. i have no life and ...

A.   7 November 2007: My sister was in the same situation some years ago. She had the same fears as you, and rightly so. Your kids have been through enough, as have you! No-one deserves to be treated in the manner that you and your kids have. They are what matters ... (read in full...)

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