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... Send *idge a private message | | | *idge's profile:I'm 35 years old and after 12 years have just broken up with my boyfriend. I was born and lived in South Africa until 1997, when I moved to Scotland. I am currently studying Community Education after my father passed away in July 2009. His death made me think long and hard about what I had, what I want and how Im going to get it. I have loved, lost and loved again. I have a lot of experience in areas that sometimes I wish I never had, but the experiences make me stronger and able to deal with things that normally I wouldnt be able to. I dont pull any punches and call a spade a spade, some like it, some dont. If you ask for advice, be prepared for a frank and honest answer. |
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Am I beign unreasonable??
Q. I have been happily married for a decade. My husband has always had lots of female friends, who I get along with usually. Recently, my husband met a single mum of one and I did not really mind. I went to meet her but she ignored me most of the time ...
A. 22 June 2008: I dont think you are being unreasonable at all, but I do think that you need to be clear about bounderies here. He obviously isnt too sure about where bounderies start and end and this is where the problems are coming in.
You need to sit down and... (read in full...)
I tried to apologise but he said it's over. How can I cope?
Q. Me and my boyfriend fell out 3 weeks ago and after 1 week of not speaking I rang him to apologise but he didn't answer so i left a message. 2 weeks later I had heard nothing back so I rang him to try and sort things out and he told me he thought I ...
A. 22 June 2008: I know if may sound really terrible but there is no easy way to get over someone. I am a very big believer in the fact that an ex is an ex for a reason.
Okay so you had an argument and you at least had the guts to call him and apologise. That tak... (read in full...)
Any woman had a hysterectomy due to cervical cancer? Any advice?
Q. Any woman diagnosed with HPV and had a hysterectomy due to Cervical Cancer as a result of HPV ??? I need some answers or advice? Thanx a billion....
A. 19 June 2008: My mom had cervical cancer and had to get a hysterectomy about 20 years ago now.
I am not sure what you want to know about it, but I am happy to answer if I can.
One thing I know for certain is that your sex drive does deteriorate a LO... (read in full...)
What constitutes cheating?
Q. Hi to all you advisors out there on this site. I don't have a problem, but here's the story. A few weeks ago we had friends over and somehow the subject of my 'former best friend' came up. He is only a 'former best friend' because of his divorce, he ...
A. 19 June 2008: I agree 100% with you. I would however say that I would NOT constitute having a fantasy about someone as cheating. You havent done anything wrong. You have thought about it Yes, but you have not done anything about it. It works the same as "you can ... (read in full...)
Bullying problem! I need help!
Q. hello, i'm a 14 year old female living in england. I know this page is for love and sex questions but i have a really important one...about bulling. Its a long story but please read. Last friday me and my friend "AM" skived school. Even tho...
A. 16 June 2008: This is a difficult question because I dont feel that there is any "right" way to sort this out without anyone being put into a difficult situation.
Okay, I was bullied at primary school and I mean big time! So I can see where you are coming f... (read in full...)
It's like she lives on another planet. Is this abnormal and how do I fix it?
Q. My wife of five years is driving me crazy. We're both Christians but she, unlike me, is very devout and has an incredibly attitude towards all forms of physical intimacy. She isn't interested in having kids and does not believe in recreational sex. ...
A. 15 June 2008: Okay, my boyfriend is a devout Catholic. He feels very much the same way as your wife, however, me being a Christian and to be honest, a very naughty one, we came to a compromise when it came down to things like sex.
My boyfriend would NEVER ev... (read in full...)
They're making fun of me - how do I deal with that?
Q. almost every one at school makes fun of me because i'm not strong,athletic,or tall what do i do...
A. 15 June 2008: Ever heard the saying "dynamite comes in small packages", well trust me it does.
I was made fun of as a kid of your age because I was tiny. I was thin and scrawney, I could run but then find I would trip over my own feet so it gave them a little... (read in full...)
Can a guy and a girl really be just friends?
Q. Can a guy and a girl really be just friends? And by friends, I mean more then just talk and hang out in the same group. I mean have a proper friendship. Can they be best friends? So far in my life, at age of 19, I havent been able to have that. An...
A. 15 June 2008: Yes, at school all my friends apart from one were guys. My girl friend stopped speaking to me when I moved country, but my guy friends still talk to me to this day and even come over for holidays and stay with me.
The thing is, we all know whe... (read in full...)
What do you think the average age to have your first child in today's society?
Q. Consider the fact that you're a working woman that have your own career, what do you think the average age to have your first child in today's society?...
A. 12 June 2008: I think each case is individual. Both my sisters had their first kid when they were 19 years old. I personally think that is too young because you have not lived, nor have you any career. But that is just a personal opinion. I am sure there are MANY ... (read in full...)
Am I going in the right direction if I want to lose weight?
Q. i have a health problem as told from other people and i know this myself. i am quite over weight lets say around 45 pounds overweight and it's been 4 years since i was in great shape. now i am not in great shape. i've been thinking about my weight ...
A. 12 June 2008: Okay, I have been told by my doctor that I need to loose 2 stone because of a medical condition that I have. So I have done something similar to you:-
I have three small meals a day, whether I want them or not. Made up by fruit, vegetable a little... (read in full...)
Is it weird that I fancy transvestites?
Q. Is it weird that I fancy transvestites? I am a 19yo female in a loving realtionship but I keep fantasising about trannies and have started masterbating watching this porn.. Is this normal or just weird?...
A. 12 June 2008: Hey, I am a firm believer that so long as you are not hurting anyone, whatever rocks your boat hunnie!
If its trannies that does it for you, so be it. Some straight people like watching gay porn. Why, I couldnt tell you, but they do and they get... (read in full...)
Should I tell her I've been recording our conversations?
Q. recently ive been recording me and my girls conversations without her knowing. i do this so i can play them back later and analyze what she said. should i tell her about this or would that seem sketchy?...
A. 9 June 2008: Okay, the first thing that comes to mind is that it sounds like you are obsessed and bordering on stalking her. You really need to stop this.
I definately wouldnt tell her because she will probably be very freaked out. It sounds like you are so i... (read in full...)
What should my next move be to obtain the maximum out of this situation? She is ignoring my calls for now...
Q. Hi, I met a girl on the internet and got on well on a 1st date on a Thursday. Lots in common, held hands, smiled a lot. I phoned her on the sunday, asked whether she wanted to go out on tuesday which she couldn't do. She then offered up friday but ...
A. 9 June 2008: I think something very simple should suffice. You dont want to sound desperate or too eager, but at the same time you want her to know that you are still up for it. Something simple like "We still on for Friday?"
You are giving her the option t... (read in full...)
Does size matter? And how do I increase the size of my penis?
Q. DOes the size of a man's penis really matter? And how do i increase the size of my penis?...
A. 27 May 2008: Size doesnt matter one bit! Men have this misconception that woman want men with large penis's which is totally untrue! Its how you make us feel while you are making love to us that counts!... (read in full...)
WOMEN: Have you ever dated an older man? MEN: Any insight on younger women?
Q. Women : Have you ever dated an older man? If you have, how young were you when you first dated an older man, and what was it like? Age gap? Men: Any insight on younger women? I’m 23, she’s 19. I’ve always dated women my age or a couple ...
A. 20 May 2008: Well my boyfriend is 10 years older than me. We met when he was 33 and I was 23. We hit it off immediately and we are still together 10 years later.... (read in full...)
The man I met online made me feel like a princess. Now he wants to take things a bit slower. Should I be worried?
Q. I was married for 16 years to a man who in general treated me well but ultimately chose to cheat on me throughout the marriage. We are divorced now. I went on a dating site and met a man who was very intersted in me. Everything happened very fast ...
A. 18 May 2008: I wouldnt be worried. He too is probably just scared of getting hurt and wants to make sure that his decisions in getting involved are right. I met my boyfriend online and with us too, things went REALLY fast in the first month, then he too backed ... (read in full...)
My family disapproves of my husband because of his race, now they want to come see our new baby!
Q. My family does not approve of my husband because he is another race. I married him anyways because I love him and he loves me. I just had a baby in April and now my family decides they want to talk to me and see the baby. I have said no because I am ...
A. 14 May 2008: You only get one mom and dad. Yes, they messed up, but they are human too. A parent will never get everything right 100% of the time, so you have to try and forgive them for those mistakes they make.
Try and build a bridge between your parents ... (read in full...)
Just found out my boyfriend has kids, after he told me he didn't! Should I dump him?
Q. I just found out after six months of dating my boyfriend that he has kids. He told me he didn't should I dump him ? I have not talked to him for 3 days and he keeps calling and leaving messages about how sorry he is. Thanks for any input someone can ...
A. 14 May 2008: I dont know how long you have been going out, but if it were me in your shoes I would be seriously thinking about his commitment to the relationship. A relationship is built on trust and honesty, and if he cant get that right from the getgo, I ... (read in full...)
I keep miscarrying, why can't I stay pregnant?
Q. Hi everyone, I feel like i'm about to just break down and just die it's tearing me apart that i can't ever stay pregnant, or get pregnant when i want! I was 5 weeks pregnant and i have no idea why i have miscarriages. Its tearing me apart, i dont...
A. 7 May 2008: Its hard when you loose a baby, but dont stress just yet. My mum had 9 miscarriages before she had my two sisters and 4 years later, me. After my two sisters, my mum was told she couldnt have any more kids, but "Hello" I'm here. All her miscarriages ... (read in full...)
Is there any chance of us being together in spite of our families and school trying to break us up? We pertain to different races.
Q. About 8 months ago a guy from school and I started getting close.( He is currently deputy head boy and black, I'm white) At first I took everything he said to me as a joke cos I couldn't see how one of the most popular guys at school could like me. ...
A. 28 April 2008: I think unless you have lived in the country, you couldnt imagine how an inter-racial relationship is seen in South Africa. Most say that judging people by their colour is stupid, and I would agree with that. However when you have the problems ... (read in full...)
Should I become a meaner person... or louder and outspoken just to be loved??
Q. So i am the sweetest person anyone can meet..evryone who i have ever encountered tells me that i am nice and i am really kindhearted. I am willing to be devoted to someone, care about them and be faithful...so i dnt understand why guys wont make me ...
A. 27 April 2008: First things first, DONT EVER CHANGE WHO YOU ARE FOR ANY MAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You are so young, why would you even consider changing who you are for anyone. If you are not a bad person and as nice as you say, then wait till the right person comes al... (read in full...)
I moved two hours away from him and it scares me when I don't hear from him for days!?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been dating since just after christmas and I'm completely crazy about him. My family moved recently though and we're not that far apart but it's still two hours and he's my only social life. I'm really busy with my own ...
A. 27 April 2008: My boyfriend is on the road for between 6 and 8 months of the year. During the time he is away, I am lucky if I get to speak to him every 3-4 days because he is so busy.
They dont mean to ignore us or anything, but they are so busy and dont hav... (read in full...)
Is there any chance of us being together in spite of our families and school trying to break us up? We pertain to different races.
Q. About 8 months ago a guy from school and I started getting close.( He is currently deputy head boy and black, I'm white) At first I took everything he said to me as a joke cos I couldn't see how one of the most popular guys at school could like me. ...
A. 27 April 2008: Okay, I am South African and I know the stigma attached to races in South Africa, so can understand the situation you are in, is somewhat difficult and most of the time considered a disgrace.
If you two are so in love and feel so much for each oth... (read in full...)
Can my sister be pregnant?
Q. Hi i have a 15 year old sister and she had sex for the first time on march 4 2008 and today is april 15 2008 she has not gotten a period but she says her period was irregular but then regular so my question is can she be pregnant?????...
A. 15 April 2008: Sorry, probably not the answer you wanna hear, but the answer is YES. Get her to go and see her GP ASAP!... (read in full...)
My sisters boyfriends are nasty? Is there anything I can do?
Q. hi, my sisters boyfriends are not nice to say the least. Basicly, my older sister, she is married has two children and married to this guy who basicly treats her terribly, she may as well be a single mom as she is the only one who takes care of the ...
A. 15 April 2008: This sounds like my family! I have two older sisters. My oldest sister is married to a complete *****. He beats her up and she does EVERYTHING in the house while he sits and expects everything to be done. I have always wondered why she ever married ... (read in full...)
Poll Question, Please answer: Are you closer to your Mom, or to your Dad?
Q. Hi Guys! This isnt really a romance question, but a relationship one nonetheless, and I would really like as many answers as possible. My boyfriend and I have a differance of opinion on familial relationships. One of us says that boys generall...
A. 15 April 2008: I couldnt actually choose just now to be honest. I am really close to both my parents, however this has not always been the case.
I have always been close to my mum. A real mummy's girl however as I have grown older, in particular since we emigr... (read in full...)
12 years old - too young to have sex?
Q. i wanna have sex but i think 12 is tooo young!...
A. 10 April 2008: Not only is it too young, but totally illegal. Its illegal for a reason! You are too mentally immature to deal with the aftermath of such an ordeal at that age, and thats exactly what it is at that age, an ordeal. Hang on to your childhood as long ... (read in full...)
I've been with my boyfriend for 5 years and he's been abusive for 2 years.
Q. We started off happy, but then he became homeless so I was there for him, I slept outside with him some nights even in his car. I didn't want to leave him alone, we stayed at my parents a lot which is when they started disliking him. For 2 years ...
A. 8 April 2008: You are telling us that you love him however this man abuses you both mentally and physically but you dont feel the same way about him anymore? If you dont feel the same way about him anymore it means that you love him, just not in love with him. A ... (read in full...)
I've been through so much s*** in my life, I'm affraid to go to sleep!!
Q. Hi aunts and uncles. This is nothing to do with relationships, but i really need some advice on what to do. Life is a lot better than it used to be, but i still dont think i can cope with it and i dont know whats bothering me anymore!! ...
A. 2 April 2008: Your life story sounds similar to mine in a lot of respects. I am only 32 years old, but if I told you half of what has happened to me, you probably wouldnt believe me.
The main thing to remember is that you have a support system! You also hav... (read in full...)
Is it normal that I still visit my friend's grave?
Q. is it normal that I still visit my best friends grave even though hes been gone for 8 years he died of leukemia and my friends say that its not healthy to think about the deacesed, but im happy and talk to him even though he cant hear me I like to ...
A. 28 March 2008: Personally having lost a lot of close friends and family in my life, I can say it is totally normal. I still miss them and go and chat to them every chance I get. Its not being morbit, its our way of staying close to those we loved even if we cant ... (read in full...)
I wanted sex, he didn't at first but in the end gave in! Now he claims it was rape?!
Q. The other night I came home drunk and very horny but my boyfriend was asleep in bed. I woke him up by kissing him and touching him down there. At first he told me leave him alone as he was tired but in the end he turned round and we had full sex, as ...
A. 24 March 2008: It was definately not rape! He probably cant justify his argument when you were having an argument, so decides to try his luck at trying to scare you.
You should tell him to call the police. In fact you should tell him that you will dial the numb... (read in full...)
I felt really confident about myself until finding out that my BF's ex is a supermodel!!
Q. Been going out with this gorgeous guy for the last couples of months and really like him. We spend hours in bed just cuddling, it's lovely. I recently found out that his ex girlfriend was a supermodel. I'm not exaggerating either - she actually ...
A. 21 March 2008: Have you seen supermodels without their makeup on? Just take one look at them without their makeup and then lets talk again!
The only thing that they have going for them is the fact that makeup hides a thousand problems. You probably dont have tha... (read in full...)
My partner who is 10 years older treats me like a child! It ruins my day!
Q. My boyfriend and I have lived together for a year. Everything is usually fine because my bf is very caring and we love each other. But, one thing really bothers me and it often makes me upset. He is 10 years older than me and it is true that he is ...
A. 19 March 2008: Well my boyfriend is almost 10 years older than me and I have had the very same issue. We have been together almost 10 years now and I have learnt to deal with issue.
He too tells me when I am making a mistake or how things should be done. Ho... (read in full...)
Should I worry that my girlfriend stays in contact with her ex?
Q. I met my girlfriend about 6 months ago. She just got out of a realtionship then about 2 months. She left the guy because of a disease. Ever since then she is been in contact with him. He calls her all the time and she likes talking to him. If she d...
A. 12 March 2008: I was in a relationship once that was very much like this. The problem was, I was in her shoes. I was the one that couldnt let go of my ex. The difference was my ex was murdered and when I started dating again, he was all I could talk about. I didnt ... (read in full...)
I'm scared my boyfriend will beat me!
Q. Ive been going out with my boyfriend Steve for a year now. The thing is, he has troule erecting. He is always watching porn, and I am anorexic, which he finds extremely sexy. Also last year, Dan his friend raped me. I didn't tell Steve as I know he ...
A. 12 March 2008: Can you not see the damage you are doing to yourself putting yourself in this situation? You are anorexic probably caused by all this drama.
If you are scared of your boyfriend what kind of relationship do you think that is? You are young. Y... (read in full...)
Will leaving a tampon in too long cause infertility?
Q. Hey I was just wondering is it true, that if you leave your tampon in for too long it can lessen the chances of being able to have kids?? (say over the recommended time of 4hours?) Thanks its been worrying me....
A. 12 March 2008: Firstly, it is definately not advisable to leave a tampon in for that length of time. Its unhygenic and can cause toxic shock which can ultimately cause death.
There has been no known issue such as sterility or anything like that. But it can caus... (read in full...)
Age gap between our kids and his sons kids!
Q. I just recently got married and my husband is 43, and I am 23. I know a lot of people question the whole age gap thing but our age isn't what my question is about. Anyways, he has 2 sons, 1 is 13 and 1 is 21. My question is if his son the 21 years...
A. 11 March 2008: I went to school with a guy whose aunt was in the same year as him. It wasnt weird for them at all. In fact a lot of people found it rather fascinating and a hot topic for conversation. And not a topic of conversation in a bad way, but it gave rise ... (read in full...)
Is she pregnant or trapping him?
Q. I have a problem, I split from my 10 year relationship back in September as I was really unhappy, I was pregnant last year and had a miscarriage I was a emotional wrack and decided to end things with my boyfriend as I did not know what I wanted… A ...
A. 3 March 2008: My suggestion to you is simple. Ride it out! She may or may not be pregnant. If by chance she is, I would suggest a paternity test straight after its birth as she may have done something stupid to get herself pregnant to trap him, by having a one ... (read in full...)
Do younger women really ever go for older guys say 15 to 20 years older?
Q. Do younger women really ever go for older guys say 15 to 20 years older? I am interested in some real life occurances that worked out. Thanks for inputs....
A. 28 February 2008: I can honestly say they do! My boyfriend is just shy of 10 years older than me. My parents are 15 years apart so I can say that does definately happen!... (read in full...)
He's dying......And I think I'm going to break....
Q. I fairly recently split up with an ex... I was very much in love with him.... but there was a big distance between us and I very rarely saw him... I was so unhappy I ended things. Since I have found a lovely guy nearer... who I am happy with.... But ...
A. 27 February 2008: You are in a difficult situation, and I'm sorry about this situation you have been put in.
If it were me, the first thing I would do is speak to your current partner and tell him that he has nothing to worry about, no matter what happens. This is ... (read in full...)
How can you tell it was rape?
Q. I was 14 when it happened, most people don't believe me, not even my friends. I snuck out of the house to go meet 2 of my girlfriends and two of their guy friends. I had 7 shots, not that many but I passed out in the next 5 mintues. I keep waking u...
A. 18 February 2008: Having been through all of this myself I suggest that firstly you go and get an HIV test even if it was some time ago. Then you need to seek councelling at this very early stage.
You say you were 14 when it happened and from the details you give... (read in full...)
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