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*idge

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I'm 35 years old and after 12 years have just broken up with my boyfriend. I was born and lived in South Africa until 1997, when I moved to Scotland. I am currently studying Community Education after my father passed away in July 2009. His death made me think long and hard about what I had, what I want and how Im going to get it. I have loved, lost and loved again. I have a lot of experience in areas that sometimes I wish I never had, but the experiences make me stronger and able to deal with things that normally I wouldnt be able to. I dont pull any punches and call a spade a spade, some like it, some dont. If you ask for advice, be prepared for a frank and honest answer.

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Husband being pestered by his ex

Q.   I am with my husband for over 6yrs. His ex keeps calling and texting him. He takes her calls and admit that they talk every week and they are just friends. It make me feel insecure when they speak to eachother; he still insist that they are just ...

A.   4 May 2010: I trust my boyfriend. I dont trust her as far as I can throw her, and she knows that. She used to call at 3am then 11pm until we had to answer. He is always nice when she calls. What you need to do is speak to him about boundaries. Tell him you ... (read in full...)

Husband being pestered by his ex

Q.   I am with my husband for over 6yrs. His ex keeps calling and texting him. He takes her calls and admit that they talk every week and they are just friends. It make me feel insecure when they speak to eachother; he still insist that they are just ...

A.   3 May 2010: Right, I have this same issue with my boyfriend, however I feel that I have dealt with it in the most responsible and dignified way. I trust him, although I dont trust her! The most effective way I found in dealing with it is letting them be ... (read in full...)

This guy has got to me but there's an ex in the picture

Q.   dont know were to start,i wrte in a few days ago about i met a musician who approached me ask me to tex him and he was`nt attached!so i texed him and no reply texed again still no reply i hate waiting and i know he was going to germany for 5wks soon ...

A.   3 May 2010: Remember, sometimes you dont immediately have a spark in a relationship, sometimes that spark has to grow. Dont count out the teacher! Perhaps go out on a date, and if after that date there isnt even a smidgeon of a spark, then its not gonna happen! ... (read in full...)

10 years of marriage and I don't feel the same way about my husband anymore

Q.   Hi, I have been married for 10 years and have realized that I no longer feel the same way about my husband as I used to. He has put me through so much and I feel I cant be myself with him anymore, I am totally switched off. He has lied to me so ...

A.   3 May 2010: I can actually identify with you on this point. I can totally understand where you are coming from. If I can make a suggestion, I suggest separation! He needs to learn the consequences of his actions and just see where it goes. But, I think yo... (read in full...)

What do you think about age difference relationships?

Q.   Hi everyone. I'm going to try and make this question as short as possible. I work with a lad [I'm a student with a part time job] and have started to develop feelings for him. We have been texting a lot recently, usually just before bed. In t...

A.   3 May 2010: Im 34, my boyfriend is 43. I used to go out with a guy when I was 18, he was 17. Although it was fine for a while, I found him VERY immature! Age gap doesnt matter too much unless the age gap is where one is a minor and the other old enough to be ... (read in full...)

This guy has got to me but there's an ex in the picture

Q.   dont know were to start,i wrte in a few days ago about i met a musician who approached me ask me to tex him and he was`nt attached!so i texed him and no reply texed again still no reply i hate waiting and i know he was going to germany for 5wks soon ...

A.   3 May 2010: My boyfriend is a musician in a very well known UK band. People think its great going out with a musician, and I can say it has its pro's but it most certainly has its cons. More cons than pro's! So think long and hard if you want to go out with ... (read in full...)

My wife doesn't let me give her oral sex and leaves her pubic hair ungroomed, I like it shaved. Any ideas?

Q.   I've been married now for over five years. My wife and I have a great sexual relationship with some of the best sex I have every had. There are two things that I'm having trouble speaking to her about. My wife leaves her pubic hair ungroomed. ...

A.   3 May 2010: I can honestly say that I detest my boyfriend giving me oral. It makes me feel uncomfortable and I tend to get put off continuing with sex. She probably has issues similar to me, in that she feels uncomfortable with it. And no matter how many times ... (read in full...)

How do I explain to a woman that I don't want to have kids?

Q.   I had a vasectomy years ago, and to be honest, I'm quite happy with the decision. I definetely don't want to have kids EVER. But how do I explain this to a woman if I ever find one. Will she hate me? Will she immediately leave? How should I...

A.   3 May 2010: Pretty much every woman dreams of having kids, but there are those that are more career orientated and they sometimes choose to have a career rather than kids. Thats is generalizing however! You made a decision that you will have to live with, an... (read in full...)

Happily married but also in love with my possible half brother!

Q.   I have been happily married for nearly six years and have two wonderful children (one from a previous relationship; and one with my husband). A couple of months ago, I made friends with a young couple through friends and over time I fell in love ...

A.   2 May 2010: No offence, but are you serious? Do you have any concept of family and marriage? If you get married, you take the good with the bad, remember in sickness and in health??? You say you dont want to look after your husband and the kids. Seriousl... (read in full...)

I'm really scared about coming out to my family!

Q.   Dear Cupid, I really hate saying this fact about me but i'm gay and have accepted but I'd do anything to not feel like this but I can't turn back now. I've gone through the step of accepting myself for it now I always fantasise and occasionally...

A.   2 May 2010: I went through this with my friend when I was in my final year at school. He was petrified of telling me because he thought that I would react badly. It took a lot to muster up the courage to tell me, but I tell you what, it made our relationship ... (read in full...)

Pregnancy and depo provera shots?

Q.   I recently got back with my ex of three years ago. We have had sex without a condom several times. I got my first depo-provera shot on Feb. 15 th 2010, and had no problem what so ever with bleeding. Him and I got back together on April 16th of this ...

A.   2 May 2010: Here is a website to check out. It answers all your questions about pregnancy on dp and spotting. http://www.babyhopes.com/articles/depoprovera.html... (read in full...)

My girlfriend's period is late, should I worry?

Q.   The other day my girlfriend told me she can't remember when she had her last period. This understandably freaked me out. Whenever we have sex and I cum its always with a condom. I remember once before she brought this up to me, but it was a fal...

A.   2 May 2010: There are a lot of things that can make a girls period late. Okay, a condom aint full proof, they say they are about 93% or something like that, so there is a slim chance. I lost my dad in July last year to cancer. I cared for him for 9 months b... (read in full...)

I've been labelled a tease because I won't sleep with him!

Q.   I am talking to this guy i really like, he is technically my first everything! (Besides when i was younger like 10-12 messing around with my older bro's friends going to third base (oral sex) ditching 1st). I am now 26. He is what i want to ...

A.   2 May 2010: You may or may not like what Im about to say, but its my honest opinion. You say you are old fashioned, yet you have done a lot barring vaginal sex? That is being somewhat of a tease to be honest. You are giving him signals that he is going to... (read in full...)

I want to be able to forgive my mother even tho she is violent, abandoned the family, and now wants to take our home away from us.

Q.   OK, so this is a long story that I'll sum up. My mom and dad had a huge fight one day. My mother ended up leaving because I took dads side and stated that everything should be solved calmly without violence. She wanted us to beg for her back but...

A.   1 May 2010: It will only make you a better person by forgiving! Im sure everything will sort itself out over time. I do hope the best for you!... (read in full...)

I want to be able to forgive my mother even tho she is violent, abandoned the family, and now wants to take our home away from us.

Q.   OK, so this is a long story that I'll sum up. My mom and dad had a huge fight one day. My mother ended up leaving because I took dads side and stated that everything should be solved calmly without violence. She wanted us to beg for her back but...

A.   1 May 2010: Firstly, so far as the financial situation is concerned, although she has taken the $170k from the savings account, the solicitors will sort that out. Im pretty sure that the marital assets will be divided fairly, and that they will take the money ... (read in full...)

My boyfriends family is throwing a 'sweet 16th' party on my 30th. I feel neglected and jealous. Should I say something?

Q.   Here's the deal..my boyfriend of 12yrs. just told me that on my birthday his family is going to have a sweet 16 birthday party for his niece. I was so hurt this is my 30th birthday and was so excited! Because he had told me that he was going to ...

A.   1 May 2010: If his nieces birthday party is supposidly being celebrated 3 months early, does that not seem strange to anyone? And also on the same day as your 30th? Is it not possible that they are organising your 30th birthday party and the reason he hasnt... (read in full...)

I don't classify this as cheating but my boyfriend will!

Q.   Okay, Ive been dating a guy for about 2 months and I told him I would never cheat. But recently I was out with friends (1 girl and 2guys) one of the guys is an ex boyfriend. When we were leaving, i hugged him goodbye and I turned to kiss him on ...

A.   1 May 2010: So long as there was nothing in it, and it was just a quick friendship kiss, thats not cheating. I mean, my boyfriend has friends that are girls and thats happened before where they have turned at the same time, in error, and its a kiss on the lips. ... (read in full...)

I can watch his every move on the computer and its killing me!

Q.   I need some serious advice...I got into a serious relationship last year and then was cheated on and really hurt, and damaged...somewhere in the process of breaking up and then getting back together I installed keylogging software onto my his ...

A.   30 April 2010: Well no-one can tell you what to do, but we can of course give you our own personal opinions and feelings. What you do with it, is your decision. If I were in your position, knowing that I love my boyfriend the way I do, Id kick his arse right ou... (read in full...)

What are the chances I can be pregnant?

Q.   I’m 19 and I had I had protected sex with my boyfriend for the first time on April 23. My period came about the 5 of April usually last about 4 days. My periods are very irregular cannot predict my next one my cycle is typically 30 -35. I believe I ...

A.   29 April 2010: If you did everything you said you did, the chances are slim that you are pregnant, however definately not impossible because the packaging states: "Plan B acts PRIMARILY by stopping the release of an egg from the ovary (ovulation). It MAY prevent ... (read in full...)

Our daughter went missing whilst oversea's 4 years ago. How do I let go?

Q.   Everything I'm about to tell you is true. Four years ago, we had a horrific tragedy occur in the family. We lost our 19 year old daughter to human trafficking. She was a very bright girl; got A's in all her classes and even graduated third ...

A.   29 April 2010: Unfortunately its not a case getting over it, because quite frankly, Im pretty sure you never will. Its about learning to deal with it. I lost my dad just a few months ago, and we thought we were "ready" because he had been ill for about 9 months, ... (read in full...)

Could friction have caused my problem?

Q.   Moderator's Note: This question has been edited to remove sexually explicit descriptions. My boyfriend and I have now been together for a year and a half. He had been working out of town for about three weeks, and when he came back he picked m...

A.   28 April 2010: There are various different reasons that this could have happened. The most common would be bacterial infection, but if the swelling has gone and its back to normal, the chances is it is more likely an allergic reaction. Because its a rather d... (read in full...)

I want to keep in touch with him, but I don't know if I should! Things were fine until his ex spoke up!

Q.   hi i really need some brutal advice here!!! i met this guy in a pub, he works there, he gave me his number but he said that he is texting his ex but he would like to go for a drink with me at some point (and no he is not a player, a few of my frie...

A.   28 April 2010: Eh? Are you kidding me? Seriously, do you think there is any hope for you if he is being strung along by a woman and at the same time, stringing you along? No chance in hell!!! AND, to top it off, you should sneakily buy him drinks? Any bloke th... (read in full...)

I sweat buckets, I can't make eye contact when I talk to older people!

Q.   I find it really hard to talk to people that I know are older than me. It's not like just not knowing what to say, its more than that. I get red, hot and sweat buckets. I can never make eye contact. It only ever really happnes with people I kn...

A.   28 April 2010: Sounds to me like you have an inferiority complex. Its actually more common than you think! People who have an inferiority complex have all those symptoms. They are fine with people who they feel are their equal, but anyone who they consider above ... (read in full...)

Help in leaving an abusive relationship

Q.   We've been living together for almost 13 years. After all the reading on the internet I realize that it is an emotionally abusive relationship. No wonder I've been miserable for 12 of those years. We just bought a house 1 year ago, and have ...

A.   28 April 2010: Where theres a will, theres a way! If it came down to it, I would rather be in debt and happy, than be debt free and miserable! Even with 150k in debts, it would mean that all the assets would need to be sold in order to pay the loans and anything ... (read in full...)

Please Help Me Get A Divorce

Q.   I have been married for 3 years now, and we have a child together. My husband is physically and verbally abusive daily, and the only time we ever talk about anything is when he is yelling about something. It was never like this until our child was ...

A.   27 April 2010: Well you have already done the hard part, and thats seen him for what he really is and make the decision to do something about it. So you are way ahead of many others out there in your situation. SOOOO glad to hear it! Well you mentioned about fi... (read in full...)

My ex has threatened to beat me up!

Q.   I have a massive problem!! My ex-boyfriend Jack has threatened to beat me up just because I added his present girlfriend on Facebook. But I also know that he is cheating on this girl. This girl, let's call her Shelby, has told Jack that I've said ...

A.   23 April 2009: If you are on facebook you can print off the dialog between you and this Shelby. Take a copy of it to him and tell him that that is all the contact that you have had with her, or better yet, take him to the nearest computer and log onto facebook ... (read in full...)

He doesn't see me as his girlfriend

Q.   Hi, i was just wondering, this guy i have been seeing, he is the best ever. He has been married although his wife left 3 years ago.... We would go away on weekends alone and so, although he does not see me as his girlfriend, he says 'you are my ...

A.   2 April 2009: Well you need to make up your mind whether you want to be a sexual toy or if you want a relationship. If you want a relationship I suggest you go look elsewhere, this guy isnt going to make a commitment anytime soon. You are in effect his sex ... (read in full...)

This just doesn't sound right..

Q.   I got some texts to my cell phone one night from an anonymous person claiming she had been sleeping with my boyfriend, they are together and he was leaving me for her. She claims to have read texts I sent him and that she saw my pics in his phone. ...

A.   27 March 2009: Sorry to say that there normally isnt smoke without fire! The chances are he is telling you lies and that he is probably cheating, but you need to be sure in yourself first that this is the case. You need to sit down and take a long hard look at ... (read in full...)

I just found out that my dad died!

Q.   Hi everyone I need help right now!! I just found out that my my best friend died today my dad! And I was crying all through school and my mom wouldn't come get me so I was walking around all day with red puffy eyesand I tryed to wash my makup off ...

A.   27 March 2009: Ive been in your very situation! I found out my boyfriend had died when I was at school. We had had an argument and we hadnt spoken in a few days, then I was asked by one of his friends why I hadnt attended his funeral. Well......as you can imagine ... (read in full...)

Nasty texts! How can I find out who is sending them?

Q.   recently, a few of my friends have been recieving anonymous text messages from somebody which have not been very nice. we know the person sending this knows us, as references are made to personal things, but the person seems to be using an anonymous ...

A.   28 December 2008: I had a similar problem whereby my sister was receiving phone calls of a personal nature on her mobile that were not nice. We didnt know who the caller was, and it eventually landed up being texts. I had had enough of my sister crying to me about... (read in full...)

Every time I try to leave him he always makes me feel sorry for him.

Q.   I've been with my boyfriend for 6 years and we broke up about 4 times and it's always the same reason because he drinks too much, I have lost a lot of feelings for him, I really can't stand him any more!!!! Every time I leave him he comes crying b...

A.   21 November 2008: This is a game to him. He feels that no matter what he does wrong, in the end you will feel sorry for him if he puts on the water works and tells you he's sorry! I had a boyfriend like this once. I landed up staying with him for 4 LONG years!!! Why? ... (read in full...)

I just can't decide whether or not to have kids.

Q.   I am flip-flopping about kids and I am already 33. My husband is 40. He has a wonderful 18-year-old son from a previous marriage, but I have no natural children of my own. He is not unopposed to have another child but is nervous about being an ...

A.   7 November 2008: Okay, I am in the very same boat, so can totally understand you! I am 33, my boyfriend of 10 years is 42. My parents want me to have kids NOW, and we are saying that we dont know if we want kids now or not. Kids are a blessing and not somethin... (read in full...)

Has the age gap finally caught up with us? I'm so discontent!

Q.   Where do i start????...ok so im 31 and my partner of 15 years is 41, we have 2 children, and here is the BUT i dont really know if I'm happy any more, we separated about 2 years ago for a year, then got back together when we got back together things ...

A.   29 October 2008: I personally dont think its the age gap at all. My boyfriend is 42 and I am 33 and it works. But it hasnt been easy I have to say. It only works because we have had to try hard because of his work and now mine. He is out of the country a lot, and... (read in full...)

My friends keep putting me down and tell me to lose weight.

Q.   Hey people here I am again in need of help? I am having trouble about my friends because of my weight they have been putting me down an continue to make fun. Also people have been pressuring me to lose weight and treating me to lose weight or else ...

A.   29 October 2008: Well first off, I dont think anyone should be putting anyone down for being overweight, least of all telling them to loose weight or treat them with disrespect. I have suffered bouts of weight loss and many bouts of weight gain and for reasons that ... (read in full...)

How do I tell my mum that her boyfriend is my boyfriend's brother?

Q.   Hey everyone.. i know that this sounds like something from a tv show, but hear me out please: I've been seeing this great guy for about 5 months, hes 24 and im 22, and we get along really well. Everything is great, like im thinking id want to marry...

A.   21 October 2008: I agree 100% with Tellulah! Tell your mom, she deserves to know what is happening. It will probably be as much of a shock to her as it is to you.... (read in full...)

Can hair be straightened after a perm?

Q.   I was wondering, can you straighten your hair AFTER getting a perm at any time? Because my hair is boring straight and I'm getting tired of it. Like I want a perm but thing is I'm not going to want it curly EVERY DAY, somedays I just might want it ...

A.   20 October 2008: I have dead straight hair. I have had my hair permed on two occasions and it did a lot of damage to my hair. I cut it several times to get the perm out and eventually after a number of years the damage was minimal and I eventually got my hair ... (read in full...)

He accused me of stealing money from him! How do I get past all this?.

Q.   I have been seeing a man for two years. We recently broke up after he accused me of stealing money from him. Keep in mind I have handled thousands for him and this is over $100.00. He is an alcoholic and has become out of control. During the past 2 ...

A.   20 October 2008: I agree with you. No matter what the consequences, you never admit to having done something if you havent done it. Nor should you have to. You said it. He is an alcoholic. Having had a relationship with an alcoholic for 4 years in a previous... (read in full...)

Very attracted to him, but I haven't had the nerve to ask him if he is married. What do you all think?

Q.   As a teacher I am off for the summer. During the school year, I frequent a coffee shop in the morning before going to work. When September rolled around, I met up with the morning gang. This is comprised of sanitation workers, police officers and ...

A.   20 October 2008: I agree, in todays society you cannot assume anything about anyone. Just because he isnt wearing a ring, doesnt mean to say that he isnt married. When you are next talking, I would just mention something that would trigger a response to say if h... (read in full...)

He tried choking me and I kicked him out! So why do I feel so sad about all this?

Q.   Two week's ago, an incident occurred with my boyfriend of 3yrs.,He tried to choke me which is the 2nd time, but there are other problems. He actually gave up his apt. to move in with me when this happened. He has been calling me telling me he is ...

A.   17 October 2008: There is nothing wrong with feeling sorry and upset that things turned out the way they did, but you should feel like this for the right reasons rather than the wrong ones. You had a relationship which didnt turn out the way you had hoped it... (read in full...)

I need to protect my son, and should I seek legal advice for our future?

Q.   Hi, I feel so weak, i need to protect my son. I live with my partner of 4 years and my 9 year old son from a previous marraige. Last night my partner prevented my son from using the toilet for 10 minutes because he was on the loo, then he had...

A.   26 September 2008: I am a firm believer in making sure that you have a security blanket should anything go wrong. I would think it a good idea to speak to a solicitor and find out where you stand should things go horribly wrong. At worst you may have to sell the... (read in full...)

How do I know for sure if I'm pregnant or not and how do I tell him I think I am pregnant?

Q.   me and my boyfriend have been together for like half a week now and we've been friends for a month...we had sex and i think i am pregnant... i'm seventeen years old in high school he's nineteen and in college...my parents know me and him are dating ...

A.   24 September 2008: Well the best way to find out first and foremost is to go and buy a pregnancy test at a local pharmacy. Take the test and then if you are pregnant, you need to tell your boyfriend. Its not going to be easy telling him, but its something you woul... (read in full...)

Is it illegal to email a teacher out of school?

Q.   Is it illegal to email a teacher outside of school in the uk? i am currently being taught by him, i am female, he is male, i am 17 and he is in his 30s, it is his personal email address and the emails are informal and of a personal nature,...

A.   24 September 2008: I dont think there is anything wrong with emailing someone who is your teacher, so long as it is not of a sexual or romantic nature. Even if it is informal, that is fine so long as bounderies are not crossed and the relationship become more tha... (read in full...)

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