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*idge

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I'm 35 years old and after 12 years have just broken up with my boyfriend. I was born and lived in South Africa until 1997, when I moved to Scotland. I am currently studying Community Education after my father passed away in July 2009. His death made me think long and hard about what I had, what I want and how Im going to get it. I have loved, lost and loved again. I have a lot of experience in areas that sometimes I wish I never had, but the experiences make me stronger and able to deal with things that normally I wouldnt be able to. I dont pull any punches and call a spade a spade, some like it, some dont. If you ask for advice, be prepared for a frank and honest answer.

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Is it illegal to email a teacher out of school?

Q.   Is it illegal to email a teacher outside of school in the uk? i am currently being taught by him, i am female, he is male, i am 17 and he is in his 30s, it is his personal email address and the emails are informal and of a personal nature,...

A.   24 September 2008: I dont think there is anything wrong with emailing someone who is your teacher, so long as it is not of a sexual or romantic nature. Even if it is informal, that is fine so long as bounderies are not crossed and the relationship become more tha... (read in full...)

Can you catch an STD if you use someone else's vibrator?

Q.   hi. i swear this is not about me, just wondering... if you use the same vibrator as another women, can u get an STD from it? this is not about me, and i know about sex and all that, just my family dont talk about stuff like that and i dou...

A.   23 September 2008: Yes you could catch something! But its simple, never do that!... (read in full...)

He's been asked to travel again for his work, for 3 months this time, he said he wouldn't go again but now he wants to - for the money. I want to break up over this, what do you think?

Q.   Hi I hope you can help me. I have been with my partner for over 3 years now. We've had our differences but we love each other very much. His job involves alot of travel, but its normally in the same country so he is normally home at weekends...

A.   23 September 2008: My boyfriend travels away a lot for a living. He is usually gone for about 6 months at a time, then home for a week, possibly two, then away again. Contact is sometimes limited but when we do get to talk, we try and make every minute count. Its n... (read in full...)

Should I tell my boyfriend about my debts? I would rather do some clean up before letting him know...

Q.   I have really bad credit that I am working on. I don't want to tell my boyfriend but I think this is the one I will marry. I am sure we won't get married for well over a year, is it bad that I am keeping this information from him? I would rather ...

A.   17 September 2008: I dont think you keeping this type of information is wrong, since although you are sure "he's the one", it is your personal information. I wouldnt lie to him. If he asks if you are okay with regards to finances, tell him the truth that things a... (read in full...)

My wife kissed her friend in front of me. Am I crazy to have allowed it? Is it normal seeing that they've been friends for 8 years?

Q.   My wife and I have a close friend...his name is John. John spends a lot of time with us. He's single and hangs out with us a lot. He and my wife are taking a class together and they often work out together. Last night, we took John to the ...

A.   17 September 2008: To be honest I think it depends on the person. I personally would not be impressed if my boyfriend went and kissed a friend of his on the lips for at least 10 seconds. A quick kiss, fine! But not for 10 seconds, thats a bit too much. For me, I would ... (read in full...)

Should I tell my children I was abused by my dad?

Q.   I was abused by my dad as a child. I have had counselling and I am now a mother. All the family know about it except the children. My daughter is now 9 and I think its time she knew. My husband disagrees and said she will become frightened of him. ...

A.   17 September 2008: For the risk factor, yes there comes a time when your daughter in particular should know, however I dont think that time is just now. Being an abused child myself (not by my dad but someone else that I trusted)I can honestly tell you that it will ... (read in full...)

Do you think her brother will harm me after I pushed her too far?

Q.   My girlfriend(my best friends sister) is a shy qutie around me, we were sitting at in my room yesterday, just softly kissing each other on the mouth and I started getting rough with her, kissing her all over and fast and I kinda forced her to do it ...

A.   12 September 2008: How can you make sure she's not upset with you? Are for real? What do you think? Do you honestly think that after you tried to force her to do something like that, she isnt going to be upset and scared of you? You need to have a serious chat with ... (read in full...)

What should I say to him or both of them?

Q.   I'm in a bit of a awkward situation, I've been thinking that if I just carry on it may sort itself out, but several months later I'm not getting anywhere fast! I've been sleeping with someone I have a professional relationship with, it's not right I ...

A.   11 September 2008: Well I think its fair to say that if you dont have the same feelings for this married guy that you once did, then you should end it. No point dragging on the inevitable! As for this other guy, perhaps you should look at being single for a short wh... (read in full...)

Did he cheat on me or am I going crazy?

Q.   I’ve was dating my boyfriend for 4 months. He told me he loved me and I was the best thing that has ever happened to him. He took me away up to the lake when I was able to go and asked about what I wanted to do in my future, goals, dreams, and he ...

A.   11 September 2008: It sounds as though they are just genuinely close and that perhaps he has let his friendship get in the way of your relationship. Perhaps he enjoyed the fact that a woman was making a fuss about him, cleaning his house and doing all these things for ... (read in full...)

My mom turned forty-eight today, and it frightened me, she is not sick or anything, but I worry that my parents are getting older, and they will die, how do I stop worrying about that and enjoy them while we are all still here?

Q.   My mom turned 48 today, and it scared me. Lately I've been worrying about my parents growing old and dying. Not that they're in bad health but it always happens eventually. And it just makes me so sad to see them get older. So how can I get over ...

A.   11 September 2008: I am 33, my dad is 66 and in very poor health. My mom is 56 and in very poor health, both due to diabetes. I know that the chances of my dad reaching 70 is a LONG stretch. Everything that can go wrong with him, has and its getting worse. ... (read in full...)

I used to date this guy, we broke up, now he calls me a slut, which is very annoying, what should I do, is there a good verbal comeback?

Q.   Well i know this boy named evan and he used to go out with me and then he broke up with me. but now he calls me a slut and it is so annoying and i have no comebacks so what should i say to him....

A.   11 September 2008: Simple, "It takes one to find one!"... (read in full...)

Do I face this situation now or should I just let it unfold later and face the consequences then?

Q.   I have had a crush on my best friend D for a few years, a fact he has always accepted and appreciated as benign - he knows me well enough to understand that I am not the sort to manipulate or, for that matter, usurp. In turn, I know he is faithful ...

A.   2 September 2008: Personally I would deal with the situation right now. If he thinks anything of your relationship he will know that you wouldnt do anything to hurt him, and that includes saying stupid stuff when he is with this woman. If it were me, I would ra... (read in full...)

How do I regain her friendship?

Q.   this isn't about a romantic relationship.this is about my best friend who just doesn't speak to me anymore and i have no idea why. i want her back exactly a year ago i made a postsecret with a photo of me and my two best friends on. it read : i ...

A.   2 September 2008: Well I dont quite know the full extent of the meaning of the note that you had written, but some of it can be taken as very nasty. I think I know what you were getting at, but think you kind went about it the wrong way. If you are looking to get t... (read in full...)

Girlfriend wants kids but I don't, as I already have 2. I'm afraid she will leave me as warned.

Q.   I am a divorced father of two children, 11 and 9 years old. My current girlfriend has never been married and would like to have children. She has pretty much given me an ultimatum, "have another child with me or our relationship is over." Quite ...

A.   28 August 2008: I think the thing that everyone is trying to get across is the fact that this is a big decision, and it will affect both of your lives. I dont believe that anyone should give up their dreams and wishes of being a parent because one person doesnt ... (read in full...)

Girlfriend wants kids but I don't, as I already have 2. I'm afraid she will leave me as warned.

Q.   I am a divorced father of two children, 11 and 9 years old. My current girlfriend has never been married and would like to have children. She has pretty much given me an ultimatum, "have another child with me or our relationship is over." Quite ...

A.   27 August 2008: You're in a bit of a catch 22 situation I'm afraid! Its a natural instinct for her to want kids considering her age and yours. I totally understand what she says, that she wants kids but to be honest, I think she has gone about it the wrong way. ... (read in full...)

Can suffering from S.A.D. "Social Anxiety Disorder" affect your sex life or performance?

Q.   Does anyone suffer from social anxiety disorder? If so, how does it affect your sex life/sexual performance? Do you suffer from feelings of embarrassment or guilt after having sex with a new partner?...

A.   31 July 2008: Hey, my boyfriend of 10 years who I love dearly suffers terribly with SAD. Sometimes to the point that I actually want to kill him, and I am not joking. I personally never suffered from it so didnt understand the problem, or knew of the consequences ... (read in full...)

When he comes to my place (after work) he falls asleep, this led to disagreements between us and I'm not sure what's going on...

Q.   I met this guy on a dating site and we seemed to be getting on really well, he said some lovely things to me like i was everything he really wanted in a woman and wanted us to stay together forever ect, i did believe that we had something but now he ...

A.   28 July 2008: Perhaps a little space is what he needs just now to look at his life and take stock of what this vicious circle. He may just out of the blue contact you when you least expect it. ... (read in full...)

When he comes to my place (after work) he falls asleep, this led to disagreements between us and I'm not sure what's going on...

Q.   I met this guy on a dating site and we seemed to be getting on really well, he said some lovely things to me like i was everything he really wanted in a woman and wanted us to stay together forever ect, i did believe that we had something but now he ...

A.   27 July 2008: Actually I have the exact same problem with my boyfriend except its been happening for the past 8 years. He works away a LOT. I see him very little. When he is home, he still works but comes to visit me in the evenings. He walks in, has his dinn... (read in full...)

Why can't a 14 yearold date but not sleep with a 26 year old?

Q.   I was just wondering something. You know how they say you shouldn't see anyone who's really older than you, like in a loving way? like say you're a teen who likes or thinks you're in love with someone say in their 20's or 30's. say you're like 14 ...

A.   25 July 2008: The problem isnt that its wrong for two people to be together as girlfriend and boyfriend if nothing sexually happens, the problem is that this doesnt happen. It always turns sexual because all one of you needs is to be a little aroused by what the ... (read in full...)

Can I win back my boyfriend after he cheated and get things back the way they used to be?

Q.   So..hello. Recently, My boyfriend and I have been going out for 1 year and about 6 months and before that on and off for about 6 months..we've been though alot for that amount of time. Cheating on his part. and I lost my virginity to him. But now,...

A.   22 July 2008: I'm sorry.........he wants you to do what????? Is it just me or does this guy sound as if he's on crack?? Sorry sweetheart but he has some nerve telling you that YOU have to win his love back after everything that HE has done. And you need ... (read in full...)

What is worse, regret or rejection?

Q.   I have always feared regret more than i fear rejection, but the rejections are mounting up I'm wondering if it would be best not to tell people i fancy them when i do, what d'you think?...

A.   22 July 2008: Trust me when I say regret is so much more painful than rejection. I missed out on someone so wonderful because I was too proud to say I was sorry. Its been 15 years and I never miss a day that I dont think of him. At least with rejection you can ... (read in full...)

What can we do about my grandma?

Q.   I'm so scared right now. My grandmother is very ill at the moment! She has severe memory loss, rarely knows what she's doing and basically has lost her mind. All the family are so concerned about her, she lives with my grandad who tries his best to ...

A.   21 July 2008: To be honest I am in a similar situation just now. My dad has severe alzheimers and he is only 66. He does stupid things and his memory is diabolical to say the least. His trade/hobbies has always been cars and buses, but obviously now he cant do ... (read in full...)

Is it my fault that he hit me, or do I just keep getting with jerks?

Q.   My past boyfriends have been abusive towards me and before I got with the guy I'm with now I told him that I was afraid to get hurt again and he promised me that he wouldn't ever hurt me. Well we've been together for 8 months now and he's hit me at ...

A.   21 July 2008: Dont worry sweetheart I used to suffer from the same syndrome. You are somehow attracted to every asshole that walks the earth. But dont worry you do grow out of it! Anyone that EVER tells you that they hit you because of YOU, deserves to be shot ... (read in full...)

Not even a birthday present from my boyfriend. What am I worth to him?

Q.   It was my birthday last weekend. My boyfriend and I have been dating for 3 years. He's a very sweet guy, but not very good when it comes to suprises for me, or buying gifts ahead of time. I was over at his parent's house the day before my birthday ...

A.   19 July 2008: My boyfriend and I have been seeing each other for 10 years. In the 10 years we have been together he has remembered my birthday twice, only that was only because my mum called him the night before and reminded him. He completely forgot my 30th and ... (read in full...)

I feel as though this was my fault, my friend forced himself on me.

Q.   I dont know how to explain this. I dont know if it's my fault... on the 7th July I went to wales, after work, and i got there about 11pm...so after working all day i was tired ect. I was going to see my friend...my best friend...who had...

A.   17 July 2008: As a victim of rape at age 15 I can tell you now that there is a lot more to come I'm afraid. The first part of being a victim of rape is the feeling of questioning yourself. "Did I lead him on", "did I say something that he might of taken th... (read in full...)

Questions for women about thrush...

Q.   Questions for women 1)Is thrush a common problem among women? 2)Do most women have this problem at least once in their life time? 3)How can you keep a check at preventing it? 4)Can this have an effect on your sex life?...

A.   17 July 2008: Try this website. http://www.womenshealthlondon.org.uk/leaflets/thrush/thrush.html... (read in full...)

I'll be away travelling for a year, should I break up and hope to get back together when I return home?

Q.   hi guys..im plannin on goin to australia traveling with 2 best friends in febuary, thing is my boyfriend, i really dont want to leave him...were only 2gether a year but we have been best friends since we were 14 and now we have finally got together ...

A.   9 July 2008: My boyfriend and I have been together 10 years. He is a roadie so is away for months at a time. He has in the past two years been away for 6 months, then back for 10 days then away again for 6 months. It is hard but we love each other enough to be ... (read in full...)

Do I send the flowers to her work or her house?

Q.   Sending flowers to a girl. She works in a restaurant as a waitress/hostess. No idea if I should send the flowers there or to her house. If she worked in an office then it might be better to send them to work, but a restaurant may be kind of ...

A.   9 July 2008: Definately her house. I had flowers delivered to me at a restaurant once, and by the time I got home they were wrecked. There is no good place to put them at work so everywhere I did put them people had to move it to get into where they needed. ... (read in full...)

I watched in despair as the woman I love flew out of my life forever. Do I risk it all and follow her?

Q.   I need some help. yesterday i watched in horror as the love of my life flew out to australia. We were together for 3 years, and we just drifted apart, with her at uni and me starting a new job. i am older than her, and i think to be honest she just ...

A.   9 July 2008: Trust me, you only get one shot at true love! If you think this is it, and you love this girl.........why the hell are you listening to us gabbering on.........why arent you on a plane already???????... (read in full...)

I get a burning feeling when I pee. Can anyone suggest what's causing it?

Q.   ok, I have a big problem. Im suppose to start my period today, and well i kinda did. But the thing is i have to pee or feel as though i have to pee every few mins. But when i pee it burns, and its very litely bloody. I dont know what to make of ...

A.   8 July 2008: It sounds very much like a urinary infection. Woman are prone to getting them. If untreated it can become very serious so I suggest you get it seen to. In the meantime however, I would seriously suggest going and buying yourself some cranberry juice ... (read in full...)

I get a burning feeling when I pee. Can anyone suggest what's causing it?

Q.   ok, I have a big problem. Im suppose to start my period today, and well i kinda did. But the thing is i have to pee or feel as though i have to pee every few mins. But when i pee it burns, and its very litely bloody. I dont know what to make of ...

A.   8 July 2008: It sounds very much like a urinary infection. Woman are prone to getting them. If untreated it can become very serious so I suggest you get it seen to. In the meantime however, I would seriously suggest going and buying yourself some cranberry juice ... (read in full...)

I only like receiving oral sex, any suggestions, to help me reciprocate?

Q.   Hello. I have some sort of phobia or fear or disgust of giving oral to a women. Now I've been with my girlfriend for a year and she is very relaxed in giving me oral and demands none because she knows how I feel which I really appreciate of he...

A.   3 July 2008: Actually you are not alone on this one. I have to admit that I used to feel EXACTLY the same. My boyfriends loved oral and I just felt like it was a chore because I felt sick doing it. I felt like I had to go wash my mouth out as soon as it was ... (read in full...)

If you get fired from work, what do you put on your CV?

Q.   Just a quick question.A colleague was recently sacked/fired at my workplace for a silly mistake(she was having an affair with a married colleague).She,myself and another girl all started at the same time (we have been there for 2 years now) and we ...

A.   2 July 2008: Its a difficult one because of course you should be honest, but at the same time it could destroy any chances of getting another job. It really depends on the position you are gonna go for. Some employers, not all, do actually contact previous... (read in full...)

I miss my ex girlfriend, I miss my kids' mom and feel terrible. My boys have never seen me cry and I fear they might hear me at night...

Q.   Hello. This is somewhat difficult for me to talk about but here it goes. I am a 36yr old single father of twins. I have raised them since they were born. Their mother is in prison and is out of the picture. I have no regrets about raising my ...

A.   28 June 2008: Just from what you have said, I can feel the pain you have. I'd like to start off by saying what a man and father you are to have dealt with all these things so head on. I only wish there were many more of you that take their responsi... (read in full...)

Are there any faithful women out there ,...or not?

Q.   All the women i have ever dated cheated on me one way or another i looked at my self more closely i didnt see anything seriously wrong with me and how i treat these women is it ok to think that there are no faithful women out there no more ?...

A.   27 June 2008: Sweetheart it sounds like you are attracted to the wrong woman, and nothing to do with there being no faithful woman in the world. I have bee with my boyfriend for 10 years and have never even contemplated cheating on him. Never! There may not... (read in full...)

Any help on making my Curriculum Vitae?

Q.   i know this isnt to do with relationships but ive seen that this site is just soo helpful!! i really need a bit of help with writing a CV ive just left school and am looking round for jobs as im bored stupid and also need a litle cash before goin...

A.   25 June 2008: Some years ago I went and had someone professionally write my cv for me. It cost a bundle but it is well worth it. If you want, send me your details and I'll email you a template. Put it this way, every job I have ever applied for, I have gotten b... (read in full...)

How can I get on birth control without going to my mother's doctor?

Q.   well the thing is i want to be put on birth control and i have been haveing sex for about 3 weeks now and and we been using a condom but how does a 17 year old girl get birth control with out going to my mothers doctor and she nows i want birth ...

A.   25 June 2008: Family planning clinic. You dont need a parents concent to go and all they will do is ask you some questions about your sex life and find out if you know the risks. And they give you contraception free!... (read in full...)

Has anyone let love go due to fear of commitment?

Q.   Has anyone ever let a love go because they were afraid to commit and then after realized they made a mistake? Or did it mean he was not the one for me and I was right in doing what I did?...

A.   25 June 2008: Yes and I have to admit I have always regretted it. Sorry to be so blunt! I met a guy, had feelings for him but I was young, so decided that I would move on and wait until we were a little older. A few months later he was killed, so I never go... (read in full...)

Is sex in a commitment better than one night stands?

Q.   hi i want to no if being in a committed relationship make sex more pleasurable to women than casual sex...

A.   25 June 2008: I have to admit, being in love and making love to your partner is so much more pleasureable than having sex with some guy that you just met. All I would be thinking about is where has his bits been before me, how clean is the guy and what viruses ... (read in full...)

Why doesn't my mother want to meet my boyfriend?

Q.   Okay, my boyfriend and I have been dating three months, and it's got more serious in that time. I've met his mum, now I want him to meet mine. Problem is, that Mum doesn't want to meet him. When I suggested it, she went on about how she doesn't ...

A.   23 June 2008: I think its more to do with the fact that she has issues with her little girl growing up and getting into relationships. Possibly relationships where she feels that you are (whether her feelings and justified or not)going to get hurt. This is her ... (read in full...)

Am I beign unreasonable??

Q.   I have been happily married for a decade. My husband has always had lots of female friends, who I get along with usually. Recently, my husband met a single mum of one and I did not really mind. I went to meet her but she ignored me most of the time ...

A.   22 June 2008: I dont think you are being unreasonable at all, but I do think that you need to be clear about bounderies here. He obviously isnt too sure about where bounderies start and end and this is where the problems are coming in. You need to sit down and... (read in full...)

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